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BOTVGH: Behind the Scenes By H Cuz, Ian Pugh, & Matt Broussard |
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BOTVGH: Behind the Scenes By H Cuz, Ian Pugh, & Matt Broussard |
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This space for rent. |
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Mario, Luigi, Waluigi, Peach, Bowser, Toad, Bob-Omb, Sgt. Flutter Second Row: Ash, Pikachu, Cranky, Link, Samus, Dr. Wily, Sigma, Sephiroth Third Row: Sonic, Dr. Robotnik, Cow King, Michael Myers from Halloween, Terrance, Phillip, Ian, H Cuz Bottom Row: Sean Kelly, Sir Goodn, Luigi_Link, David123, Klawkat, UDX, Dan Not Pictured: Matt Broussard, Martin, Archive Guard, Makeup Man, Costume Guy, Fire Expert, Ash's Assistant |
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| Hi, I'm Ian
Pugh...
Matt: And I'm Matt. And I'm H
Cuz. Today we're going to take a behind-the-scenes look at
what
goes on before, after, and even during the typical BOTVGH episode.
,
Matt and go to the BOTVGH
studio)
Look,
there's Mario.
is practicing his lines)
My
name isn't Jumpman!!
Martin (the director): Try it again, with more feeling. Remember, you've just been insulted. Oh. *ahem*
MY NAME IS NOT JUMPMAN!!!!!
Martin: Much better. Let's see
what Cranky Kong is up to...Well,
here's Cranky practicing with our stunt robots.
(light
laughter) Hold on, folks. Let me explain. You see, here at
BOTVGH,
our cast members have to rest up for future adventures.
That's right, H Cuz. So if they think certain scenes and stunts would
interrupt
resting up for the next adventure, we bring in the stunt robots. Except
for old Cranky here. Since he's pretty much unemployed to begin with,
he
does all of his own stunts.
What?! You
never told me those other whippersnappers cheated! Why, I
never
heard of such a--
Matt: Uh, start tape. Martin: ACTION!  (Stunt
robot) Cranky-get-out-of-the-way-of-that-Bob-Omb!
drops on the scene and explodes in 's
face)
 (Stunt
robot) Oooops.
Matt,
and : (laugh)
Well, we've
had plenty of fun here. Let's check out the writing
department...,
Matt, and go into a room that
looks like a classroom)
Hey,
it's the room for rookie authors!
That's
right. This is where new writers receive pointers.
Hey,
it's H Cuz, Matt, and Ian!
Hi!
Are you two paying attention?
and : Sorry.
Moving on
to the main writers' room...
and
are throwing spitballs at each other)
Do you mind? I'm trying to write an episode...
No we don't mind. Do you?
Yes...
Well, deal with
it.
DIE!!!
Well,
that was... disturbing, if not a little enlightening.
Say, where are Sean, Chris Johnson, all the other veterans?
They all called in sick.
Uh... OK.
Let's see what some of the other characters are up to...Hey!
It's everybody's favorite plumber, Mario!
walks down a hall wearing pajamas and a cup of coffee in hand.)
(half-asleep)
What? Go 'way. I'm going to bed.
Uh, Mario,
we're sorta making a "behind the scenes" thing here.
Oh ho! Is
that it. Well, you can go right ahead. "Behind-the-scenes
things"
are what this plumber lives for.
Matt: Is it really? ..........
Mario?
..........
Mario?
(wakes up)
Wha--? Yeah, of course I'd like some spinach ravioli,
Luigi...
yeah, sure..... I'd love it.
Err.... as
you can see, folks, now is not a good time to be talking to
our favorite plumber-hero extraordinaire, so......
,
Matt, and begin to walk away)
No,
wait!! I'm....... up.
Matt: You.... sure about that? Yes.
Good, then can we ask you---
No.
Then--
Yes.
But--
No.
But--
Yes.
MARIO!!
WHAT?!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!
We just
wanna ask one question, that's all!
I want a
bagel.
Matt: Uhh... I'll take that as a yes. You see Mario, we'd really like your input on this!! You're practically the star of the show!! The star?
I've got at least 3 BOTVGH Awards.
Hey! That's
a great topic. Mario, how do you think the Season 8 BOTVGH
Awards will go?
That
depends.
On what?
What are you talking about again? Bagels, by any chance?
Uhh....... sorry for disturbing you, Mario.
Yeah, yeah.
All I know is I want a bagel.
