Pre-Season Episode 2
No cast, cause the author didn't want one.
Good afternoon, Luigi!
Oh, what a delightful day today is, don't you think?
My, I was about to tell you the same thing.
Well, I just happened to catch a glimpse at this billboard.
It's a sign that a new BOTVGH is emerging.
No. It's a sign that says Meep.
Oh, poor, dimwitted brother. You do not see that this is the start of many changes that will be coming to the new Season 8 of BOTVGH, and maybe just once, cast members can become a more original being of the human thought process, causing this very island to be the flow of everybody's favorite cheap crossover fan fiction with little pictures.
Klawkat's writing this?
Thought as much. No wonder such a word as Meep means so much to you, pitiful sibling.
Ahh, how absolutely poetic. The songs of the birds, the wind blowing in the trees, and the ripples in the waves.
(walks in) Makes me wanna hurl.
Ahhh, my archnemesis, King Koopa, or Bowser for the non-Japanese people. What brings you to this patch of land?
We were just arguing about the meaning of BOTVGH, while enjoying the pleasures of life. It's fantastically breathtaking and overwhelming to experience.
... (Looks at both and )
So, my lizard antagonist, did you kidnap any fair maidens lately?
Perhaps you want my fairer brother to challenge you to a duel.
Oh, how I love a challenge. Are you going to breathe fire on me, or are you gonna smash the ground?
........... (Panics) I DON'T KNOW YOU!! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MARIO AND LUIGI??
What a rush you are with the Cap Lock, eh, Sir Spikeback?
Oh, touché, brother, you pulled a zinger on him.
and : Ha ha ha ha ha.
And that's why we are here, Princess.
Bowser beat the snot out of us.
Why, dear author? You came to share your knowledge?
(looks at ) Mario? Are you all right?
I bet you're going to be a smart author!
... (scratches his ear) Dang, my insanity part is slipping. I'm gonna get a drink, I'll be back. (walks out, and leaves the laptop)
So, since the author is getting a drink, I guess we better wait til he gets back.
Ummm... Cause it's Luigi's idea!
As of late, BOTVGH has a strict lack of collaborating villians. We have Sephiroth, Sigma, and their newer member, but that is all. I am here to strike, and I shall not fail.
Yeah. I'm here to hit on that cute nurse.
To a degree, I will not fail to make it in this stupid fan fiction site. I don't want to be a third rate Pokémon, nor a logical reason to use magic. I am a sorcerer!!
All of BOTVGH shall recognize me for who I am, and not who I'm not!
So he's a cat?
So you're a villian?
Only the best.
Once I fought 200 reploids, and destroyed them in 3 seconds.
200? Try 2000... 2000 villages.
(looks at ) 2000 villages? Yeah, and you want to conquer BOTVGH?
You coulda done that ages ago.
Hah! I was just getting a feel for the place... but I don't believe your 200 reploid story.
218, to be exact. (grabs a newspaper clip from the Doppler News)
(reads) Magma Dragoon, traitor of the 14th unit, blah blah blah... Ah, I believe ya.
Magma Dragoon, is it? I think I need you.
Is she your sister? Maybe you can hook me up with her.
How do you fight?
Oh, I beat the living tar out of those no good... lunch money taking... (pounds hand into his fist) GAH! I will destroy you, yooou.... BULLY!!
Care to join forces? We can make a name for ourselves in this small Internet site.
Sounds good... OK, Mr. Turtle. I'll do it.
And he said: No, I won't do it, and I killed them.
and : Hee hee!
Oh! So what's gonna happen in this episode?
Ahhh! It's dark!
It's just the fade out.
My plan is almost complete.
Oh, this is going to be the bestest plan of yours, ever!
Wow! You built that? Amazing!
Yeah. What a piece of work it is. I will make an announcement, and everybody on BOTVGH Island will see my newest creation.
Why am I an Eskimo?
Everybody loves Eskimos.
WHEE!! (slides by for no reason)
Well, I'm gonna start to call everybody to the center of the island.
Everybody! I have a special surpriiiise!! Come to the center of the island and see for yourself!!
Do it now, or I'll destroy you all!!
... Ummmm.... ice cream for everybody!!
Free ice cream? You mean it, Wily?
Really? Ice cream? I'm happy!!
Ignorant fools, do you think that I will give you free ice cream? I want to tell you about my plan.
Crowd: Awww... (Starts to walk away)
....And then free ice cream!
Toad Man, get the ice cream ready. Ice Man, just stand there and act innocent.
Today, stands the turning point in BOTVGH History. Today, for a whole season, I retire myself as villain. The pressure of being a villain is becoming too demanding, and I just wanted to relax in my townhouse, and drinking various malt beverages.
