"Battle Of The Video Game Heroes" Proudly Presents:

Episode 3
The Third BOTVGH Awards!
by H Cuz
With contributions from: Klawkat, Wario the III, Dreyfus X, David Mario, Sean Kelly,
Luigi_Link, Braden, UDX, Diskmaster, Squirtlesaur2000, Nesshelper, and Goldshadow
THE CAST (80 characters, so I used a different format)

Mario

Luigi

Wario

Peach

Toad

Yoshi

Bowser

Kamek

Goomba

Wart

Miyamoto

Cranky

Donkey Kong Jr.

Chunky

Sonic

Tails

Knuckles

Edgar

Sabin

Locke

Sephiroth

Kefka

Mega Man

Snake Man

Burner Man

Dr. Wily

Mega Man X

Zero

Sigma

Magma Legume

Cow King

Dr. Evil

Wayne

Garth

Edge

Christian

The Rock

Stone Cold

Link

Stalfos

Bob

Samus

Sailor Moon

Sailor Mercury

Sailor Mars

Sailor Jupiter

Sailor Venus

Professor Tomoe

Captain Falcon

Martin's Station Wagon

Britney Spears

Daffy Duck

Blob

Charlie

Cammy

Sakura

Mike Tyson

Worm

Sunflash

Ash

Pikachu

Meowth

Dratini

Charizard

H Cuz

Sean Kelly

Klawkat

UDX

Dan

Luigi_Link

Diskmaster

StarX

Dreyfus X

Tizzy557

David Mario

Carl

Squirtlesaur2000

ErekChee

Braden

Goldshadow

Lakitu

Snorlax
Not Pictured:
None. 82 characters, and they ALL have pics. I WIN AT THE INTERNET.

