 Episode 3 The Third BOTVGH Awards! by H Cuz With contributions from: Klawkat, Wario the III, Dreyfus X, David Mario, Sean Kelly, Luigi_Link, Braden, UDX, Diskmaster, Squirtlesaur2000, Nesshelper, and Goldshadow |
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Episode 3 The Third BOTVGH Awards! by H Cuz With contributions from: Klawkat, Wario the III, Dreyfus X, David Mario, Sean Kelly, Luigi_Link, Braden, UDX, Diskmaster, Squirtlesaur2000, Nesshelper, and Goldshadow |
 Mario |
 Luigi |
 Wario |
 Peach |
 Toad |
 Yoshi |
 Bowser |
 Kamek |
 Goomba |
 Wart |
 Miyamoto |
 Cranky |
 Donkey Kong Jr. |
 Chunky |
 Sonic |
 Tails |
 Knuckles |
 Edgar |
 Sabin |
 Locke |
 Sephiroth |
 Kefka |
 Mega Man |
 Snake Man |
 Burner Man |
 Dr. Wily |
 Mega Man X |
 Zero |
 Sigma |
 Magma Legume |
 Cow King |
 Dr. Evil |
 Wayne |
 Garth |
 Edge |
 Christian |
 The Rock |
 Stone Cold |
 Link |
 Stalfos |
 Bob |
 Samus |
 Sailor Moon |
 Sailor Mercury |
 Sailor Mars |
 Sailor Jupiter |
 Sailor Venus |
 Professor Tomoe |
 Captain Falcon |
 Martin's Station Wagon |
 Britney Spears |
 Daffy Duck |
 Blob |
 Charlie |
 Cammy |
 Sakura |
 Mike Tyson |
 Worm |
 Sunflash |
 Ash |
 Pikachu |
 Meowth |
 Dratini |
 Charizard |
 H Cuz |
 Sean Kelly |
 Klawkat |
 UDX |
 Dan |
 Luigi_Link |
 Diskmaster |
 StarX |
 Dreyfus X |
 Tizzy557 |
 David Mario |
 Carl |
 Squirtlesaur2000 |
 ErekChee |
 Braden |
 Goldshadow |
 Lakitu |
 Snorlax |
None. 82 characters, and they ALL have pics. I WIN AT THE INTERNET. |
|||||||
| Jumpman,
you're wrong. Fair and square.
I am not!
You wouldn't know a good game if it kicked you in the butt!!
Oh yeah?!
YEAH!!
comes in)
What's
going on? Are they re-enacting Season 1 scenes?
Nothing so
harmless.... it's the classic "Perfect Dark" vs. "Ocarina of
Time" debate.
Ah.
How can you not like Joanna Dark?
Well, I
might like her better if she had a sword and shield and had an
adventure spanning 7 years.
Bah! See,
you don't NEED seven years to get through PD!
You're
saying there's no challenge in PD, then.
I didn't
say that...
comes by with a huge grin)
....Am
I right or am I right, Link? You have to agree with me...
Sorry, can't talk now. I gotta rehearse my speech for when I win Best
Main
Character. I'll have lots of references to Majora's Mask!
"When" you win Best Main Character?
Puh-lease.
You're not gonna win just for your failed romantic endeavors.
Ooh, big words. Well, I don't care what you think--
, , ,
and (at once): That award
is as good as mine!!
.......Jinx!
Hahahahaha!
hits with his cane)
Take
that!
That
was mean. Remind me not to mention you in my acceptance speech!
Amateur.... I've got my acceptance speech already written!
& : Grrrrr.
Is
that speech written yet?
For
the 239th time, no! Be patient!!
.....You've
been counting?
Yep.
Wow.
Where'd
that hedgehog run off to, anyway? I haven't seen him around
here
lately.
I don't
know. Everyone thinks that just because I'm the most powerful
Maverick
ever, I know everything.
....Do
you know everything?
Of course!
I just, um, have a selective memory.
Whatever.
Well, that rodent had better be back by the Awards.
If
we win Best Villain...
WHEN we win.
Right... WHEN we win Best Villain, we need to accept that award as a
team.
Speaking of
which, is the speech done yet?
For
the 240th time, NO!
OK, OK...
sheesh...
comes in.)
About
freaking time.
Shut up. I
have some bad news for you guys.
Britney
Spears will be singing a duet with Wario at the awards?
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
.........That was real loud.
Where did
all those people come from?!
.............................
Well, the bad news is they're trying to reform me. They want to make me
a.... a...... a good guy!!!
......So?
Technically you are....
Yes, but I
can't!! I have to be evil, because I'm the physical
manifestation
of Sega itself, and BOTVGH is a militantly pro-Nintendo site, so I have
to be the bad guy even if I'm really a good guy!!!
Um.... run that by me again?
NO!
Well, what're you gonna do? Some BOTVGH authors happen to like Sega.
Hmm... I don't have to reform right away. I'll still work with you guys
this season. After that.... I don't know.
OK. Hey
Seph, aren't you do---
takes out the Masamune blade)
Er...
Never mind.
That's
better.
One more
thing before the next scene change. Since this is my last
season
as a villain, I wanna make it special.
That's so
sweet.
So, if we
don't win.... wanna crash the awards?
& : YEAH!!!
If
I don't get to use my speech, they'll pay!!
Hehehehe...
all right.
What's
this?! One of H Cuz's episodes is developing a potential
plotline?!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): *GASP!* Very
funny...
Well, it's
weird. First, a mini-plot at the last awards. Then the
battle
in the Olympics ep. Now a potential plot here. Are you really H Cuz, or
some imposter sent to fool us?
What, I'm
not allowed to expand my writing style?
Whatever.
Let's talk about the awards! Why wasn't I nominated?
You didn't
get enough votes last time.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!
