 Christmas Special 2000 How Commercialism Stole Christmas by Wario the III |
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Christmas Special 2000 How Commercialism Stole Christmas by Wario the III |
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Row: Mario, Luigi, Toad, Peach, Bowser, Mega Man, Dr. Wily, Jessie Second Row: Frost Man, Ice Man, Cold Man, Blizzard Man, Mega Man X, Zero, James, Shigeru Miyamoto Third Row: Link, Ganondorf, Samus, Dr. Evil, Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Robotnik, Captain Falcon, Meowth Bottom Row: Cranky Kong, Swanky Kong, K. Rool, Ash, Pikachu, Goku, Vegeta, Frieza, Captain Ginyu Not Pictured: Klaptrap, President Clinton |
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We sure had a great Christmas this year, I just hope we survive the Y2K
bug, however!
I dunno, Mario, it seems nuclear bombs will fly everywhere and anarchy
will reign!
You guys are depressing me with this high-tech mumbo jumbo. Nothing's
going
to happen!
Cranky is probably right! After all, he survived the Y1K!
That's right! Hey, wait a minute...
Let's check and see what's on the TV.
Good idea, Peach.
turns on the TV)
turns off TV disgusted)
I can't believe it! Christmas is just over and they are already
re-advertising
it! What fiendish plot can there be behind this?
Hello, my fellow villains! I have called you here to put together an
ultimate
plan which will not only cause us to rule the world, but get us lots of
money, too!
This had better be good. I came here all the way from Sega.
Oh, I think you will not find this disappointing! I have gone over this
with Dr. Evil extensively.
As long as it gets rid of that darn plumber!
And those darned dirty apes!
Well, I can't
sit here all day! Spill the plan!
Yes. Throughout the year 2000, we are going to set forth a marketing
scheme
for a present which will be irresistible to children and adults alike.
Everybody will want to buy one, and in the midst of trying to get their
hands on
one, they will forget the holidays and become mindless, detestable
shoppers
who will attack for the chance to get our item!
What exactly
are we selling?
Allow me to answer. We are going to manufacture a small box, in the
shape
of a cube, which can play a variety of games. It will have superb
abilities.
We can call it... GameCube!
*cough* Ripoff! *cough*
I'll pretend I didn't hear that!
So not only will
there be armies of disgruntled shoppers, but we'll ruin the true spirit
of the holidays, AND make lots of money. But how much money?
We can sell each "GameCube" for... ONE HUNDRED
DOLLARS!
I like it.
That sure was some Turkey Day! I can't wait for Present Day!
Present Day? Huh?
Cranky! Have you been in a jungle for the past 11 months?
Umm... yes...
Present Day is the greatest day of the year! It comes every December
25th!
Don't you mean Christmas?
Ha! That's so lame, Cranky! No one calls it that anymore! Haven't you
seen
all of the commercials?
Yes, in the ones
I'M not in with my Pokémon Gold/Silver/TCG/Puzzle League,
everybody
knows you have to buy your loved ones cards and presents for present
day!
Pika!
And most importantly, you have to buy them a GameCube!
GameCube?
Yes, GameCube, only the one thing our culture revolves around!
That's the Nintendo system, ain't it! Why I thought it was coming out
next
year!
Oh, you mean the Dolphin. Yeah, they were going to call it the
GameCube,
but some company said they copyrighted the name first, so that's the
name
for their system now.
Well why are you all worked up about some new system if its not made by
Nintendo?
You're so narrow minded, Cranky! Do you think the best system always
has
to be made by Nintendo?
Yeah, for once, the best system isn't!
approaches at fast speeds)
Ha! I got that on tape! I got it! A Nintendo character said Nintendo
wasn't
the best!
But just this once!
What do you mean, just this once? Have you ever heard of Dreamcast or
Playstation?
Both were better than your Pretendo 64.
Why I oughtta just come over there and... Aww, who am I kidding, I
don't
have any superpowers or fighting skills like you, anyway. Curse you,
Miyamoto!
, ,
and )
Oh brother! Not this again!
Prepare for holly.
And make that jolly!
To protect consumers from price inflation!
To exchange good tidings with jubilation!
To sell GameCube for just half price!
With awesome games that are good and nice!
Jessie.
James.
Team Rocket, with discounts at the speed of light!
Cash, check, or charge, will be all right!
Meowth, that's right!
No way! You guys have GameCube and GameCube games and accessories?