 
Jumpman, you're wrong. Fair and square.
I am not! You wouldn't know a good game if it kicked you in the butt!!
Oh yeah?!
YEAH!!
( comes in)
What's going on? Are they re-enacting Season 1 scenes?
Nothing so harmless.... it's the classic "Perfect Dark" vs. "Ocarina of Time" debate.
Ah.
How can you not like Joanna Dark?
Well, I might like her better if she had a sword and shield and had an adventure spanning 7 years.
Bah! See, you don't NEED seven years to get through PD!
You're saying there's no challenge in PD, then.
I didn't say that...
( comes by with a huge grin)
....Am I right or am I right, Link? You have to agree with me...
Sorry, can't talk now. I gotta rehearse my speech for when I win Best Main Character. I'll have lots of references to Majora's Mask!
"When" you win Best Main Character?
Puh-lease.
You're not gonna win just for your failed romantic endeavors.
Ooh, big words. Well, I don't care what you think--
, and  (at once): That award is as good as mine!!
(Long pause)
.......Jinx! Hahahahaha!
( hits  with his cane)
Take that!
That was mean. Remind me not to mention you in my acceptance speech!
Amateur.... I've got my acceptance speech already written!
: Grrrrr.
(Let's check in with the villains)
Is that speech written yet?
For the 239th time, no! Be patient!!
.....You've been counting?
Yep.
Wow.
Where'd that hedgehog run off to, anyway? I haven't seen him around here lately.
I don't know. Everyone thinks that just because I'm the most powerful Maverick ever, I know everything.
....Do you know everything?
Of course! I just, um, have a selective memory.
Whatever. Well, that rodent had better be back by the Awards. If we win Best Villain...
WHEN we win.
Right... WHEN we win Best Villain, we need to accept that award as a team.
Speaking of which, is the speech done yet?
For the 240th time, NO!
OK, OK... sheesh...
( comes in.)
About freaking time.
Shut up. I have some bad news for you guys.
Britney Spears will be singing a duet with Wario at the awards?
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
.........That was real loud.
Where did all those people come from?!
.............................
Well, the bad news is they're trying to reform me. They want to make me a.... a...... a good guy!!!
......So? Technically you are....
Yes, but I can't!! I have to be evil, because I'm the physical manifestation of Sega itself, and BOTVGH is a militantly pro-Nintendo site, so I have to be the bad guy even if I'm really a good guy!!!
Um.... run that by me again?
NO!
Well, what're you gonna do? Some BOTVGH authors happen to like Sega.
Hmm... I don't have to reform right away. I'll still work with you guys this season. After that.... I don't know.
OK. Hey Seph, aren't you do---
( takes out the Masamune blade)
Er... Never mind.
That's better.
One more thing before the next scene change. Since this is my last season as a villain, I wanna make it special.
That's so sweet.
So, if we don't win.... wanna crash the awards?
: YEAH!!!
If I don't get to use my speech, they'll pay!!
Hehehehe... all right.
(Elsewhere)
What's this?! One of H Cuz's episodes is developing a potential plotline?!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): *GASP!*
Very funny...
Well, it's weird. First, a mini-plot at the last awards. Then the battle in the Olympics ep. Now a potential plot here. Are you really H Cuz, or some imposter sent to fool us?
What, I'm not allowed to expand my writing style?
Whatever. Let's talk about the awards! Why wasn't I nominated?
You didn't get enough votes last time.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!
Ooooh... too bad. Hee hee hee!
( pegs  with an egg)
Ouch! That was uncalled for.
Hey, I have a question. In BOTVGH, why is Kamek a good guy and Sonic a villain?
Because Kamek is cool.
Never have truer words been spoken.
Oh, shaddup...
It's because Kamek is a Nintendo character, isn't it?!
No!
That's discriminating against Sega characters! You bigots!
( and  hold up protest signs.)
and : Down with BOTVGH! Down with BOTVGH!
You guys are starting to get annoying...
(They continue to march)
Equal opportunity for all consoles!
Huzzah!
Incoming!
and : Huh?
(s fall on  and )
SEE?! You dropped cows on us because we're Sega characters!
No, I dropped cows on ya because you were being a nuisance!!
LIAR!!!
(s fall on  and )
*sigh* I love my job...
and : BOYCOTT!!!!
( and  leave)
OK, so why is Sonic a villain while they're merely annoyances?
Because.
Hmmm.... I smell a conspiracy.
That's not a conspiracy you smell.... that's Wario.
Oh.
Eh-hehehehehehehehe!!!
(They all look at  and with him is..... ?!)
Wha? What's she doing here?
I have a bad feeling about this...
We're singing a duet later!!!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where the heck are all these people coming from?!
Um... wasn't me. (hides a dimensional portal behind his back)
Kamek, why are you hiding a dimensional portal behind your back?
Oh, no reason.
(singing... if you can call it that) Oops! I did it again...
All: AGGGGGHHHH!!!
Heh heh heh! Now, this is a singer who almost makes me sound good!!
Noooooo!!! Whose idea was it to bring her into this episode?! AaaAAaaAAaaAAagh... (faints)
OK, OK...
( falls on )
H-hey!
It had to be done.
( and  come in)
What should we do with her?
The usual.
Got it. (She and  lift .) To the dumpster!
Right!
Nooooooooooooo!!! Britneeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!
( and  carry  out the back.  chases them)
Good riddance.
I kinda liked her!
You would.
(off-screen) You let her go or I'll---
(Metallic "thud" is heard)
(o/s) Should we toss him in there too?
(o/s) Might as well.
So, is this scene meant to reflect our violent culture?
Actually, it's just senseless anti-Britney propaganda.
Oh, I see.
That idiot Wario... WHY did I even try to marry him?!
(o/s): That's what I'd like to know!
Mario? You're here?
(, and  come in. They're done beating each other up, and now they're all bandaged up.)
Mario!!
Wow, you're glad to see me!
You still owe me 200 gold coins for that P-Wing you took from my castle the other day!
...Or not.
Speaking of which, Mario, don't you owe Cranky $400 for that bet last season?
Yeah! Pay up, Jumpman!
I will, once I, uh, get the money!
Liar! (hits  with his cane) And Perfect Dark is still better!
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Noooo!
Yeeees!
(***Bonk!Wham!***)
(holding a hammer) Shaddup already!
: Sorry...
I am Ash from Pallet Town!
We know.
I'm gonna be a master trainer!
Whatever.
And see, I have this Pikachu, so I'm gonna...
( mutes )
Hey, a character stupider than me!
That's quite a novelty, isn't it?
( keeps talking silently, oblivious to the fact he's been muted)
Speaking of not very bright, isn't that Sailor Moon over there?
(whining) But WHY won't you write my acceptance speech for me?!
It wouldn't be right! You should write your own speech!!
She's too incompetent to write her own... and anyway, we don't even know if she's gonna win!
You're mean.
Come on Rei, give her a chance. Who's her competition anyway? A singer, the devil, a duck...
Well, I thought that Digimon trainer was kinda cute! Maybe a little too young for me though... And another category besides...
Gaaaaaaaaaah... girls in short skirts...
( is drooling)
Great.... right after I had this carpet cleaned.
Yo, Link! Earth to Link, are you there?
Hmmmm...
( holds a picture of  in front of )
SAMMY-CHAN!!!!!! (grabs the picture and hugs it)
...........
"Sammy-chan"? He's lost it.
No, that implies he had it before.
Oh, I see.....
Hi everyone! How's it going?
Greetings, oh short-skirted ones.
( smacks  in the back of the head)
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Hey... that guy hugging the piece of paper... isn't that the guy from Legend of Zelda?
Sadly, yes.
Hey... he's not bad-looking! He looks just like my ex-boyfriend!
(looks like he's about to melt into the floor) R-r-r-r-really? Uh....h-h-h-h-hu-hu-huuuuuu....
Hoo boy.
As you can see, girls, Link is a hopeless loser.
Sailor Scouts: Ohhhh.
(stops stammering) Hu... hu....... HEY!!
I tell it like it is...
(Mute spell wears off)
I am Ash!
Sadly, that's true.
Huh?
All: ......
Heeeeey. Was that an insult?
Yes.
Well.... well....... you're mean. I don't like you!!
Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.
Can I smite him?
Go ahead.
Woohoo! I'll do this one myself!
( falls on )
........Ow.
So, why exactly is the Short Skirt Brigade here?
Three....
What in the name of Pong are you doing?
Counting the number of jokes about skirt length.
.......
Anyway, why are they here?
Sailor Moon was nominated for Best Non-Video Game Cameo.
Well, that's all well and good but.... it doesn't explain the OTHER four!!
I'm not complaining!
Personally, I only came for the snack buffet!
There is no snack buffet.
What?!
We just came because a certain meatball-brained someone dragged us along!!
Hey!
We certainly WEREN'T paid by the author to come here JUST IN CASE certain villains show up!!
The other Sailors: MINAKO!!!!!
.......Oooooops.....
"Certain villains"?
(Not far away....)
Wow, look at all this neat stuff! Souvenir T-shirts... coffee mugs... plush cows...
Yeah, ain't it grand?
Hey, I thought you were gone for good.
That's what plot holes are for. So, you're an evil scientist too, huh?
Yeah... well, I used to be. I've quit the science biz, and I work for Microsoft now.
So you went from evil scientist to evil computer guy?
Yep. I've just about reached the pinnacle of evil. I even look like Bill Gates!!
Wow, that's amazing! I'm not worthy!! (bows)
So, fellow evil genius, what brings you to BOTVGH Island?
Well, I wasn't paid by the author to come and stir up trouble.
Oh, OK. I see.
Paying all these people to show up must put a real strain on H Cuz's wallet.
.......
(Suddenly  looks up and sees...)
*gasp* It's THEM!!
Who?
My arch-nemeses!!
The federal judges from the Microsoft ruling?
N-n-n-no!! It's the.... the.....S-S-Sailor---
Arrr, matey.
CUT THAT OUT!!!!
(looks where  is pointing) What's the big deal? It's a bunch of girls in miniskirts.
( just happens to walk by)
Four...
So what's the big deal, Tomoe?
They're the ones who...... defeated me!!
You were defeated by a bunch of 15-year-olds?
( and  start to snicker)
Grrrr... you'll see! I'll have my revenge on them... TODAY!! Hahahahaha!!
( stomps off)
.......
( pops up out of nowhere)
Dun dun dunnnnn!!!
Come along, Bowser. We're not in this scene.
You are no fun, you know that?
I think I'm about ready for a....
(Meanwhile)
......Scene change.
So... you say you're sailors?
Sailor SOLDIERS.
You're Navy officers?
( is struggling not to hit Link)
I guess not...
So what weird gimmick are we gonna have at this awards ep?
I hired a camera crew.
A camera crew...?
( comes in with a microphone. Behind him,  is holding a video camera)
I don't wanna carry this anymore.
Well, you have to. Naturally, since I'm better-looking and have cooler hair, I get to be the reporter.
Whatever... *mumbles* Moron...
Everyone, smile! You're on TV!
All: (except ) HI, MOM!!!!
Now to do some reporting... let's see... (looks around) I wanna do an interview. (Notices ) Ooooh...
???????
(trying to sound clever) Hey babe, how about a little "one-on-one" interview?
Crescent Beam!!!
( fires off a beam and  is knocked back 50 feet.)
Owwww... or not.
That went well...
Oh, shut up. X, we delete that later, OK? Nobody is going to see that.
That's what you think. Hehehehe.
Urrrrgh.
( moves the camera over to show  and )
The Ocarina of Time is... well... better! Because it is! So there!
Can't you just face facts, Jumpman? Perfect Dark kicks Ocarina of Time's rear across the island and back. Case closed.
Guys, guys, guys... there's an easy solution.
: ?????
It's obvious! Majora's Mask is better than both of them!!
: .......LIAR!!
(All 3 start fighting)
Let's see what Luigi's up to...
Zzzzz...
Well, that was fun.... um... could we have a scene change?
(Meanwhile, somewhere mysterious!)
(o/s) Thank you.....
Listen guys, last time we tried an attack, we got our butts kicked. We need a new strategy.
Yeah, I know. The standard bad-guy entrance probably won't work.
Maybe Sigma has some Mavericks we can use.
No, they all went on vacation.... except for one.
I still don't know why I'm here.
Who's he?
I call him Magma Legume. See, it rhymes with Magma Dragoon. It's clever, ya know.
....Ooooookay.
Hide, guys! The awards are starting in 5 seconds!!
(They hide. Exactly 5 seconds later, everyone suddenly appears inside the arena.)
Ack! How'd we get here?!
How else? Plot hole.
Let's move this episode along.
(Somewhere mysterious!)
Mwa ha ha... I'll have my revenge, Sailor Scouts. Mark my words!!
I am Ash!
What the....?! How the heck did you find me?!
Uhhhh...
( grins evilly. Now back to the awards.)
Welcome one and all, to the third BOTVGH Awards ceremony, where the best performers of Season 6 -- as decided by YOU, the readers -- will be, uh, awarded. I'm Zero, elite Maverick Hunter and on-the-scene reporter. Now, here's the host, H Cuz!
( goes up on stage. Loud cheers.)
Thank you, thank you.
( presses "Stop" on a hidden tape recorder. The cheers stop.)
Hey, the tape recorder was supposed to be secret!
(Hehehehehe.)
You're fired.
(You can't fire me! I'm the magical parentheses narrator thingy!)
Siiiiiigh... anyway... Let's meet our first presenter. Here to present "Best New Author" is Luigi_Link.
How ironic! The "New Author" award is presented by someone who will make his own author debut this season.
This is my debut! If you have visited the chat and message boards, you know I exist. But if you don't, you don't know I exist. Well, I am here now. And I'm pleased to present an award. Thank you H Cuz. The nominees are...
 