Ooooh... too bad. Hee hee hee!
pegs with an egg)
Ouch!
That was uncalled for.
Hey, I have
a question. In BOTVGH, why is Kamek a good guy and Sonic a
villain?
Because
Kamek is cool.
Never have
truer words been spoken.
Oh,
shaddup...
It's
because Kamek is a Nintendo character, isn't it?!
No!
That's discriminating against Sega characters! You bigots!
and hold up protest signs.)
and : Down with BOTVGH! Down
with BOTVGH!
You guys
are starting to get annoying...
Equal
opportunity for all consoles!
Huzzah!
Incoming!
and : Huh?
 s
fall on and )
SEE?!
You dropped cows on us because we're Sega characters!
No, I dropped cows on ya because you were being a nuisance!!
LIAR!!!
s
fall on and )
*sigh*
I love my job...
and : BOYCOTT!!!!
and leave)
OK,
so why is Sonic a villain while they're merely annoyances?
Because.
Hmmm.... I
smell a conspiracy.
That's not
a conspiracy you smell.... that's Wario.
Oh.
Eh-hehehehehehehehe!!!
and with him is..... ?!)
Wha?
What's she doing here?
I have a
bad feeling about this...
We're
singing a duet later!!!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where the heck are all these people coming from?!
Um...
wasn't me. (hides a dimensional portal behind his back)
Kamek, why are you hiding a dimensional portal behind your back?
Oh, no reason.
(singing...
if you can call it that) Oops! I did it again...
All: AGGGGGHHHH!!! Heh heh
heh! Now, this is a singer who almost makes me sound good!!
Noooooo!!! Whose idea was it to bring her into this episode?!
AaaAAaaAAaaAAagh...
(faints)
OK, OK...
falls on )
H-hey!
It had to be done.
and come in)
What
should we do with her?
The usual.
Got it. (She and lift .)
To the dumpster!
Right!
Nooooooooooooo!!! Britneeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!
and carry
out the back. chases them)
Good
riddance.
I kinda
liked her!
You would.
(off-screen) You let her go or I'll---
(o/s)
Should we toss him in there too?
(o/s) Might
as well.
So, is this
scene meant to reflect our violent culture?
Actually,
it's just senseless anti-Britney propaganda.
Oh, I see.
That idiot Wario... WHY did I even try to marry him?!
(o/s): That's what I'd like to know!
Mario?
You're here?
, , ,
and come in. They're done
beating each other up, and now they're all bandaged up.)
Mario!!
Wow, you're glad to see me!
You still
owe me 200 gold coins for that P-Wing you took from my castle
the other day!
...Or not.
Speaking of which, Mario, don't you owe Cranky $400 for that bet last
season?
Yeah! Pay
up, Jumpman!
I will,
once I, uh, get the money!
Liar!
(hits with his cane)
And Perfect Dark is still better!
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Noooo!
Yeeees!
(holding
a hammer) Shaddup already!
& : Sorry...
I am Ash
from Pallet Town!
We know.
I'm gonna be a master trainer!
Whatever.
And see, I have this Pikachu, so I'm gonna...
mutes )
Hey,
a character stupider than me!
That's
quite a novelty, isn't it?
keeps talking silently, oblivious to the fact he's been muted)
Speaking
of not very bright, isn't that Sailor Moon over there?
(whining) But WHY won't you write my acceptance speech for me?!
It wouldn't be right! You should write your own speech!!
She's too incompetent to write her own... and anyway, we don't even
know
if she's gonna win!
You're mean.
Come on Rei, give her a chance. Who's her competition anyway? A singer,
the devil, a duck...
Well, I
thought that Digimon trainer was kinda cute! Maybe a little too
young for me though... And another category besides...
Gaaaaaaaaaah... girls in short skirts...
is drooling)
Great....
right after I had this carpet cleaned.
Yo, Link!
Earth to Link, are you there?
Hmmmm...
holds a picture of in front
of )
SAMMY-CHAN!!!!!!
(grabs the picture and hugs it)
...........
"Sammy-chan"? He's lost it.
No, that
implies he had it before.
Oh, I
see.....
Hi
everyone! How's it going?
Greetings,
oh short-skirted ones.
smacks in the back of the
head)
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Hey... that guy hugging the piece of paper... isn't that the guy from
Legend
of Zelda?
Sadly, yes.
Hey... he's not bad-looking! He looks just like my ex-boyfriend!
(looks like he's about to melt into the floor) R-r-r-r-really?
Uh....h-h-h-h-hu-hu-huuuuuu....
Hoo boy.
As you can see, girls, Link is a hopeless loser.
Sailor Scouts: Ohhhh. (stops
stammering) Hu... hu....... HEY!!
I tell it
like it is...
I
am Ash!
Sadly,
that's true.
Huh?
All: ...... Heeeeey.
Was that an insult?
Yes.
Well.... well....... you're mean. I don't like you!!
Yeah, I
know. I get that a lot.
Can I smite
him?
Go ahead.
Woohoo! I'll do this one myself!
falls on )
........Ow.
So, why exactly is the Short Skirt Brigade here?
Three....
What in the name of Pong are you doing?
Counting
the number of jokes about skirt length.
.......
Anyway, why are they here?
Sailor Moon
was nominated for Best Non-Video Game Cameo.
Well,
that's all well and good but.... it doesn't explain the OTHER
four!!
I'm
not complaining!
Personally,
I only came for the snack buffet!
There is no
snack buffet.
What?!
We just came because a certain meatball-brained someone dragged us
along!!
Hey!
We certainly WEREN'T paid by the author to come here JUST IN CASE
certain
villains show up!!
The other Sailors: MINAKO!!!!! .......Oooooops.....
"Certain villains"?
Wow,
look at all this neat stuff! Souvenir T-shirts... coffee mugs...
plush
cows...
Yeah, ain't
it grand?
