The Question: Who's better at kidnapping princesses?
The Fighters: Ganondorf vs. Bowser
The Arena: The Mushroom Kingdom
Item Ratio: Low
Ash: Hi, guys, it's me again, Ash Ketchum! And let's go right to the tape! (Pops in the tape)
Zelda: Just leave me alone, Ganondorf. You're very annoying.
Ganondorf: Foolish princess. We're working at the same stadium now. We might as well learn to get along.
Zelda: Get along? I don't even like looking at you!
Ganondorf: Fine then, if you wish to stay my enemy while we are here, then I challenge you to a fight!
Zelda: Wouldn't that involve touching you? Eww!
Ganondorf: I understand if you fear my power. It's not like I haven't overpowered you dozens of times in the past.
Zelda: I can beat you, I just don't want your disease ridden hide so close to me!
Ganondorf: You little…
Zelda: How about I have someone fight you in my stead, hmm? If you're so eager to battle.
Ganondorf: Then bring on this Champion of yours…
Zelda: HEY! LINK!
(Link sidesteps in from the other room)
Link: Yes, Princess?
Zelda: Ganondorf's being a jerk. Beat him up.
Link: Is he trying to take your triforce?
Zelda: Well, no…
Link: Is he trying to kidnap you again?
Link: Then what's wrong?
Zelda: He's just being a jerk!
Link: Well excuuuuse me, Princess, but he's Ganondorf! Did you expect him to bring you chocolates and roses?
Zelda: You're supposed to be my protector!
Link: No, I'm supposed to be saving the world! Not you!
Zelda: What about all those times you fought for me in the past?
Link: All those… For years, I fought for you, hoping that once, just once, you'd tell me you cared for me! But all you ever wanted was for me to protect you! Not once did I get so much as a kiss!
Zelda: You idiot! Of course I cared for you!
Link: Well it's too late to tell me now. Deal with him on your own, I promised Malon I'd go riding with her. (He growls a bit and walks off) Ganondorf: Some protector he is. (Laughs)
Zelda: Link… Grr… I just want to…
Ganondorf: If I can't kill him, then neither can you. I'm far stronger than you.
Zelda: Just LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ARROGANT JERK!
Ganondorf: Now, now, there's no need for name calling. Lets just go fight it out…
Bowser: Just leave her alone already.
Zelda: Eww… More of them…
Bowser: What kind of villain are you? Threatening a princess? You're supposed to capture her and use her as bait, not annoy the heck out of her. How long have you been doing this, anyway?
Ganondorf: As long as you have, Koopa…
Bowser: You know what…
Bowser: YOINK! (He grabs Zelda and puts her over his shoulder)
Zelda: AHH! LET ME GO!
Bowser: THIS is what you do with a princess! (He dashes off down the hallway)
Ganondorf: HEY! COME BACK!
(Looking in from a nearby room...)
Mario: Shouldn't you be a-helping her?
Link: She can fend for herself…
Mario: Are you a-sure?
Link: No. But I really don't care.
(Editor's comment: Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Sensitity!)
Link: Ever had your heart broken, Mario?
Mario: Well, no, but…
Link: I love Malon now, and if Zelda refuses to acknowledge that, then that's her problem. I'm out of here… (He turns to leave) And Mario…
Link: Make sure they don't hurt her too much. (He disappeared into another door, dropping down a warp pipe to Hyrule)
(ABRUPT SCENE SHIFT! Mushroom Kingdom!)
Zelda: LET ME GO!
Ganondorf: Give her back already!
Zelda: Umm… Don't let me go!
Bowser: You'll have to catch me first… GOOMBAS GO!
Ganondorf: Annoying little…
Bowser: If you make it to the end of the level… Then we'll fight! (He disappears down a warp pipe, and it promptly seals shut behind him… And the tape ends)
Ash: So, that's our back story for this match. Once again, I'm Ash Ketchum from the town of Pallet, and let me introduce my commentating partners. First, from Celedon City… Erika!
Erika: (Yawn) Good morning, Ash. Are we starting?
Erika: All right, I'm ready.
Ash: Next, from Saffron City! COPYCAT!
Copycat: Next, from Saffron City! COPYCAT!
Ash: Seriously, though, don't do that.
