The "Brave" Squadron
Written by Christina

Author's Note: This story is written from General Guy's point of view.

Table of Contents

Meet the Shy Squad The Big Bad Lantern Ghost Assault!!

"Ten-hut troops! Now... show me what the formation is if Mario attacks!" The Shy Squad simply looked at one another for about two seconds and then ran around screaming.

I first went over various plans for formations and maneuvers my Shy Squad should do in the case of a Mario attack, then went to work on my secret weapon. So what if it was built out of wires, toys, and a single light bulb! No one could stand against it! It would prevail! Well, at least I hope it would... Mario couldn't beat the new improved (if it ever got that far) Shy Squad! ... Could he?

* * * * *

The Style Guy left, him being one of the few who wouldn't run off screaming. Things are looking good, I thought, Very good. When, if, Mario gets back, he'll be in for a nasty Shy Surprise! Of course, if he did come back, I certainly hope he would bring no ghosts with him... their job was spooking people, and, as you see, it took absolutely nothing to scare a Shy Guy. Hey, that's why we're called "Shy Guys" after all. Some of us, like me and Gourmet Guy, aren't scared of much, but even we had our weak points...

"General Guy, sir!" a frantic Shy Gal (female Shy Guy) came to me, "We have a problem! There's a... a..."
"What is it? Shy Gal? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I HAVE!!!! There's this thing here that's called the Lantern Ghost. It's a ghost with a lantern! It went into the area that me and a few others were, and it... it... turned out the light!!!!! AHHHHHH! It was too scary!!!"
"Oh, for the love of... OK, Shy Gal, let me tell you this: the darkness never hurt anyone."
"BUT IT'S SCARY!!! There's a real MONSTER in the dark THIS TIME!!! I want my Mommy! Waaaaahhhhh!"
I was getting mad. "I'll handle this 'Lantern Ghost'! Shy Gal, cover for me!"
"Um... Ok, General..." I started to walk off, then remembered something.
"By the way, Shy Gal, YOU NEVER TOLD ME ITS EXACT LOCATION!!!!"
"Red Station, general, sir. Not far from here."
"Red Station?! Oh, that is quite serious." My base was located near Red Station. "How did it get that far in the Toy Box?"
"Um, sir... it's because we wanted to stop it, but... running away in fear didn't work too well..."
"YOU IDIOT!! That is not a battle maneuver! Running away in fear does not do anything to discourage the enemy."
"It can do something, sir."
"Eh?" I stopped. "What's that, Shy Gal?"
"Make the enemy think you're so insane that it's not worth fighting you and leave, sir."
I shrugged, not impressed. "Well, whatever... That is not the way of a true troop though! With work, we shall make the Shy Squad brave! All will tremble with fear when 'Shy Squad' is mentioned!"
"Sir, right now everyone breaks out in laughter when we are mentioned, sir."
"THAT'S THE PROBLEM, YOU MORON!! We need to make people afraid!"
"Over here, sir, this is where the ghost is." she motioned to a room. "He turned off the light, sir. So we're too... scared to go in..."
"Problem solved," I muttered, flipping on the light switch.
Shy Gal gasped. "General Guy, sir! How did you do that?!"
"You're dumber than I thought," I grumbled. "See this switch?"
"Yes, sir."
"Flip it down, light goes off. Flip it up, light goes on." I did so. "See, Shy Gal?"
She frowned. "I think, but... that looks hard, sir. Show me again, sir?"
I did so. "Think you can operate it yourself?"
"No sir... It is too high-tech, we'd best just leave it to you, sir."
"Oh, for the love of... Well, whatever. Now, where's this 'ghost'?"
"Over here!" Shy Gal led me to yet another room. "S-see, in there, sir."
I felt around for the lightswitch. "Funny," I mumbled, "It should be here..."
"Um, excuse me sir, I um, I think the big scary ghost like, um, took it off..."
"What the...?!" I whirled around to see who had spoken. It wasn't Shy Gal; in fact, it didn't sound like a Shy Guy at all! Shy Gal was cowering in a corner somewhere. "What in the world?"