I have built a peace offering, which should be the link for everybody to enjoy their work here in BOTVGH. I bring to you...
(slight sweat) It's the Fast Stop Convenience Store, and the LMN Video Rental Place. They both open tomorrow.
Got the ice cream.
If you choose to support the store, you can have free ice cream!!
Well, this is just what we need, a convenience store run by an evil genius.
But he retired.
Bah! Anybody can say that. It's all a trick. He's trying to use all your money, with which you buy potato chips and other food items, just to build more robots.
Well, I like ice cream.
.... Ice cream's good.
So, for a whole season, Wily is quitting the whole evil biz? That means less competition.
(eating ice cream) Yum!
Aren't you a robot? Can you handle food?
But I like ice cream.
OK, now I'm gonna see about getting people to work at the store.
So... who's gonna work at the store, boss?
I don't know... (looks at and ) Those two.
Why can't you let robots run the store?
Why? I'll tell you why...
If robots run stores... then who will make the cartoons?
Then the magical fairies can.
But the magical fairies are needed for the protection of the puffertoads.
But the puffertoads can take care of themselves.
Not if the Oompa Loompas are rampaging the savage seas.
That's my doctor, never looking past the balance of fictional characters.
That's why we need a couple of monkeys. I mean, anybody can be a clerk. How hard can it be?
Sooo, how are you gonna get them to work in your stores?
I don't know... but I got a plan.
You two wanna work at the Fast Stop and the LMN Video?
I'm slow cooking the beans, and doing... the robot.
Hey! Nice moves.
Oh yeah. I got the groove.
Klaw, what is the point of this preseason episode?
I've gotta go to the little hero's room.
You know, I need a bathroom buddy. Care to walk me there?
........... Dang this is a lot of periods.
It's the best I can do for a dramatic pause!!
???: Gah! Not this again.
Need any help? I'm a professional hero!
???: No. Everything's under control. Snoogans.
???: That should do'er. Nootch.
What? You never seen a handsome stud like myself walk out of a bathroom?
Let's get out of here, Burner. This guy makes me wanna get some... Uuugh! Ice cream sounds good.
Oh, I see your game now, Klaw.
So this episode is utter bull? It's just to make Wily retire from evil, and not be used?
(shrugs) What is the total point of this ep?
There's a point?
You wanted us for something?
Who are you people? What do you want? You can't handle the truth!!
???: Now we strike!!!
???: Time for chaos.
Nobody can handle the truth! If I told you the truth, I'd go blind!!
???: To destroy the world with condensation.
???: To disrupt all people with radiation.
???: To spread chaos and destroy hope and love.
???: To beat down things with my hot metal glove.
This is the worst remix of the Team Rocket Motto I have ever seen.
The truth would attack you! And it doesn't taste great with salt!!
and : Kamek and Magma, fighting at the speed of light! Surrender now, or prepare to die!
Meeeeeowth, that didn't rhyme!
Charles Barkley! Get out of here! You're not in the episode...
The truth is death! If I mentioned the truth, you'd all die small instant deaths!
Klaw? Shut up!
Kamek and Magma Dragoon, aside from reciting the world's worst Team Rocket motto ripoff, I think you're here to do something to make yourselves considered evil?
Correct, bounty hunter! We're here to kidnap the author!
Yeah! Fork him over!
You know... the guy who writes the episodes!
H Cuz writes episodes. Kidnap him.
He's been kidnapped already.
And besides, we are gonna kidnap the writer who is writing this episode.
So... where is he?
(thinking) If he kidnaps Klaw, what will happen to this episode?
(thinking) How can I get that robotic babe's number?
I wonder if they sell that peanut butter that I always like.
(walks in) Hey Klawkat! That toilet is busted, and I got pieces of porcelain stuck in my bum!!
There he is! Get him!
OK, you two are carrying a hostage. That means that... this is a really bad episode.
Yeah, Klawkat is trying to put more plot in his episodes. Ya don't always get a Smash Attack Games off of him.
(in the sack) I can't breathe!! (starts to breathe heavily)
(shakes the sack a bit) It's a cloth pillowcase. You're trippin.
... Hey! Where's the plugin? I wanna play some Atari in this thing.
... ... We'll be back after we think of our ransom.
Hey! We're not allowed to use inside jokes.
What inside joke?
You know, when people in BOTVGH chat decide to fight bosses, and each other...
Man, We should take them on more often.
What are ya talking about?
Oh, me and Gas-tanks here power the world-acclaimed battle destruction tank, and we destroy people with it. We rock.
... Snake Man... That's an inside joke. Try to avoid them.
