 Episode 3 The Third BOTVGH Awards! by H Cuz With contributions from: Klawkat, Wario the III, Dreyfus X, David Mario, Sean Kelly, Luigi_Link, Braden, UDX, Diskmaster, Squirtlesaur2000, Nesshelper, and Goldshadow |
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Episode 3 The Third BOTVGH Awards! by H Cuz With contributions from: Klawkat, Wario the III, Dreyfus X, David Mario, Sean Kelly, Luigi_Link, Braden, UDX, Diskmaster, Squirtlesaur2000, Nesshelper, and Goldshadow |
 Mario |
 Luigi |
 Wario |
 Peach |
 Toad |
 Yoshi |
 Bowser |
 Kamek |
 Goomba |
 Wart |
 Miyamoto |
 Cranky |
 Donkey Kong Jr. |
 Chunky |
 Sonic |
 Tails |
 Knuckles |
 Edgar |
 Sabin |
 Locke |
 Sephiroth |
 Kefka |
 Mega Man |
 Snake Man |
 Burner Man |
 Dr. Wily |
 Mega Man X |
 Zero |
 Sigma |
 Magma Legume |
 Cow King |
 Dr. Evil |
 Wayne |
 Garth |
 Edge |
 Christian |
 The Rock |
 Stone Cold |
 Link |
 Stalfos |
 Bob |
 Samus |
 Sailor Moon |
 Sailor Mercury |
 Sailor Mars |
 Sailor Jupiter |
 Sailor Venus |
 Professor Tomoe |
 Captain Falcon |
 Martin's Station Wagon |
 Britney Spears |
 Daffy Duck |
 Blob |
 Charlie |
 Cammy |
 Sakura |
 Mike Tyson |
 Worm |
 Sunflash |
 Ash |
 Pikachu |
 Meowth |
 Dratini |
 Charizard |
 H Cuz |
 Sean Kelly |
 Klawkat |
 UDX |
 Dan |
 Luigi_Link |
 Diskmaster |
 StarX |
 Dreyfus X |
 Tizzy557 |
 David Mario |
 Carl |
 Squirtlesaur2000 |
 ErekChee |
 Braden |
 Goldshadow |
 Lakitu |
 Snorlax |
None. 82 characters, and they ALL have pics. I WIN AT THE INTERNET. |
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| Jumpman,
you're wrong. Fair and square.
I am not!
You wouldn't know a good game if it kicked you in the butt!!
Oh yeah?!
YEAH!!
comes in)
What's
going on? Are they re-enacting Season 1 scenes?
Nothing so
harmless.... it's the classic "Perfect Dark" vs. "Ocarina of
Time" debate.
Ah.
How can you not like Joanna Dark?
Well, I
might like her better if she had a sword and shield and had an
adventure spanning 7 years.
Bah! See,
you don't NEED seven years to get through PD!
You're
saying there's no challenge in PD, then.
I didn't
say that...
comes by with a huge grin)
....Am
I right or am I right, Link? You have to agree with me...
Sorry, can't talk now. I gotta rehearse my speech for when I win Best
Main
Character. I'll have lots of references to Majora's Mask!
"When" you win Best Main Character?
Puh-lease.
You're not gonna win just for your failed romantic endeavors.
Ooh, big words. Well, I don't care what you think--
, , ,
and (at once): That award
is as good as mine!!
.......Jinx!
Hahahahaha!
hits with his cane)
Take
that!
That
was mean. Remind me not to mention you in my acceptance speech!
Amateur.... I've got my acceptance speech already written!
& : Grrrrr.
Is
that speech written yet?
For
the 239th time, no! Be patient!!
.....You've
been counting?
Yep.
Wow.
Where'd
that hedgehog run off to, anyway? I haven't seen him around
here
lately.
I don't
know. Everyone thinks that just because I'm the most powerful
Maverick
ever, I know everything.
....Do
you know everything?
Of course!
I just, um, have a selective memory.
Whatever.
Well, that rodent had better be back by the Awards.
If
we win Best Villain...
WHEN we win.
Right... WHEN we win Best Villain, we need to accept that award as a
team.
Speaking of
which, is the speech done yet?
For
the 240th time, NO!
OK, OK...
sheesh...
comes in.)
About
freaking time.
Shut up. I
have some bad news for you guys.
Britney
Spears will be singing a duet with Wario at the awards?
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
.........That was real loud.
Where did
all those people come from?!
.............................
Well, the bad news is they're trying to reform me. They want to make me
a.... a...... a good guy!!!
......So?
Technically you are....
