Hello, I'm your friend. |
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Hello, I'm your friend. |
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Do Whatever By Klawkat and ErekChee |
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Am I your friend? |
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Mario, Luigi, Peach |
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What this? Three cast members? That's a record low!Look
on the bright side...What?No
Cranky Kong.So
what are we gonna do?We
can ask the writer here and...Klawkat?
NO! We'll just do... whatever... (dragging
his feet, laying down on a near by couch) Hoo boy...Klawkat!
Well, we know you're the writer... but you could have put yourself
on the cast list!I'm
tired. I'm just gonna rest here!This
is BOTVGH! You got this space, now use it better!(rolling
over on the couch) I don't care... just Do Whatever...
,
and teleport outside the
house)Now
what?(Trying
to get into the house) My pills are in there!Don't
fret, bro. I'll bet this episode will last 15 minutes, that's pretty
much how long the average episode lasts!We'll
give you your medication after the episode. (walks
in) Whatchu been up to, Jumpman?Don't
Call Me That!OHHH
I'm scared! You capitalized the first letters of each word! Why back
in my day, we didn't have lowercase letters, we had big capital
letters!
Words like 1UP SCORE and HI SCORE graced the top of the screen and......
... ... ...Well,
that's a first!Explain?You
guys are listening to me, and you're not dropping cows on me or nothin'.First
of all, you're not a cast member!(looks
at the cast list) Well, I'll be.And
this is a no cow writer!(looks
at the writer's name) What the? How are you going to pronounce that
name? Don't you know that the K sounds different than the C, and I
don't
know why there's no space! And...We
just call him "Claw cat".Klawkat!
Oh... how's that hit in the head treating ya, Jumpman!(Thinking)
Forget it. This episode is too ****** up as it is!(whacks with his cane) Hah
hah, this is more fun than... than... than that stupid Dreamcast thing.
More shades than ever, a waste of money, I say!
Well quoted!Well,
I got a check-up for kidney stones! (Whacks
once more) Waste of money thing-a-ma-bob Dreamcast... (Wanders off,
still
talking to himself)Now
what?We're
gonna have to make do. Luigi, you're gonna be Bowser. Peach, you're
Peach. and I'll be...The
Greatest Hero of All Time, MARIO-o-o-o-o!!!! (echo sounds)Why
can't I be Mario?Well,
let's see here... for one thing, I'M MARIO!! Any questions?(raises
hand) Yeah, one. Can I be Peach?You're
not serious, are you?YEAH!
... uh, no, I mean...You
sure are weird, Luigi.(Runs
in) Here I come to save the day... (trumpet fanfare)Help
me Mario! (Pretends to struggle in loose rope) Bowser has captured
me! (effortless
roar) I'm Bowser... (mellow-toned) Die! Die Mario!(throws
a punch, missing
by a mile, and falls)
I have won back the princess!(mellow-toned)
No... I lost... (not even trying) Boo hoo, I lost...Mario,
MY hero... ... ... OK, do you think we can end the episode?Yeah...
The end!.........
... The End!!...
We still got time?Ya
know, I needed my pills 5 minutes ago.Oh
no! Luigi, whatever you do, don't think too hard!Got
it!This
is not getting us anywhere!
and  appear)Yo!Ya
know, Link and I were gonna play air hockey, and we wanted to know if
you wanted to join us...The
episode's still going!What?
(punches )What
was that for?(whispers
to ) Episode's
still going, we gotta do our "Love ya, punch ya" act!Oh
yeah, uh... Hey Samus, you want to leave to play Air Hockey with me?(punches ) Like heck I
will... Meet me at the back of the lot!(thinking)
This is the third time non-cast members entered the scene...
(talking) Let's go do another act and try to get this episode over...What'cha
meen?Well,
we just can't sit around doing nothing...Yes
we can... we can do whatever.OK,
we'll roleplay again. Samus, you're Samus, and Link, you can play Link.
Peach will be Peach and I will be (fanfare) Mario.Who
would I be?You'll
be Bowser. I think you did a good job as Bowser!I
DON'T WANT TO BE BOWSER!Yes
you do!No
I don't!Yes
you do!No
I don't!Yes
you do!No
I don't!Yes
you do!No
I don't!Yes
you do!No
I don't!Yes...
You do... What were we talking about?No
I don't!You
know, this isn't really getting off to a good start now...No
I don't!So
what's with this whole charade?I
don't know... you know... Since we're not part of the cast... Wanna go
out?Uhhhh...
