Lemmy: Hello again, folks. It's been a while, huh?

Iggy: Mainly it's because we've been busy...

Lemmy: You know... working... fighting...

Iggy: Downloading pictures of Amy Jo Johnson...
Editor's Note: Hmm... I wonder what kind of pics these Koolpalings download?

Lemmy: Anyway... Today we have an interesting match up... You see, well... Let's go to tape... (Pops in the tape)

Killer: (After watching the Link/Samus/Marth/Bowser match) Who the hell is this Marth? punk? He's a swordsman, huh? Well, if he beat Link... Guess I better.

Cala: Out to prove you're the best again, Kalvin?

Killer: It's my duty... I've got to be the greatest swordsman EVER!
Editor's Note:Killer sounds a lot like Ash Ketchum here...

Cala: Well then... Let's get to it... (She quickly transforms into her sword form, Ultima X, and Killer picks her up by the hilt. End tape.)

Iggy: We spoke to Marth about this, and he enthusiastically agreed to the duel...

Lemmy: But we've got a new style of battle for you today...
We call it...


Iggy: Instead of each person having damage percent, which constantly increases until they're weak enough to be knocked into oblivion...

Lemmy: They fight until one of them is knocked UNCONCIOUS!

Iggy: They each have 150 HP to start with, and as this is a sword fight, the hits will REALLY hurt. No puny punches, kicks, or explosions here...

Lemmy: And of course, items won't be on, as in the Killer versus Link fight.

Iggy: The arena chosen for the duel was Master Hand's Domain. The fighters wanted to make sure NOTHING would hinder the accuracy of this fight.

Lemmy: Of course, special moves ARE allowed, but Killer is only using his four SWORD related ones: X Spin, X-erang, Ultima Slice, and Sword Drop.

Iggy: Mind explaining those for moves to the fans?

Lemmy: Actually, I thought we'd have our third commentator, the guy who knows everything about swords, 8-Bit Theater's FIGHTER!

Editor's Note: This pic is here for those like me (i.e. you hadn't heard of Fighter before)

Fighter: I like swords.

Lemmy: Mind explaining the moves.

Fighter: With X Spin, he spins around with his sword and can go up high. With X-erang, he throws the sword, and it comes back to him, like magic. Black Mage does magic. He always blows things up and-

Lemmy: The moves?

Fighter: Oh, yeah. With Ultima Slice, he pulls back and shoots all his energies forward into his sword-chick.

Iggy: Similar to Falcon Punch, but with a sword.

Fighter: I like swords.

Lemmy: We know, and the last move, Fighter?

Fighter: In Sword Drop, Killer twirls in the air and drops straight down with his sword pointed down to stab his enemies with sharpness.

Iggy: Think Hip Drop, with a sword.

Fighter: I like swords.

Adam: I like swords, too!

Lemmy: Who invited you?

Adam: Fighter.

Iggy: WHY?!?!?!

Fighter: (to Adam) I like swords.

Adam: (to Fighter) I like swords.

Fighter: I like swords.

Adam: I like swords.
Editor's Note: I'd say that their IQs are about the same...

Fighter: I like Rapiers.

Adam: I like Scimitars.

Iggy: I like Lightshavers

Zer (over the radio): It's... Lightsabers...

Lemmy: I'd like an Advil...

Iggy: Look, the fighters are coming into the arena!

(Killer teleports into the arena with X drawn. Marth leaps out of the sky and lands down as well, his cape flowing behind him.)

****Begin Corny Intro****

Lemmy: Ladies and Gentlemen!

Iggy: Boys and girls!

Fighter: Sword-chicks of all ages!

Adam: Super Smash Stadium proudly brings to you...

Lemmy: The Clown Prince, Lemmy K!

Iggy: The Four-eyed Iggy K!

Fighter: I like swords. FIGHTER!

Adam: And the Ageless Warrior, Adam Cooper!

Lemmy: And now, for the thousands in attendance...

Iggy: And the millions reading world wide...



****End Corny Intro***

Adam: Killer begins by tossing his X erang, but Marth leaps up above it and towards the Black Yoshi.
Editor's Note: "Black Yoshi" just doesn't look right in red...

Fighter: Sword-guy comes down to sword-dinosaur with his sword.

Lemmy: Killer tilts out of the way and makes the first hit while Marth's stabilizing himself!