In the
kitchen.
Thanks.
(leaves)
Well, that
was disastrous.... We can still come back.
Let's
recover our dignity by going into our Episode Archives, where we
preserve our episodes to prevent the destruction of some of our most
beloved...
episodes. I need a thesaurus. Well, let's go in anyway.Guard: Hold it! Not just anyone can enter the episode archives, you know.
Heavy security...
We're H
Cuz, Matt and Ian, and we're doing a "behind-the-scenes look at
BOTVGH" sort of episode.
Matt: Can you let us in? Guard: Oh, why didn't you say so? Go right ahead. Each
of this doors leads to an archived season of BOTVGH episodes.
Some of these episodes are almost as old as Cranky!
WHAT'D YOU
YOUNGSTERS SAY?!?!
Ummm.......
You three wouldn't know good gameplay if it hit you one the head!!But
we weren't even talking about gameplay, you old prune!!
Oh.... umm...... ehhhh.... well..............
HEY, WHO
ARE YOU CALLIN' OLD?!
You.
...................
Oh yeah?
Well.......... well this whole episode is just DUMB, you know
that?!?! And ummm.......... you're all really stupid!! HAH!! And you
wouldn't
know good gameplay if it hit you on the head, either!!
HEY,
YOU THREE COME BACK HERE!!
(walking
back to his cabin) Stupid writers..... hate 'em all. I could
just
live in peace on my own island, make a few Nintendo game appearances
here
and there, appear in the latest Rareware DK rubbish.......... but NO, I
gotta have over 20 people, including JUMPMAN, stuck on the island WITH
ME!!! WHY'D YOU GUYS DO IT TO ME?!!? WWHHYYYY!??!?!
Ian, is
Cranky still talking to us?
Trust me, H
Cuz, even if he is, he'll probably forget what he was
yelling
about in the next 2 minutes.
Heh.... how
true.
How
true.....
It's
almost time to start the episode, and this place is much busier
than
it was before.
is getting her makeup done,
is practicing hitting a bulls'-eye with  s,
a few villains are practicing evil laughs, and
is attacking a punching bag with a picture of
on it.)
Excuse
me, Ms. Aran?
(stops
attacking the punching bag) Yeah?
We were
wondering......... do you really hate Link?
WITH A
FREAKING VENGEANCE, YEAAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHH!!
destroys the punching bag)
....................
................
................
Matt: ............... Ahem. As
you can see, folks, we have just witnessed unprecedented fury
coming from none other than Samus Aran, defender of galaxies, and Queen
of Link Hatred.
Well...........
I wouldn't say I "hate" him.
YOU
WOULDN'T?!
glares at )
..............
But........... you wouldn't s-s-say the opposite
either.......
would you?
...................
Sigh.
Matt: And Link..... what's the deal with Samus?
continues to glare at ,
as she clenches her fist)
Sh-sh-she's.........
*ulp*............ h-h-hot.
But what
about the other girls in your life? Malon..... Ruto...... did
their becoming sages sort of put an end to that, or are you really just
a cheeky love-struck fool with multiple "girlfriends"?
Uhhhhhh......... I gotta go now. (
runs)
There you
have it folks: The Samus, the Link, the hatred and the
secrecy.
And who are
you, Ian, a National Enquirer reporter, or something?I'm
just giving everyone the facts, Samus........ heh...... just the facts.
(smiles)
freezes )
Ms.
Samus, do you do that to EVERYONE who annoys you?
HELP!!
Well......
H CUZ!!
I don't know about everyone....
MAAAAATTTTT!!!
I mean, I've been really annoyed by Kirby before, but in reality....
HEEELLLLLPPP!!!!
.....I
think Kirby's one of the most drop-dead sexy people on this
planet.
YOU think
Kirby is cute!??! But..... but?!
But.......
but..... but Samus, he's.....
DOES ANYONE
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
*Gulp*
N-n-no, of course not, Ms. Aran.
Umm.....
well there you have it folks, the real dirt on Samus' love
interests......
H
CUUUUUUUZZZZZZ!!!
Well, then
there's Knuckles......
SOMEBODY
UNFREEZE ME ALREADY!!!
Matt: You like KNUCKLES, Knuckles the Echidna of Sega fame?!?
What can I say, I just can't resist a guy with huge fists and
knuckles......
that Sonic is a complete loser.
Well, there
you have it, folks---
Ooh, wait!!