Copycat: Seriously, though, don't do that.
Ash: Stop it.
Copycat: Stop it.
Ash: That's it!
Copycat: That's it!
Ash: (Throws out a pokeball) Charizard, go!
Copycat: Charizard, go!
Ash: SEISMIC TOSS!
Copycat: SEISMIC- … Uh-oh!
Charizard: CHAAAAR! (Throws Copycat out of the commentating box)
Ash: We need a new commentator!
Mewtwo: (Teleports in) Allow me.
Ash: Who are you?
Mewtwo: …I really have to stop wiping your memory.
Ash: What do you mean?
Ash: All right then!
Erika: It looks like Ganondorf has arrived at the end of the Mushroom Kingdom…
Mewtwo: What are the settings, Ash?
Ash: Well, because they're fighting in the Mushroom Kingdom, only Mushroom Kingdom items are going to be on.
Erika: So just flowers and mushrooms?
Ash: And Starmen and shells. Stock's set to three lives, and the only items will be the question mark blocks.
Mewtwo: Well then… Lets begin the countdown… Five…
Mewtwo: Bowser begins the battle by smashing open a block above him and grasping the Invincibility star inside.
Erika: Ganondorf charges at him without noticing the Star.
Ash: Bowser gets a quick Whirling Fortress off on him before Gannon retreats.
Mewtwo: As the star runs out, Ganondorf charges again, slamming Bowser in the head with his aerial Skull Crusher.
Erika: Bowser gets up with a swipe, but Gannon grabs him and slams him into the ground right after.
Ash: And Gannon's Leg Whips Bowser into the air!
Mewtwo: Bowser lands with a Bowser Bomb atop Ganondorf, sending him aside.
Erika: Ganondorf seeks shelter under the center…
Ash: And Bowser follows him in.
Bowser 44. Ganondorf: 27
Mewtwo: Ganondorf delivers a quick Thunder Punch.
Erika: And again.
Ash: Bowser's bouncing off the bricks, making him easy prey.
Mewtwo: After about four punches, Bowser manages to fall away.
Erika: But Ganondorf finishes it up with his powerful Nightmare Lunge, slamming Bowser around again…
Ash: Bowser crashes into the blocks on the left though, and manages to free a Super Mushroom.
Mewtwo: Bowser instantly grows, and he lunges at Ganondorf.
Erika: However, he gets caught under the blocks, and Ganondorf just thunder punches him repeatedly…
Ash: When the mushroom wears off, Bowser hits him with Whirling Fortress…
Mewtwo: And crashes through at Poison Mushroom.
Erika: Ganondorf uses his Nightmare Lunge again…
Ash: And Bowser's gone!
Bowser 0 D1 Ganondorf 35
Mewtwo: Ganondorf taunts as Bowser returns.
Erika: That's not very nice…
Ash: Bowser bombs right down to him, sending Ganondorf to the side.
Mewtwo: And breaking two question blocks, releasing a pair of mushrooms.
Erika: Bowser and Ganondorf each hit one… And they're both tiny! Oh, how cute!
Ash: Did you just call them cute?
Erika: Well, Bowser, maybe. He's like a Squirtle… Ooh, Squirtles are so cute!
Mewtwo: A few minor blows are exchanged while small, but they both soon revert to their normal sizes.
Ash: And Bowser's got a green shell in hand.
Erika: It must've come from another block.
Mewtwo: Bowser tosses it at Ganondorf, but the wizard dodges, dashing at Bowser.
Ash: He hits him with a strong Gerudo Dragon!
Erika: And follows with a Dark Dive! That looks unpleasant… Bowser 51 Ganondorf 52
Mewtwo: Bower once again resorts to the Bowser Bomb, hitting Ganondorf to the other side of the nearby pit.
Erika: They stare at each other across the chasm, and Bowser uses Firebreath.
Pikachu: Chu, pi pikachu Pikachu.
Ash: Umm, most people can't understand that.
Mewtwo: Ganondorf picks up a fire flower and fires back, scorching Bowser a bit.
Erika: Bowser leaps across and hits Ganondorf with a Jump Slash.
Pikachu: Pikachu pikapi chu pika pikachu!
Ash: I'm sure they can't understand a word of that…
Mewtwo: And he manages to send Bowser flying back with it.
