 Pre-Season Episode 2 Thingies. by Klawkat |
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Pre-Season Episode 2 Thingies. by Klawkat |
No cast, cause the author didn't want one.
stands, looking at a billboard, 
comes to in a sweat)Good
afternoon, Luigi!Oh,
what a delightful day today is, don't you think?My,
I was about to tell you the same thing.Well,
I just happened to catch a glimpse at this billboard.Oh?
(looks)
Meep?It's
a sign that a new BOTVGH is emerging.No.
It's a sign that says Meep.Oh,
poor, dimwitted brother. You do not see that this is the start of many
changes that will be coming to the new Season 8 of BOTVGH, and maybe
just
once, cast members can become a more original being of the human
thought
process, causing this very island to be the flow of everybody's
favorite
cheap crossover fan fiction with little pictures.Klawkat's
writing this?Yep.Thought
as much. No wonder such a word as Meep means so much to you, pitiful
sibling.Ahh,
how absolutely poetic. The songs of the birds, the wind blowing in
the trees, and the ripples in the waves. (walks
in) Makes me wanna hurl.Ahhh,
my archnemesis, King Koopa, or Bowser for the non-Japanese people.
What brings you to this patch of land?We
were just arguing about the meaning of BOTVGH, while enjoying the
pleasures
of life. It's fantastically breathtaking and overwhelming to experience....
(Looks at both and )So,
my lizard antagonist, did you kidnap any fair maidens lately?Perhaps
you want my fairer brother to challenge you to a duel.Oh,
how I love a challenge. Are you going to breathe fire on me, or are
you gonna smash the ground?...........
(Panics) I DON'T KNOW YOU!! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO
MARIO AND LUIGI??What
a rush you are with the Cap Lock, eh, Sir Spikeback?Oh,
touché, brother, you pulled a zinger on him.and : Ha ha ha ha ha..........
and are on the hospital bed,
with full body casts)And
that's why we are here, Princess.Bowser
beat the snot out of us. Oh
my.
walks in, with a laptop)Why,
dear author? You came to share your knowledge?(looks
at ) Mario? Are you
all right?I
bet you're going to be a smart author!...
(scratches his ear) Dang, my insanity part is slipping. I'm gonna get
a drink, I'll be back. (walks out, and leaves the laptop)So,
since the author is getting a drink, I guess we better wait til he
gets back.Why?....Mario?Yeah?Why?Ummm...
Cause it's Luigi's idea!Yeah! As of late, BOTVGH has a strict
lack of collaborating villians. We have
Sephiroth, Sigma, and their newer member, but that is all. I am here to
strike, and I shall not fail. Yeah.
I'm here to hit on that cute nurse.
waves at  )
pretends not to notice) To a degree, I will not fail
to make it in this stupid fan fiction site.
I don't want to be a third rate Pokémon, nor a logical reason to
use magic. I am a sorcerer!!
auras with power, as he starts to float in the air. Wind is blowing
around
paper and patients alike) All of BOTVGH shall recognize
me for who I am, and not who I'm not!
pokes , who immediately cancels
his aura. peers to look at
every one around the hospital, who are looking right back at him.
takes his seat and tightly closes his mouth)
walks to a vending machine.
and peer on)So
he's a cat? Quite. So you're a villian?Only
the best. Really?Once
I fought 200 reploids, and destroyed them in 3 seconds. 200? Try 2000... 2000 villages.(looks
at ) 2000 villages?
Yeah, and you want to conquer BOTVGH? I do.You
coulda done that ages ago. Hah! I was just getting a feel
for the place... but I don't believe your
200 reploid story.218,
to be exact. (grabs a newspaper clip from the Doppler News) (reads) Magma Dragoon, traitor
of the 14th unit, blah blah blah...
Ah, I believe ya.
waves at again) Magma Dragoon, is it? I think
I need you.Is
she your sister? Maybe you can hook me up with her. How do you fight?Oh,
I beat the living tar out of those no good... lunch money taking...
(pounds hand into his fist) GAH! I will destroy you, yooou.... BULLY!!'s
voice echoes down the halls) Care to join forces? We can
make a name for ourselves in this small Internet
site.Sounds
good... OK, Mr. Turtle. I'll do it. ...It's Kamek.OK., ,
and )And
he said: No, I won't do it, and I killed them.and : Hee hee!Back!Oh!
