Match #71

The Question: Who's the best of the daring, dragon fighting fighters at our Stadium? Or, in Bowser's case, dragon fighter period.

Fighters for Master Hand's Arena, Final Destination
Player One Player Two Player Three Player Four

(a crescent of light appears over the darkened commentating booth)

Voices: Ahhhh...

(the light rises upwards, brightening the booth as it rises towards the heavens)

Voices: ...hhhhA

(the light reaches the ceiling, blinks twice, and grows brightest around a shadowy figure)

Voices: Duuuunnn...

(the shadowy figures turns around)

Voices: Duuuunnn...

(the figure is slowly bathed in light)

Voices: DUN-DUN!

(the figure suddenly falls backwards and starts wailing)

Figure: AGH! The light's too freakin' bright! My retinas! My retinas!!

Ape: *working on a bone tool next to the figure, he glances around in embarassment and moves away*

Figure: Stupid monolith...

Flip: *puts on his sunglasses as he steps into the booth* Goom? Goom... What are you doing?

Goom: I was seeing if I could make a dramatic entrance, and even asked Arthur C. Clarke to help me... not my fault the guy was a nutcase. That monolith thing nearly killed me... What if this temporary blinding causes some sort of long term effect?

Flip: Not my problem. All I'm worried about is the match we're going to be having.

Goom: *jumps up and eyes Flip suspiciously* Match...? I wasn't informed of a match...

Flip: You should pay more attention. It was all over the Stadium Newsletter.

Goom: The Stadium doesn't have a newsletter...

Flip: Exactly.

Goom: ....

Flip: Anyways, we've got a repeat commentator with us today. *waves his hand towards the door*

Marth: *steps in through the doorway, and stares off into the sky smiling brightly with his hair blowing in the wind*

Some Random Chick in Attendance: He's so hot!

Boshi: *wearing a wig* Yeah, take off your shirt, Lance!

Random Chick: No way, he's my man! *makes some idiotic hand gesture*

Boshi: Errr... *sweating, his wig falls off his head*

Random Chick #2: Oh mah Gawd!

Boshi: Glaven! *dashes away*

Marth: *adjusts his cape, than sits down with the group* Hello again Flip. You too Goom.

Goom: Wow Marth... what's with the sudden turning of the leaf? You used to be a total wuss... and now, one match later, you're a girl's dream! What gives? Where's the continuity?

Tai: *sitting in the booth next to Flip* Don't ask me!

Flip: Well, before the match begins, we might as well show the tape... Marth?

Marth: *cowering in front of the VCR*

Flip: Marth... it's a VCR...

Marth: It ate that tape...

Flip: It's supposed to "eat" tapes. Just put the tape in, and press Play. Then we can all watch it and get this boring, long introduction done with.

Marth: *hesitantly pushes in the tape*

(on the tape)

Link: So then I said: 'That's not a Cucco! It's a Keese with rabies!'

Samus: That's the lamest thing I've ever heard...

Link: And like you've got anything better?

Samus: Well, not really... but I know a lame joke when I hear one. Face it Link: you're a humorless pansy.

Link: A PANSY?! Who's the one that cries about not getting a date because noone cares for her, when we all know damn well that it's because she's too masculine to get any? *smirks and folds his arms in a superior manner*

Samus: *cocks her gun in his face* What did you say?

Link: *brushes her arm out of the way* Pfft... A gun. Like that solves anything. I'll show you how a real hero fights! *wields the Master Sword, then starts swinging it around like a madman* Eh? Eh?

Samus: *ducking and guarding* Watch where you swing that thing!

Link: *mocking her* 'Watch where you swing that thing!' Pah! I can swing this wherever I- *DONG*

Samus: Now you've done it...

Link: Done... what...?

Bowser: *grabs Link by the collar, rubbing his head with his other hand* You little punk! I should rip you to shreds and feed you to the Pirahna Plants! *growling in Link's face*

Link: I-I-I've fought bigger... dr-dragons then you!

Samus: Obviously, he's never seen Kraid... Listen, Bowser, just let him go. You've got a thick hide. You can ride it out.

Bowser: Yo! Were you just calling me fat? *sniffing* Kammy said I was lean... Grr... That's it. I'm taking you both down Koopa style!

Samus: Aw no...

Link: Ugh...

(ends tape)

Flip: And there we have it folks! This is a 2-stock match between Bowser, Link and Samus! Link hurt Bowser with a sword, Samus hurt Bowser with a word, Bowser hurt Link and Samus with threats, and overall, everybody just hates each other. Now isn't that special?

Goom: Stop it Dana, you're killing me...

Marth: Wait... is that... Koopa thing... a dragon?

Flip: Hence the title of this match. *points to the top of the webpage*

Goom: Now... how the hell is that possible?

Marth: I've fought plenty enough dragons to know those two haven't a chance... *looks down, but then jerks his head up and smiles* Unless I'm there! *jumps out of the booth*

Flip: Marth! Woah!

Goom: What's gotten into him?

Flip: Whatever it is, he's certainly got an urge to fight!

Goom: Especially since there are no fighters out yet...