The thing that had spoken was a little electric spark with a pacifier in her mouth. "The big scary ghost tried to, like, kidnap me!" she wailed. "This place is scary!"
"You're not a Shy Guy!" I told her. "What on earth are you?!"
"A Lil' Sparky. My name is..."
"I don't care about your name! Shy Gal! Come help me take care of this... SHY GURL!! GET OVER HERE! ... SHY GURL!! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?!!"
"Y-yes sir," she answerd, "But I'm too scared, sir..."
"All right, I'll do it my--" I had turned back to the Lil' Sparky to find she had vanished. "AH! What the?! Where'd the little spark go?"
"Wee, this is fun!" The Lil' Sparky was playing on these rotating platforms on the wall. "Fun! F-U-N-E! Fun!"
"You misspelled 'fun'," I told her, "Now, come on, sweetheart, we need to get you to some sort of prison... wait a sec... WE DON'T HAVE A PRISON!"
"Playing in prison is no fun!" the Lil' Sparky frowned. "I wanna play with you!"
"WITH ME?!" I roared. "NO WAY! SHY GURL, HELP ME OUT HERE!"
"Um, maybe..." Shy Gal looked around wildly, then got an idea. "Go in here!" motioning to the room that the "Lantern Ghost" was in, "There's fun stuff in here!"
The Lil' Sparky shook her head... er, her whole self. "No! That big bad monster tried to get me! But I shocked him and he went away."
"Sho-shocked?!" I trembled with fear. That was the only thing I was afraid of: being shocked with electricity. "You're... electric, eh?"
"Uh-huh! And my name is..."
"I ALREADY SAID, I don't care about your name, sweetheart." To Shy Gal, I muttered, "How do you lure a toddler electric spark thingy into a dark room?"
"Beats me, sir..."

"Shy Squad! We have a new mission this time!" The Shy Squad answered that by... well, you know...

"Wow! A secret spy meeting!" she exclaimed. "Can I be a spy too?? I wanna be a spy!" "What?! WE'RE NOT SPIES, sweetheart!" I yelled. "Get OUT of here!!! This place is for Shy Guys only!"
"Shy Guy?" she looked confused. "What's a Shy Guy?"
"Grr!" I clenched my fists. "US!!! WE'RE SHY GUYS!!!"
"Oh... I'm a Lil' Sparky! My name is..."
"I know you're Lil' Sparky, and I don't care about your name!"
"You're mean! M-E-E-N! Mean!"
Shy Gal blinked. "General Guy, sir, this little thing apparently has no idea how to spell, sir."
"She's a toddler Lil' Sparky," I explained. "Remember? You were with me when I met her!"
"Oh, yes... Sorry, sir, I was too busy cowering in the corner most of the time, sir."
"I know," I muttered. "So, sweetheart," talking to the little Lil' Sparky, "What can we do to convince you to keep us away, eh?"
The Lil' Sparky stared for a moment, and then answered. "I wanna be Agent Watt and work at this Toy Box!" she exclaimed. "Before Mommy finds out where I am!"
"Agent... Watt? No!! Nothing but Shy Guys are allowed in this army!"
"Yeah! My name's Watt! Can I be a Lil' Sparky Guy?"
"NO!!!" Then I got an idea. "There's one thing you can do though..."
"What?"
"Go back to the surface world and tell us if that bad Mario is near," I answered.
"Mario's a good guy!" Watt corrected, "And I don't want Mommy to find me!"
"Then... why don't you..."

Shy Gal whispered something to me, one of the best things I'd heard in a while (even from one of my cowardly Shy Guys). "Why don't you go into that dark room and defeat the Lantern Ghost? We need it defeated and you could probably light up the room, right?"
"But, but..." Watt stuttered, "That big bad ghost tried to trap me in his lantern!"
"Just be careful, make sure he doesn't do that," I told her. "Is that OK, sweetheart?"
"Um, OK, I guess, but... but..."
"Now what?!"
"I don't wanna go alone! Someone has to go with me! Mommy wouldn't like it," she added.
"Then Shy Gal should go with you," I concluded.
"GENERAL, SIR!" Shy Gal gasped, "But, I'm... I'm..."
"Afraid of the dark, yes," I sighed, "But this little... Watt... can light things up. DON'T TURN BACK, troopette! Be brave! You must face your fears to conquer them!"
"Y-y-yes, sir..."
"Yeah! Let's go beat Lantern Ghost!" Watt bounced up and down. "Yippee! Well, come on, Shy Gal!"