BEST ROOKIE AUTHOR(S)
Braden
The SMBHQ Crew
Tsuji Yamada
And the winner is... (has trouble opening his envelope, finally opens it) Ahhh... there we go. And the winner is... Braden (65 votes)! The runner up was the SMBHQ crew (43 votes).
( goes on stage to accept his award)
HOLY MOLY!!! Wow, I can't believe this. I remeber voting in last season's awards when I started out as an author here in BOTVGH. I got welcomed by so many people, I just HAD to write an ep for Season 6. And here I am, one awards show later. I'd like to thank everyone who have taught me so much this past season, including H Cuz, Klawkat, Dan/Tomoe, ErekChee, Sean Kelly, Martin Smith... (pant)... and so many more people. And if you're wondering, yes, Jes is on that list. Jes has made me realize how great BOTVGH is, and it has prevented me from taking this great group of people for granted. Well, I hope I can help as many new authors this season as so many did for me in Season 6, and I'll keep on writing eps in the future. Thank you so much!!!
(as  leaves the stage) Now, to present Best Veteran Author, here are Dr. Wily's two most unreliable, degenerate robots, Snake Man and Burner Man.
( walks on stage first, not a huge applause at all...)
Hello, I'm not Snake Man, I'm Snake! Snake, as in... a Snake!
Whatever.... where's Burner Man?
He's out. Mr. Char-broiled has a little too big of an ego, and he's hitting on girls, telling them he's nominated for best cameo.
Well, can you present without him?
I would, but propane-accessory has the card... I'll fetch him...
( leaves offstage)
Errr... ummm... Well, I guess we'll move on to the next category...
This is great! Suspense and drama, the viewers will love it!
Now, here's Best New Feature, presented by the toughest twosome in any RPG: The Figaro Brothers, Edgar and Sabin from Final Fantasy 3/6j.
BOTVGH is always seeking to improve.
A few innovations changed the face of the site this past season.
The nominees are...
 
