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Win’s First +1/2 Episode By Win |
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Win’s First +1/2 Episode By Win |
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Mario, Luigi, Cranky, Peach, Dr. Wily, Mario, Cut Man, Guts Man, Ice Man, Fire Man, Elec Man, Bomb Man Second Row: Fat Man, Gingerbread Man, Ice-Cream Man, Jump Man, Link Man, Rat Man, Super Sonic Man, Thunder Man, Link, Samus, Win, Sir Goodn, Pikachu Not Pictured: Bill Gates, Mayan Shamans, Smugglers |
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, , , , ,
and sitting around) I sure am
bored today. DIE FOUL
SPOTLIGHT STEALER! It’s ALL ABOUT
YOU, ISN’T IT! I HATE YOU… I’VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! Pass the
Lemonade, please. Win must
be writing… Yes, I
believe so. You mean
they still let him write even though
his friend is evil and is tirelessly plotting to murder us all? Hey, nobody’s
perfect. Never?
Not even for a bunch of money? Let’s get on
with the episode. And besides, that was on a Tuesday. I wonder
what the chances of Dr. Wily attacking
the archive with eight freakishly, practically obscenely new robots are… DON’T YOU
PEOPLE EVEN CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS…
ALWAYS SAVE THE ARCHIVE THIS… KILL THE EVIL VILLAIN THAT… WHAT ABOUT ME
FOR ONCE? I’d say the
chances of that happening are pretty
good. AHAHAHA!, , , , , , , , and all suddenly appear) That sure
was a surprise! I think
we can take them… there’s eight of them
and six of us. YOU THINK
I’D HELP YOU AFTER WHAT YOU’VE DONE
TO ME… THE YEARS OF THERAPY… I’m just a
girl… tee-hee! Well, I
left my mega-busters at home. I have to go
to the bathroom. YOU HAVE TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM… LISTEN EVERYONE…
MR. BIGSHOT HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM… I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS… AFTER ALL
HE’S DONE TO ME… Okay, I
think you and I can take them, Link!, , , , , , and teleport in
respectively, quite unexpectedly) WHAT?
What are YOU doing in my episode? This is MY episode. Well, you see I saw a good
chance to humiliate Dr. Wily
and show him that I’m the only person who can take over this archive by
defeating his new robots with my first generation robots. With me
and Samus, and your six robots, that’s
eight vs. eight. A fair match, I do believe. I used to
have a match at the fair, but then
Mario took it AWAY FROM ME… I hate him… That’s nice…
tee-hee, I’m just a girl. stares at
Princess like a cow onto an oncoming
train) Well I
definitely get to fight Link Man. No, Link,
you see I need to displace all of
the anger that I have been suppressing toward some Linkesque’
object.
You fight Super-Sonic Man. Okay, so
be it. That means it
is time for the first match…Fat Man  Bomb Man. (adopting the
role as ref, enters the ring) Alright boys… er…
bots, I want a good clean fight. No hitting on the princess. Darn!
Alright bots, I don’t want a good
clean fight… kill them! Kill them all! Alright Fat Man, don’t make
me hurt you. Ha, I’m Fat Man… with the power
to be fat instantly! I jiggle
before
you… and you are helpless to stop me! Nyahahaha! throws bomb at ,
but the bomb sinks in all the jigglyness)AHAHAHA! My fat is no match
for your
bombs… Huh?
Shouldn’t that be the other way around? Quite possibly.) NO! I can’t
believe I lost! Next match...Jump
Man
Ice Man! Somebody
say Jump Man? JUMP MAN! You’re not
in this episode! Darn! The
one episode with Jump Man! Freeze! Prepare to leap for joy! But aren’t I supposed to
like… leap in fear or something so you won’t kill me or something?
jumps) Hmm… This is tricky. I’ll have
to use my ultimate attack!
Jumps) Woah! Now that was unexpected!
I’ll have to think about this!
lands on , destroying him) Stupid Ice
Man! He was frozen in fear! Hmmm… up
next...Link
Supersonic man!
So,
Super-Sonic Man, what’s your power? I’m really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really,
really,
really, really, really, really, really, really quite speedy. You’re on the fast track to
doom! AHAHAHA! Why do these
robots always have stupid cheesy
one-liners. WHY IS
EVERYTHING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE CHEESY,
HUH? YOU RULE THE WORLD OF CHEESINESS, HUH?
smacks hits 42 times
in less than one second) Hmmm…
this could pose a threat. holds
his hands up in the air as if casting
a spell and a magical ball hangs in the air.) What’s that supposed to do? Go touch
it and find out… quickly. What do you think I am?