I forgot about Mega Man X and Zero, they're hot...
But
they're robots, and I'm the protector of Hyruuuuuuuule!!
WAAAAAAAAH!!
Matt: Mega Man X and Zero? Ahem!! Well
there you have it folks....
Matt: Samus Aran: No worse than Link is when it comes to love.
Ummm........ well......
Uhhhh.....
freezes and Matt and runs
frantically)
Now
look what you two did!!
Matt: So this must be what Link felt like all those times...
turns around, and freezes
as well)
Hey,
Link, while we're all frozen here, can we ask you a question or
two?
Heh....
sure. I love receiving questions about my daring escapades and
quests to save the land of Hyrule, and I even give love advice freely
to
those who ask!!
Do you know
of a better way to get unfrozen then to wait for the ice to
thaw?
Sigh........
no.
Umm....
something tells me we should leave Link alone to wallow in his
depression once this ice thaws.
Technical error?
Matt: Ummm...... yeah. LEAVE ME ALONE!!
is on the other side of the room, talking with the villains.)
...So
you're not REALLY evil?
(in a very
calm, sane voice) Why of course we are.
Why, we
were just practicing our evil laughs.
"Practicing"?
Sigh.... yes, practicing. It takes a lot of work to do a really evil
laugh.
Sometimes it comes out as a "bad-sounding, not-very-nice" laugh, which
isn't good. It needs to be an EVIL laugh. Just because we're practicing
it, doesn't make us any less evil at all.
Why, we're
all out to cause havoc and ruin, aren't we, Dr. Robotnik?
is standing behind with
a knife poised above his head)
Errr....
yes.
runs by, chasing with murderous
intent)
See
what we mean?
Ash... is
an interesting character. His character is just like him --
that
is, rock stupid -- so it's a little too easy for him be himself in the
eps.
doesn't watch where he's going, and rams into a wall)
Of
course, he does face some setbacks now and then because of that...
, , , , ,
Matt, and turn away as
closes in on )
AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Oh well, so much for him.
Nah, don't
worry. He's an anime character, so it's easy to revive him...
.........Oops........ My bad....... *yells* CLEAN-UP ON AISLE SEVEN!!!
Moving right along... We have a couple minutes before the episode
starts.
Let's talk to the people whose work is never recognized...
Luigi?
No, I mean
the makeup artists, costume designers, and stagehands!
Here
it is, our make-up department!
Makeup Man: Really, Luigi, I do not know what you do with your hair. But you must stop wearing that green hat so much! Don't try
to change me.
Okay...
let's see our costume department, who don't work a month at a
time...
(yells into costume room) BUT STILL PICK UP WEEKLY PAYCHECKS!
Costume Guy: Quiet out there! We're workin' in here! Easy there.
Truth is, the programmers of the fine Nintendo games have
already
given us great costumes that they've graciously provided.
Why do we still have them around, anyway?
Um... let's
look at the stagehands.
Oh, we got
plenty of them (into costume room) WHO ACTUALLY WORK FOR A
LIVING!
Costume Guy: I SAID quiet out there! Here's our
fire expert.
Fire Expert: Hi, guys. Tell us,
what do you do for BOTVGH?
Fire Expert: Well, if any character should run off screen flailing about wildly as their hair is on fire, I gladly put it out!
Ah. You wouldn't believe how often that happens. Often off the air.
Matt: "Off the air"? Errr...
And here's Ash's personal assistant. *ahem* He works extra hard to make
sure Ash remains alive, so we give him TWO paychecks.
's
Assistant: Heh heh. And believe me, it's worth it.
C'mere, you!
AHHHHH!
's
Assistant: Whooops, looks like I gotta get back to work.
(laughs) We understand.Martin (over loudspeaker): Attention. The episode is now starting. All cast members, please proceed to Studio 6 immediately. I repeat, all cast members to Studio 6 for recording. Oh, they're
starting.
,
Matt, and go to Studio 6,
where assorted video game characters are assembled.
is dancing in front of a camera)
(singing)
I like cheese, oh yes I do! I like cheese, how about you!
(off-camera, whispers to )
That's your cue.
Oh, uh,
right. *ahem* Oh great... Mario's gone nuts!
Allow me!
acts like he's just been hit with a )
Where's
the cow?
The
computers'll draw it in later.
Matt: "Computers"? Say, have
you guys been to the Shorts section yet?