You see that camera?(calm
voice) Yes I do, Link...Samus...
forget it! (Yells out) I'll beat you at air hockey!Not
before I beat you!
and run off like little school
kids... while , ,
and stare at them...)Very
peculiar...Luigi,
did you...No
I don't!Wait
a minute... don't you guys get it?No
I don't!We
can do... WHATEVER!What
are you getting at, Mario? and "God Bless
America" starts to play.)We
are finally free! Free to make our own decisions! Free from cows,
writers,
and ridiculous plots! We can do WHATEVER! For life itself is based on
liberty!
And-And
that means I have the freedom to be Mario.You
know what? FINE! BE MARIO! Yay!...
... ... ...........................................................................................Well?I
forgot what I was going to do when I finally became Mario.
and faint.)That
was stupid.Very.I
thought you guys fainted!We
can do whatever, remember?Oh
yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Why
are we saying the same thing over again so much?Because
Erek actually started writing at the last "No I don't!" and he's
trying to write the same amount as Klawkat.Oh.
But... I thought we could do whatever!We
CAN!Oooooookkkkaaaaayyyy...............I'm
bored.Me
too.Me
three.Let's
count all of the grains of sand on the island.and : Okay!I
counted
48,367,534,087,548,745,397,864,962,597,659,675,593,957,694,375,943,626,594,739,645,792,567,459,764,298,562,890,560,267,129,061,096,176,191,675,935,769,378,546,189,754,691,785,469,875,619,785,615,978,619,378,561,953,786,189, 568,974,356,985,437,689,347,569,385,476 grains of sand. No,
you're wrong, I counted
1,035,487,409,385,750,938,738,954,703,175,034,897,540,938,579,043,750,439,578,084,935,703,549,703,549,735,049,780,543,979,013,754,910,547,910,570,517,014,537,054,938,703,154,790,357,140,541,035,803,549,870, 341,597,049,351,784,035,178,405,378,541,037,405,137! 48,367,534,087,548,745,397,864,962,597,659,675,593,957,694,375,943,626,594,739,645,792,567,459,764,298,562,890,560,267,129,061,096,176,191,675,935,769,378,546,189,754,691,785,469,875,619,785,615,978,619,378,561,953,786,189,568,974,356, 985,437,689,347,569,385,476! 1,035,487,409,385,750,938,738,954,703,175,034,897,540,938,579,043,750,439,578,084,935,703,549,703,549,735,049,780,543,979,013,754,910,547,910,570,517,014,537,054,938,703,154,790,357,140,541,035,803,549,870,341,597,049,351,784,035,178, 405,378,541,037,405,137!
and get in a fight.)
I must have mis-counted then...Why,
what did you get?17.
and look at each other and
then beat up .)Look,
we are all getting hostile... I know! Let's quote lines from past
BOTVGH episodes and make no sense whatsoever!Okay!Okay!Cranky
shut up! No one wants to hear about "the good old days!" You'll
never learn, "Jumpman!" I've had tougher adventures!We'll
see about that! ( kicks .)Whatever.Here's
what it says:You're
old, Cranky. If you think you're so good, play my new RPG that came
out!Yeah,
because I was the hero!I
HEARD THAT!!!OK,
where's the EVIL, HEY, you look FAMILIAR! (Points to .)Milk?
I don't need milk! And this store! In my day, stores were...The
sky.MY,
MY, MY, MY, MY WOOO!!!!!! Ma, ma, ma, MY MARIO!!!Get
offa here, you prune!
ducks and covers as is about
to pop.)I
don't remember launching you here!Okay,
that's getting OLD NOW!I
don't remember that quote!That's
because it's NOT A QUOTE, YOU FREAK!Well,
excuse me!CONGRATULATIONS,
PEACH! THAT WAS THE 64TH LINE SINCE EREK STARTED WRITING!You
counted?Yep.And
I thought Luigi didn't have a life.
doesn't say anything.)Luigi?
doesn't say anything.)Luigi,
are you okay?
passes out.)LUIGI!We
forgot about the medicine!I
felt his heart! He's dead!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- Wait! That means we can have his stereo! YES!Only
one problem.What?It's
back home in the Mushroom Kingdom, on the other side of the world!How
can we get there?We
need a shovel!But
we don't have a shovel... So what can we use?LUIGI!LUIGI!LUIGI!You're
not dead?Ummmm...
was I dead?Guess
not, huh?Oh,
bro, why do you need the pills anyway?They
prevent me from turning sudden evil and blah blah blah like that.Oh,
are you evil? Yes!Ohhh...
you still want your stereo?Yes!Aren't
you supposed to be laughing maniac-like and making demands and sudden
explosions and have robot minions and ride clown copters?I
dunno... am I?I
think that would make you a bona fide villian......