Some kind of idiot? I’m certainly
not
going to touch it, morever, I’m smart enough to stand by it, with my
back
turned to it, so you can’t try anything funny. Link rarely
gets the opportunity to try ANYTHING
funny at all…
disappears) OH NO! Where did he
go? I’d better stay here and watch for
him., who
proceeds to
repeatedly smack
with a vengeance and pins him to the wall, despite the obvious lack of
walls on the island) VAT!
Vat was that? And vere vid they
vit vat vall? Wow… his
Austrian accent keeps getting progressively
worse each episode. Vat are you
valking avout? That was
a little spell called Farore’s Wind.
Thank-you… Thank-you… no you’re too kind… please ladies put your
clothes back on… not you Samus. … Next match
is... Guts Man
Gingerbread Man!
walks up to .) Dr. Wily, we have a little
dilemma. Well, what’s
the problem? Well, you see, Fat Man ate
Gingerbread Man half an hour ago. Oh, just
peachy! I’m just a
girl… tee-hee! I’ll have to
build ANOTHER robot to face him
later… time for…
Rat Man
Cut Man! I’m a lean mean, squeaky clean
machine! It’s time for me to cut this
out. Commence the
cheesy lines! I love cheese… I want some
cheese… does anybody have some cheese? fires his cut blade
at ,
but he eats it, mistaking it for a piece of cheese) Cheesy-chunks, I choose you! Oh no, I’m lactose intolerent!Little Girl: What does that mean? Well, you
see, little girl, lactose intolerent
means that you are incapable of digesting dairy products such as milk
or
cheese. Cut Man will die instantly if he comes in contact with
them. dies instantly)
AH!
You are still not in this episode, Cranky. Wait a second…
I’m still the author, here. If I want Cranky
in this episode, by Pikachu he’ll be in this episode! Pikachu! The next
match is...Ice-cream Man
Fire Man! This
should
be easy! Ice is weak against fire, how foolish
of you Dr. Wily, to set up this match. You’ll beat me when heck freezes
over! Well then, I suppose the
devil should be knitting some booties.Bill Gates: I ain’t knitting no booties…
uses rock salt attack, but
blocks with some melted peach ice-cream!) I’m just a
girl…tee-hee! continues to stare coldly
at )( is using his torch to melt ) Hey wait,
in Mega Man I, fire was weak against
Ice, not the other way around? Well… that would be a bad
thing… dies retroactively
from rock salt attack) Science is fun! Now I AM
winning! Not for long... Elec Man
Thunder Man.Mumbles from crowd: This could take a long time. All: What crowd? Crowd: You! You’re the crowd! All: Oh… okay. You’re in for a shock! If you think you can beat me,
you’d better bolt! I am ultra powerful, so
I shock you! shocks ) Ha! Electricity only makes me
stronger, so I shock you!
shocks ) Ha! Thunder only makes me stronger,
so I shock you! shocks ) Ha! Electricity only makes me
stronger, so I shock you!
shocks ) Ha! Thunder only makes me stronger,
so I shock you! So I shock you! I’m just a girl! Tee-hee! stares at
as if she were Saddam Hussein) For goodness
sake, Thunder Man, try something different! Oh yeah, you too Elec man.
pulls out Karaoke Machine.
pulls out a box of enraged weasels) Karaoke attack! Weasel attack! Alright, now I pull out my Ultimate
attack that can easily destroy the whole world! shuts down for no reason) WHAT? I didn’t use
Energizer! What did you use? A wall
outlet, look, he’s plugged in!All: D’oooooooohhh! So you’re
really getting your butt kicked now,
eh, Goodn? 4 to 2! OH, YOU
WOULD KNOW ABOUT BUTTS AND KICKING,
WOULDN’T YOU? REMEMBER BACK ON THE OLD FARM… EVERY FRICKIN’
MORNING
I’D WAKE UP TO THE SOUND OF MY BUTT GETTING KICKED… BACK IN THE DAY… I
HAD TO WALK 25 MILES IN THE BLAZING SNOW…All: SHUT-UP… Well, Sir
Goodn there are only two matches left. Well, we’d better use them to
start a fire so that we don’t
get cold later on. You idiot… I’m just a
girl… tee-hee. shoots
with an obnoxiously large blast that sends her flying) The blood of
a traitor has spilt upon the thirsty
ground that was dry from the drought of my soul! Hey baby, that must mean it’s
time for us to fight. DO NOT CALL
ME BABY… EVER… and under NO circumstances
are you to put BABY IN THE CORNER! Whatever you say, hot stuff.Ultra-Megatron-Supra-Miracle
Smack of Jebidiah
Expertise Drilling Magic Beam of the Antioch of Infinity + 1 killing
power…
and then some.
and she fires a tiny blast at ) That thing is supposed to kill
me? You shoot like a girl.
