How The Wart Stole Christmas
Written by FredFan

In a bathroom in Brooklyn
through a long, winding pipe,
where you might go
if you're the plumbing type,
is the Mushroom Kingdom,
a very jolly town,
ruled by a princess
who wears a big crown.

It was that special time of the year
when Christmas came to spread holiday cheer.
The Mushroomers were happy, were ever so glad
Christmas was the very opposite of bad.

The children sang songs, the adults wrapped presents.
Why, even Bowser was at this time pleasant.
The city was flashing with lights green and red,
and many wore hats on their short, spotty heads.
Everyone in the kingdom loved Christmas a lot,
but there was one in Sub-Con who did not.

Far above, in the world of dreams
the grumpy old loner was suppressing a scream.
He hated the girls, he hated the boys,
he hated the happiness and all of the noise,
he hated the feast, he hated it all.
His heart and his brain were two sizes too small.
This gross kind of frog gave his nose a pick, and said,
'I despise Christmas! It just makes me sick!'

'Those morons down there really make me mad!
They continue this foolishness! It's horrible! It's bad!
They bang their zing-zangers and toot their gloot-kross!
They'll be down there carving their roast albatoss!
They act so annoying and think it's good sport!
I've had enough!' yelled the evil old Wart.

'Bill, get my coat,' he said with a sigh,
giving an order to his pet Shy Guy.
Bill waddled up with the big rag in mouth,
then Wart put it on and took a step out.
He looked down on the kingdom and made a large frown,
there were signs of joy all over the town.

'Year after year this bad Christmas comes,
will they never stop? Must they always be dumb?
Bill, you and I are the only ones who know,
that irritating Christmas must go, go, go, go!'

'But how will we do it? How will it all end?
How will this all stop for the Toads and their friends?'
He pondered and thought of ways to destroy
the celebration and lights, and all of the toys.
Then his rotten face got a look like an eel,
and he said, 'I have an idea. We'll just have to steal!'

He went in his palace, with some fabric and thread,
and made a big coat, the color of red.
He made a hat, and to help him on his way,
he found in the garbage a forgotten, blue sleigh.
'With all of this stuff,' Wart said with a pause,
'People will think I'm that fat Santa Clause!'

'But where is my reindeer? I really do need one!
Oh well, I'll just force stupid Bill to be one!'
He grabbed poor Bill and tied an antler to his skull,
then gave him a fake nose that wasn't as dull.
'If you ruin this for me,' the Wart cruelly warned,
'you will wish you had never been born!'

They were ready to go, and they hopped in the sleigh.
'I can't believe I'm finally getting my way!
I'm brilliant!' he yelled, and said with a laugh,
'Here I come, Christmas! Haha! Feel my wrath!'

Wart arrived at the kingdom, and broke into a house.
He made sure he was as quiet as a mouse.
He took every last thing! It was mean! It was wrong!
An unseen musician had burst into song:

You're a mean one, Mr. Wart!
You're really made of slime!
I have to think of something, 'cause this song is supposed to rhyme,
Mr. Waaaart!
You're a crumbling cake topped with grease, mud, and grime!

You're a monster, Mr. Wart!
You're one we hate to discuss!
You're heart is really stinky, and your brain is filled with puss,
Mr. Waaaart!
I'd rather spend my time with a bald redneck named Gus!

You're a vile one, Mr. Wart!
Children scream when they hear your name!
You're just a neglected loser who was only in one game,
Mr. Waaaart!
In a group with Jigglypuff and Waluigi, you would be the most laaaaaaammmmmeeee!

The song had just ended, but not Wart's crime.
He had robbed sixteen houses in record time.
However, he still had more homes to go,
so he went down a walkway covered in snow.

He picked his next target and got on the roof,
thinking happily about Christmas going 'Poof!'
It would all soon be done, the Toads would all cry,
but that was fun for this evil guy.
He got stuck in the chimney, and said with a croak,
'Get me down, Bill! This isn't a joke!'

Bill obeyed, and soon Wart was in the home,
doing his best to make his presence not known.
He took all the food and presents with glee,
until the only thing left was the tall, leafy tree.
Before the big thing he could completely take,
little Susie-Joan Toad started to wake.

'Santa, what the heck are you doin'?
That is our tree that you're trying to ruin!
To get it my dad had to work really hard,
and cut all of it down from our neighbor's backyard!'

The loud little girl thought Wart was St. Nick,
so he had to think, and he had to think quick.
'So what if I take it? It won't fill you with sorrow.
You won't even need it after tomorrow!
Go back to bed, and it better be swift,
or I'm gonna take back all of your gifts!'

Susie-Joan Toad started to sob.
'You're supposed to be nice, you grumpy old blob!
I must have my presents, so take the dang tree.
But get out before I call security!'

Wart removed the tree,
spit on the girl's head,
stuck out his tongue,
and sent her to bed.
With all of his sneaking and slinking about,
he made sure all traces of Christmas were out.

'We did it, Bill! We stole every last thing!
No one will laugh, no one will sing!
Now all we have to do is destroy it!
We'll throw it in a river, these things sure aren't buoyant!'

Bill pulled all the stuff to a nearby cliff,
where a river awaited to sink all the gifts.
The Shy Guy sat panting and regaining his breath,
another task like that would lead him to death.
Wart didn't notice, he just pranced about.
'Christmas is finished!' he often did shout.

'Those freaks will come out
and say 'What do we do?
Our toys are all gone!
Boo hoo hoo hoo!'
We'll never again have to hear all their racket.'
He picked up a doll just so he could smack it.

The Toads and Mushroomers were just getting up,
with excitement in their eyes and coffee in their cups.
The little kids whimpered, the adults were dismayed.
All things were stolen on this wonderful day!
But instead of crying, or raving with rants,
they all joined hands and started to chant.

'What?!' yelled Wart. 'How can this be?
They're still commencing with the festivities!
They did it without ornaments!
They did it without lights!
They did it without dollies, rubber balls, and kites!

'Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a shelf.
Perhaps it comes... from somewhere else.'
It might have been rumor, or something else again,
but they say that Wart's heart grew three sizes right then.
'What was I doing? What was wrong with me?
I have to bring all the presents back, I now see!

He got in his sleigh and put Bill inside,
then went downhill, for his delivery ride.
The people were astounded, it was all there!
They got their stuff and treated their families with care.

'I know that I realized it a little too late,
but now I truly know that Christmas is great!
I'm sorry for taking all of your things,
but I brought them all back! Let's have a good sing!'

'I don't think so,' Mario cried.
'Isn't it obvious Wart has just lied?
He just took all of our stuff!
He's a thief and a moron, and I've had enough!'

The citizens agreed, and put Wart in jail.
Nobody was willing to pay his bail.
But the next time it was Christmas, while in his cell,
he would make sure that his celebration was swell.

THE END