Yeah... I'll do that. I'll be back!
walks away)Well...
This is a really crappy episode.I'm
Mario, the Super Hero Plumber, and my brother turned evil, what shall
I do?Freedom
or not, you are a cheesy actor.Mister Yippidy: And now, for some long parentheses quotes....
has an evil twin, who is... evil... and bad... not quite ROTVGV
material,
anyway... But no matter, he's evil and must be stopped. What shall
happen
to this episode, which the three cast members are doing whatever, but
still
doing the demands of the writers... Is it freedon, or just a clever
redundant
scheme for falling bovines to strike fear and... heavy pressure on
their
victims... When will the insanity end...)Mister Yippidy: Back to our regularly scheduled ep, already in progress. "Already
in Progress?" What does that mean?I'm
not quite sure...
and are chained and locked
in a dungeon, while stands
there, being evil.)Am
I evil?Yeah,
I would say being chained and locked in a dungeon would put you on
the evil list.That's
good.Wanna
unchain us?No
way! That would not consider him evil, and he is evil, 'cause he didn't
down his pills, so because of his evilness, he's evil enough not to let
us go, no matter how much we plead and beg and grope and cry and bribe
and suck up and all that nonsense... he's evil...Well,
shucks! Thanks.You
can let us go now...OK.
frees and )Something
tells me I shouldn't have done that.And
that something is sitting on your head! Hi!
You know you shouldn't have done that.... in)I
wonder where he went to...'s
head)Wow!
It's a complete encyclopedia... but... it's not turned on... I think
I'll do just that...
turned on 's brain)(Getting
all wobbly) Wow... I feel all smarter now...Really?Yeah!Quick!
What's 6 to the power of 17?21?....Sounds
right! Ahhh, you're too smart!Wow!
I'm an evil genius.Who
can stop this madman?Ummm...Wait
a minute! That virus has made you smarter?Wasn't
there a trap door in my head?Why
isn't Red on the cast list?...
Ummmm...Yeah....
OK....Since
you're an evil genius, shouldn't you start building evil robots and
the Clown Copters and start putting ideas in Dubya Bush's head?Oh
yeah... I'll go do that...
leaves again.)Oooookkkkkkkkaaaaaayyyyy...
Now what?We
wait for Luigi to build his robots.But...
Shouldn't we stop him BEFORE he builds his robots?No.Oh.
So, how long should this take?About
two hours.Dang
it... is this episode ever going to end?Doesn't
look like it....What
are we gonna do for two hours?Sit
here and look at each other...Okay.... ... ... ... ... ... ... and
stare at each other.) Hey.
Erek the Chee here. Wow... You're still reading! You like us! You
really do! Well, I know what you're saying to yourself. You're saying,
"Self, what am I gonna do for two hours?" Well, if you've read this
much,
you obviously don't have a life. Come on! Your friends are probably
worrying
about ya! Go feed your dog! He's hungry! Good gosh, man, go feed
yourself!
You need help! Bad! Go to a psychologist... Right after you finish this
ep, I mean... Hee hee hee...
and wake up.)It
MUST have been two hours by now!Surely!
(Checks his watch.) Oh no!What,
how long has it been?Five
minutes!Oh,
no!Hey!
It's all right! All we have to do is hit this Fast-Forward button!Mario...
How long have you known that was there?The
whole time.
smacks on the back of the
head. pushes the button and
and move and talk very fast!)eropwthjrpeituhgerupthjpeugyjmtw3ui4hfmp3qih4ntugseip!LHJKRGOIYUGOIUFGHOIRUETHOUIAETRHOIAUTRHoiurhtwuiorhtoiyutrh.'s
favorite part.)Done!Aljirfh...
I mean, finally...Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!Oh
no... it's Luigi... whoever saw that one comin'...I
didn't...Blonde.I
would like you to meet my robot creations!What
kind of robots are those?!Dang,
yo, you ARE evil!Mwahahahahaha! (Lambchop)
Hi, I'm... (Pets.com Sockpuppet dog) Sock Puppet Man! I
got a hard hat. It's yellow. So I'm Yellow Hard Hat Man. GreetingsandsalutationsenemyofthegreatLuigiI'mRitalinManthat'swhoIamI'mRitalinManIhaveRitalinpowersthat'swhyI'mcalledRitalinManandIamevilandIliketolickmyselfhahahahaha! (Licks himself...) Uhh... Hi... *Sniff.*  Let's
get one thing straight... I'M PMS WOMAN MAN! DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!
DON'T GET IN MY WAY!!! YOU'RE ALL *&^#%*^%#! Cause... I have PMS...
(cries).Robots!