Erika: Oh, Ganondorf has a Super Mushroom!
Ash: Ganondorf with extended range… That's never good.
Pikachu: Pikachu pika chu pika Pikachu pikapikachu.
Mewtwo: His kicks do quite a number on Bowser as well, sending him backwards quite a ways…
Erika: Bowser's on his way back now, and Ganondorf catches him with a Dark Dive!
Pikachu: Pikachu pikapi Pikachu.
Mewtwo: And another Gerudo dragon comes as Ganondorf shrinks back to normal.
Ash: A poison mushroom falls out of the block he crashed into, and Ganondorf gets hit by it.
Pikachu: Pikachu pikachu…
Mewtwo: And releases, sending Ganondorf out of the stage with his Hammer Head smash attack!
Bowser 133 D1 Ganondorf 0 D1
Erika: Ganondorf returns crashing down through the cleared out blocks…
Ash: And he slams down on Bowser's head with his Thunder Drop stomp!
Mewtwo: Bowser's flying high… And he's out.
Bowser 0 D2 Ganondorf 0 D1
Pikachu: Pikachu pika pikachu pikapika Pikachu.
Erika: Ganondorf's ready for him and hits him with Thunder Punch.
Mewtwo: Once again the Koopa is trapped under the blocks, allowing Ganondorf to unleash a barrage of unanswered punches.
Ash: After enough blocks are broken, they move again, staring off across a pit.
Erika: Ganondorf's Wizard Foot allows him to cross the chasm and kick Bowser in the gut.
Pikachu: Chu pikapika Pika.
Mewtwo: Bowser retreats to the other side and breaths a firebreath across.
Ash: Ganondorf gets burnt and leaps away, smashing open a block above him.
Erika: Upon landing, he grabs the Red Shell and hurtles it at Bowser.
Pikachu: Chu pika Pikachu.
Mewtwo: Bowser's hit a bit, and the two lunge at each other!
Ash: A few more aerial hits send them each backwards, and they ready to face off again.
Erika: They both jump towards the middle, swinging wildly.
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu pika pi.
Mewtwo: Both land on the ground, multiple blocks smashed, but ignore both the fire flower and the green shell.
Ash: Bowser leaps up at Ganondorf, and Ganondorf punches him into the air.
Erika: Ganondorf leaps up after him.
Pikachu: Pika pikachu Pika pikachu Pikachu.
Mewtwo: And Vulture kick send Bowser diagonally up at a block!
Ash: He bounces STRAIGHT DOWN into the pit!
Erika: Amazing aiming on Ganondorf's part…
Mewtwo: Or amazing luck.
Judges: This game's winner is… GANNONDORF!
Ganondorf: Finally, into the castle to retrieve Zelda!
Ash: Cameramen… Follow him!
Ganondorf: (Walking into the castle, he leaps past numerous traps, kicking aside Koopa Troopas until he finally reaches the red bridge. He leaps over to it and finds Princess Zelda in the back room)
Ganondorf: I have defeated Bowser, Princess, and now I've come to you.
Zelda: Thank a-you, Ganondorf, but you're a-princess is in another a-castle.
Ganondorf: What? Why do you have a… (He grabs Zelda quickly and pulls her up towards him. Eyes wide, he rips off Zelda's hair and tosses it to the ground, revealing a lanky plumber in a green hat and Zelda's dress) NOOO!
Ganondorf: Wait… If you're here… Where's Zelda?
(Meanwhile… At Princess Peach's castle)
Mario: And so we a-snuck into the castle and a-rescued Zelda.
Zelda: I can't thank you enough, Mario…
Peach: Well, feel free to stay here with me until those big nasties are done chasing you.
Zelda: Doesn't Bowser come here and capture you? A lot?
Peach: Umm… What's that? Sounds like the kitchen timer. Cake must be done! (Dashes off)
Zelda: …I didn't hear anything.
Ash: And that's it for today's matchup, so lets leave you with RANDOM QUESTIONS!
Ash: So join us together next time for another exciting edition of…
Ash: Umm… Erika?
Mewtwo: Super Smash Stadium. All right, we're done. Show's over.
Match written by Adam Cooper.
Match HTMLized and edited by Saiyaman.