Yes, but I
can't!! I have to be evil, because I'm the physical
manifestation
of Sega itself, and BOTVGH is a militantly pro-Nintendo site, so I have
to be the bad guy even if I'm really a good guy!!!
Um.... run that by me again?
NO!
Well, what're you gonna do? Some BOTVGH authors happen to like Sega.
Hmm... I don't have to reform right away. I'll still work with you guys
this season. After that.... I don't know.
OK. Hey
Seph, aren't you do---
takes out the Masamune blade)
Er...
Never mind.
That's
better.
One more
thing before the next scene change. Since this is my last
season
as a villain, I wanna make it special.
That's so
sweet.
So, if we
don't win.... wanna crash the awards?
& : YEAH!!!
If
I don't get to use my speech, they'll pay!!
Hehehehe...
all right.
What's
this?! One of H Cuz's episodes is developing a potential
plotline?!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): *GASP!* Very
funny...
Well, it's
weird. First, a mini-plot at the last awards. Then the
battle
in the Olympics ep. Now a potential plot here. Are you really H Cuz, or
some imposter sent to fool us?
What, I'm
not allowed to expand my writing style?
Whatever.
Let's talk about the awards! Why wasn't I nominated?
You didn't
get enough votes last time.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!
Ooooh... too bad. Hee hee hee!
pegs with an egg)
Ouch!
That was uncalled for.
Hey, I have
a question. In BOTVGH, why is Kamek a good guy and Sonic a
villain?
Because
Kamek is cool.
Never have
truer words been spoken.
Oh,
shaddup...
It's
because Kamek is a Nintendo character, isn't it?!
No!
That's discriminating against Sega characters! You bigots!
and hold up protest signs.)
and : Down with BOTVGH! Down
with BOTVGH!
You guys
are starting to get annoying...
Equal
opportunity for all consoles!
Huzzah!
Incoming!
and : Huh?
 s
fall on and )
SEE?!
You dropped cows on us because we're Sega characters!
No, I dropped cows on ya because you were being a nuisance!!
LIAR!!!
s
fall on and )
*sigh*
I love my job...
and : BOYCOTT!!!!
and leave)
OK,
so why is Sonic a villain while they're merely annoyances?
Because.
Hmmm.... I
smell a conspiracy.
That's not
a conspiracy you smell.... that's Wario.
Oh.
Eh-hehehehehehehehe!!!
and with him is..... ?!)
Wha?
What's she doing here?
I have a
bad feeling about this...
We're
singing a duet later!!!
Everyone in the episode (and even some who aren't): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where the heck are all these people coming from?!
Um...
wasn't me. (hides a dimensional portal behind his back)
Kamek, why are you hiding a dimensional portal behind your back?
Oh, no reason.
(singing...
if you can call it that) Oops! I did it again...
All: AGGGGGHHHH!!! Heh heh
heh! Now, this is a singer who almost makes me sound good!!
Noooooo!!! Whose idea was it to bring her into this episode?!
AaaAAaaAAaaAAagh...
(faints)
OK, OK...
falls on )
H-hey!
It had to be done.
and come in)
What
should we do with her?
The usual.
Got it. (She and lift .)
To the dumpster!
Right!
Nooooooooooooo!!! Britneeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!
and carry
out the back. chases them)
Good
riddance.
I kinda
liked her!
You would.
(off-screen) You let her go or I'll---
(o/s)
Should we toss him in there too?
(o/s) Might
as well.
So, is this
scene meant to reflect our violent culture?
Actually,
it's just senseless anti-Britney propaganda.
Oh, I see.
That idiot Wario... WHY did I even try to marry him?!
(o/s): That's what I'd like to know!
Mario?
You're here?
, , ,
and come in. They're done
beating each other up, and now they're all bandaged up.)
Mario!!
Wow, you're glad to see me!
You still
owe me 200 gold coins for that P-Wing you took from my castle
the other day!
...Or not.
Speaking of which, Mario, don't you owe Cranky $400 for that bet last
season?
Yeah! Pay
up, Jumpman!
I will,
once I, uh, get the money!
Liar!
(hits with his cane)
And Perfect Dark is still better!
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Noooo!
Yeeees!
(holding
a hammer) Shaddup already!
& : Sorry...
I am Ash
from Pallet Town!
We know.
I'm gonna be a master trainer!
Whatever.
And see, I have this Pikachu, so I'm gonna...
mutes )
Hey,
a character stupider than me!
That's
quite a novelty, isn't it?
keeps talking silently, oblivious to the fact he's been muted)
Speaking
of not very bright, isn't that Sailor Moon over there?
(whining) But WHY won't you write my acceptance speech for me?!