Watt and Shy Gal left, and I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know how they'll do, I thought, but, even if they get kidnapped or something... no big loss...

"General Guy, sir," a Spy Guy told me, "Sir, King Bowser wishes to know the report on the progression of your secret weapon and the Shy Squad."
"The secret weapon is going very well; the Shy Squad is a mess but I think we can handle. Right, troops?!"

That was answered by the usual screaming. I shook my head and sighed. "Well... Tell him we'd better just hope Mario doesn't come around..."
"Sir... Word has come that Mario has beaten the 'Invincible' Tubba Blubba of Gusty Gulch. Who knows if he will find his way here, sir."
"WHAT?!" I exclaimed. "How could he beat someone who's invincible?!"
"He managed, general, sir..."
I frowned, thinking, and then I came up with the most brilliant idea. "We are near the Red train station, and the entrance is near Blue..."
"Yes, sir?"
"Take the train off the track and out of the Toy Box! And then break apart the track in several places. That way, Mario is unable to infiltrate our base either way!"
"Great idea, sir!!"
"Ha ha, yes..." I laughed to myself, thinking about how awesome I was. "Let's see Mario get any further! Ha ha!"

Now, let's switch views for a moment. Watt and the Shy Gal are looking in the dark for the Lantern Ghost. How goes their search?

"Dark..." Shy Gal moaned, "Dark will eat me..."
"No it won't," Watt assured her. "You can see if you stick close to me."
Shy Gal did so. "Dark... scared of dark..."
"Hee hee, I like the dark!" Watt chuckled. "I can light things up in the dark!"
And then, a deep voice bellowed, "Who goes there? Who dares face the Lantern Ghost?!"
"We do!" Watt answered cheerfully. There was a hint of anxiousness in her voice, however. "We have orders from, um, General Guy to get you out!"
The Lantern Ghost faced the two of them, holding up its lantern. "See this lantern? There is no light in it. I need a source of light."
"But you like it dark," Watt reminded it, "Why do you need light?"
"Oh, uh..." the Lantern Ghost stuttered, "Um, because... because... I need to see when I want to get food! Yeah, that's it."
Watt looked confused. "Ghosts have to eat?"
"No, no, that's not it, because... I want to scare Shy Guys! Yeah, that's why. They hate light."
"No, no we d-don't," Shy Gal stuttered. "W-we hate... d-d-d-dark..."
"Grr, well, the real reason is THIS... Yoink!" The Lantern Ghost grabbed Watt and shoved her into the lantern. "Ha ha! You're a good little source of light, you Lil' Sparky!"
"NO NO NOOOOO!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" She began bawling. "Shy Gal! Go tell General Guy on this meanie!"
"Sure... Gotta run!" Shy Gal ran as fast as she could to the exit and back towards my base.

This time only two Shy Guys went insane. The rest attacked an inflatable dummy of Mario.
"Take that, plumber!"
"Yeah! You scare us too much!"
"You're too fat! You'll get stuck in a pipe! Hee hee!"
"I'll let you go if you tell me the name of a good Italian food place!" Gourmet Guy stuck his fork into the dummy, popped it, and ate it. "Hmm, tastes OK..."
"GOURMET GUY!"
"What, general?"
"STOP EATING THE DUMMIES! Good thing I bought fifty of them..."
"I've eaten forty-three, sir."
"I know. That's why I bought fifty."
"I see... Will the next one taste better?"
"No! OK, troops, that was good. Try again. Gourmet Guy, please don't eat it this time."
"I'll try to remember, sir."

"GENERAL GUY~~!" Shy Gal ran in screaming just then.
"What?!"

Shy Gal ran to me and clung to my leg with all her little strength. "G-g-g-general Guy," she gasped. "T-t-the L-l-l-lantern Ghost... It got, it got, it got..."
"Who?" I asked, pushing her away.
"WATT!!!! It trapped her in its lantern! IT MADE THE ROOM DARK!!!!"
"Mission accomplished," I chuckled, "Yes, good, we're rid of that Lil' Sparky."
"But the Lantern Ghost..."
"I don't care about that! Maybe it'll stop Mario for us!"
"Um, OK, sir..."

