"Battle Of The Video Game Heroes" Proudly Presents:
Episode 9
Trust No One!!
By Wario the III
THE CAST
Top Row:
Mario, Luigi, Wario, Bowser, Toad, Peach, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, K. Rool.
Second Row:
Mega Man, Rush, Dr. Wily, Cut Man, Guts Man, Ice Man, Bomb Man, Fire Man, Elec Man.
Third Row:
Sniper Joe, Cow King, Fox, Falco, Andross, Samus, Mother Brain, Cranky, Paperboy.
Bottom Row:
Link, Navi, Ganon, Wario the III, H Cuz, UDX, Mr. Red Eyed Guy, Frieza, Terminator.

 
My my, this is quite a huge cast list.
Yeah, it's huge!
Well, it looks like we could be in trouble.
Why?
( falls on )
Guess who's out of jail!
Oh no! You were right!
With all these cows he must have accumulated during a full season, we're doomed!
( starts dropping s everywhere, but none come near )
I'm not making that mistake again!
Enough! This is not even what I'm talking about! Don't any of you see?
(All the s vanish before anyone is hit)
He's talking about the cast list. Look at all those different villains there! There aren't usually that many!
I didn't even notice!
I'll use the Red Eye Whistle.
No you won't! That's a Sean Kelly character, exclusively for his episodes. Use this.
( hands Mario the Good Guy Whistle)
Good Guy Whistle?
An invention of mine. Blow it with the thought of whichever good guy you want. They will appear.
You should get a hero for each villian.
I think I get it.
( blows the whistle. , , , , and  appear)
What the heck? I was one shot away from beating Roll in Goldeneye! This better be good!
( is in her nightgown holding a toothbrush)
I was getting ready for bed! How dare you?!
(An annoying beeping sound is coming from , whose tunic is all ripped)
Yeah and I was about to -- hey, look at the weasel -- deliver the final blow to Phantom Ganon, why hello Samus old chap how was South Carolina today? (faints)
( hops out)
This bloke was down to a quarter heart and he hadn't even hit Phantom Gannon once! He needs a fairy.
Oh yeah good idea.
( grabs  and gains all his energy back)
Me and my big mouth. (She disappears)
Hey Samus, nice nightgown.
He's back.
Luckily I am always equipped. Here Samus.
( hands  a Star Fox uniform)
Hey... I'm Donkey Kong!
We know.
Say, why are we all here?
We were all called here by Wario the III to defend the archive from the oncoming attack.
(Forthcoming)
I don't see Wario the III anywhere.
( is not here)
What the? But... where?
( and  fall from the sky and land on  and , respectively)
(getting beat up by ) Respectively?
(Grammar helps)
Let's stop them!
I can stop them because I'm Donkey Kong!
We know, DK.
( falls on )
What's happening?
( falls on )
This is not good. I have an idea.
( fires a charged shot straight up, and it hits  and a few Metroids who were about to fall down on her, so they fall next to her)
Ya-ha! Great idea, Sami!
All right, we know what to do.
( and  shoot up into the sky, but  and  burrow from underneath them and grab them)
Forget about it, blue bother!
Rush, I need you!
( teleports down and forms into Rush Jet and smacks , making him lose hold of ... respectively)
Fox, look in the sky!
( sees  in the sky)
Andross!
Yes, pathetic weaklings, I will crush you all!
, , , and : Us too?
Of course not you!
( flies in with four Arwings, and shoots , making him lose his grip)
I need three pilots! Any volunteers?
I'm a pilot.
I'm programmed with the best piloting abilities!
I'm just the best pilot ever!
(The three hop in Arwings and take off to fight )
(in a parachute flying down) Become my Evil Slave and stop them!
( hits  with an evil ray)
Evil!
( Hookshots onto 's Arwing, and cuts open the cockpit with his sword, respectively)
Respectively? Ah! Cabin depressurization!
( is shot out of the cockpit by the unequal pressure. He lands on )
Evil! Evil! Evil!
Wily, we should have known it was you!
( swats  out of the sky)
Yaaaah!
Never let your guard down!
All right, it's time for me to do some saving!
( grabs 's tail and hurls him into )
I can save things too!
( grabs 's tail and hurls him into )
But I don't have a taaaaiiil!
Yeah, we don't just sit around and get beat!
( shoots  and blows him up)
Take this!
( pulls out an evil gun like 's and shoots )
Evil!
( jumps )
Yeah, that's the ticket! How about some more?
( shoots )
Reah! Revil! Rie ram revil!
( starts to fly straight up)
Ah! No Rush! Down boy, down!
Ro K, rure re ross!
( flips upside down sending  hurtling towards the ground)
Samus, take the brain, I've got Andross!
Check.
( flies her Arwing towards  at top speed, and arms the smart bombs, ejecting at the last possible second)
I'll shoot you all!
( shoots )
I am evil. Oh yes.
Help me beat up Donkey Kong!
No, don't help him because I am Donkey Kong!
(A flash of light appears and all the villians are gone. All heroes are back to normal.)
Wait, Dr. Wily is still here!