Hey, I
thought you were gone for good.
That's what
plot holes are for. So, you're an evil scientist too, huh?
Yeah... well, I used to be. I've quit the science biz, and I work for
Microsoft
now.
So you went
from evil scientist to evil computer guy?
Yep. I've
just about reached the pinnacle of evil. I even look like
Bill
Gates!!
Wow, that's
amazing! I'm not worthy!! (bows)
So, fellow
evil genius, what brings you to BOTVGH Island?
Well, I
wasn't paid by the author to come and stir up trouble.
Oh, OK. I see.
Paying all
these people to show up must put a real strain on H Cuz's
wallet.
.......
looks up and sees...)
*gasp*
It's THEM!!
Who?
My arch-nemeses!!
The federal
judges from the Microsoft ruling?
N-n-n-no!!
It's the.... the.....S-S-Sailor---
Arrr, matey.
CUT THAT OUT!!!!
(looks
where is pointing)
What's the big deal? It's a bunch of girls in miniskirts.
just happens to walk by)
Four...
So what's the big deal, Tomoe?
They're the
ones who...... defeated me!!
You were
defeated by a bunch of 15-year-olds?
and start to snicker)
Grrrr...
you'll see! I'll have my revenge on them... TODAY!!
Hahahahaha!!
stomps off)
.......
pops up out of nowhere)
Dun
dun dunnnnn!!!
Come along,
Bowser. We're not in this scene.
You are no
fun, you know that?
I think I'm
about ready for a....
......Scene
change.
So...
you say you're sailors?
Sailor
SOLDIERS.
You're
Navy officers?
is struggling not to hit Link)
I
guess not...
So what
weird gimmick are we gonna have at this awards ep?
I hired a camera crew.
A camera
crew...?
comes in with a microphone. Behind him,
is holding a video camera)
I
don't wanna carry this anymore.
Well, you
have to. Naturally, since I'm better-looking and have cooler
hair, I get to be the reporter.
Whatever...
*mumbles* Moron...
Everyone,
smile! You're on TV!
All: (except )
HI, MOM!!!!
Now to do
some reporting... let's see... (looks around) I wanna do an
interview.
(Notices ) Ooooh...
???????
(trying to sound clever) Hey babe, how about a little "one-on-one"
interview?
Crescent
Beam!!!
fires off a beam and is knocked
back 50 feet.)
Owwww...
or not.
That went
well...
Oh, shut
up. X, we delete that later, OK? Nobody is going to see that.
That's what you think. Hehehehe.
Urrrrgh.
moves the camera over to show
and )
The
Ocarina of Time is... well... better! Because it is! So there!
Can't you just face facts, Jumpman? Perfect Dark kicks Ocarina of
Time's
rear across the island and back. Case closed.
Guys,
guys, guys... there's an easy solution.
& : ?????
It's
obvious! Majora's Mask is better than both of them!!
& : .......LIAR!!
Let's
see what Luigi's up to...
Zzzzz...
Well, that was fun.... um... could we have a scene change?
(o/s)
Thank you.....
Listen
guys, last time we tried an attack, we got our butts kicked. We
need a new strategy.
Yeah, I
know. The standard bad-guy entrance probably won't work.
Maybe Sigma has some Mavericks we can use.
No, they
all went on vacation.... except for one.
I
still don't know why I'm here.
Who's he?
I call him Magma Legume. See, it rhymes with Magma Dragoon. It's
clever,
ya know.
....Ooooookay.
Hide, guys! The awards are starting in 5 seconds!!
Ack!
How'd we get here?!
How else?
Plot hole.
Let's move
this episode along.
Mwa
ha ha... I'll have my revenge, Sailor Scouts. Mark my words!!
I am Ash!
What
the....?! How the heck did you find me?!
Uhhhh...
grins evilly. Now back to the awards.)
Welcome
one and all, to the third BOTVGH Awards ceremony, where the
best
performers of Season 6 -- as decided by YOU, the readers -- will be,
uh,
awarded. I'm Zero, elite Maverick Hunter and on-the-scene
reporter.
Now, here's the host, H Cuz!
goes up on stage. Loud cheers.)
Thank
you, thank you.
presses "Stop" on a hidden tape recorder. The cheers stop.)
Hey,
the tape recorder was supposed to be secret!
You're
fired.
Siiiiiigh...
anyway... Let's meet our first presenter. Here to present
"Best New Author" is Luigi_Link.
How ironic!
The "New Author" award is presented by someone who will
make
his own author debut this season.
This
is my debut! If you have visited the chat and message boards, you
know I exist. But if you don't, you don't know I exist. Well, I am here
now. And I'm pleased to present an award. Thank you H Cuz. The nominees
are...
goes on stage to accept his award)
HOLY
MOLY!!! Wow, I can't believe this. I remeber voting in last
season's
awards when I started out as an author here in BOTVGH. I got welcomed
by
so many people, I just HAD to write an ep for Season 6. And here I am,
one awards show later. I'd like to thank everyone who have taught me so
much this past season, including
H Cuz, Klawkat, Dan/Tomoe, ErekChee, Sean Kelly, Martin Smith...
(pant)...
and so many more people. And if you're wondering, yes, Jes is on that
list.
Jes has made me realize how great BOTVGH is, and it has prevented me
from
taking this great group of people for granted. Well, I hope I can help
as many new authors this season as so many did for me in Season 6, and
I'll keep on writing eps in the future. Thank you so much!!!
(as leaves the stage) Now,
to present Best Veteran Author, here are Dr. Wily's two most
unreliable,
degenerate robots, Snake Man and Burner Man.
walks on stage first, not a huge applause at all...)
Hello,
I'm not Snake Man, I'm Snake! Snake, as in... a Snake!
Whatever.... where's Burner Man?
He's out.