Attack!Sooo...
I guess we have to fight them now?Yep.Behold,
Mario! I have the powers of Sock Puppets: The latest in technology!
I control their every whim! It's too complicated for me to understand,
though!I
would like you to meet a friend of mine. Hi.No...
way... unbelievable... too... much... for... my... brain... to...
handle... system... overload.
explodes.)Peach!
You cant defeat me! I have a yellow hard hat on my head, meaning
you can't hurt me! HAHAHAHAH-
punches in the
face.)Ouch!
explodes.)Mario-I-am-Ritalin-Man......I-shall-de-de-de-de-de....Huh?De-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de...
shrugs and walks away.)I
have the worst PMS ever!Oh,
yeah? Make my day...Grrr....Groooooowwwwwrrrr!GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOGH!ArGHGHGHGHGHGHG!RROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!YAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHAAAAAARRRR
RRRRRGGGGGGGGGRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAWAGRRRRRRRRRA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
bites 's head off.)(Thinking)
Oh, no! They've destroyed my robots! I should do a cliché
where I say stuff about Mario to make him really mad and he will kick
my
butt! (Speaking.) Mario, you're fat.I
know!Peach,
your girl, is the ugliest thing ever! She looks like Cranky Kong
when she first wakes up in the morning.,
who is chewing on 's arm,
growls at .)I
know.Your
momma's so fat that the last time she saw Beverly Hills 90210 it was
on the bathroom scale!She's
your momma too.You
couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag!Oh,
well.PASTA
SUCKS!'s
eyes glow.)NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
pounces on .) Go
Luigi!OK.
goes... far away)That's
not what I meant.Hey!
You're not on the cast list.Neither
is anybody else.Oh.I
wonder where Luigi ran off to?I
bet he ran to New York.Survey
says: Buzzzzzt! Nope, Luigi's not in New York.Why
Family Feud?Klawkat
is watching Family Feud right now.Really,
eh? What about the Star Road?Survey
says: Buzzzzzt! Wrong, so sorry!How
'bout the Mushroom Kingdom? How
am I supposed to know where Luigi is? Whoa?
You turned to Misty...Klawkat's
watching Pokémon again...Hey,
since I'm in Ash's body, I'll do what the real Ash would be envious
for.
leaves in a rush, and comes back holding 150 Pokéballs)You
caught all 150 Pokémon?No,
they had a sale, that's all.Is
Klawkat still watching cartoons?Whoa
no! Commercial breaks are coming!Hey!
I'm back as Peach!'Cause
all of our peaches are home grown, and squeezed ever so tightly,
to make peach juice.
sees twin  s near her)SHUT
OFF THAT TV, KLAWKAT!We
squish, and pulp, and maim our peaches and make the greatest peach
juice
on the market.Yahahahahahahah!
(runs from the s)Why,
I bet everybody loves good tasting peaches, and peach juice is probably
the best thing to come to the market.....s
disappear)Ahhh...
and I felt like juice.(slaps over and over) No
you don't! You never, ever, want peach juice again!
and go out)It's
dark.The
power is out.Ohhhhh
key....
appears in a giant robotic armor)Bwa
ha ha ha ha ha!Hi,
Luigi.Hi.So
what's with the giant robot?I'm
gonna destroy you with it.Ask
a stupid question...Yeah...Soooooooooo...Man,
this episode is really long.Yeah!What
are you getting at, you two?THE
END!...........
Rats.To
eternity with you two...I
wish Klawkat didn't have this idea of doing whatever no more. I like
to be controlled...But
don't you see, Mario! You were controlled from the start! You two were
doing the commands of Klawkat and ErekChee. We're fictional, we will
forever
be in control of our human writers! That's how BOTVGH lives,
controlling
our lives!No
way! You're evil! I can't trust evil people! Even though that person
is my taller, smarter, more famous brother, that should take my place
in
all my games and ... ACK! I'M AM CONTROLLED!Told
ya!I
don't believe it. We're slaves! And I thought Lincoln freed the slaves
too!That's
our learning segment of our show!Hey,
Luigi, stop being evil for just one sec and let's devise a plan.A
plan for what?We
are controlled by the writers, Klawkat and ErekChee, right?Right........
And... If we capture those two, we can make them write what we want
to do!How
can we do this? We're just three people, those two are the most
spontaneous
writers to ever team up.::Hack::
Oh great... ::Cough cough:: My eyes are watery...::Wheeze::
What's that?A
skunk just died near Klawkat's house. ::Cough:: Can we say roadkill
people?A
skunk? Klawkat! Please change to ErekChee, please!!!::Sniff::
Oh great.and : What?Klawkat
wants to write a few more lines!How
can Klawkat have us bear smelling a skunk?::Hack::
It's not like I'm in Hawaii, you know!I'm
gonna be sick!This
skunk smell is gonna make me throw up.Klawkat!