Flip: Oh yeah! *presses a button, and the arena appears on the monitors* Okay!

Link: *floats down on a beam of light*

Samus: *walks out of a teleporter*

Bowser: *jumps out of his Koopa Klown Car*

Flip: Marth is... where?

Marth: *a majestic pegasus flies down, and its rider, Marth, jumps off and pats for it to leave*

Goom: Woah! He rides in style!

Flip: *eyes glow with envy* Yes...

Goom: So, let's get this match going!

Flip: Right! LET'S SMASH!

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Link: I'll show you all I'm deserving of the titles Hero of Time and Dragon Ass-Kicker of the year!

Samus: Oh, put a sock in it!

Bowser: Yeah, your arrogance is cramping my style!

Goom: And the three exchange insults, and duly go about their business beating the crap out of one another. Bowser starts off with a quick Headbutt smash, and he knocks back Samus. However, Link is able to dodge, and does a downwards sword stab to hit Bowser. Bowser tries a Whirling Fortress, knocking back the returning Samus as well as Link. It seems that Bowser is in a trap, however, as he's caught between the two fighters. Link chucks a bomb, and Samus shoots a Super Missile. Bowser's in a lot of pain!

Marth: What about me? *dashes in quickly, and ends up going right under the fighters as they fight in midair*

Flip: Link does an upwards stab, sending Samus up into the higher reaches of the level. Samus comes back with her grappling beam, and duly lends out the pain with a Screwball attack. Bowser recovers, and does an amazingly strong aerial Koopa Claw. He's got Link by the collar! Bowser does a body slam, and sends Link reeling into Samus! Woah!

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Goom: Finally, Marth gets a piece of the action! He does a beautiful Marvelous Combination attack, and is able to hit a stunned Samus right back at Bowser. Bowser stops her with his fire breath, and does a Bowser Bomb to ensure she's outta there!

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Goom: Marth is now going for Link. Who's better? The elven pansy or the flamboyant prince? Well, this match seems to be in favor of Link for some reason, who is able to do a two stepped sword slash smash that sends Marth flying into Bowser. What's with Bowser anyways? Everyone's hitting each other into him today...

Flip: Bowser grabs Marth, and does a belly flop attack. Marth hardly escapes, as Bowser is able to grab him again and do a shell spin, with Marth on top!

Goom: Hmm... This should make things interesting. *grabs a capsule in his teeth and tosses it in*

Flip: Samus is back now, and she's invincible temporarily, so of course she heads for the capsule. Link tries to slash it away from her, but to no success. She has it, but he tries again. This time, his Sword Spin does the trick, causing Samus to break the capsule. What's inside? A Super Mushroom? Geez... Whoever gets that is guaranteed to win...

Goom: Link is dashing for it, but so is Samus. Marth recovers from Bowser's attacks, and dashes towards it as well. Bowser, the freakin' tank he is, is able to stop them however. Just a quick Bowser Bomb in their path and they are all sent flying. I don't think Bowser did before, but now he notices what they were after. Bowser... has got the Mushroom.

Link: AHHH! *dink*

Marth: Aughh! *dink*

Samus: Well, I'm out! *dink*

Bowser: Oh yeah! *laughs as he grows big*

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Flip: Samus is defeated! Link and Marth have one life left each. What to do, what to do?

Goom: Wait a sec... *watching Bowser grow* Does Bowser normally have deformed horns?

Flip: Not that I know of...

Goom: Hmm... Does he normally have spikes all over his body?

Flip: Nope.

Goom: Well... he does now.

Flip: What?! *looks* Oh crap... it can't be... GIGA BOWSER!

Goom: But how? That was a SUPER Mushroom, right?!

Flip: *coughs*

Goom: What is it... really?

Flip: Lord Reid was assigned to fill the item containers for tonight's match. He must've filled that capsule with... his special blend...

(at Reid's house)

Reid: *watching a toaster fly around the room, he suddenly blanks out and is seeing normal* Hey... Oh well, guess I'll just be getting the ol' "Special Blend" out again. *looks inside his dresser drawer labelled "Secret Stash- Keep out!"* What? It's not here... Oh no! *falls down to his knees* I must've put it in the capsule by mistake! *hanging his head* Great... now Link got his revenge... Stupid mushroom stealing pansy...

(back at the booth)

Flip: Well, Marth and Link are back, and both are shocked beyond belief.

G. Bowser: What's wrong, kids? Looks like Rink over here's about to wet his pants! And don't get me started on you, Marth! *laughing*

Goom: Both RPG heroes took offense to Bowser's comments, and both are now charging attacks. Marth is using his Shield Breaker move, and Link is charging his two step smash attack. They both unleash the moves full throttle, and Bowser's mass causes him to get hit heavily. However, he is Giga now, so it's not like he's gonna get KOed anytime soon.

Flip: We'll see about that! *tosses in a Bob-omb which explodes and KOs Giga Bowser*

Goom: What the hell was that for?!

Flip: I didn't like his attitude. Besides, I wanted to level the field a bit.