Mr. Char-broiled has a little too big of an ego, and he's
hitting
on girls, telling them he's nominated for best cameo.
Well, can you present without him?
I would,
but propane-accessory has the card... I'll fetch him...
leaves offstage)
Errr...
ummm... Well, I guess we'll move on to the next category...
This is great! Suspense and drama, the viewers will love it!
Now, here's Best New Feature, presented by the toughest twosome in any
RPG: The Figaro Brothers, Edgar and Sabin from Final Fantasy 3/6j.
BOTVGH is always seeking to improve.
A few
innovations changed the face of the site this past season.
The nominees are...
The Song of
the Week won with 33 votes.
The episode
features list was second with 32 votes.
Thanks for
choosing the Song of the Week, people. I've always been an
avid
lover of video game music, and prior to Season 6, a lot of people
suggested
putting a MIDI on the front page. The Tip of the Week had been
successful
(it won this award last season), so the Song of the Week was born.
Now to present Best Spinoff, here's Wario the III.
comes on-stage)
BOTVGH's
popularity has resulted in the formation of several spinoff
sites,
which borrow concepts and characters from BOTVGH and develop many of
their
own fan followings. The nominees are:
and
come on stage)
Cheesy Poofs!
Sorry, Klawkat hasn't arrived in the building yet, but in case you
haven't
read the WOR, you should know that Dratini and myself, Locke, famed and
fabled treasure hunter extraordinaire, are cast members in the WOR, and
we are here to give thanks on Klawkat's behalf.
I did not get probed!
Heh heh heh... First off, Klawkat wants us to thank our major WOR
contributors,
in no particular order: Big J, UDX, Scrambla, Wario the III, and
ErekChee.
Also, I would like Dratini to say something that would benefit why you
should visit the WOR, if you haven't.
'Cause I said so!
That's right!
and
leave stage)
(Elsewhere...) (leaning against the wall, minding his own business) ......
(finding ) Where the
heck have you been?
(glares at coldly)
Hey,
listen, I don't care. We have an award to present here, and I
don't
want your flaming ego to fest in all this crap. Come on, we got to
present.
*Sigh* (Follows back to
stage)
Well, since
Snake is still gone, I have arranged a song-and-dance
number.
It's Marty, the Stalfos from Part 3 of the Quest to Save the Past.
I have rhythm! (dances) I have music! (dances)
(
and rudely barge on-stage)
Whaaaaaa???
You interrupted my song!! Meanies!
breaks to a pile of
bones)
(Crowd cheers) First
you're late for a presentation, and now you damaged our singing
talent,
Marty the Dancing Stalfos?
(Nod nod)
Well,
welcome aboard, and start the presentation already!
All right.
takes out his Super Flaming Heat Induced Boom Box of Death (TM) and
plays
the theme of Bubble Bobble for no reason!)
We
got background music, now the presentation.
takes out a card)
These
are the vets. (Snatches the card)
reads the card, and they show the the nominees)
All right.
Half finished. Burner, hand me the winner card.
(grabs the winner card away from !)
Hey! Give
it here!
(Shakes his head) >:(
Come on,
freak!
punches in the stomach,
and retaliates by hitting
in the face. They then get into a fight.)
(The fight rolls offstage, but drops the card.)
(Coming
back together) Ahhh... they were mean.
walks and grabs the card)
Hee
hee! (Walks off with the winner card.)
What! Come
on! What's wrong with this picture here! Arrgh... OK... Next
presenter...
Aaaaahhh!!!
I wanna know who wooooon!
Get a grip,
will ya?!
Sorry...
Next award is Best Cow Substitute, presented by Sean Kelly.
to come to the podium. Meanwhile on some road out there...)
Oh
great, I'm on! Now how am I going to get to the awards to present?
comes driving over to , and
comes out)
Need
a lift?
Sure thing!
Then let's go!
BEEP!
BEEP!
gets into and it
drives towards the awards. Meanwhile at the awards,
is improvising)
Umm...
How about them Packers?
Boy...
that guy is so boring.
Yeah we
want the totally tubular Canadian dude!
drives into the theatre right up to the stage before falling apart)
and : Whoa!
I should
get that looked at.
comes out and he heads over to the podium and there is a large applause)
Thank
you! Thank you! It is great to be here at the 3rd Annual BOTVGH
Awards.
There
he is! The Canadian guy!
He is so
rad.
and go into the aisle and
they start bowing)
and : WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE
NOT WORTHY!
smiles)
Anyway
I am here to present the award for Best Cow Substitute. As you
know
Cow King was in prison last season....
NO THANKS
TO YOU!!!!!
Yeah.....
anyway Cow King was in prison last season, so everyone had to
improvise with new innovations. Now, I am going to announce the
nominees
for this one in a slightly unconventional way. I have Blob up in the
control
room where he is read to demonstrate each of the substitutes.
Yep
everything is ready up here. I just need to press a button to get
the
cow substitute to work.
All
right. Okay. Backstage I have some subjects who do not know what is
going on because they were in a sound-proof room. They will come up and
"help" me demonstrate each of the Cow Replacements. First up is Meowth.
comes out on stage)
Now
it is my time to shine!
The first
nominee for best Cow Substitute is.... Extremely large
gerbils!
Oh boy.
falls onto )
Ouch!
leaves)
Next
up on my assistant's list are Edge and Christian from the WWF!
and come up onto the
stage)
Wow
I did not know that we were actually going to be part of the show!
This is so cool!
What
do we do?
Just stand
there.
Umm... okay.
Our next nominee is.... trapdoors!
I
suddenly have a very bad feeling.
and
fall through)
Coming
up to demonstrate the next award is Cranky.
comes out onto stage)
Now
why did you lock me into that room with all those wierdos, you
whippersnapper?!
Because....
the next nominee for best cow substitute is... Bedside
tables!