Meowth, that's right!
makes a mad dash
at Team Rocket and pulls out their money. ,
all of a sudden, appears out of the sky)
Hello fools! I have kidnapped Santa Claus and you will not get him
back!
For I will ruin Christmas!
Not right now, we're busy!
What? Hey, I've got Santa! Save him or there will be no Christmas!
If you want to save save save, the one place is right here!
But...
Shut up! We're shopping!
But how come you all want the GameCube? There can't be any good games
on
it!
How about Luigi Infinity?
Or Sonic the Hedgehog in Space!
Legend of Zelda, a Link in Time Saves 9!
Metroid in the Next Dimension!
Impossible! Shigeru Miyamoto makes most of those games, with the
exception
of Sonic! He works for Nintendo!
Wrong again, old timer! Shigeru now makes all the Sonic games, AND he
works
exclusively for GameCube!
How can this be?
It... It must be because I kidnapped Santa! So you see, if you want
Shigeru
to work for Nintendo again, you gotta save him!
Shut up. I bet you're just bluffing, Mr. Pig Thief!
How did you know? Awww... well, see ya.
Now, you whippersnappers, what about the spirit of Christmas?
What? What day?
Present Day!
Oh, that's so last century. All that matters is getting the GameCube!
Hmm... I have to solve this crime, somehow. Who makes GameCube?
Eternal Vacations Incorporated Limited.
So Samus, are you still going to marry me?
As long as I get the GameCube from you, honey!
We're making so much money it's ridiciulous!
It's the cat's Meowth!
As you can see, my friends, Part I of our little plan has been a
complete
success. Everyone is going out to buy a "Gamecube" for "Present Day".
I just hope the Kongs don't stop us!
Don't be foolish! They want a GameCube as much as everyone else, but
even
if they did try and stop us, I have an elaborately planned scheme
involving
a falling platform, slowly rising lava, and seven sticks of butter.
My sources indicate that the Mario Brothers already own all the
GameCube
games and accessories. They are going to be very happy.
However, it is time to move on to the second phase of the plan!
I will be presenting this phase. For this, we will need our secret
agent.
Secret agent, get out here!
I'm here, boss!
Im... Impossible! How did you even persuade him?!
He gave me a payment I couldn't resist.
holds out a GameCube)
Quite ingenious, isn't it? Now that there is no spirit of Christmas
anymore,
this will be a piece of cake. We have already destroyed Christmas and
replaced
it with Present Day. Soon we shall destroy that as well and the world
will
be filled with anarchy!
But how? How are we going to accomplish this?
It's all quite simple really. Mega Man and a few more of Wily's goons
will
steal all the GameCubes in the world and bring them to me. All except
for
one. I really am quite clever. We shall put this on BOTVGH island, and
instead of trying to save all the lost GameCubes, they will all try to
get the one!
But how does this make us rule the world?
Even I can see that! When everyone wakes up Christmas morning, and
finds
that they have no GameCubes, everyone in the world will hate everyone
else!
There will be no hope! Then when we have the Gamecubes, we will be elected
rulers of the world!
Exactly. You're not much of an evil doctor, are you, Robotnik?
What? I didn't go to freaking Evil Medical School for 10 years to be
criticized
by you!
What? I went to Evil Medical School! Which year did you graduate?
1953!
1953! Wow! That's the same year I graduated!
and : The fight song!
E is for the Evil which running through our hearts! V is for the
vileness
that comes from all our parts! I is for the idiotic heroes we will
kill,
and L is for the way we will! EMS! EMS! GOOOOOO!
falls out from an air vent above the room)
Argh! Uh-oh.
Ooohh, a Kong! Trying to foil our plans?
I won't let you get away with this! I'll tell the others! I'll spoil
your
plans!
Klaptrap!
Klaptrap: Yesss, sssir?
Fetch us seven sticks of butter.
Mystic power of telepathy! Citizens of earth! Hear my plea!
You don't have any telepathic powers.
Darn.
This is base omega one, what's your clearance code?
?????: Alpha Pi Gamma 4.
Enter.
comes in)
Captain! I was not aware we would be graced with your presence this
evening!
At ease, Zero. I need you and X's help.
What's going
on?
In an excavation field we found the remains of an ancient robotic
technology.
While it is much older, it is similar to yours and Zero's.
So? There are many old robots like that who got destroyed in that
apoclyptic
war.