BEST NEW FEATURE
"Episode Features" List
FAQ
Message Board
Chat Room
Song of the Week

The Song of the Week won with 33 votes.
The episode features list was second with 32 votes.
Thanks for choosing the Song of the Week, people. I've always been an avid lover of video game music, and prior to Season 6, a lot of people suggested putting a MIDI on the front page. The Tip of the Week had been successful (it won this award last season), so the Song of the Week was born.
Now to present Best Spinoff, here's Wario the III.
( comes on-stage)
BOTVGH's popularity has resulted in the formation of several spinoff sites, which borrow concepts and characters from BOTVGH and develop many of their own fan followings. The nominees are:
 
BEST SPINOFF
BOTVGH: The New Dimension
Battle of the Video Game Zeroes
Battle of the Pokémon Heroes
Reign of the Video Game Villains
Survivor of the Video Game Heroes
World of Ruin
And the winner is Klawkat's World of Ruin (37 votes)! The closest challenger was Sean Kelly's ROTVGV with 34 votes.
( and  come on stage)
Cheesy Poofs!
Sorry, Klawkat hasn't arrived in the building yet, but in case you haven't read the WOR, you should know that Dratini and myself, Locke, famed and fabled treasure hunter extraordinaire, are cast members in the WOR, and we are here to give thanks on Klawkat's behalf.
I did not get probed!
Heh heh heh... First off, Klawkat wants us to thank our major WOR contributors, in no particular order: Big J, UDX, Scrambla, Wario the III, and ErekChee. Also, I would like Dratini to say something that would benefit why you should visit the WOR, if you haven't.
'Cause I said so!
That's right!
( and  leave stage)
(Elsewhere...)
(leaning against the wall, minding his own business) ......
(finding ) Where the heck have you been?
(glares at  coldly)
Hey, listen, I don't care. We have an award to present here, and I don't want your flaming ego to fest in all this crap. Come on, we got to present.
*Sigh* (Follows  back to stage)
Well, since Snake is still gone, I have arranged a song-and-dance number. It's Marty, the Stalfos from Part 3 of the Quest to Save the Past.
I have rhythm! (dances) I have music! (dances)
(Crowd boos)
( and  rudely barge on-stage)
Whaaaaaa??? You interrupted my song!! Meanies!
( breaks  to a pile of bones)
(Crowd cheers)
First you're late for a presentation, and now you damaged our singing talent, Marty the Dancing Stalfos?
(Nod nod)
Well, welcome aboard, and start the presentation already!
All right.
( takes out his Super Flaming Heat Induced Boom Box of Death (TM) and plays the theme of Bubble Bobble for no reason!)
We got background music, now the presentation.
( takes out a card)
These are the vets. (Snatches the card)
( reads the card, and they show the the nominees)


BEST VETERAN AUTHOR
H Cuz
Klawkat 
Sean Kelly
UDX
Wario the III

All right. Half finished. Burner, hand me the winner card.
(grabs the winner card away from !)
Hey! Give it here!
(Shakes his head) >:(
Come on, freak!
( punches  in the stomach, and  retaliates by hitting  in the face. They then get into a fight.)
(The fight rolls offstage, but  drops the card.)
(Coming back together) Ahhh... they were mean.
( walks and grabs the card)
Hee hee! (Walks off with the winner card.)
What! Come on! What's wrong with this picture here! Arrgh... OK... Next presenter...
Aaaaahhh!!! I wanna know who wooooon!
Get a grip, will ya?!
Sorry...
Next award is Best Cow Substitute, presented by Sean Kelly.
(Everyone waits for  to come to the podium. Meanwhile on some road out there...)
Oh great, I'm on! Now how am I going to get to the awards to present?
(Suddenly  comes driving over to , and  comes out)
Need a lift?
Sure thing!
Then let's go!
BEEP! BEEP!
( gets into  and it drives towards the awards. Meanwhile at the awards,  is improvising)
Umm... How about them Packers?
(In the audience)
Boy... that guy is so boring.
Yeah we want the totally tubular Canadian dude!
(Suddenly  drives into the theatre right up to the stage before falling apart)
and : Whoa!
I should get that looked at.
(Right then  comes out and he heads over to the podium and there is a large applause)
Thank you! Thank you! It is great to be here at the 3rd Annual BOTVGH Awards.
(In the audience)
There he is! The Canadian guy!
He is so rad.
( and  go into the aisle and they start bowing)
and : WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!
( smiles)
Anyway I am here to present the award for Best Cow Substitute. As you know Cow King was in prison last season....
NO THANKS TO YOU!!!!!
Yeah..... anyway Cow King was in prison last season, so everyone had to improvise with new innovations. Now, I am going to announce the nominees for this one in a slightly unconventional way. I have Blob up in the control room where he is read to demonstrate each of the substitutes.
(View goes to the control room)
Yep everything is ready up here. I just need to press a button to get the cow substitute to work.
(Back to the podium)
All right. Okay. Backstage I have some subjects who do not know what is going on because they were in a sound-proof room. They will come up and "help" me demonstrate each of the Cow Replacements. First up is Meowth.
( comes out on stage)
Now it is my time to shine!
The first nominee for best Cow Substitute is.... Extremely large gerbils!
Oh boy.
(An extremely large  falls onto )
Ouch!
( leaves)
Next up on my assistant's list are Edge and Christian from the WWF!
( and  come up onto the stage)
Wow I did not know that we were actually going to be part of the show! This is so cool!
What do we do?
Just stand there.
Umm... okay.
Our next nominee is.... trapdoors!
I suddenly have a very bad feeling.
(A big trapdoor opens and  and  fall through)
Coming up to demonstrate the next award is Cranky.
( comes out onto stage)
Now why did you lock me into that room with all those wierdos, you whippersnapper?!
Because.... the next nominee for best cow substitute is... Bedside tables!
(A bedside table falls onto)
Finally, for the final nominee, I call out Daffy Duck!
( comes out)
Well this is nice. Making my BOTVGH debut and all. It is about time I get some respect around here.
The final nominee for best cow substitute is... anvils!
(An anvil starts falling onto )
Mother!
(The anvil falls on top of  and he walks away as a little pancake)
BEST COW SUBSTITUTE
Anvils
Bedside Tables
Extremely Large Gerbils
Trapdoors

Well those are all the nominees.  Anyway the winner of Best Cow Substitute is.......... Extremely large gerbils (59)! Runner-up: Trapdoors (31)!
( comes up on stage)
Squeak!
What? What's that you say?
Squeak! Squeak squeak squeak squeak!
I don't understand.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!
Silly gerbil can't talk!
( falls on , knocking him into an anvil, whereupon he falls into a toilet, which is on top of a trapdoor of doom, where  drops a , which causes him to fall down it.)
Everyone: Hooray!
(The camera points under one of the seats, where  is hiding)
Is it over yet?
..................
Now, best video game cameo. Here's GoldShadow.
( comes up on the stage, and bows politely at the applause that obviously isn't there)
Thank you, thank you.
Audience: ...
I'm here to present the cameo-thingy or whatever. Now everyone knows that a cameo dude can like... really... um... make an episode better and stuff. Yeah, that's it. And when a cameo is in an episode, it makes it more interesting. It's also really... um... (looks at his hand) ...cool. Here, watch.
(Suddenly  and  appear out of nowhere)
Eulalia?
Uwee hee hee!
(They disappear)
Wow, wasn't that cool? It makes an otherwise really boring presenting thingy into an um... mildly boring presenting thingy.
(whispering) Just get to the nominees!
Oh. Right. The nonimees.
Nominees!
Whatever. Anyhow, the nonimees for best cameo are...
 