Ki 150 Mth 144

Iggy: Marth is knocked back and Killer takes a quick offensive. He runs near and attempts an X Spin attack.

Adam: Marth Counters, but Killer's not quite close enough for it to matter.

Fighter: Sword-guy uses his sword with Sword Dance!

Lemmy: And Killer gets hit by the last shot. He retaliates, though, with another X Spin!

Iggy: And it connects flawlessly.

Adam: They both try a few slashes, but they merely ping off each other!

Fighter: Sword-guy jumps up and over sword-dinosaur, slashing him in the back with his sword. I like swords.

Lemmy: And Killer quickly retaliates with a few slashes.

Iggy: After taking a few, Marth Counters him away!

Ki127 Mth118

Lemmy: Killer leaps up and does a Sword Drop onto Marth!

Fighter: I like swords.

Iggy: Marth falls and gets back up with a roll and a slash to knock Killer aside!

Lemmy: X Erang is tossed as Killer runs in close...

Fighter: Swords are good.

Iggy: And as Marth is knocked back, Killer catches X on the rebound and slashes!

Lemmy: But Marth Counters!

Fighter: Swords are shiny.

Ki 109 Mth 99

Iggy: Marth runs in for a quick slice and knocks Killer down!

Lemmy: Killer gets back up quickly, only to take another slash!

Fighter: I like slashing with swords.

Iggy: Killer leaps high and attempts a sword drop...

Lemmy: And Marth shields, but it takes away a good portion of his force shield.

Fighter: I like shields, too. They stop enemies with swords.

Iggy: Marth leaps up with a Dolphin Slash!

Lemmy: And it knocks Killer high!

Fighter: Drugs are bad.

Ki 89 Mth 99

Iggy: Killer drops down with a Sword Drop...

Lemmy: And Marth can't get out of the way in time!

Fighter: Pain hurts.
Editor's Note: Fighter must be a wise guy...

Iggy: Marth gets up and slashes Killer away!

Lemmy: Another quick volley of slashes is exchanged between the two swordsmen...

Fighter: Swordsmen use swords.
Editor's Note: Even more of Fighter's wisdom...

Iggy: Marth once again tries his swords dance...

Lemmy: And Killer gets knocked back by it...

Fighter: Did I remember to say "I like swords?"

Ki 73 Mth 72

Iggy: The scores are close now, and both fighters have retreated to opposite ends of the arena...

Adam: They're staring each other down!

Lemmy: Finally decided to Commentate?

Fighter: The swords are nearing!

Iggy: He said something intelligent! The two have rushed each other and are both slashing!

Adam: But sword hits sword as the two attacks deflect each other!

Lemmy: Killer once again tries his X Spin...

Fighter: Marth moves!

Iggy: And Marth runs in after the spin for a quick slash!

Adam: Killer reaches in with his left hand and grabs Marth by the collar!

Lemmy: Grabs are fully allowed... And Killer bashes Marth with X's hilt before tossing the human away!

Fighter: Marth lands with THUD and runs back to dinosaur with sword!

Iggy: Another quick volley damages both of them, but it ends with a strong slash from Killer sending Marth backwards.

Adam: Killer tosses the X-erang at Marth, knocking him for a loop.

Ki 42 Mth 34

Lemmy: We're nearing the end of the fight as Killer dashes forward with a slash!

Fighter: I like swords.

Iggy: Marth lets loose another burst of Sword Dance, but Killer manages to only take a small hit from that.

Adam: Killer retaliates by running at Marth with another grab!

Lemmy: And Marth is quickly tossed backwards across the arena.

Fighter: Marth runs towards Killer with sword!

Iggy: Killer pulls back his blade and it begins to glow... We've seen this move in past matches...

Adam: Marth nears and attempts to slash...

Lemmy: But Killer releases, sending his full strength into that single slash of his sword...

Fighter: Marth goes boom!

Ki 33 Mth 0

Marth: Aaaaaaahh....

Iggy: Marth has been knocked out, and he's injured!

Adam: Get the team in there right away...

Lemmy: Wait... someone's entering the arena...

Fighter: White Mage?

Iggy: No, it's someone dressed like a doctor...

Adam: He's grabbed Marth and is gone!

Lemmy: I'll head to the arena to see how Killer's doing... (Leaps out of the box and into the arena)

Killer: I am STILL the best swordsman ever.

Lemmy: You said it. Great job, Kay.