So what's gonna happen in this episode?Ummm...
opens his laptop, and starts to type. The screen fades)Ahhh!
It's dark!Scary!!It's
just the fade out.All: Ooohhh... 
is standing there with a couple of his robots)My
plan is almost complete. Oh,
this is going to be the bestest plan of yours, ever! Wow!
You built that? Amazing!Yeah.
What a piece of work it is. I will make an announcement, and everybody
on BOTVGH Island will see my newest creation.Dr.
Wily?Yes?Why
am I an Eskimo?Everybody
loves Eskimos. WHEE!! (slides by for no reason)Well,
I'm gonna start to call everybody to the center of the island.
to contact the entire island)Everybody!
I have a special surpriiiise!! Come to the center of the island
and see for yourself!!Do
it now, or I'll destroy you all!!...
Ummmm.... ice cream for everybody!!Free
ice cream? You mean it, Wily?Really?
Ice cream? I'm happy!!Ignorant
fools, do you think that I will give you free ice cream? I want
to tell you about my plan.Crowd: Awww... (Starts to walk away) ....And
then free ice cream!Crowd: YAY! Toad
Man, get the ice cream ready. Ice Man, just stand there and act
innocent.OK!Hee
hee.Today,
stands the turning point in BOTVGH History. Today, for a whole season,
I retire myself as villain. The pressure of being a villain is becoming
too demanding, and I just wanted to relax in my townhouse, and drinking
various malt beverages.I
have built a peace offering, which should be the link for everybody to
enjoy their work here in BOTVGH. I bring to you...(slight
sweat) It's the Fast Stop Convenience Store, and the LMN Video
Rental Place. They both open tomorrow.Got
the ice cream.If
you choose to support the store, you can have free ice cream!! Well,
this is just what we need, a convenience store run by an evil genius. But
he retired.Bah!
Anybody can say that. It's all a trick. He's trying to use all your
money, with which you buy potato chips and other food items, just to
build
more robots.Well,
I like ice cream.....
Ice cream's good. So, for a whole season, Wily
is quitting the whole evil biz? That means
less competition.(eating
ice cream) Yum! Aren't you a robot? Can you
handle food?But
I like ice cream.OK,
now I'm gonna see about getting people to work at the store.So...
who's gonna work at the store, boss?I
don't know... (looks at  and  )
Those two.Why
can't you let robots run the store?Why?
I'll tell you why...If
robots run stores... then who will make the cartoons?Then
the magical fairies can.But
the magical fairies are needed for the protection of the puffertoads.But
the puffertoads can take care of themselves.Not
if the Oompa Loompas are rampaging the savage seas.That's
my doctor, never looking past the balance of fictional characters.That's
why we need a couple of monkeys. I mean, anybody can be a clerk.
How hard can it be?Sooo,
how are you gonna get them to work in your stores?I
don't know... but I got a plan.
walks up to and )You
two wanna work at the Fast Stop and the LMN Video?Sure.OK.I'm
slow cooking the beans, and doing... the robot.
and  walk in, seeing
dancing)Hey!
Nice moves.Oh
yeah. I got the groove.Klaw,
what is the point of this preseason episode?I
dunno.I've
gotta go to the little hero's room...........................
Samus?WHAT?You
know, I need a bathroom buddy. Care to walk me there?................................
Dang this is a lot of periods.It's
the best I can do for a dramatic pause!!.....
NO!
punches )
walks into the bathroom)???: Gah! Not this again.
hears a voice in a bathroom stall)Need
any help? I'm a professional hero!???: No. Everything's under control. Snoogans. ...
Snoogans????: That should do'er. Nootch.  and  )
stares at them)What?
You never seen a handsome stud like myself walk out of a bathroom?
puts away a crowbar, and nods)Let's
get out of here, Burner. This guy makes me wanna get some... Uuugh!
Ice cream sounds good.
nods)
and leave the bathroom.
looks in the stall to see a broken toilet)Oh,
I see your game now, Klaw.)So
this episode is utter bull? It's just to make Wily retire from evil,
and not be used?...