BEST VIDEO GAME CAMEO
Burner Man
Captain Falcon
Chunky Kong
Frost Man
Princess Daisy
Roll
Tai
The Worms
And the winner is.... (takes the envelope and opens it, starting to read outloud) hqnuyC? What the...
Turn it over, idiot!
Huh? Oh.. wait.. ah yes! The winner is.. Chunky Kong, of Episode 16! (29 votes) ... Runner-up was the Worms (20)... Haha, just a little humor there on that hqnuyC thing, um, hee...
SIGH.....
( goes up stage)
Uhhh.... thanks for the votes! (leaves stage)
Three guesses who didn't write his speech beforehand....
( nods.)
Now our non-video game cameo award, presented by UDX.
Tonight, before I announce the winner, I would like to say--
You suck UDX!
Quiet, okay?! Now, what I would like to say is...
Shut your mouth, Jabroni!
Out of my way, sissy!
( and  get into a fight)
You both stop or I'll kick both of your ***es! Now, what I would like to say is...
You suck worse than Jes, UDX!
Can't anyone go without being quiet?! Now, what I would like to say is...
Uggh, get on with it! I'm tired!!
(Sandbag falls on )
One more interruption and I will have to ruin the G rating on this episode! Now, what I would like to say is...
You suck so much that you...
( shoots  with his arm cannon gun, killing )
Oh my god, they killed Charlie!
You *******s!!
I warned you! Now, what I would like to say is, that I have decided to make another movie! But it will not be due 'till next year! Luckily, the first BOTVGH:TND movie is already out in time for the holidays! Now, here are the nominees for this category...
 
BEST NON-VIDEO GAME CAMEO
Cher
Cow King
Darkwing Duck
Dr. Evil
Eminem
Judge Judy
The Rock
Sailor Moon
Satan
And the winner is... (opens the envelope) COW KING (34)! Second place: The Rock (19)!
I WON!!! Oh yeah! Who da cow?! Who da cow, bay-beeeeeeee!! Yeah!!!
(whispering) Aren't you gonna make a speech?
Speech???
Uh, never mind.
Moving right along, here's the award for Best Recurring Character, presented by Squirtlesaur2000.
( goes up on stage)
It is an honor to present this award. I mean, you'd think I'd be bitter. But I'm not. Even though my short was not nominated. I mean who cares, right Sean and H? You know who cares? My family! My God that was a bad night. Do you know how it feels to tell a family of mutated Pokemon that you're presenting? And I'm not counting Klawkat, I know he has. No, I was just joking. I guess I should calm down. Hey, H & Sean, uh... don't eat that cake I left backstage. Well, anywho, here's the nominees for Best Recurring Character...
 
BEST RECURRING CHARACTER
Donkey Kong
Fat Lady
Kamek
Mega Man
Samus
Team Rocket
Wario
Kamek was close with 26 votes... but in the end, the winner was Samus, with 27...
Awww...
(As  is giving the award, he tries to hold onto it, but  tears it out of his hand.  limps backstage holding his arm.)
Heh heh... not bad for a gal who DIDN'T HAVE A SINGLE GAME ON THE N64 OUTSIDE OF SSB!!!! (takes deep breaths, mumbles to herself) I am calm. I will not rant. I will have a Game Cube game, yes. (takes another deep breath) But it's nice to know that, despite the fact I haven't starred in a game since Super Metroid, I still won this award. You really do love me... though I wish some people *ahem*Link*cough* didn't love me quite so much.
She mentioned me! (gets this dreamy look in his eyes)
Not again.
: ........
Well, thanks everyone. Bounty hunters rule!
I must congratulate her!
( runs up to )
Hey Samus, when I win Best Main Character, wanna put our awards side by side?
(Before  can even punch him,  are dragging him away)
He has no idea what he's talking about.
Please, forgive him.
Bah!
Help!
( is dragged back to his seat)
Now, the much-anticipated Best Main Character award. Here's Dan, the shorts guy.
These are characters that are in almost every episode and it wouldn't be BOTVGH without them. (Who wrote these lines?) Um, anyway... here are the nominees.
 
BEST MAIN CHARACTER
Cranky Kong
Dr. Wily
Link
Luigi
Mario
Just like last season, the winner is Mario (34). And just like last season, he beat Cranky (31) by just 3 votes. Link and Luigi were also close.
Noooooo!!!
I remain in my brother's shadow.
And what a big shadow it is! Lose weight, Jumpman!
Heh heh heh. I won. Nyah. (goes up on stage)
Thank you, thank you. {Buy Game Cube.} You know, it's amazing how an ordinary plumber from Brooklyn can wind up being a multi-million dollar franchise and winning 2 consecutive BOTVGH awards. {Buy Game Cube.} But I couldn't have done it without Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto, he made me what I am today. {Buy Game Cube.} Thank you, Mr. Miyamoto!!
(in the crowd) No, thank YOU! {For the free advertising.}
{Heh heh.} Well, I guess that's it. Remember, I'm not sending any subliminal messages. {BUY GAME CUBE!!!}
(He goes back to his seat.)
Speaking of subliminal messages, our next category is Weirdest Plot Twist, to be presented by ErekChee, who is making his first BOTVGH appearance here and will make his writing debut next week.
( goes up on stage.)
A lot of times, you'll be reading an episode, then you'll see an event that makes you shake your head and say "What?" Hence this category... The nominees were:
 