Ahahahaha.
That couldn’t kill a small hamster. A weasel, not even a fried
fish.
You couldn’t hope to knock a condemned building with that. I’ve
seen
small children attack me with more dangerous things. Oh my gosh,
I can’t believe you even tried that. Dr. Wily, can you believe
this?
AHAHAHA!
(The blast hits him sending him miles into the air where he explodes with the force of a 500-megaton atomic bomb, quite decoratively might I add) Duck and
cover! Duck and cover! Oh NO, I’m
not gonna fall for that again… (In radiation suit):
Well now it’s time for the final match… Guts Man
my final robot!
And what
exactly is your final robot, Dr. Wily? Yes, what
exactly is your final robot, Dr. Wily? Well… Yes, what
exactly is your final robot, Dr. Wily? Well, you see… You idiot,
tell us what your final robot is
immediately! Okay, like I
was saying… I’m just a
girl…IN SPAAAAAAACE… tee-hee! uses a jetpack to fly
after ...) Okay…
finally… I’ve built a Doc Robot, but I haven’t
had time to program it yet, I will just have to insert a book and let
it
run the bot. Can he do
that? Hmmm… Bruce
Lee… Tae-Bo… Ti Chi… Kung Fu… The
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy… Men’s Health Almanac, 1979 edition…
Cooking
With Brenda Star…(
sneaks over and inserts a book into the robot) What are you
doing? What is that? What?
That could be anything? Robot,
what are you?Robot: I am Yucatan Peninsula Man, with the power to accurately identify the major attractions and numerous Mayan ruins in the blink of an eye! Great..Yucatan Peninsula Man: Yes, that is 16 miles South-South-East of Tetutucatawa. I’ve got this one in the
bag, let’s fight. throws boulders at
Yucatan Peninsula Man)) Hey now, this ain’t funny. removes himself from
the temple foundation and begins throwing different types of boulders)Yucatan Peninsula Man: Uh-oh… these aren’t found in the general Yucatan area… Yes! I’m winning! Hmmm… there
must be something from the Yucatan
Peninsula that I can use. What kind of weapons come from the
Yucatan
Peninsula…?Yucatan Peninsula Man: Well, there’s always that rumored black magic, used by Mayan Shamans… ) gut-cuts the Mayan
Shamans) Robots aren’t affected by
magic, you IDIOT.Yucatan Peninsula Man: One of the major exports of the Yucatan Peninsula is illegal weaponry, including, but not limited to grenade launchers, fully-automatic weaponry, and hand-held nuclear devices, all available at our gift shop. .
They begin shooting with
the various implements of destruction) (dodging): Oh no, I’m being
hurt very badly. Who are these guys?Yucatan Peninsula Man: This particular group of smugglers specializes in arson. They prefer to bomb border-dwelling cities for large amounts of ransom from mofia rings in the Mexican region. Right now they are trying to infiltrate Miami with large quantities or automatic rifles. Head Smuggler: That guy knows too much! Get him… with the quickness. Random Smuggler #2: Loose lips sink ships. Random Smuggler #3: Hey… he knows too much… That’s enough
of that. No more… for now. AHAHAHA! I won the match…
now
that makes ME… tied… But we’ve
used all our robots. I have an idea!
Whoever can slaughter the most BOTVGH
“heroes” in the 60 seconds is the winner. I’m just a
girl… rapidly crashing towards the
earth and suffering from severe burn attributed to re-entry…tee-hee! coldly) Do any of us have any surviving
robots? We could pit them against
each other. Actually, this
episode is already quite long. I think I
will just remove Sir Goodn and declare Wily very ugly… I mean the
victor. And just how do you
expect to do that? I’m an author,
remember. falls on ) Sir Goodn
broke princess’s fall! Princess’s
fall broke Sir Goodn! I’m just a
girl… tee-hee. Hahahahaha…
that’s funny… hahahahaha You think
that’s FUNNY… people crushing and
maiming people all willy-nilly… I HATE YOU…'s cell phone
rings.) Hello? (As loud as he possibly can,
aided by a megaphone into a phone): WAZZZZUUUUPPP! Well, that
just about does it for this episode. As always,
we need a sing-along. Join in everybody! |
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This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the authors.