Episode 0.4: Insanitaryism, Jerks, and People being Run Over

Battle of the Video Game Heroes: Season 7!

Episode 0.4
Insanitaryism, Jerks, And People Being Run Over
by UDX

THE CAST

Mario	Luigi	Wario	Waluigi	Bowser	Peach	Toad	Yoshi	Boshi
Kamek the Ref	Diddy	Dixie	Tiny	Chunky	Cranky	K. Rool	Dr. Evil	Kefka
Dr. Wily	Cut Man	Guts Man	Speedy	Polly	Guido	Lucille	Big Cheese	Bad Bird
Princess Vi	Ash	Misty	Brock	Jessie	James	Giovanni	Officer Jenny	Pikachu
'Charcoal'	Charizard	Meowth	Persian	Growlithe	Tai	Agumon	Davis	Veemon
Mr. T	The Rock	Triple H	Edge	Christian	Buh Buh Ray Dudley	D-Von Dudley	Link	Samus
Goku	Vegeta	Zarbon	Rattrap	Cartman	Sailor Moon	Banjo	Kazooie	Conker
Shigeru Miyamoto	Sonic	Crash Bandicoot	Space Ghost	Brak	Zorak	Moltar	Cow King	General Cowamov
Klawkat	Braden	H Cuz	UDX	Jared Diogo	Sean Kelly	Chris	Ian	Wario the III
Judge Judy	Fat Lady	Not Pictured: Jerry Sheindlin, Jonathan Jones, Mimi, Cow Master, Elecmon, Martin Smith, Kurt Angle, Cheetor, Mickey Mouse, and Goofy

Part 1: Freedom.

(At ROTVGV detention center)

Not again.

We've been hit by the cow's curse too many times.

I know that.

I want milk. Lots of it.

I want hay, lots of it.

Get me the farm report, or else.

Hahahaha, my master did this for having me cooped up in this here place.

You'll pay for this.

Shut up and come with me.

Gotcha.

(Meanwhile)

ROTVGV council is now in session.

Let me report what's going on in the BOTVGH community. Goku, now a widower, falls in love with Impa, the sage of shadow. UDX was spotted driving Goemon Impact. Kenny was killed by a giant sugar bag.

No way.

Way!

Jonathan Jones: Let me see that... (Reads it) I don't believe it. And the pictures don't lie.

(takes back the paper) Give that back. (continues to read it) Jessie falls in love with Stone Cold, Mr. T knocks heads with Mario, Luigi, Fox, Link, DK, Yoshi and Cranky Kong.

Glad that happened.

Here's another one. Cartman was caught taking pictures of a girl in the shower.

Mmmph. That is so ridiculous.

Jonathan Jones: Shut up.

Also, we welcome a new member. Say hello to Dr. Evil.

Hello. To remind you, my enemy Austin Powers will have a game for a Nintendo system. Soon I shall have all of the Game Boys of the world!!

Whatever. Portable systems suck!

Don't dis portable systems!! Especially the Game Boy Color. It is the king of portable systems. It has...

Everyone else: The Pokemon Trading Card Game, yeah we know that.

Read us the rest of the report, dangit!

Oh, sorry. (continues to read) Also, the Cow King will be kept in ROTVGV detention center for another season, that is all.

Wait, what did you say?

I said Cow King will be kept in ROTVGV detention center for another season, H Cuz says so.

NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Curse you H Cuz!! I will not keep a pathetic excuse for a farm animal in my site for another season, got that?

What should we do?

Throw him in my tank of water filled with sharks equipped with lasers?

Wha?

That's my idea.

Bah, let's kick him out. Screw the BOTVGH laws.

Everyone: Screw the BOTVGH laws!

Then it is settled. The Cow King will be in here no more. Agreed?

Everyone else: AGREED!

ROTVGV council dismissed.

Everyone: Release the Cow King, release the Cow King, release the Cow King, release the Cow King, release the Cow King!!! (March up to 's prison)

What's the word?

We have good news for you. You're released.

( and the other villains grab and throw him out of ROTVGV)

Well fine then. I'll come back with more cows.

That felt better.

Agreed.

I'm never seeing that cow in ROTVGV custody again.

I haven't felt this good since the pigs ate my sister! (Gets excited)

Everyone else: No, wait!!!!