Killer: Took a lot out of me, though...

Lemmy: Here. (Hands Killer a heart container) This'll heal ya.

Killer: (Takes it and uses it) Thanks

Ki 150

Lemmy: To the best swordsman ever!

Killer: To the best swordsman ever!

Mysterious voice: A toast to ME? I'm flattered!

Killer: I was referring to myself...

Lemmy: Who said that? (Into the arena jumps a red-haired man in armor, wielding a sword that burns with fire but is not blackened by the heat)

Red-haired man: I did...

Lemmy: And you are?

Red-haired man: Roy, the greatest swordsman ever!


Killer: Want to bet?

Roy: I watched your match against Marth... And I know I can beat you...

Killer: Let's go!

Lemmy: Eep! (Runs back to the commentator's box)

Adam: Looks like we get a second match today...

Fighter: Roy's hair's like my hair.

Iggy: You mean red?

Fighter: No. Swordy.

Iggy: That's not even a word...

Lemmy: The rules will be the same as the first fight...

Adam: Fighters ready?

Fighter: Me?

Roy and Killer: Ready... (The two head to opposite sides of the arena)

Lemmy: Then... Three... Two... One...

Iggy: BEGIN!

Adam: Roy and Killer start off by running to each other, their swords quickly blocking each others with each slash.

Fighter: Sword sword sword sword sword...

Lemmy: Killer utilizes his X Spin...

Iggy: But Roy counters it with ease, igniting Killer and tossing him back!

Adam: A fiery sword can be potent...

Fighter: Sword-Dino slashes.

Lemmy: But Roy counters again!

Iggy: Nothing Killer does is getting through to this guy!

Adam: Killer's trying another approach... He's leapt up into the air...


Lemmy: That about sums it up... Killer's been sent flying back by a flaming sword jump...

Iggy: Now Roy's on the offensive! He's letting loose a volley of slashes at Killer!

Adam: Killer can do nothing but raise his shield!

Fighter: Roy uses a sword.


Iggy: Roy looks like he's using Shield Breaker, but he's engulfed in flames...

Adam: I enjoy the fire...

Fighter: I like swords.

Lemmy: Killer's starting to come to...

Iggy: Roy slashes down! There's some sort of explosion!

Adam: What happened? I can't see!

Fighter: So much smoke...

Lemmy: It's clearing and...


Iggy: Killer has landed... In the commentator box...

Lemmy: He's out...

Killer: Ahh... $#&%!

Roy: Ha! I am the world's greatest swordsman! (He dusts off his armor and sheathes his sword) If any wish to challenge me to a fight, I shall not be far! (And with that, he leaps away and runs off)

Killer: ...I... lost?

Lemmy: It's not that bad... Everyone loses eventually

Killer: But I didn't just lose... He utterly demolished me... I...

Lemmy: You what?

Killer: I can't stay here... I couldn't even get a hit off on that guy...

Lemmy: Then train!

Killer: That's where I'm going... I'm going to train... Maybe for a week... Maybe for a decade... I'm sorry, Lemmy... I've failed you... I'll be back when I know that I'll never fail again... Forgive me... (He stuck his sword into the ground and in a flash of light, he and the sword vanished)

Lemmy: I can't believe it...

Adam: He'll be back...

Fighter: His sword does magic!

Iggy: Fighter... Shhh...

Lemmy: I'll miss you, Killer... But as it is... (A look of anger fills his eye) Fifty Frog Coins to the one who defeats Roy in a one on one match!

Fighter: Questions time?

Adam: Would you like to do the honors, Fighter?

1) Do you like swords?
2) Do you like swordfights?
3) I like swords.
4) Black Mage likes Pie.

Iggy: Better yet, I'll ask the questions...
1) What did you think of Killer's victory over Marth?
2) How cool IS Roy?
3) Is Roy's Counter a cheap move?
4) Will we ever see Killer again?
5) Who will be the brave warrior to battle Roy?

Adam: And now, that's the end for today, so this is Adam Cooper saying "Shalom"

Iggy: Saying Aura!

Lemmy: Goodbye...

Fighter: I like swords!

Adam: Join us again for the next match. Same Smash time, same Smash channel!

Zer: What will happen in the next few matches? Who will be the warrior to fight Roy? Will that person beat him, or be defeated? Find out some other time here at Super Smash Stadium! Aloha!