( appears)
That's because I wanted to deal with Wily personally. Dr. Wily, you are finished! I am going to do what I should have done to you in my first BOTVGH episode!
What are you gonna do, punk?
( pulls out a laptop and starts typing)
Take this!
Huh? Ah!
I've uploaded a virus into your system.
......Can't even move! Klawkat or H Cuz come save me! I'll end the episode so you can come in part II!
(To be continued...)
No! No it's not!
( types into his laptop)
What are you doing? Master?
That's a Trojan virus. I can control your body remotely. This episode is not ending.
(To... not be continued... RESPECTIVELY! Mwahaha)
We don't have to just watch this!
( shoots the laptop, but jumps in front of it and takes the hit)
No!
Ha! You fools, the damage is already done! This ep isn't ending! Oh, and don't be foolish and try to save him.
( grabs and teleports off)
This is horrible.
Only one thing to do. Let's fetch the Red Eye Whistle!
But Wario the III said that...
Wario the III isn't here, is he?
( uses the Red Eye Whistle)
( appears)
I am already aware of your situation. My advice is to trust no one.
( is gone)
That was some sorry advice.
(Yes it was)
Who the heck is behind these narrations?
(I am)
Who are you? We know that Wario the III is out!
(Respectively)
For once I agree with Link. Narrator boy is annoying.
( faints, and then disappears... FOREVER!!!!!!!... or until next episode, you know, whatever... respectively)
How about we just try to find Sir Goodn?
Yes, let's find Sir Goodn.
WHO?
Yeah, shouldn't we be looking for Wario the III?
I agree with Falco, we should be looking for Sir Goodn.
Why are you saying Sir Goodn? I've never heard of him! Wario the III!
Who's Wario the III?
He wrote Mind Melding Machine Part I, and the BOTVGH Easter special!
Those were some of Sir Goodn's best episodes.
Hmm, I don't remember either of them. Of course I am a moron. And I'm Donkey Kong!
Everyone: We know.
I believe Sir Goodn is an author. Wario the III.... never heard of him.
I am the exact opposite. I think we are talking about the same guy.
At any rate, let's say TAWINITCOW.
Everyone: Tawinitcow?
The Author Who Is Now In The Clutches Of Wily.
I'll drink to that, because I have opposable thumbs!
Do you even know what opposable means?
Should I?
( is getting a signal)
Hey, I'm getting a signal!
What kind of signal?
(A distress signal)
A distress signal.
(You moron)
You moron... Hey!
(So who's it from?)
So who's it from? Ahh, stop that!
(Will you just go away?)
I'm not saying that.
(I'm not saying that)
Ahhh!!! Will you just go away? Ahh! NO!
(Let's just ignore him)
Er... The distress signal is coming from Wario the III.
You mean Sir Goodn?
TAWINITCOW!!!
(A Tawinit  falls on )
Sorry, I had to.
(Respectively)
Anyway, this gives the coordinates of... the Author.
, , : Wario the III!
, , : Sir Goodn!
Tawinitcow!
What's an author?
( pulls out a pen to write on the Good Guy Whistle)
There, now it says "Destroy a good guy whistle". When Wily blows it to kill us, we'll appear instead and thwart him.
(And just how do you get it to him or get him to blow it?)
How do you get it to him to blow it?
(I've got a plan)
I've got a plan.
(The whistle falls into the hands of )
The whistle falls into the hands of Wily. Ha! Tricked you!
Mario, you still have the whistle.
Dang, I'll have to do this the old fashioned way.
Jumpman!
Ahh!
Happy Hanukkah, Mario!
Ahh!
Broussard?
(No, it was a funny clip from one of his specials... so I stole it)
OK, calling Paperboy!
Me?
Yes you. Deliver this whistle to Dr. Wily.
That'll be $35.00.
How about a pet monkey?
OK!
( rides off with  and the whistle)
(Meanwhile...)
You won't get away with this Wily!
Oh, but I already have... Sir Goodn!
What? What are you talking about?
That's your name!
( looks down at his name)
Oh, so it is. Hey look, a paper boy!
Yes, I'm expecting him.
( takes the whistle)
Now Sir Goodn, name a hero.
The Terminator.
Not a videogame hero but he will suffice.
( walks to a pit of lava and blows the whistle)
I am the Terminator.
( falls into the pit of Lava)
Uhhh... I'll be back. (Gives thumbs up signal as he sinks to his death in the lava)
How ironic. Just like the movie.
So you are going to summon all the heroes into the lava?
One at a time so I can watch you squirm.
Oo ooo, do Link first!
(Back to the heroes)
We should all decide. Do we call him Sir Goodn or Wario the III?
Everyone: Who's Wario the III?
I don't know. Let's go save Sir Goodn!
Everyone: Yeah!
Hey, I'm disappearing!
( disappears and reappears above 's lava)
Ahh!!!
( uses the hookshot to get out of the pit)
Wily. It's your turn to suffer. (Draws sword)
Guards!
( and  appear... Well not really. I just made that up, actually it was a couple of s)
No problem.