Please change to ErekChee... or end this episode... no wait, if
you end the episode, that would end us with a big hole in the ground...And
I'm still evil.And
Luigi's still evil!Remember
that Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy Duck was at the mercy of the
animator?Now
come on, Peach! We know Klawkat wouldn't go this far............ Oh,
look, a big row of periods hangs above my head...Hey,
look, the periods are growing............. Oh,
the periods are turning into pictures!Those
aren't just ordinary pictures... Oh
no.s
fall on , ,
and )And
to think we're used to that.Klawkat,
please, change writers, so we can plot against you and your friend...Skunk: You have a problem with me? I know I don't! You see, the reason I smell is cause I use it for defense! Don't think I smell bad all the time, heck, I'm not used to the public restrooms! Yeeach! There's a solution though. Plug it in, plug it in! Klawkat
is gonna switch to Erek in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...Hiya!Who
said that?!Beats
me.Sooo...
What were we doing?You
evil moron, we were going to stop Klawkat and Erek so we can have
freedom!But...
Doesn't that mean they are controlling us to defeat them...?You're
right... Gosh, their brains ARE messed up...Sooo...
How are we gonna get to Klaw and Erek?I
know... WE'LL DIG! LUIGI!LUIGI!Hey!
But I'm alive! And I thought we already tried this gag!We
did, but Erek is determined to get this joke in.Oh...
Okay!
and use
as a shovel and start digging.)And
now, to pass the time while they shovel, here's ErekChee to introduce
this episode's slide show!Ok,
the first slide...
Here is Calista Flockhart in her new Slim Down diet!
Hey, looks good.
The next slide...
I went to a Bulls Vs. Lakers game, and I just don't know what to say
about
their new teammates.
Hey! MIDGETS!
Hee hee. Now our final
slide... I don't know why I took it, except fot the fact that I
want
me one of them shirts.WOW!
THAT WAS AMAZING, EREK! (I guess)(Blushes)
Well, thanks!Where
are we?I
don't know, but maybe that large, colorful banner with the name of the
place on it will give us a clue., ,
and read the banner.)Oh
no...It
can't be...Not
the..., ,
and : THE BOTVGH MESSAGE BOARD!
NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!Person #1: I wanna do something. Person #2: No! I don't want you to do something! Person #1: WHAT!!! YOU #)@&^#@)&!^! I NEVER LIKED YOU! YOU ARE THE SCUM OF THE INTERNET! Person #2: I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BOOORRN! Person #1: YOU ARE A @#)& )@#&^ #!&^# )(&^# )(&^#!#)&^ )#&(^!)(^*# )(&#^!()&^#) #&^!)^&~  Ha!
I'm drunk! You both suck!.)Thanks!The
insanity... THE INSANITY! NOOOOOOOOOO!
tries to run away and bumps into
and ...)No...
No way... What the... How the...'s
and 's costumes fall off and
they are really and .)Hi
Luigi!Hi,
Luigi!Ack!
This... wait! You're Mario but really Erek, and you're Peach but really
Klawkat...Maybe
you have a hidden identity...Ummm...
nah, I'd rather not scare myself.Well,
we're in the message boards, and these are our alter egos. We pretend
to be other people cause that makes our world go 'round.Excuse
me, I have something in my ear.
bangs on his head, and
pops out of his ear.)How
rude! (Walks off)That's
better.Well,
I feel like I should end this episode.But
on the message board?Yeah.But
the evil still lurks. He has gotta take over the world...Look
what I snatched from your med cabinet.
unpockets a bottle of pills)(with
spirals for eyes) They make me feel good!My
pills!
downs some pills and his eyes get all spirally too!)Whee!Well,
that's our episode.Yay!We
sure had fun.Yes
sir, Mr. Buttafuoco!But
there is stuff that you should learn about this episode before you
head off into the world with the knowledge we have given you.Right,
Erek. Never take other people's pills, unless you're desperate and
need a buzz and...Wrong
moral, Klawkat.Ummmm...
don't count grains of sand, people will think you're wacko!Wrong.
The moral of the story is: Your time is wasted, go get a life or
something.Now
for my identity!'s
costume falls off, to reveal...  .)Ha ha ha ha ha! I shall reign
terror, since nobody loves me.Episode's over? Ah crap.I
beat you again, Samus.You
sure are good, Link.Why,
yes, yes I am. |
 |
This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the authors.