Gourmet Guy was chewing on another dummy. "Blech, doesn't taste any better uninflated................ Oops, sorry, General Guy, I forgot..."
"Make that forty-four that you've eaten. OK, blow up the forty-fifth!"
A Shy Guy took an air compressor and used it to blow up the next one. "CHARGE!" I commanded.

They ganged up on it, and managed to pop it before Gourmet Guy could. "Good, troops! That's the kind of spirit I want when Mario attacks! On the next one, I only want the Stilt Shys to attack."

The forty-sixth one was blown up, and the Stilt Guys quickly popped it with their stilts. We had to stop then... Since Gourmet Guy had taken the remaining inflatable Marios and eaten all of them.

"Hmm. Not bad..." Gourmet Guy said as he ate the last one.
"GOURMET GUY!!!!!!!" I shouted to him.
"Oops, sorry again, General..."
"Well, nevermind... Think you're ready to face fighting Mario?" I asked the Shy Squad. They looked at each other and shrugged. I sighed. "Well, we'll try..." one of the Shy Guys in front said dubiously. "GENERAL GUY!!!" a Sky Guy flew up to me then. "MARIO'S HERE!!!!!" Gasps and shouts of surprise were heard from the other Shy Guys. "How long?!" I demanded. "Just a little while ago, sir. He hasn't found the train yet..."
"YES HE HAS!!!!!" a fire-covered Pyro Guy ran in. "HE FOUND THE TRAIN! And he's already reached the Pink Station!"
"How does he manage?" I muttered. "Is he alone?"
"No sir... A few Spy Guys verified to us that he has accomplices."
"Report on that?"
"Mario's with a Goomba kid named Goombario, who wears a blue hat and talks a lot; a blue-shelled Koopa Troopa named Kooper, who wears a red bandana; a pink Bob-Omb named Bombette; Parakerry the Paratroopa mail-carrier; and a Boo named Lady Bow!"
"Oh, no! That's a big team! A ghost...? Well, troops, we will probably have to fight him! Remember the battle plan?"
An affirmative by most, insane screaming by the rest.
"Gee... I'll just take that as a general yes..."

I sent a squad of Spy Guys to check up on Mario's current location. The Shy Squad was practicing maneuvers (and screams of terror) while I finished up on my secret weapon. Shy Gal hung around with me. I was actually rather proud of her, the only troop who had done anything right so far, even if it was on accident. "General Guy, sir... Is there anything else we should do in order to keep Mario away, sir?"

"I've been thinking on that, troopette," I replied. "Perhaps... Setting up a barricade in the hallway leading from Red Station to this base would be a good idea. Shy Gal, why don't you lead them in building it?"
"Really, sir?! You think I would be able to do that without messing up?!"
"No," I muttered, "But if it distracts the opponent for at least two seconds, it's worth a try. TROOPS! Who is willing to assist Shy Gal in creating a barricade?!" Since none of them directly answered, I picked a few random ones and set them off. "Make it good, troops!"
Shy Gal saluted. "Aye aye sir! Hey... does this mean I'm one of your actual officers right now, General?!"
"Yes, if you succeed, I might make you 'Lieutenant Gal'," I promised. "I kind of doubt you'll succeed, though..."
"Ooh, ooh, I'll try, sir! Shy Squad! Are you ready?" Nothing but insane screams, which Shy Gal took as a yes. "THEN LET'S GO!"

Once they left, I firmly attached the lightbulb to my weapon. "There we go, all done... Mario will never be able to beat it! In fact, even if one of my own Shy Guys takes control of it, I myself wouldn't be able to beat it!"

"What should we build it out of?"
Shy Gal frowned, thinking. "Um... Uh... I dunno...."
"Blocks!" another one shouted. "Hee hee, whenever someone makes a tower of blocks, I can't knock it down, I'm too much of a 'nitwit', as General Guy says, though I don't know what that means... Anyway, let's build it out of blocks!"
"Ok, that'll do." Shy Gal tried to pick up a block about the size of her hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Heavy! It must weigh about 10 ounces!"

Another Shy Guy picked it up for her, and after about ten minutes of building and accidental knocking down, they finally had a good blockade. That is, until a clumsy Shy Guy leaned against it and knocked it over...

They were rebuilding it again when a frantic Spy Guy ran in. "MARIO'S HERE!" he shouted. "RED STATION! Here's here! I mean, he's here! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!"