Just try to not talk about your victories in #BOTVGH_Bosses. OK?
(in the air) Shaddup, I'm flying here.
This whole world is an Inside joke, right Burner?
Sammy! We must combine our heroic efforts to save Klawkat from the clutches of Team Kamek and Magma Dragoon!
Because I love you!!
Well, I suppose that we can go out and save Klawkat from the clutches from Kamek and Magma. You in, Snake and Burner?
Yeah, I'll do anything for a hot babe like yourself.
What are you two doing back here so quickly?
We decided that the "kidnapping the author" approach was tired and lacks plot skills, so we're gonna do a new evil scheme.
It's a seeeeecret! (grins and nods)
Hey! Where's Klawkat?
He's ... somewhere.
We'll be back, and we're gonna do something no evil villains have ever done before.
... Press 1 if you get the whole point of that?
Come on, Burner. We have an important date to catch.
(while walking off) You think anybody's gonna notice that broken toilet?
I am in love with my plunger!
(backs away a bit)
I need ta confess, brother. My plunger made me who I am today! An ex-wrestler turned professional plumber.
Yeah, and you can still bust a move.
Yeah! Do the Mario!
What's wrong, Mario?
... I had that dream again?
(backs away from ) .... F-f-f-f...
Oh no... I shouldn't have told him...
F-f-f-f-freeeak! Mario's a freak! (runs away, screaming)
Mario? I'm gonna go to the new Fast Stop and get us something to eat. Do ya want anything?
Oh, nothing really. Maybe some canned Chef Boyardee canned goods, and maybe some smoked salmon. Some chocolate covered pretzels would be nice...
... and maybe some peaches, and some old fashioned marmalade. Oh, and I'd like some meatballs, to go with the chocolate syrup...
How about I bring you home a candy bar?
(grumbles) Mario Limbaugh.
... So this is what it's like working in a fast paced convenience store. Day's pretty slow.
Diddy, why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be working at the video store?
My friend, my knowledge serves me to the higher power that nobody owns a VCR around here. Who'd want to make their business in a useless video store?
Yeah, today's been slow for me as well.
Yeah, this job would be great, if it wasn't for the stinkin' customers.
We didn't get any customers.
My point exactly.
Ya know, Burner?
This place ain't bad. It's comfortable, it has familiar looking Wily traits, and this would be a great ground for getting some tight-looking babes.
(nods while flicking a cigarette)
Joe Camel: Shaddup.
Hey, aren't you that guy who won that award?
What the heck are you talking about, you ugly son of your mother! What award?
Oh, sorry, I must have mistaken you for another robot who was stuck in a toilet. (runs inside the Fast Stop)
I thought nobody would notice that we broke that toilet.
Joe Camel: Hey, do you have a light?
Where do you keep your blueberry muffins?
Third aisle on your right.
OK. And what about your candy bars?
Third aisle on your right.
And your cereals?
*sigh* Third aisle on your right.
OK. Where's your third aisle on my right?
It's the third on your right.
Well, that was annoying.
Hey! They sell Fruit by the Foot!
What's the point of working here, when I could simply lounge around my my banana tree house and eat coconut parfait?
And go around the island fighting Kremlings to rescue your pile of fruit?
And we can go to Vegas and dance with the showgirls.
Do not ever, under any circumstances, bring up that incident ever again.
Wow! I didn't know this place sells Hotrod Magazine.
Don't play stupid. You remember what happened the last time we went to Vegas.
(drools) I'm in heaven!!! I'm in convenience store heaven!!!
No... I don't remember. What happened?
Remember that time I joined the Elvis Impersonater's Tournement?
WHEEEEE!!! (crashes along the aisles)
I went on the show, as Elvis Kong, and I performed to my best.
I sang "In Da Godda of Eda" and stripped my shirt off.
... What's so bad about that?
I... I... I.....
Oooh, I hurt my head.
Yeah, "I" what?
.............. I ......
My brains are spilling out of my head!!
I-I-I killed a man!
... That's not a surprise. You killed lots of people.
Brains!! Where's my brains?
Customer: How much for this coffee?
My brains are running away! Where are you, brains!!
Brains are $2.49.
Do you have change for 100?
(takes the bill) No.
100 dollars? That's a lot of money!
I thought we just take Banana Coins.
Or Gil, or GP, Or Zenny....
I need my brains!!! Where's my brains!
There's my brains.
Don't run off again. OK?
(pockets the 100) You know, it's not so bad working here.
That's another inside joke! Cut that out!
OK, so the fiery raining gerbils are out of the question.
You hear that Samus? We're the last two left!
This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the author.