We were
just on our way...Look,
there's Dan, maintainer of the Shorts! Hi, Dan!
Hi, guys!
What are you doing?
Well, what
I'm doing is, organizing the shorts! You see, I've got the
Shorts
so well condensed, that I've actually committed them ALL to this single
film reel! It's amazing. It took me seven weeks, but I've finally done
it. This will save time and space for the future.
Wow, that's
great, Dan! I hope EVERYONE can enjoy this new format.
(raises
arms in emphasis)
Now future
Shorts writers can go without fear of time constraints or
ANYTHING!
(also raises arms in emphasis, knocking the reel out of 's
hands)
Oh no!
Uh...
oops. Well... see you in seven weeks, Dan!
AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Let's get outta here before something else happens.
Oh,
here's something interesting! This long line is where potential
characters
for future BOTVGH episodes sign up for registration.
Let's look
in.
Uh, yes
sir, Mister Myers, you can come in.
I can't see
his face. Is that Mike Myers?
Uh...
yes... and no.
Our sources
show you have had a video game for the Atari 2600. Right
this
way.
walks in)
Well,
whatever HE'S in... that should be interesting.
Next! Okay,
who are you two?
Oh, we're popular Canadian TV
stars.
(skeptical)
Hmm. Canadian TV? How come I've never heard of you....?
Oh, you've probably seen our
top-grossing movie.
It did better than that
Titanic movie!
'Fraid I
haven't heard of you.
Well, uh, how about this
favorite Canadian joke... Say, Terrance?
Yes, Phillip?
What did the Tony
Award-winning astronaut say to the butler from Ontario?
I don't know, Phillip! What did
the Tony Award-winning astronaut
say to the butler from Ontario?
farts. and
laugh)
WOW!
I DO know you guys. We'll just check your video game files and
you'll
be right in.
Oh, I think you'll find it.
(farts)
(laughs)
(laughs) Now that's gonna be a GREAT episode! I loved their movie.
Well, let's go... on... to our training grounds for new characters...
After
all, they DO need training for the stuff THEY'LL be in.So
what exactly do you train for?
Well,
mainly we just...
HEY! Quit slacking off and get
back to work!!
Y-yes, sir!
Matt,
& : ........
I'll tell you what they're
training for! They're training hard and fast
so when the day comes that they'll be needed for a BOTVGH episode,
they'll
be fit and ready!
But fitness
isn't really a huge factor in BOTVGH...
Hmmmm...
(a bit flustered) Well, we
keep them busy so they can, uhh, stay healthy
for future games! You know, the Game Cube and all... uh, yeah! Now I
must
go! (flies off)
Boy, we
didn't get much information out of him, did we?
On the
contrary, I think we've uncovered quite a lot... Anyway, the
episode
should be ending about now, so let's go get some post-episode
commentary
from a few characters.
Well,
I do like working here at BOTVGH, but sometimes, little pranks are
played. Like that one time they slipped a REAL cow in the--
is dropped on )
Owie.
I enjoy it. Am I a hero, or a villain? Maybe an anti-hero. Oh, by the
way,
I was the one that slipped those real cows in.
Well, uh,
being a character here in BOTVGH looks like an interesting
project.
I don't know how it's gonna be. I can play tennis, though.
Sure, I mean, sometimes things go wrong, but I know the fire expert is
there to help. (spontaneously catches fire) AAAAHHHH!
Whew.
Thanks.
No.... no,
you don't understand.... They want to... hurt me... Owie.
Yaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! (flings sword at )
AAAAHHHH!
Well, that was certainly special!
Matt: Very special. Yes. Yes it
was. I certainly hoped it would be.... as special as this.
Matt: This was dumb!! Shhh....
no. It was "special".
Indeed. And
informative.
Very.
I learned that Ash is proof of life less intelligent than Pikachu!
(smiles) Pika!!
falls down for no apparent reason)
blasts Matt's head off)
I
learned that cheese can be educational!
Everyone: ............... Ummm......
never mind!
You wanna
know what I learned, guys? Huh? HUH?!
What's
that, Mario?
I learned
that as soon as this episode ends......
.....WE'LL
ALL STILL BE STUCK ON THIS STUPID ISLAND!!!
.................
Matt: ................. You....
learned right.
Good night
everybody!
(farts)
Oh, Phillip! The show's over!
(laughs)
Oh, well, I guess it is!
(farts)
|
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This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the authors.