Huh?(shrugs)
What is the total point of this ep?There's
a point?
and walk in)You
wanted us for something?....
Wha?
looks at with a strange
look)Who
are you people? What do you want? You can't handle the truth!!???: Now we strike!!! ???: Time for chaos. Nobody
can handle the truth! If I told you the truth, I'd go blind!!???: To destroy the world with condensation. ???: To disrupt all people with radiation. ???: To spread chaos and destroy hope and love. ???: To beat down things with my hot metal glove. This
is the worst remix of the Team Rocket Motto I have ever seen.The
truth would attack you! And it doesn't taste great with salt!!
and are in view,
holding a rose.) Kamek!Magma
Dragoon! and : Kamek and Magma, fighting
at the speed of light! Surrender now, or prepare to die! Meeeeeowth,
that didn't rhyme!Charles
Barkley! Get out of here! You're not in the episode...
walks off)The
truth is death! If I mentioned the truth, you'd all die small instant
deaths!Klaw?
Shut up!Kamek
and Magma Dragoon, aside from reciting the world's worst Team Rocket
motto ripoff, I think you're here to do something to make yourselves
considered
evil? Correct, bounty hunter! We're
here to kidnap the author!Yeah!
Fork him over!...
Who?You
know... the guy who writes the episodes!H
Cuz writes episodes. Kidnap him. He's been kidnapped already.And
besides, we are gonna kidnap the writer who is writing this episode.Oh. So... where is he?(thinking)
If he kidnaps Klaw, what will happen to this episode?(thinking)
How can I get that robotic babe's number?
looks around nervously)I
wonder if they sell that peanut butter that I always like.(walks
in) Hey Klawkat! That toilet is busted, and I got pieces of porcelain
stuck in my bum!!Yee!
Cool! There he is! Get him!
and grab
and stuff him in a bag)OK,
you two are carrying a hostage. That means that... this is a really
bad episode. Yeah, Klawkat is trying to put
more plot in his episodes. Ya don't always
get a Smash Attack Games off of him.(in
the sack) I can't breathe!! (starts to breathe heavily)(shakes
the sack a bit) It's a cloth pillowcase. You're trippin....
Hey! Where's the plugin? I wanna play some Atari in this thing. ... ... We'll be back after we
think of our ransom.
disappears. , holding
in the sack, stands there for a sec.)...
jumps)Hey!
We're not allowed to use inside jokes.What
inside joke?You
know, when people in BOTVGH chat decide to fight bosses, and each
other...
Oh yeah! I remember when I just clobbered everybody!(nod nod)Man,
We should take them on more often.What
are ya talking about?Oh,
me and Gas-tanks here power the world-acclaimed battle destruction
tank, and we destroy people with it. We rock.(nods)Cool....
Snake Man... That's an inside joke. Try to avoid them.What?Just
try to not talk about your victories in #BOTVGH_Bosses. OK?OK,
babycakes.(in
the air) Shaddup, I'm flying here.This
whole world is an Inside joke, right Burner?
nods)Sammy!
We must combine our heroic efforts to save Klawkat from the clutches
of Team Kamek and Magma Dragoon!...
Why?
thinks for a second, looks at
and , who both shake
their heads and raise their shoulders, and
then looks back at )Because
I love you!!
shrugs, and punches )Yay!Well,
I suppose that we can go out and save Klawkat from the clutches from
Kamek and Magma. You in, Snake and Burner?Yeah,
I'll do anything for a hot babe like yourself.
cautiously backs away from )How...
flattering.
and come back)What
are you two doing back here so quickly? We decided that the
"kidnapping the author" approach was tired and lacks
plot skills, so we're gonna do a new evil scheme.Like
what?
and look at each other
for a small bit)It's
a seeeeecret! (grins and nods) .... Yeeeah...Hey!
Where's Klawkat?He's
... somewhere. We'll be back, and we're gonna
do something no evil villains have ever
done before.
and laugh evilly in unison,
and disappear)...
Press 1 if you get the whole point of that?111111111111111
clobbers )Come
on, Burner. We have an important date to catch.
nods, smiles, and walks off with )(while
walking off) You think anybody's gonna notice that broken toilet? Hey!