)
Finally,
for the final nominee, I call out Daffy Duck!
comes out)
Well
this is nice. Making my BOTVGH debut and all. It is about time I
get
some respect around here.
The final
nominee for best cow substitute is... anvils!
)
Mother!
and he walks away
as a little pancake)
Well those
are all the nominees. Anyway the winner of Best Cow
Substitute
is.......... Extremely large gerbils (59)! Runner-up: Trapdoors (31)!
comes up on stage)
Squeak!
What? What's that you say?
Squeak!
Squeak squeak squeak squeak!
I don't
understand.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!
Silly gerbil can't talk!
falls on , knocking him
into an anvil, whereupon he falls into a toilet, which is on top of a
trapdoor
of doom, where drops a , which causes him to fall
down it.)
is hiding)
Is
it over yet?
..................
Now, best video game cameo. Here's GoldShadow.
comes up on the stage, and bows politely at the applause that obviously
isn't there)
Thank
you, thank you.
Audience: ... I'm here to
present the cameo-thingy or whatever. Now everyone knows
that
a cameo dude can like... really... um... make an episode better and
stuff.
Yeah, that's it. And when a cameo is in an episode, it makes it more
interesting.
It's also really... um... (looks at his hand) ...cool. Here, watch.
and appear out of nowhere)
Eulalia?
Uwee hee hee!
Wow,
wasn't that cool? It makes an otherwise really boring presenting
thingy
into an um... mildly boring presenting thingy.
(whispering)
Just get to the nominees!
Oh. Right.
The nonimees.
Nominees!
Whatever. Anyhow, the nonimees for best cameo are...
Turn it over, idiot!
Huh? Oh..
wait.. ah yes! The winner is.. Chunky Kong, of Episode 16!
(29
votes) ... Runner-up was the Worms (20)... Haha, just a little humor
there
on that hqnuyC thing, um, hee...
SIGH.....
goes up stage)
Uhhh....
thanks for the votes! (leaves stage)
Three
guesses who didn't write his speech beforehand....
nods.)
Now
our non-video game cameo award, presented by UDX.
Tonight,
before I announce the winner, I would like to say--
You suck UDX!
Quiet, okay?! Now, what I would like to say is...
Shut your
mouth, Jabroni!
Out
of my way, sissy!
and get into a fight)
You
both stop or I'll kick both of your ***es! Now, what I would like
to
say is...
You suck worse than Jes, UDX!
Can't anyone go without being quiet?! Now, what I would like to say
is...
Uggh, get
on with it! I'm tired!!
)
One
more interruption and I will have to ruin the G rating on this
episode!
Now, what I would like to say is...
You suck so much that you...
shoots
with his arm cannon gun, killing )
Oh my god, they killed Charlie!
You *******s!!
I warned
you! Now, what I would like to say is, that I have decided to
make another movie! But it will not be due 'till next year! Luckily,
the
first BOTVGH:TND movie is already out in time for the holidays! Now,
here
are the nominees for this category...
I WON!!! Oh yeah! Who da cow?! Who da cow, bay-beeeeeeee!! Yeah!!!
(whispering) Aren't you gonna make a speech?
Speech???
Uh, never mind.
Moving
right along, here's the award for Best Recurring Character,
presented
by Squirtlesaur2000.
goes up on stage)
It is an honor to present this
award. I mean, you'd think I'd be
bitter.
But I'm not. Even though my short was not nominated. I mean who cares,
right Sean and H? You know who cares? My family! My God that was a bad
night. Do you know how it feels to tell a family of mutated Pokemon
that
you're presenting? And I'm not counting Klawkat, I know he has. No, I
was
just joking. I guess I should calm down. Hey, H & Sean, uh... don't
eat that cake I left backstage. Well, anywho, here's the nominees for
Best
Recurring Character...
Awww...
is giving the award, he tries to hold onto it, but
tears it out of his hand.
limps backstage holding his arm.)
Heh
heh... not bad for a gal who DIDN'T HAVE A SINGLE GAME ON THE N64
OUTSIDE
OF SSB!!!! (takes deep breaths, mumbles to herself) I am calm. I will
not
rant. I will have a Game Cube game, yes. (takes another deep breath)
But
it's nice to know that, despite the fact I haven't starred in a game
since
Super Metroid, I still won this award. You really do love me... though
I wish some people *ahem*Link*cough* didn't love me quite so much.
She mentioned me! (gets this dreamy look in his eyes)
Not again.
& : ........
Well,
thanks everyone. Bounty hunters rule!
I
must congratulate her!
runs up to )
Hey
Samus, when I win Best Main Character, wanna put our awards side by
side?
can even punch him, ,
& are dragging him away)
He
has no idea what he's talking about.
Please,
forgive him.
Bah!
Help!
is dragged back to his seat)
Now,
the much-anticipated Best Main Character award. Here's Dan, the
shorts
guy.
These are
characters that are in almost every episode and it wouldn't
be
BOTVGH without them. (Who wrote these lines?) Um, anyway... here are
the
nominees.
Noooooo!!!
I remain in my brother's shadow.
And what a
big shadow it is! Lose weight, Jumpman!
Heh heh
heh. I won. Nyah. (goes up on stage)
Thank you,
thank you. {Buy Game Cube.} You know, it's amazing how an
ordinary
plumber from Brooklyn can wind up being a multi-million dollar
franchise
and winning 2 consecutive BOTVGH awards. {Buy Game Cube.} But I
couldn't
have done it without Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto, he made me what I am today.
{Buy Game Cube.} Thank you, Mr. Miyamoto!!
(in the
crowd) No, thank YOU! {For the free advertising.}
{Heh heh.}
Well, I guess that's it. Remember, I'm not sending any
subliminal
messages. {BUY GAME CUBE!!!}
Speaking
of subliminal messages, our next category is Weirdest Plot
Twist,
to be presented by ErekChee, who is making his first BOTVGH appearance
here and will make his writing debut next week.
goes up on stage.)