It wouldn't be right! You should write your own speech!!
She's too incompetent to write her own... and anyway, we don't even
know
if she's gonna win!
You're mean.
Come on Rei, give her a chance. Who's her competition anyway? A singer,
the devil, a duck...
Well, I
thought that Digimon trainer was kinda cute! Maybe a little too
young for me though... And another category besides...
Gaaaaaaaaaah... girls in short skirts...
is drooling)
Great....
right after I had this carpet cleaned.
Yo, Link!
Earth to Link, are you there?
Hmmmm...
holds a picture of in front
of )
SAMMY-CHAN!!!!!!
(grabs the picture and hugs it)
...........
"Sammy-chan"? He's lost it.
No, that
implies he had it before.
Oh, I
see.....
Hi
everyone! How's it going?
Greetings,
oh short-skirted ones.
smacks in the back of the
head)
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Hey... that guy hugging the piece of paper... isn't that the guy from
Legend
of Zelda?
Sadly, yes.
Hey... he's not bad-looking! He looks just like my ex-boyfriend!
(looks like he's about to melt into the floor) R-r-r-r-really?
Uh....h-h-h-h-hu-hu-huuuuuu....
Hoo boy.
As you can see, girls, Link is a hopeless loser.
Sailor Scouts: Ohhhh. (stops
stammering) Hu... hu....... HEY!!
I tell it
like it is...
I
am Ash!
Sadly,
that's true.
Huh?
All: ...... Heeeeey.
Was that an insult?
Yes.
Well.... well....... you're mean. I don't like you!!
Yeah, I
know. I get that a lot.
Can I smite
him?
Go ahead.
Woohoo! I'll do this one myself!
falls on )
........Ow.
So, why exactly is the Short Skirt Brigade here?
Three....
What in the name of Pong are you doing?
Counting
the number of jokes about skirt length.
.......
Anyway, why are they here?
Sailor Moon
was nominated for Best Non-Video Game Cameo.
Well,
that's all well and good but.... it doesn't explain the OTHER
four!!
I'm
not complaining!
Personally,
I only came for the snack buffet!
There is no
snack buffet.
What?!
We just came because a certain meatball-brained someone dragged us
along!!
Hey!
We certainly WEREN'T paid by the author to come here JUST IN CASE
certain
villains show up!!
The other Sailors: MINAKO!!!!! .......Oooooops.....
"Certain villains"?
Wow,
look at all this neat stuff! Souvenir T-shirts... coffee mugs...
plush
cows...
Yeah, ain't
it grand?
Hey, I
thought you were gone for good.
That's what
plot holes are for. So, you're an evil scientist too, huh?
Yeah... well, I used to be. I've quit the science biz, and I work for
Microsoft
now.
So you went
from evil scientist to evil computer guy?
Yep. I've
just about reached the pinnacle of evil. I even look like
Bill
Gates!!
Wow, that's
amazing! I'm not worthy!! (bows)
So, fellow
evil genius, what brings you to BOTVGH Island?
Well, I
wasn't paid by the author to come and stir up trouble.
Oh, OK. I see.
Paying all
these people to show up must put a real strain on H Cuz's
wallet.
.......
looks up and sees...)
*gasp*
It's THEM!!
Who?
My arch-nemeses!!
The federal
judges from the Microsoft ruling?
N-n-n-no!!
It's the.... the.....S-S-Sailor---
Arrr, matey.
CUT THAT OUT!!!!
(looks
where is pointing)
What's the big deal? It's a bunch of girls in miniskirts.
just happens to walk by)
Four...
So what's the big deal, Tomoe?
They're the
ones who...... defeated me!!
You were
defeated by a bunch of 15-year-olds?
and start to snicker)
Grrrr...
you'll see! I'll have my revenge on them... TODAY!!
Hahahahaha!!
stomps off)
.......
pops up out of nowhere)
Dun
dun dunnnnn!!!
Come along,
Bowser. We're not in this scene.
You are no
fun, you know that?
I think I'm
about ready for a....
......Scene
change.
So...
you say you're sailors?
Sailor
SOLDIERS.
You're
Navy officers?
is struggling not to hit Link)
I
guess not...
So what
weird gimmick are we gonna have at this awards ep?
I hired a camera crew.
A camera
crew...?
comes in with a microphone. Behind him,
is holding a video camera)
I
don't wanna carry this anymore.
Well, you
have to. Naturally, since I'm better-looking and have cooler
hair, I get to be the reporter.
Whatever...
*mumbles* Moron...
Everyone,
smile! You're on TV!
All: (except )
HI, MOM!!!!