I thought you might be interested to know that when we pulled up a
creator
file, the name we got was Dr. Light.
Dr. Light? That's impossible!
See for yourself. Bring it in, boys!
)
Oh my goodness.
It's like I'm staring into a mirror to the past.
We have discovered that this robots code name was Mega Man. It saved
the
world on many an occasion. That's not what's important, however. It
witnessed
the event that caused the war which created our apocalyptic world.
We've
pinpointed the date and time! We can go back and stop the event from
ever
taking place!
Wait a minute. I don't know if I could go face to face with my creator.
Wasn't Wily involved in this?
Yes, there's a good chance that Dr. Wily was a part of the scheme. He
may
have created you to be evil, but we trust you Zero. You're coming with
us in the time portal!
All right. Let's go.
, , , ,
and step onto the beach
of BOTVGH Island)
You know our mission. We have stolen all of the world's GameCubes, and
have saved the best for last. Now we are to infiltrate the homes of the
video game heroes, and steal theirs. We shall leave one at the top of
Evil
Mountain, recently built here by Dr. Evil, visible with any of the many
telescopes which we will leave lying around the island. They will have
to go through Evil Mountain to get it.
Heh.
Is something funny?
No, its just
that that's probably the most you've ever said in a single BOTVGH
episode!
destroys with a charged
up Mega Buster shot)
Anyone else have any funny comments?
No sir.
No sir.
Why do they call it gift wrapping paper? It's not like you give the
paper
to someone as a gift! And what's up with stuffing stockings with candy?
Is it just me, or do you not want to eat something from where your foot
just was? And how about Christmas tree lights? I mean, one malfunctions
and the rest stop working? Who are the ad wizards that came up with
this
one? How many elves does it take to change a Christmas tree light?
... You live, for now.
Don't forget to tip those waitresses, ladies and gentlemen!
and others are going through houses, stealing the GameCubes, a familiar
song can be heard)
You're as slimy as a snake. You're a most unpleasant person And I feel you are a sham Mega Maaaaaaaaan You're the most despicable excuse for a four toed, star bellied sneech of a man I've ever had the unfortunance of meeting. You're a sly one, Mega Man, You're evil, no question there, you're as loathesome as a devil, you're as ugly as a ham, Mega Maaaaaaaaaan, Why, if you didn't have a Mega Buster, and superhuman strength, agility, and stamina... I'd punch you in the eye! is stealing
a GameCube from under a tree, ,
who is lying on the couch, wakes up)
Santa? Is that you Santa?
Huh? Umm, yes. Yes, it is me. Ho ho ho, and all that.
Why are you taking my GameCube, Santa?
Why, another kid needs it! Yes, so you see, I am borrowing it.
You're the greatest, Santa!
notices an empty carton of Egg-nog on the ground next to )
(thinking) Oh, no wonder he thought I was Santa. That's a lot of
egg-nog!
Great. The one time I get to be hero, I get captured and thrown in some
enclosure!
It could be worse. You could be forced to make games for these people.
Miyamoto! Of course, I should've known you wouldn't work for them by
your
own will.
I figured out their company's name. Eternal Vacation Incorporation,
Limited.
E.V.I.L.
appears)
That's DR. Evil, my friends. As you can see, your little plot to stop
me
has failed. I will now place you both on this large sattelite dish.
This
satellite dish will continuosly shoot waves up to a sattelite in orbit
around the planet. That satellite will amplify the waves and send them
back to the Earth, where a cave in will result, causing the dirt to
fall
on your heads.
And then we suffocate to death?
You didn't let me finish! When this dirt falls on your head, you will
panic,
emitting a panic wave into the dish. The dish will then transform into
a drill, which will drill towards the center of the Earth where a very
large pit of lava lies. The drill will then drop you on a small
platform,
which will fall into the lava.
So we burn?
Not yet! The platform floats on the lava! It will then shoot an
anchoring
hook to the bottom of the lava! Then, the lava will slowly begin to
rise.
And we burn?
Yeah, yeah, and then you burn.
Didn't you say there was supposed to be seven sticks of butter in this?
Oh yes, the buttter goes in your pockets, so when it gets hot, it
melts,
causing you to be all gooey and sticky. It will be quite uncomftorable.
That's just annoying!
That's why I'm the evil Doctor!