A
lot of times, you'll be reading an episode, then you'll see an event
that makes you shake your head and say "What?" Hence this category...
The
nominees were:
....Who is gonna take this award? Klawkat is still not here, and Snake
Man and Burner Man are chasing Marty the Stalfos...
walks on stage)
Wha?
(Snatches the Award) Listen, I never cared about my nomination, but
Snake
is a little shrimp that always goes out and makes me look like an
idiot.
Now, I know Snake was the bigger idiot of us two, but outside the
episode,
Snake always embarrasses me, he makes me look like a fool when I try to
pick up chicks. Now, you know why I chose not to talk to him, or talk
at
all. Deal with it! Oh, and the award that Snake won?
tosses the award in the air, and burns it with a flamethrower)
I don't want any of you to tell Snake that he won an award.
Or it's
your
heads!!!
walks off)
Ahhh...
I guess it was better for him to be mute.
This is
great! It's like it was scripted!
It WAS
scripted, moron!
Oh yeah.
Now for Best Pokémon Character. Who better to present this award
than our resident Pokémon enthusiast, BOTPH owner Tizzy557!
Love them or hate them, Pokémon continue to be a mainstay here
at
BOTVGH. The nominees were:
comes on stage)
Pika
pika! {Yeah! I'm still the best! Take that, Lugia!}
Lugia
wasn't nominated.
Piiii...
{Oh...}
walks dejectedly offstage)
I
guess that Pikachu could use some stronger competition. Let's face
it,
15 votes is a relatively large margin.
Hey,
where's that Pikachu's trainer?
Ash? I
dunno... I haven't seen him lately. (dramatically) Oh! The
absolute
tension!!
*sigh*
Now, with Best (So to speak) Villain, here's David Mario.
comes on stage with . , , ,
and are hidden, watching
closely)
Hello.
I am presenting the Best (so to speak) Villain award.
And I am here for some reason.
Well here
are the nominees.
Well
we wish everyone could win, but they couldn't.
So now I'll
say the winner. The winner is...
That's
right, the winner is...
Just
kidding the winner is...
Dr. Wily
(53). The runners-up were Sonic and Co., with 31.
hands the Best Villain award.)
Well,
we better get back to our seats.
and walk off.)
(Meanwhile somewhere mysterious, , ,
and are in shock)
Let's
get 'em!
Not yet.
I'll say when...
You just
said "when"! Let's goAAAAHHH!!! (gets tripped by )
I SAID not
yet! Idiot...
Hey,
you came in 2nd, that's not bad...
, ,
and glare at him)
.....Or
maybe it is....
Thank you,
thank you my friends. I promise to fulfill my duties as best
villain by destroying you all right now!
Everyone: Hooray! No, don't
cheer! I mean to say I am going to kill you all!
Man, you
really are the best villain!
Fine. I'll
destroy you later. But VERY SOON later! Hahahahhahahaha!
leaves the stage)
Now,
Most Original Episode. Here's Dreyfus X.
(Suddenly a bright flash appears in the air and
appears there, floating)
I
AM THE MASTER OF GOLD!!! I WILL DESTROY EVIL ALL AROUND THE WORLD!!
(Lowers
to the ground) I AM COMPLETELY INVINCIBLE!! I AM DREYFUS X!!
Thank
you, thank you. I am honored to be here tonight and I have been
asked
by H Cuz to announce the award for the Most Original Episode. The Most
Original Episode depicts change from normal or mundane routines of eps.
Those that are or were different were nominated and they are:
comes up and hands him
the award)
I
won... again. This is the third time that I won this award, even
though
the award has had a different name each time. In fact nobody has ever
won
this award. Does this say anything about the other BOTVGH authors?
Actually,
no it doesn't. Everyone out there deserves a chance to be recognized
and
all of the other nominees for this award are winners for just being
nominated.
If the 7 episodes that were nominated for this award were bad, they
would
not have been nominated. All of the nominees for most original plot
have
something special in them. Something that separates them from the rest
of the BOTVGH episodes of Season 6. If you choose to read just 7 of
Season
6's episodes, read this fine bunch of episodes because they were chosen
as some of the most original episodes out there. Season 7 is going to
be
my 5th BOTVGH season. It was in December 1997 in which my very first
BOTVGH
episode went up. It was a very bad (yep even I admit it) Christmas
episode
which was the second episode right after Matt Broussard's one. In
Season
3 I wrote my first real episode "A Whole Lot of Trouble in Time"
followed
by its award-winning sequel "Dr. Wily's Time Attacks" in Season 4. I
have
written close to 20 episodes and shorts in the past 3 years (for both
BOTVGH
and spin-offs) and they will all be available for you to read in a
special
"Greatest Hits" package which will be released by the end of the first quarter of
Season 7. And now it is time for a very important announcement.
Including
this season, I will not write past the next 4 seasons. It is a very
hard
task to make a BOTVGH episode and make them good. I am just too busy to
spend time writing episodes for BOTVGH all of the time. Writing
episodes
also takes a lot out of me. I get plagued with writers' block, I rush
to
get episode done that I need to have done by a certain time. I just
cannot
handle it any more. I have 3 episodes this season and 2-3 episodes for
next season planned, so there is no immediate worry. I am just giving
advance
warning. Anyway thanks for the award.
leaves the podium)
Okey,
we need to know who's the winner of the veteran authors. Toad!!!
What do you want me to do?
I want you
to find Marty the Stalfos, and reclaim the winner's card.
Can do!
Oh,
I need to find Marty the Stalfos! Where is Marty the Stalfos?
runs out of the Arena)
Taxi!
,
apparently revived, slams the brakes, and hits .
is stuck in the front of the car.)