"PANIC!" Shy Gal and the others ran around screaming for a moment. Suddenly, she stopped. "No, no, no! That won't do! Um... Hurry up! Rebuild the block-ade! Hee hee... Get it? A blockade of blocks: block-ade!"
The Spy Guy wasn't impressed. "Well hurry! Before Mario gets here!"

They finished the blockade, and waited, waited patiently...

and waited....

Shy Gal sent another Shy Guy to check where Mario was, as she was too scared to do so herself. Two seconds later though, he came running back. "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME!!" he screeched. "Him and his scary team!"
"If all else fails," Shy Gal told them, "RUN AWAY!"
"Yes, ma'am!"

Everything seemed to be going smoothly... that is, until Mario decided to use the pink Bob-omb to blow up the barricade. The soot-covered Shy Guys and Gal just stared for a moment, until Shy Gal shrieked, "RUN!" The whole squad ran away screaming.

* * * * *

After a few minutes, Mario did indeed make his way in there. Just as the Spy Guys had reported, he had quite a team: A Goomba, Koopa Troopa, Bob-omb, Paratroopa, Boo, and... and.... WATT?!

"There's that General Meanie!" Watt frowned when she saw me. "When I got kidnapped by that big bad monster that kept saying 'Wee hee hee!' he didn't try to help me! Shy Gal did though. Where's Shy Gal? She's my friend!"
Shy Gal gasped. "Friend...? Nobody ever said that before... what does it actually mean, general, sir?"
I didn't even answer. "Well, Mario," I said, trying to sound as evil as I could, "I see you have made it here!"
"Who are you?" the Goomba asked. "I'm General Guy, assigned to protect this Toy Box and protector of a Star Spirit! We have orders from King Bowser to make sure you don't get it, so you will not! Shy Squad! CHARGE!"

No movement by the squad. They were all shaking with fear and gasping for breath, too scared to even scream. "ATTACK!" I commanded. Still nothing. Needless to say, I was getting a little impatient with my troops... "Attack him ALREADY!"

Finally, the Shy Squad took heed of what I was saying, and attacked. But once they were attacked by Mario and crew, they ran right back to me! "WHAT?! What are you doing?!" I demanded.
"THEY'RE SCARY!!!" one Shy Guy wailed. "I'm SCARED!"
"Get back out there!" I ordered. "We have to protect the Toy Box!"

The Shy Guys ran away... Quite away... right past Mario and gang! "ESCAPE~~!" "Oh, for the love of..." I turned to Shy Gal. "Come with me! It's time for the secret weapon! Stilt Shys, attack while we get it ready!" I got up into the weird looking vehicle and Shy Gal directed me. I accidentally ran over her, though, so once she got back up, she ran away too! "Argh... Shy Squad..." I shook that off. "OK, MARIO! Me and you! And your team... Well, I'll fight and beat you all myself!!"

The pink Bob-omb with them looked confused. "Pardon me saying this," she said, "But, uh, what is that weird-looking thing you're riding in?"
"My secret weapon! It has great power! You won't be able to beat it!!"
The Paratroopa looked confused. "Um, OK, whatever..."

Well, I was partially right... The Bob-omb's blowing up did do some damage, as did Watt's electrical attacks, but the others could do little or no damage to it.

After a few minutes, I turned on the light bulb. This light bulb was not an ordinary bulb-- it could shoot lightning! Which, I noticed, did damage to everyone but Watt... (Darn that Lil' Sparky! When will it end?!) After a few more hits from the super-power toddler, Watt, a few screws fell loose from my machine, and the whole thing collapsed!

Defeat, I thought, shocking defeat... Shocking? Uh-oh...

Watt came up to me. "General Guy! Take this!" She electrocuted me, although it was a bit like a prick, like when you rub your feet on a rug and touch somebody... but anyway I was freaked out! "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK! DON'T SHOCK ME!! NO~~!!" I ran out screaming, too... hey, I am a Shy Guy, after all! ..Which of course, left the fate of the Toy Box in Mario's hands, not to mention the Star Spirit.....

Well, as Tutankoopa said, you can certainly have bad days... This though, was worse than bad. Terrible. Horrifying. And the like. Oh, well, maybe if I train up the Shy Squad a bit more...