WEIRDEST PLOT TWIST
The robot Pikachu
The Yoshis "dye"
The Robot Masters' poker game
Yoshi sings "Basket Case" from memory
Commercials (Ep 15)
Link & the refreshments
Commercials (Ep 18)
Snake Man stuck in the toilet
The winner is Snake Man stuck in the toilet (53). In second place, Yoshi singing (21).
....Who is gonna take this award? Klawkat is still not here, and Snake Man and Burner Man are chasing Marty the Stalfos...
( walks on stage)
Wha?
(Snatches the Award) Listen, I never cared about my nomination, but Snake is a little shrimp that always goes out and makes me look like an idiot. Now, I know Snake was the bigger idiot of us two, but outside the episode, Snake always embarrasses me, he makes me look like a fool when I try to pick up chicks. Now, you know why I chose not to talk to him, or talk at all. Deal with it! Oh, and the award that Snake won?
( tosses the award in the air, and burns it with a flamethrower)
I don't want any of you to tell Snake that he won an award. Or it's your heads!!!
( walks off)
Ahhh... I guess it was better for him to be mute.
This is great! It's like it was scripted!
It WAS scripted, moron!
Oh yeah.
Now for Best Pokémon Character. Who better to present this award than our resident Pokémon enthusiast, BOTPH owner Tizzy557!
Love them or hate them, Pokémon continue to be a mainstay here at BOTVGH. The nominees were:
 
BEST POKÉMON CHARACTER
Abra
Ditto
Meowth
Pikachu
Raticate
Pikachu garnered 50 votes to win the award. Meowth had 35 votes, making him the runner-up.
( comes on stage)
Pika pika! {Yeah! I'm still the best! Take that, Lugia!}
Lugia wasn't nominated.
Piiii... {Oh...}
( walks dejectedly offstage)
I guess that Pikachu could use some stronger competition. Let's face it, 15 votes is a relatively large margin.
Hey, where's that Pikachu's trainer?
Ash? I dunno... I haven't seen him lately. (dramatically) Oh! The absolute tension!!
*sigh*
Now, with Best (So to speak) Villain, here's David Mario.
( comes on stage with , and  are hidden, watching closely)
Hello. I am presenting the Best (so to speak) Villain award.
And I am here for some reason.
Well here are the nominees.
 
BEST VILLAIN
Dr. Evil
Dr. Wily
Ganondorf
Sonic & Co.

Well we wish everyone could win, but they couldn't.
So now I'll say the winner. The winner is...
(The screen goes blank.)
That's right, the winner is...
(The screen goes blank again.)
Just kidding the winner is...
Dr. Wily (53). The runners-up were Sonic and Co., with 31.
( hands  the Best Villain award.)
Well, we better get back to our seats.
( and  walk off.)
(Meanwhile somewhere mysterious, , and  are in shock)
Let's get 'em!
Not yet. I'll say when...
You just said "when"! Let's goAAAAHHH!!! (gets tripped by )
I SAID not yet! Idiot...
Hey, you came in 2nd, that's not bad...
(, and  glare at him)
.....Or maybe it is....
Thank you, thank you my friends. I promise to fulfill my duties as best villain by destroying you all right now!
Everyone: Hooray!
No, don't cheer! I mean to say I am going to kill you all!
Man, you really are the best villain!
Fine. I'll destroy you later. But VERY SOON later! Hahahahhahahaha!
( leaves the stage)
Now, Most Original Episode. Here's Dreyfus X.
(Lights go out)
(Suddenly a bright flash appears in the air and  appears there, floating)
I AM THE MASTER OF GOLD!!! I WILL DESTROY EVIL ALL AROUND THE WORLD!! (Lowers to the ground) I AM COMPLETELY INVINCIBLE!! I AM DREYFUS X!!
(Applause)
Thank you, thank you. I am honored to be here tonight and I have been asked by H Cuz to announce the award for the Most Original Episode. The Most Original Episode depicts change from normal or mundane routines of eps. Those that are or were different were nominated and they are:
 