( throws some bombs at the guards and blose dem up)
What is up with this narrator?
I think it has something to do with the virus in my system.
(#@!!$ stupid viros. Yo no liko en virusons)
Guards! Need more guards!
(Sum gards sho up)
Yet I see no guards!
(In da mean time, man I hate that meen thyme it really gots me goat, in that time anyway,  uses the good whistle for guys, u noe, the 1 he dusint even have)
Where are my guards?
(I dont noe)
OK. I see, if I want something done I'll have to narrate it myself. Right now I am typing on my Macintosh control commands to control Sir Goodn, essentially making me the writer and narrator.
(Phew. That's much better. Coherent thought. , , , , , and  all show up)
It doesn't matter. Now that Link has summoned Fox, Mega Man, myself, and the others, you can't take us.
I can. For some reason you all are quite incapable of moving.
Yes, mwahahaha! Great idea! Wait a minute, I didn't tell you to do that!
No, you didn't. I've had control the whole time!
Everyone: Gasp!
Huwhat? Well I'd better gain control then! Hey! I can't move!
No. None of you can... except for my loyal servants, the Robot Masters from Mega Man 1.
What is going on around here Sir Goodn?
You fool. Cringe in pain!
( cringes in pain)
You see, I am evil. I've been evil since my first episode on BOTVGH. I have just been hiding it to gain your trust. I'm under no spell, this is by my own will. I don't want to take over the BOTVGH like that fool Wily. I want to destroy it. BOTVGH brings happiness to some and this is something I cannot stand.
You traitor!
You fool! ( grabs  and tosses him to the floor) Robot Masters, do your stuff!
( pummels  with Rolling Cutters,  gives him shock therapy,  burns him,  freezes him,  shatters the ice with Mario in it and punches him in the gut a few times)
(severely beat up and bruised) You... monster...
Bomb Man. Finish him.
Yes, Master.
( injects  with some stuff)
Ahhhhh!!!! ( passes out.)
What was that stuff? Is Mario... dead?
No, you idiot, why would I kill my new slave?! I had Bomb Man inject him with Bomb Microbes. They are spreading through his body right now. Wily, why don't you tell them what Bomb Microbes do?
You steal my Robot Masters and my latest invention, the bomb Microbes? You expect me to work for you? NEVER!
OK, suit yourself. Masters, give him the Mario treatment.
Well now... let's not be hasty... boss. I'll tell them. These "bomb microbes" are like tiny remote mines. They are harmless apart, but when you have about 1 billion flowing through your blood stream... if someone detonates them... it's a little messy.
Wily, you're coming with me. Luigi, tell your brother when he wakes up that he's my servant now. When I tell him to do something, he had better do it... or BOOM. I'm leaving.
( blows the Good Guy Whistle. , , and Martin appear)
This is an interesting development. Guards!
Since this is Goodn's episode you are not any more powerful than we are.
Let's pound them!
You obviously don't know who you are dealing with here.
( starts to power up)
I've never used attacks in an episode before, so... random unexplainable attack attack!
????: Fireball!
(A fireball hits , stopping him)
Was that Fire Man?
Sorry guys. I had to.
Oh no! All right Mario, if I knock you out, you can't obey Sir Goodn.
( starts fighting )
Kaouken times 4!!!!
( disappears, seemingly. The 6 robot masters all fly into each other, faint, and  reappears in a fighting stance in front of their fallen bodies)
I thought you might be trouble UDX. I knew you were probably the strongest fighter. You are so fast I couldn't even see what you did. I'll need a little help.
( appears)
Hello UDX. You have tremendous fighting power, but it does not impress me.
All I have to say is this... Roshambo!
( roshambos )
GRRR! Feel my wrath!
( and  both seemingly disappear, and several explosions are seen flashing through the sky)
Frieza vs. UDX. That ought to keep him distracted for a while, or, if Akira Toriyama (creator of DBZ) is involved, the whole season!
Martin: That's enough! I am creator of this site, and I am ordering you to leave. In fact, I'm banning you.
You can't do that!
and Martin: We are.
And take your followers with you.
I may be gone, but I'll be back. I'll sneak in whenever I get a chance, and Mario is my agent. I'll leave him alone for the most part, so he can lead a normal life, but you never know when I'll have him strike.
Why me?
Martin: How do you plan to get in?
I'm an ultra agent of espionage, I can get in easy! C'mon, Robot Masters and Wily.
I'm not following you, Goodn! I will take over this archive some day and I'll not have you destroy it!
Well, Goku killed me and I'm dead, and UDX is pretty strong, so I'll just go now.
( flies down in front of )
I would suggest you leave now.
I'll be back! He who fights and runs away...
( disappears with the Robot Masters)
THE END (RESPECTIVELY)
So to recap, it is now Sir Goodn instead of Wario the III. He is evil. Watch out for him. He and his Robot Masters might attack unexpectedly in the middle of YOUR episodes. If this happens it is up to you to stop him. And watch out for Mario. He will be normal for the most part, but every once in a while he might unexpectedly attack because of his obligation. Peace out.

This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective
               companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the author.