OK, its time for me to be heroic! Cranky, evolve into Primecrank!
evolves into  like in
Season 5. grabs )
We are getting out of here! Rarrrr!
places on the sattelite
dish)
Uh-oh! Now I'm panicking! Dang it! Stupid stupid stupid! Don't panic
you
stupid evil doctor you! Now look what you've done! You always do this
to
yourself you know! You are so freakin' stupid!
Primecrank!
runs with down the hall,
looking for an exit)
(Meanwhile, on Christmas... errm, Present Day morning)
MY GAMECUBE IS GONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Where is Infinite Luigi?
NO! EVEN I have been struck by this most foul evil!
Samus is gonna kill me when I don't give her that GameCube!
Santa took our GameCubes! Santa took our GameCubes!
runs into a telescope)
What? What's in here?
sees a GameCube atop Evil Mountain)
A GameCube! It's on the tip-top of that mountain! It's mine!!!! All
mine!
No way, mushroom boy!
Everyone: IT IS MINE! , ,
and jump out of the portal)
We're here, Christmas morning.
This doesn't look like the BOTVGH Island from the textbooks!
I'm afraid we set our coordinates wrong!
Hmmm, it
seems that you three are going to be a problem. I'm going to have
to destroy you.
No Frieza! They didn't mean to be here! Leave them be! It's me you
want!
For I am ally to good! Nightmare to you!
What? We set our coordinates WAY off! We're in Dragon Ball Z land!
Let's
destroy these fools!
Yes, we shall have a glorious time destroying them all.
Looks like we'll have to fight before we can get to BOTVGH Island.
FALCON
PUNCH! All right Goku, we've got to save the future, and we need your
help!
Beam Sabre!
Triple X buster firing... NOW!
Kaiouken times 20!
, , ,
and fight ferociously with , , and .
can be seen watching, with a video camera. But meanwhile...)
The GameCube will be mine!
Wait, everyone! We can go after whoever stole the GameCubes and get all
of them back, then there will be much GameCube and much rejoicing!
It's a trick, so noone else will go after the GameCube on the mountain!
A trick! Everyone for himself! Kill everyone! Get the GameCube!
Everyone: GAMECUUUBE FOR PRESENT DAAAAAAAAAYYYY!
Out of the way, Mr. President! That GameCube is mine!
Bill Clinton: I feel your pain Mario, really I do, but you getting the GameCube is completely out of the question.
plays a song of teleportation on his Ocarina, but nobody notices)
(who has just teleported to the mountain) Ah-HA! It's mine! All mine!
The
GameCube is mine! And I will give it to noone, not even Samus!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bill Clinton: That's it! I tried to warn you all, but you didn't listen!
is on it.)
Hold it right there! Super action fantastic fun! New action figures
which
you want to buy! The evil Frieza, Ginyu, and Vegeta want to destroy the
land of Dragon Ball Z, but to do that, they'll have to go through the
ultimate
heroes!
, , ,
and flash over the screen.
Footage is shown of them fighting , , and )
Can anything stop these forces of evil? You'll have to buy yourself the
video to find out! Only $19.95 + tax! Super exciting action! wow!
Re-enact
your own battles with the Goku, X, Zero, Frieza, Captain Falcon,
Vegeta,
and Ginyu action figures! Only $7.99 each, each sold seperately!
Ally to good! Nightmare to you!
We've got to save the future, and we need your help!
Triple X-buster firing!
Beam Sabre!
Beam Sabre, Super Saiyan Goku, and Mega X-buster sold seperately!
Everyone to the nearest store! Every shopper for themselves!
tosses his GameCube)
I've got to get my action figures to help Goku save Dragon Ball Z land!
, ,
and )
Well we did it in an unorthodox manner, but we saved the world.
And it's all thanks to greedy people like Swanky Kong.
Now we can go back home.
, ,
and disappear in a blue light.
Meanwhile, above ground,
tunnels out with and de-evolves
to )
Huff... well, looks like I didn't save Christmas at all.
You can't
win them all.
If they were old like myself, they'd have the wisdom to know that the
holidays
are not about getting presents. Sure, getting presents are nice, but it
is a shame to see a great holiday reduced to "Present Day".
It is a shame indeed, my creation, but at least we have learned an
important
lesson.
To not let commercialism take over your holidays?
No, to wait and by the REAL Nintendo GameCube! It will be the most
powerful
console ever, conveniently priced for the holidays, so in Christmas
2001,
make sure you get Nintendo GameCube!
*sigh*
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