MOST ORIGINAL EPISODE
BOTVGH: The Chaos, Err, Saga Continues!
UDX's Angels
SMBhq Invades BOTVGH
Ahhh, Sweet Romance!
The Quest to Save the Past!
Trapdoors of Death
I Hate It When I'm Walking Along And...
And the Most Original Episode Award of this season is awarded to.... (brief pause) The Quest to Save The Past (39), written by Sean Kelly. The runner-up was TD Mak's episode, I Hate It When... (35)
(Applause as  comes up and  hands him the award)
I won... again. This is the third time that I won this award, even though the award has had a different name each time. In fact nobody has ever won this award. Does this say anything about the other BOTVGH authors? Actually, no it doesn't. Everyone out there deserves a chance to be recognized and all of the other nominees for this award are winners for just being nominated. If the 7 episodes that were nominated for this award were bad, they would not have been nominated. All of the nominees for most original plot have something special in them. Something that separates them from the rest of the BOTVGH episodes of Season 6. If you choose to read just 7 of Season 6's episodes, read this fine bunch of episodes because they were chosen as some of the most original episodes out there. Season 7 is going to be my 5th BOTVGH season. It was in December 1997 in which my very first BOTVGH episode went up. It was a very bad (yep even I admit it) Christmas episode which was the second episode right after Matt Broussard's one. In Season 3 I wrote my first real episode "A Whole Lot of Trouble in Time" followed by its award-winning sequel "Dr. Wily's Time Attacks" in Season 4. I have written close to 20 episodes and shorts in the past 3 years (for both BOTVGH and spin-offs) and they will all be available for you to read in a special "Greatest Hits" package which will be released by the end of the first quarter of Season 7. And now it is time for a very important announcement. Including this season, I will not write past the next 4 seasons. It is a very hard task to make a BOTVGH episode and make them good. I am just too busy to spend time writing episodes for BOTVGH all of the time. Writing episodes also takes a lot out of me. I get plagued with writers' block, I rush to get episode done that I need to have done by a certain time. I just cannot handle it any more. I have 3 episodes this season and 2-3 episodes for next season planned, so there is no immediate worry. I am just giving advance warning.  Anyway thanks for the award.
( leaves the podium)
Okey, we need to know who's the winner of the veteran authors. Toad!!!
What do you want me to do?
I want you to find Marty the Stalfos, and reclaim the winner's card.
Can do!
(Mission Impossible's theme plays in the background)
Oh, I need to find Marty the Stalfos! Where is Marty the Stalfos?
( runs out of the Arena)
Taxi!
(, apparently revived, slams the brakes, and hits  is stuck in the front of the car.)
(meekly) Find a Stalfos!
( drives off!)
(Elsewhere)
La la la! I love to dance! (Dances)
(Out of nowhere,  leaps down onto )
Ouchies! That's mean!
Ha ha ha! I'll prove that I'm evil! He he he! (grabs the winner's card and runs off)
( stops in front of the broken  peels himself off the front.)
Ahh! There's Marty!
Green... bubble dinosaur! Took piece of paper.
Oh no! I must stop the green bubble dinosaur! (Grabs a portable scooter and runs off)
(Elsewhere)
I can be evil too! Ha ha ha haaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!
( was tackled by )
(Takes card) You be lucky that you have no ears!
( was tackled by )
Blahhah! (Takes card)
(Now with )
Where's the card?
Mike Tyson took it!
Where's the card?
Wart took it!
Where's the card?
DK Jr. took it!
Where's the card?
A Worm took it.
Where's the card?
Bob took it again!
Where's the card?
A Goomba took it.
Where's the card?
What card?
What?
( runs off with the card in hand.  runs after!)
(, with  giving chase, runs back into the Arena)
Slow day... Where is the winner's card?
Ha ha ha ha!
What a funny looking dinosaur!
(Runs on stage) Ha ha ha!
(Stops chasing) What?
Ha ha ha! I have a demand! You all will be my slaves, or you'll never learn the winner of Best Veteran.
Ummm... which is worse?
I say not learning the winner...
All hail Ruler Bob!
Yeah! I'm ruler of all of you now! Ha ha ha! Then since I'm your ruler, I'll just rip this up!
(Slow motion)
( grabs the card with both hands)
( runs towards )
Nnnnnooooooooooooooooo!
Haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa!
( rips the card in two, but  then tackles  to the ground.  then cries away.)
Oh no. This is tragic. How can we learn who won? This is bad! Oh so bad... Wait! I just put both pieces together!
( puts the pieces together, and reads the card.)
And the winner is H Cuz (45)! Runner-up: Klawkat (31).
FINALLY!!! That was like waiting for the recounts in Florida!
Thanks everyone. From a writing standpoint, I believe Season 6 was my best year, and I think that's because I've finally started to use plots. In the Olympics, I introduced the terrible trio of Sonic, Sigma, and Sephiroth. They're villains I'm comfortable writing for... Wily won the Best Villain award, but he's always been a bit too clichéd and goofy to use as my main villain. So with my own set of villains, I was able to give a plot to that episode, and subsequent episodes... I also tried to make the gags at the Olympics -- even the events themselves -- funnier than usual. In the future, you may see my eps transform from random goofiness to not-so-random goofiness. I hope to keep improving as the seasons progress... I'll write episodes as long as I can. Thanks again.
( starts to leave the stage, then remembers he's the host)
Almost done... Here's Diskmaster with Best Short.
And now the award for Best Short. Hey, where's the nominee list?
(Suddenly, gets hit by an airplane holding the list of nominees.)
That's for editing my short.
Just wait until "Uncelebrity Deathmatch". And, the nominees...
 
BEST SHORT
Dan's Return
The Elephant King
Harvest Moon Invasion
The Last Slice
The Number Problem
WHAZZUP?! - BOTVGH Version
And the winner is... WHAZZUP?! (75) Runner-up: Dan's Return. (18)
( hands  the trophy of cheese)
What the...
Ha ha, budget cuts.
Uhh... thanks. I didn't really expect this one to win at all, much less by such an overwhelming margin... in fact, it was Sean's idea to nominate it.
(Somewhere in the stands,  glares at )
.............What?
Truth be told, the short took me all of 5 minutes to write, and probably would've been completely un-funny if not for the ending.
True, true.
( casts him a strange look)
Of course, my inspiration was the numerous "Whazzup" parodies, particularly this one I saw in a store, with Superman and Batman and... uh... anyway, thanks.
WHAZZAAAAAAAAAAA-----
Agh, quiet!
Sorry, I was caught up in the EMOTION!!
...You really are weird, you know that?
Now the last award... Here's Braden with Best Overall Season 6 Episode!!!
( comes on stage)
Hello there! This past season we have seen many memorable episodes. It's a wonder how the authors become so creative in episode writing, even after 6 long seasons. It is incredibly hard to determine the "best" episode in a season, since so many flourish in humour, imagination and creativity. But here it is, the moment we've all been waiting for, the award for Best Season 6 Episode!!! The nominees are...
 