(meekly)
Find a Stalfos!
drives off!)
(Elsewhere) La
la la! I love to dance! (Dances)
leaps down onto )
Ouchies!
That's mean!
Ha ha ha!
I'll prove that I'm evil! He he he! (grabs the winner's card
and runs off)
stops in front of the broken ,
peels himself off the front.)
Ahh!
There's Marty!
Green...
bubble dinosaur! Took piece of paper.
Oh no! I
must stop the green bubble dinosaur! (Grabs a portable scooter
and runs off)
I
can be evil too! Ha ha ha haaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!
was tackled by )
(Takes
card) You be lucky that you have no ears!
was tackled by )
Blahhah!
(Takes card)
)
Where's
the card?
Mike Tyson
took it!
Where's the
card?
Wart took
it!
Where's the
card?
DK Jr. took
it!
Where's the
card?
A Worm took
it.
Where's the
card?
Bob took it
again!
Where's the
card?
A Goomba
took it.
Where's the
card?
What card?
What?
runs off with the card in hand.
runs after!)
( ,
with giving chase, runs back
into the Arena)
Slow
day... Where is the winner's card?
Ha ha ha ha!
What a funny looking dinosaur!
(Runs on
stage) Ha ha ha!
(Stops
chasing) What?
Ha ha ha! I
have a demand! You all will be my slaves, or you'll never
learn
the winner of Best Veteran.
Ummm...
which is worse?
I say not
learning the winner...
All
hail Ruler Bob!
Yeah! I'm
ruler of all of you now! Ha ha ha! Then since I'm your ruler,
I'll just rip this up!
(
grabs the card with both hands)
(
runs towards )
Nnnnnooooooooooooooooo!
Haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa!
rips the card in two, but
then tackles to the ground.
then cries away.)
Oh
no. This is tragic. How can we learn who won? This is bad! Oh so
bad...
Wait! I just put both pieces together!
puts the pieces together, and reads the card.)
And
the winner is H Cuz (45)! Runner-up: Klawkat (31).
FINALLY!!!
That was like waiting for the recounts in Florida!
Thanks
everyone. From a writing standpoint, I believe Season 6 was my
best
year, and I think that's because I've finally started to use plots. In
the Olympics, I introduced the terrible trio of Sonic, Sigma, and
Sephiroth.
They're villains I'm comfortable writing for... Wily won the Best
Villain
award, but he's always been a bit too clichéd and goofy to use
as
my main villain. So with my own set of villains, I was able to give a
plot
to that episode, and subsequent episodes... I also tried to make the
gags
at the Olympics -- even the events themselves -- funnier than usual. In
the future, you may see my eps transform from random goofiness to
not-so-random
goofiness. I hope to keep improving as the seasons progress... I'll
write
episodes as long as I can. Thanks again.
starts to leave the stage, then remembers he's the host)
Almost
done... Here's Diskmaster with Best Short.
And
now the award for Best Short. Hey, where's the nominee list?
gets hit by an airplane holding the list of nominees.)
That's
for editing my short.
Just
wait until "Uncelebrity Deathmatch". And, the nominees...
hands the trophy of cheese)
What
the...
Ha
ha, budget cuts.
Uhh...
thanks. I didn't really expect this one to win at all, much less
by such an overwhelming margin... in fact,
it was Sean's idea to nominate it.
glares at )
.............What?
Truth be told, the short took me all of 5 minutes to write, and
probably
would've been completely un-funny if not for the ending.
True, true.
casts him a strange look)
Of
course, my inspiration was the numerous "Whazzup" parodies,
particularly
this one I saw in a store, with Superman and Batman and... uh...
anyway,
thanks.
WHAZZAAAAAAAAAAA-----
Agh, quiet!
Sorry, I
was caught up in the EMOTION!!
...You
really are weird, you know that?
Now the
last award... Here's Braden with Best Overall Season 6
Episode!!!
comes on stage)
Hello
there! This past season we have seen many memorable episodes.
It's
a wonder how the authors become so creative in episode writing, even
after
6 long seasons. It is incredibly hard to determine the "best" episode
in
a season, since so many flourish in humour, imagination and creativity.
But here it is, the moment we've all been waiting for, the award for
Best
Season 6 Episode!!! The nominees are...
falls from the sky, and lands on the ground [like Chris Rock on Dogma,
but with clothes on])
Are
you OK?
I was up
here the whole time. I was hired as a grip.
Nice job.
Yeah, you see, I was supposed to hold up these two bars... (holds up
one,
while the other one is gone) and make sure the place doesn't crumble
down.
What?
Yeah... I guess the place won't crumble after all...
...
Why did I fall down here?
Your Smash
Attack Games 2 won an award for Best Season 6 Episode.
Cool!
walks off.)
(Looks
at walking off,
has a strange look on his face) Ooooooookey... (Finds that he's still
holding
the statuette that's for )
Ummmm... (Sneaks the award in his pocket)
Hee hee!
(thinking) No one will notice.
Did you see
that?
It was
obvious... and it'll be on national TV!
Yeah!
Scandals are great for ratings!
Well, I
guess that's it. Thanks for attending the...
???: It's not over yet!! Oh!
The DRAMATIC TENSION!!!
If I could
see where you were, I'd hit you with the camera...
I
can use my Lamp to light things up!
tries to light the lamp, but accidentally lights 's
tail)
Aaaaaahhhh!!!
Oops. (Steps on the fire -- and 's
tail -- to put it out)
Ouchies...
I have just the thing!
activates the tool, "Flash".)
Sorry.
(Turns it off and the room returns to darkness)
???: Hahahahahahaha. , ,
and appear with )
It's Sonic!
And Sigma!
And Sephiroth!
And a giant
peanut!
Mmmm, a
peanut!
Ack!
Don't eat me!