Brother! Yes,
Mario?I
am in love with my plunger!(backs
away a bit)I
need ta confess, brother. My plunger made me who I am today! An
ex-wrestler
turned professional plumber.Yeah,
and you can still bust a move.Yeah!
Do the Mario!(wakes
up) What's
wrong, Mario?...
I had that dream again?(backs
away from ) .... F-f-f-f...Oh
no... I shouldn't have told him...F-f-f-f-freeeak!
Mario's a freak! (runs away, screaming)
walks in, barely dodging on
his way out)Mario?
I'm gonna go to the new Fast Stop and get us something to eat. Do
ya want anything?Oh,
nothing really. Maybe some canned Chef Boyardee canned goods, and maybe
some smoked salmon. Some chocolate covered pretzels would be nice......
and maybe some peaches, and some old fashioned marmalade. Oh, and I'd
like some meatballs, to go with the chocolate syrup...How
about I bring you home a candy bar?OK.
walks off)(grumbles)
Mario Limbaugh....
So this is what it's like working in a fast paced convenience store.
Day's pretty slow.
walks in the store)Diddy,
why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be working at the video
store?My
friend, my knowledge serves me to the higher power that nobody owns
a VCR around here. Who'd want to make their business in a useless video
store?Yeah,
today's been slow for me as well.Yeah,
this job would be great, if it wasn't for the stinkin' customers.We
didn't get any customers.My
point exactly.
and walk in front of
the Fast Stop)Ya
know, Burner????This
place ain't bad. It's comfortable, it has familiar looking Wily traits,
and this would be a great ground for getting some tight-looking babes.(nods while flicking a cigarette)Joe Camel: Shaddup.
walks up to and )Hey,
aren't you that guy who won that award?What
award?
angrily looks at )What
the heck are you talking about, you ugly son of your mother! What
award?Oh,
sorry, I must have mistaken you for another robot who was stuck in
a toilet. (runs inside the Fast Stop)I
thought nobody would notice that we broke that toilet.
leans back, and lights a cig)Joe Camel: Hey, do you have a light? Where
do you keep your blueberry muffins?Third
aisle on your right.OK.
And what about your candy bars?Third
aisle on your right.And
your cereals?*sigh*
Third aisle on your right.OK.
Where's your third aisle on my right?It's
the third on your right.....Thanks.
goes to wander the narrow aisles)Well,
that was annoying.No
kidding.Hey!
They sell Fruit by the Foot!What's
the point of working here, when I could simply lounge around my
my banana tree house and eat coconut parfait?And
go around the island fighting Kremlings to rescue your pile of fruit?Jiffypop!
Alright!!And
we can go to Vegas and dance with the showgirls.Do
not ever, under any circumstances, bring up that incident ever again.Wow!
I didn't know this place sells Hotrod Magazine.Why
not?Don't
play stupid. You remember what happened the last time we went to
Vegas.(drools)
I'm in heaven!!! I'm in convenience store heaven!!!No...
I don't remember. What happened?Remember
that time I joined the Elvis Impersonater's Tournement?WHEEEEE!!!
(crashes along the aisles)I
went on the show, as Elvis Kong, and I performed to my best.I
sang "In Da Godda of Eda" and stripped my shirt off....
What's so bad about that?I...
I... I.....I..............Oooh,
I hurt my head........I........
I.....Yeah,
"I" what?I.....................
I.....................
I ..............My
brains are spilling out of my head!!I-I-I
killed a man!...
That's not a surprise. You killed lots of people.Oh
yeah...Brains!!
Where's my brains?Customer: How much for this coffee?
fires a gun at the customer)It's
$1.59.My
brains are running away! Where are you, brains!!Brains
are $2.49.Ummm...
OK.
goes into his wallet)Do
you have change for 100?(takes
the bill) No.100
dollars? That's a lot of money!I
thought we just take Banana Coins.Or
Gil, or GP, Or Zenny....I
need my brains!!! Where's my brains!
puts a can of dog food in his head)There's
my brains.Don't
run off again. OK?
runs out of the store)(pockets
the 100) You know, it's not so bad working here.
Everybody: Armageddon!!! That's
another inside joke! Cut that out! OK, so the fiery raining
gerbils are out of the question.Ahhh
dang.
You
hear that Samus? We're the last two left!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! |
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This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the author.