Now to do
some reporting... let's see... (looks around) I wanna do an
interview.
(Notices ) Ooooh...
???????
(trying to sound clever) Hey babe, how about a little "one-on-one"
interview?
Crescent
Beam!!!
fires off a beam and is knocked
back 50 feet.)
Owwww...
or not.
That went
well...
Oh, shut
up. X, we delete that later, OK? Nobody is going to see that.
That's what you think. Hehehehe.
Urrrrgh.
moves the camera over to show
and )
The
Ocarina of Time is... well... better! Because it is! So there!
Can't you just face facts, Jumpman? Perfect Dark kicks Ocarina of
Time's
rear across the island and back. Case closed.
Guys,
guys, guys... there's an easy solution.
& : ?????
It's
obvious! Majora's Mask is better than both of them!!
& : .......LIAR!!
Let's
see what Luigi's up to...
Zzzzz...
Well, that was fun.... um... could we have a scene change?
(o/s)
Thank you.....
Listen
guys, last time we tried an attack, we got our butts kicked. We
need a new strategy.
Yeah, I
know. The standard bad-guy entrance probably won't work.
Maybe Sigma has some Mavericks we can use.
No, they
all went on vacation.... except for one.
I
still don't know why I'm here.
Who's he?
I call him Magma Legume. See, it rhymes with Magma Dragoon. It's
clever,
ya know.
....Ooooookay.
Hide, guys! The awards are starting in 5 seconds!!
Ack!
How'd we get here?!
How else?
Plot hole.
Let's move
this episode along.
Mwa
ha ha... I'll have my revenge, Sailor Scouts. Mark my words!!
I am Ash!
What
the....?! How the heck did you find me?!
Uhhhh...
grins evilly. Now back to the awards.)
Welcome
one and all, to the third BOTVGH Awards ceremony, where the
best
performers of Season 6 -- as decided by YOU, the readers -- will be,
uh,
awarded. I'm Zero, elite Maverick Hunter and on-the-scene
reporter.
Now, here's the host, H Cuz!
goes up on stage. Loud cheers.)
Thank
you, thank you.
presses "Stop" on a hidden tape recorder. The cheers stop.)
Hey,
the tape recorder was supposed to be secret!
You're
fired.
Siiiiiigh...
anyway... Let's meet our first presenter. Here to present
"Best New Author" is Luigi_Link.
How ironic!
The "New Author" award is presented by someone who will
make
his own author debut this season.
This
is my debut! If you have visited the chat and message boards, you
know I exist. But if you don't, you don't know I exist. Well, I am here
now. And I'm pleased to present an award. Thank you H Cuz. The nominees
are...
goes on stage to accept his award)
HOLY
MOLY!!! Wow, I can't believe this. I remeber voting in last
season's
awards when I started out as an author here in BOTVGH. I got welcomed
by
so many people, I just HAD to write an ep for Season 6. And here I am,
one awards show later. I'd like to thank everyone who have taught me so
much this past season, including
H Cuz, Klawkat, Dan/Tomoe, ErekChee, Sean Kelly, Martin Smith...
(pant)...
and so many more people. And if you're wondering, yes, Jes is on that
list.
Jes has made me realize how great BOTVGH is, and it has prevented me
from
taking this great group of people for granted. Well, I hope I can help
as many new authors this season as so many did for me in Season 6, and
I'll keep on writing eps in the future. Thank you so much!!!
(as leaves the stage) Now,
to present Best Veteran Author, here are Dr. Wily's two most
unreliable,
degenerate robots, Snake Man and Burner Man.
walks on stage first, not a huge applause at all...)
Hello,
I'm not Snake Man, I'm Snake! Snake, as in... a Snake!
Whatever.... where's Burner Man?
He's out.
Mr. Char-broiled has a little too big of an ego, and he's
hitting
on girls, telling them he's nominated for best cameo.
Well, can you present without him?
I would,
but propane-accessory has the card... I'll fetch him...
leaves offstage)
Errr...
ummm... Well, I guess we'll move on to the next category...
This is great! Suspense and drama, the viewers will love it!
Now, here's Best New Feature, presented by the toughest twosome in any
RPG: The Figaro Brothers, Edgar and Sabin from Final Fantasy 3/6j.
BOTVGH is always seeking to improve.
A few
innovations changed the face of the site this past season.
The nominees are...
The Song of
the Week won with 33 votes.
The episode
features list was second with 32 votes.
Thanks for
choosing the Song of the Week, people. I've always been an
avid
lover of video game music, and prior to Season 6, a lot of people
suggested
putting a MIDI on the front page. The Tip of the Week had been
successful
(it won this award last season), so the Song of the Week was born.