BEST SEASON 6 EPISODE
Ahh, Sweet Romance!
The Quest to Save the Past
Trapdoors of Death
I Hate It When I'm Walking Along And...
What the Rocks are Cooking
The 3rd Annual BOTVGH Olympics
The Smash Attack Games 2
Mario's Revenge
The winner is the Smash Attack Games 2 (38)!! Runner-up: Quest to Save the Past (23).
( falls from the sky, and lands on the ground [like Chris Rock on Dogma, but with clothes on])
Are you OK?
I was up here the whole time. I was hired as a grip.
Nice job.
Yeah, you see, I was supposed to hold up these two bars... (holds up one, while the other one is gone) and make sure the place doesn't crumble down.
What?
Yeah... I guess the place won't crumble after all...
...
Why did I fall down here?
Your Smash Attack Games 2 won an award for Best Season 6 Episode.
Cool!
( walks off.)
(Looks at  walking off, has a strange look on his face) Ooooooookey... (Finds that he's still holding the statuette that's for ) Ummmm... (Sneaks the award in his pocket)
Hee hee! (thinking) No one will notice.
Did you see that?
It was obvious... and it'll be on national TV!
Yeah! Scandals are great for ratings!
Well, I guess that's it. Thanks for attending the...
???: It's not over yet!!
(All the lights suddenly go out!)
Oh! The DRAMATIC TENSION!!!
If I could see where you were, I'd hit you with the camera...
I can use my Lamp to light things up!
( tries to light the lamp, but accidentally lights 's tail)
Aaaaaahhhh!!!
Oops. (Steps on the fire -- and 's tail -- to put it out)
Ouchies...
I have just the thing!
( activates the tool, "Flash".)
Everyone in the room: Aaaah! Too bright! Turn it off!
Sorry. (Turns it off and the room returns to darkness)
???: Hahahahahahaha.
(A spotlight shines on the stage, and , and  appear with )
All: Gasp!
It's Sonic!
And Sigma!
And Sephiroth!
And a giant peanut!
Mmmm, a peanut!
Ack! Don't eat me!
Sonic!! You said you'd stop your evil ways!
I will.... but not right away.
You dirty, scheming little...
???: *ahem* Excuse me.
(The spotlight moves over to reveal... !)
, & : Huh?!
I'll take over from here.
What?!
Impossible!
How'd he...
We beat him!!
You beat me once, but now I'll have my revenge!
We'll stop you!
We'll just see about--
*ahem*
(Spotlight goes back to  & Co.)
That's better.
What are you up to?!
We didn't win Best Villain.
And we're all sore losers.
So we're gonna crash the awards!
All 3: HUZZAH!!
Um... no.
(Spotlight goes back to )
I'M going to crash the awards. I've already started. Behold!! (steps aside to reveal , unconcscious on the floor) So get outta my way!
(Spotlight moves)
No way, José.
We were here first!
There will be other awards shows for you to crash, this one is ours!!
Nuh-uh! I summon Stupid-Looking-Monster-of-the-Day #239!
(Random stupid-looking monster appears)
Monster: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!
It's a daimon!!
It even has standard daimon dialogue!
Ooh. I'm scared now.
Magma Legume, get rid of that nuisance!
Yes, master!
( and the daimon start fighting)
(Meanwhile, the heroes huddle to strategize)
So I'll come up from behind and then...
20 coins on the peanut.
You're on!!
Are you two paying attention?
: No.
*sigh*
Ami, what do you think?
I think I ate too much at the buffet.
There was no buffet.
There wasn't?
No...
Agh.
Daimon: GRRRR!!! (charges at )
DIE!!!! (charges at the daimon)
( and the daimon run into each other and are knocked out)
: D'oh!!
Ha! I win! Pay up!
I have an idea, Mario.
What?
I heroically run up and singlehandedly smite the evildoers with my Master Sword!
Um... no.
Awww....
(On the stage,  wakes up and notices )
Wow, a hedgehog Pokémon! Go, Charizard!
Wha?
Char!! (toasts )
Owies.
Yay! Poké Ball, go!!!
( is trying to stifle a laugh.  sits up and the ball hits him in the face)
Huh? Maybe I didn't weaken it enough!
Fool, do I look like a Pokémon to you?
Um, yes.
(taking out an energy scythe like in Mega Man X4) Let me handle that pathetic dragon. (slams the scythe into the ground)
(Lightning bolts surround )
Oh no!
Guys, are we just gonna sit here and let them all destroy each other?
Um...
Well...
Sounds good to me...
OK.
When I was in my prime, villains never squabbled like this. Nosirreebob.
Charizard return!
Well then... (walks up to )
What are you doing?
Playing a little game. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
( takes out his sword...)
***THIS SCENE HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO EXCESSIVE GORY VIOLENCE.***
All: Ewwww....
I'm gonna be sick.
Me too.
( starts handing out barf bags)
(looking at ... or what's left of him) Man... I am so glad I'm not the janitor.
That was GREAT!! Violence always means a huge ratings boost. X, you got that on camera... right?
No. I don't like violence.
AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
He... he killed Ash!
A life has been lost, don't you think we should do something?
Others: Nah...
You're all just a bunch of lazy bums!!
Others: We know.
Is he allowed to kill off a character like that?
Don't worry, he'll be back to normal a couple of episodes from now.
I still like my idea...
So Tomoe, it's just us... and you.
Give up... while you still have a chance.
Never, I work for Bill Gates!!
Well, I don't run on Windows. Pffft.
Really?!
Yeah, re--- *crashes*
Ha! Just as I suspected!
Will this episode never end?
Don't worry, I sent out a distress signal a while back. Help is on the way!
When will they arrive?
Should be about--
( and  come in)
Now.
Go figure.
Ready?
Ready.
FIRE!!!
(They both fire shots in front of the villains. There's a huge explosion.)
Aaaaagh!! (collapses)
What the... (collapses)
Drat! We forgot about the good guys... (collapses)
What shall we do with them?
To the dumpster!
OK then!
(They drag them off.)
What a night this has been! Right, fellas?
Zzzzzz....
Zzzzz....
(dazed) Sammy-chan...
(sighs) He's hopeless.
Hey, where's the camera?
( is filming )
Pikapi! {Hi, mom!}
( waves at the camera, when suddenly  steps in front)
So in the end, the evil was vanquished and everyone was happy.
I didn't win the award.... WAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Well, almost everyone.
Hey, you're ruining my shot!
Sorry. Say... are you busy tonight?
Wha?
( walks up to her)
You know, that skirt looks good on you.
Hey, why not give that camera to someone else and hold something different... me for instance?
(to ) Ummm... hold this for a moment. (hands him the camera)
.......
(thinking) It WORKED?!
SUPREME THUNDER!!!!
(She zaps , and  goes flying backwards into , who drops the camera.)
(slow-mo) Aaaaah!!!
(slow-mo) Noooooo!!!!
( dives and catches the camera)
Phew!
(The camera breaks in 's hands)
........Dang.
Ohh, that can't be good.
Well, this was a chaotic episode.
And it's about to end. Wish I could say I had fun, but hey...
( comes in)
Hey, where's that camera I let you guys borrow?
All: ..........
(finally wakes up) ......Wha?
THE END
(Meanwhile, outside.... from inside a dumpster)
Urrrgh... I can't find my Masamune sword amidst all this junk!
(futilely using his claws to scratch at the inside) Keep trying! We gotta get out of here!
( nods.)
: (singing) Oops! I did it again!
Nooooooo! Somebody help meeeeeee!!
( falls on the dumpster)
Um, thanks?
Anytime.
Sigh.

(After everyone has left, the arena collapses)
Oops. Hee hee!
THE END OF THE END
This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the author.