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Goom: Ugh... well, whatever... Link and Marth are seemingly teaming up. The two are waiting patiently on either side for the returning Giga Bowser.

Flip: And he does return, on probably the biggest revival platform known to man. He starts off using a Giga Whirling Fortress, which adds the element of freezing to the already deadly attack. And, it seems Marth has been frozen! Link was able to survive the sub-zero temperatures. However, he's just been punched by Bowser's dark claw smash. Link is enveloped in purple flames!

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Flip: Marth breaks loose, and does a Dolphin Slash to knock Giga Bowser off balance. Link comes to, and starts chucking bombs like crazy. Marth catches on, and starts slashing Giga Bowser constantly. It's a river of pain for Bowser!

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Goom: Bowser isn't stupid, though. He jumps and does a quick Bowser Bomb. The attack creates a giant quake, and it knocks both Marth and Link pretty high. Link comes back with a sword stab however, and Marth lands far enough away from the chaos.

Flip: Marth is avoiding battle it seems, and Bowser catches on. He grabs and chucks Link out of his way, then dashes at Marth. He does a dashing grab, but misses. As he gets up, Marth slashes him down again. Bowser gets up and ducks, doing a quick tail swipe. Marth is tripped up, but he recovers, and is able to Counter the next smash from Bowser. Good call!

Goom: Yes, since Bowser has flown into Link's direction, quite a change of pace really. Link has his Hookshot ready, and grabs Bowser in midair. He kicks Bowser over the edge, and, as Bowser tries to get up again, does a nicely timed Sword Spin, clearing the edge. Chucking his boomerang and launching a few arrows help as well, as Bowser is unable to return to the level!

Bowser: You meddling Hylian! I'll get you next time, that's for sure! *boom*

Fighters' Damage Meters!

Flip: Now it's down to Marth and Link. The two dash at one another, and both ready their blades.

Link: Time to taste the Master Sword and the vengeance of the Hyrulian world!

Marth: The Falchion and I beg to differ, skirt boy. *smirking*

Link: !!! *filled with rage* YAH!! *swings his sword downwards on Marth*

Marth: HMP! *does an about face, and dodges towards the other side of Link* Sayonara!

Link: *skids and turns around* Huh? *gets smashed over the edge by Marth's overhead smash attack* AAAHHHH!! *dink*

Marth: Haha! *spins his sword between his fingers, then stops it as it flashes and makes a cool tingly noise* Watch me everyone!

Flip: .....

Goom: .....



(outside the Rest Area)

Samus: How could I get out so quickly? I need to train more...

Link: What I don't understand is how the prince was able to beat the pauper... What's the deal with that? I'm the cool one!

Samus: Give me a break! *walks away in disgust*

Link: It's true! *sighs* Nobody cares anymore... Ever since Nintendo introduced those non-Japanese to Marth and Fire Emblem, all it has ever been is, "Marth does this" and "Marth does that" and even "Marth is dreamy." What's wrong with yourself Link?! You're losing your cool! Gotta keep the cool! Augh... *hangs his head in shame* Maybe... I should go... find some answers. Yeah! That's it! *stands up tall* I'll go find the answers to my problems, then I can finally kick that loser Marth's butt! *grabs his gear and holds out his Ocarina* Not like anyone will miss me anyways... *plays the Song of Soaring and is teleported out of the room in a ball of feathers*

Reid: *knocks on door* Hey Link! Listen... I'm not angry with you. What you did with my special blend was totally in reason. I was an ass. I'm- Link? Are you even gonna say anything? Usually you laugh at my personal insults... *opens the door to find a young boy standing in a pile of feathers on the floor* Err... *walks out of the room slowly* I... didn't see anything. *runs down the hall* Damn! That blend is getting weirder and weirder on me every day!

(at a Commemoration Ceremony that night)

VGW: And that's why, you, Marth of Altea, will become the newest fighter here at Super Smash Stadium!

Audience: *applauds*

Marth: Thanks! As gruesome as your methods of sparring are, I am greatly honored to be a part of this wonderful institution. Especially with *winks towards Zelda who is sitting at one of the reserved tables* all the beautiful women who work here.

VGW: *nodding in agreement*

Lemmy: Well, it's a pleasure to have you Marth!

Iggy: Three cheers for Marth! The newest, coolest fighter at SSS: totally unlike that loser we used to think was cool, Link.

GameGuru: I like Link...

Iggy: Hence you being lower on the SP hierarchy.

GG: Hey...

(after the ceremony in the locker room)

Marth: Well, that was an interesting match. As the newest fighter, I've been asked to do the questions this time around. So, without further interruptions:

1. Do you think that I should never be confused with a member of N*SYNC?
2. Was Bowser becoming Giga Bowser cheap?
3. By the way, what's in Reid's "special blend"?
4. What happened to Link? And who's the boy that's suddenly appeared in his place?
5. Should Bowser have spoken about his thoughts on the match?
6. Does this site have any continuity anymore?

Tai: I think I can answer that one!

Hyperion: No, let me!

Pat: *making sense as he talks*

Kyle: Shut up! As president of this site, I command you all to Shut Up!