Now to present Best Spinoff, here's Wario the III.
comes on-stage)
BOTVGH's
popularity has resulted in the formation of several spinoff
sites,
which borrow concepts and characters from BOTVGH and develop many of
their
own fan followings. The nominees are:
and
come on stage)
Cheesy Poofs!
Sorry, Klawkat hasn't arrived in the building yet, but in case you
haven't
read the WOR, you should know that Dratini and myself, Locke, famed and
fabled treasure hunter extraordinaire, are cast members in the WOR, and
we are here to give thanks on Klawkat's behalf.
I did not get probed!
Heh heh heh... First off, Klawkat wants us to thank our major WOR
contributors,
in no particular order: Big J, UDX, Scrambla, Wario the III, and
ErekChee.
Also, I would like Dratini to say something that would benefit why you
should visit the WOR, if you haven't.
'Cause I said so!
That's right!
and
leave stage)
(Elsewhere...) (leaning against the wall, minding his own business) ......
(finding ) Where the
heck have you been?
(glares at coldly)
Hey,
listen, I don't care. We have an award to present here, and I
don't
want your flaming ego to fest in all this crap. Come on, we got to
present.
*Sigh* (Follows back to
stage)
Well, since
Snake is still gone, I have arranged a song-and-dance
number.
It's Marty, the Stalfos from Part 3 of the Quest to Save the Past.
I have rhythm! (dances) I have music! (dances)
(
and rudely barge on-stage)
Whaaaaaa???
You interrupted my song!! Meanies!
breaks to a pile of
bones)
(Crowd cheers) First
you're late for a presentation, and now you damaged our singing
talent,
Marty the Dancing Stalfos?
(Nod nod)
Well,
welcome aboard, and start the presentation already!
All right.
takes out his Super Flaming Heat Induced Boom Box of Death (TM) and
plays
the theme of Bubble Bobble for no reason!)
We
got background music, now the presentation.
takes out a card)
These
are the vets. (Snatches the card)
reads the card, and they show the the nominees)
All right.
Half finished. Burner, hand me the winner card.
(grabs the winner card away from !)
Hey! Give
it here!
(Shakes his head) >:(
Come on,
freak!
punches in the stomach,
and retaliates by hitting
in the face. They then get into a fight.)
(The fight rolls offstage, but drops the card.)
(Coming
back together) Ahhh... they were mean.
walks and grabs the card)
Hee
hee! (Walks off with the winner card.)
What! Come
on! What's wrong with this picture here! Arrgh... OK... Next
presenter...
Aaaaahhh!!!
I wanna know who wooooon!
Get a grip,
will ya?!
Sorry...
Next award is Best Cow Substitute, presented by Sean Kelly.
to come to the podium. Meanwhile on some road out there...)
Oh
great, I'm on! Now how am I going to get to the awards to present?
comes driving over to , and
comes out)
Need
a lift?
Sure thing!
Then let's go!
BEEP!
BEEP!
gets into and it
drives towards the awards. Meanwhile at the awards,
is improvising)
Umm...
How about them Packers?
Boy...
that guy is so boring.
Yeah we
want the totally tubular Canadian dude!
drives into the theatre right up to the stage before falling apart)
and : Whoa!
I should
get that looked at.
comes out and he heads over to the podium and there is a large applause)
Thank
you! Thank you! It is great to be here at the 3rd Annual BOTVGH
Awards.
There
he is! The Canadian guy!
He is so
rad.
and go into the aisle and
they start bowing)
and : WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE
NOT WORTHY!
smiles)
Anyway
I am here to present the award for Best Cow Substitute. As you
know
Cow King was in prison last season....
NO THANKS
TO YOU!!!!!
Yeah.....
anyway Cow King was in prison last season, so everyone had to
improvise with new innovations. Now, I am going to announce the
nominees
for this one in a slightly unconventional way. I have Blob up in the
control
room where he is read to demonstrate each of the substitutes.
Yep
everything is ready up here. I just need to press a button to get
the
cow substitute to work.
All
right. Okay. Backstage I have some subjects who do not know what is
going on because they were in a sound-proof room. They will come up and
"help" me demonstrate each of the Cow Replacements. First up is Meowth.
comes out on stage)
Now
it is my time to shine!
The first
nominee for best Cow Substitute is.... Extremely large
gerbils!
Oh boy.
falls onto )
Ouch!
leaves)
Next
up on my assistant's list are Edge and Christian from the WWF!
and come up onto the
stage)
|
The SMBHQ Crew
Tsuji Yamada