Sonic!!
You said you'd stop your evil ways!
I will....
but not right away.
You dirty,
scheming little...
???: *ahem* Excuse me. !)
, ,
& : Huh?!
I'll take
over from here.
What?!
Impossible!
How'd he...
We beat him!!
You beat me
once, but now I'll have my revenge!
We'll stop
you!
We'll just
see about--
*ahem*
& Co.)
That's
better.
What are
you up to?!
We
didn't win Best Villain.
And we're
all sore losers.
So we're
gonna crash the awards!
All 3: HUZZAH!! Um... no.
)
I'M
going to crash the awards. I've already started. Behold!! (steps
aside
to reveal , unconcscious on
the floor) So get outta my way!
No
way, José.
We were
here first!
There
will be other awards shows for you to crash, this one is ours!!
Nuh-uh! I summon Stupid-Looking-Monster-of-the-Day #239!
It's a
daimon!!
It even has
standard daimon dialogue!
Ooh. I'm
scared now.
Magma
Legume, get rid of that nuisance!
Yes,
master!
and the daimon start fighting)
(Meanwhile, the heroes huddle to strategize) So
I'll come up from behind and then...
20 coins on
the peanut.
You're on!!
Are you two paying attention?
& : No.
*sigh*
Ami, what do you think?
I think I
ate too much at the buffet.
There was
no buffet.
There
wasn't?
No...
Agh.
Daimon: GRRRR!!! (charges at )
DIE!!!!
(charges at the daimon)
and the daimon run into each other and are knocked out)
& : D'oh!!
Ha! I win!
Pay up!
I
have an idea, Mario.
What?
I heroically run up and singlehandedly smite the evildoers with my
Master
Sword!
Um... no.
Awww....
wakes up and notices )
Wow,
a hedgehog Pokémon! Go, Charizard!
Wha?
Char!! (toasts )
Owies.
Yay! Poké Ball, go!!!
is trying to stifle a laugh.
sits up and the ball hits him in the face)
Huh?
Maybe I didn't weaken it enough!
Fool, do I
look like a Pokémon to you?
Um, yes.
(taking out an energy scythe like in Mega Man X4) Let me handle
that pathetic dragon. (slams the scythe into the ground)
)
Oh
no!
Guys, are
we just gonna sit here and let them all destroy each other?
Um...
Well...
Sounds good to me...
OK.
When I was in my prime, villains never squabbled like this. Nosirreebob.
Charizard return!
Well
then... (walks up to )
What are
you doing?
Playing
a little game. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
takes out his sword...)
***THIS SCENE HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO EXCESSIVE GORY VIOLENCE.***
I'm gonna be sick.
Me too.
starts handing out barf bags)
(looking
at ... or what's left
of him) Man... I am so glad I'm not the janitor.
That was
GREAT!! Violence always means a huge ratings boost. X, you got
that
on camera... right?
No. I don't
like violence.
AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
He... he killed Ash!
A life has
been lost, don't you think we should do something?
Others: Nah... You're all
just a bunch of lazy bums!!
Others: We know. Is he
allowed to kill off a character like that?
Don't
worry, he'll be back to normal a couple of episodes from now.
I still like my idea...
So Tomoe,
it's just us... and you.
Give
up... while you still have a chance.
Never, I
work for Bill Gates!!
Well, I
don't run on Windows. Pffft.
Really?!
Yeah, re--- *crashes*
Ha! Just as
I suspected!
Will this
episode never end?
Don't
worry, I sent out a distress signal a while back. Help is on the
way!
When will
they arrive?
Should be
about--
and come in)
Now.
Go figure.
Ready?
Ready.
FIRE!!!
Aaaaagh!!
(collapses)
What the...
(collapses)
Drat!
We forgot about the good guys... (collapses)
What shall
we do with them?
To the
dumpster!
OK then!
What
a night this has been! Right, fellas?
Zzzzzz....
Zzzzz....
(dazed)
Sammy-chan...
(sighs)
He's hopeless.
Hey,
where's the camera?
is filming )
Pikapi!
{Hi, mom!}
waves at the camera, when suddenly
steps in front)
So
in the end, the evil was vanquished and everyone was happy.
I didn't win the award.... WAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Well,
almost everyone.
Hey, you're
ruining my shot!
Sorry.
Say... are you busy tonight?
Wha?
walks up to her)
You
know, that skirt looks good on you.
Hey,
why not give that camera to someone else and hold something
different...
me for instance?
(to ) Ummm... hold this for
a moment. (hands him the camera)
.......
(thinking) It WORKED?!
SUPREME
THUNDER!!!!
, ,
and .
goes flying backwards into ,
who drops the camera.)
(slow-mo)
Aaaaah!!!
(slow-mo)
Noooooo!!!!
dives and catches the camera)
Phew!
's hands)
........Dang.
Ohh, that can't be good.
Well, this
was a chaotic episode.
And it's
about to end. Wish I could say I had fun, but hey...
comes in)
Hey,
where's that camera I let you guys borrow?
All: .......... (finally
wakes up) ......Wha?
(Meanwhile, outside.... from inside a dumpster) Urrrgh...
I can't find my Masamune sword amidst all this junk!
(futilely
using his claws to scratch at the inside) Keep trying! We
gotta
get out of here!
nods.)
& :
(singing) Oops! I did it again!
Nooooooo!
Somebody help meeeeeee!!
falls on the dumpster)
Um,
thanks?
Anytime.
Sigh.
(After everyone has left, the arena collapses) Oops.
Hee hee!
|
 |
The SMBHQ Crew
Tsuji Yamada
Frost
Man
Princess Daisy
Roll
Tai
The Worms
Cher
Darkwing Duck
Eminem
Judge
Judy
Satan
Donkey Kong
Fat Lady
Abra
Ditto
Raticate
Ganondorf