( explodes, destroying the ROTVGV building)

You idiot. Look what you did. Don't you know how long it took us to build this place?

(The BOTVGH police appear)

Halt, you're under arrest for illegal release of a criminal.

I pity the fool who resist the arrest.

Let's beat it.

(, , ,, , , Johnny Jones, , and make a run for it)

So much for ROTVGV.

We must report this to H Cuz and arrest the ROTVGV webmaster, Sean Kelly.

Part 2: Suspicion...

Hey guys, you heard this? Dr. Wily's men kicked Cow King out of the ROTVGV detention center!

Of course... You mistook it for a prison.

It is a prison. And get lost. (kicks out of here)

Heh heh heh. Good one.

(In comes )

I'm back! All hail BRRRAAAAAKKKKKKKKKK!

(In comes Elecmon and he short-circuits )

C'mon Elecmon. I wanted Charcoal to burn him.

Excuse me, I'm still eating.

(Meanwhile, with and the other authors)

So, you heard that Dr. Wily kicked Cow King out?

Yeah. And it's against BOTVGH rules.

I'm planning on putting a restraining order on those jerks.

Don't worry. Me and Martin have this all under wraps.

(In comes with some banana tea.)

Here's your banana tea, Mr. H Cuz.

Thanks (drinks it). Not bad, but could use some more sugar...

Oy.... (faints and spills some banana tea on herself)

( snickers)

I know, I know, it's Dixie.

(You can hear yelling)

Urrrrrgh... HEY CRANKY, SHUT UP!

He's really starting to annoy me.

(Meanwhile)

So, what do you want me to do?

Here's my plan. You and I, to take on Luigi and Wario.

Why not? I hate Luigi, like Wario hates you. And Wario has a castle and I don't.

What are you two talking about?

None of yo beezwax.

Well screw you two.

(Author's note: Has Peach been watching South Park again?)

( comes in)

Hey Peach. Toad's messin' with your tub again.

He's dead!! (Cracks her knuckles and leaves)

This is too weird.

I'll say.

(I don't know what to say, but where else?)

So, you think you're better than me?

Sure can. My Agumon is better than your Pikachu.

We'll see. C'mon Pikachu!!

( was taking a nap)

Okay Agumon, kill him!

( was taking a nap)

(Author's note: Slackers.)

& : WHAT THE ****?

(to Mimi) Boys. Go fig.

Mimi: I agree.

Wait 'til they get in a fist fight!

and Mimi: GET OUT OF HERE, WARIO THE III!!!

Sheesh. Just trying to help. (leaves)

(In comes )

Polly, what's wrong?

It's Speedy. He's being chased by police.

Mimi: It's a psychotic world.

I don't want him to get arrested.

(Let's go check up on The Rock and Co.)

This boredom's getting to The Rock.

I'm starting to lose my patience.

Urrggh. Want to, destroy.

( is tearing up a pillow)

Chunky, you should calm down. How about we take on Kurt Angle, Edge and Christian?

Yes. Kill Kurt, Edge and Christain. Want to eat their meat.

I think he's insane.

I don't care.

Neither do I.

(Back with some geeks)

We're not geeks!!

So?

Hey Samus, think I'm sexy?

( hits low (very painful, especially without the armor))

(in a meek voice) Oy!

That was uncalled for.

Of course it was!

Well I still say that 'cuz he was unprotected!

Where the heck's Speedy? If he doesn't come here right now I shall bash his sorry little ***.

(Author's note: Yeah, you know what he'll do.)

You are so mad.

Don't make me kill you!

Wanna bet?

( and beat each other up)

HEY, WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP? I'M TYPING HERE!

( lets her missiles out and they collide with and , but also with , and )

You *****. I'll kill you!!

(In comes the Cow Master (Uh-oh))

Cow Master: Hee hee hee hee. (Zaps and )

When's the farm report on?

You got milk?

(Let's check with some characters from Klawkat's World of Ruin (a spinoff site, AKA the WOR))

You heard about this? Mario and Waluigi vs. Wario and Luigi.

I don't care. As long as I enjoy it.

Heh. Ol' spike-head thinks he's gonna kill them all.

That's not my plan. I plan on roshambo-ing the loser!

Leave that for Cartman...

(In comes )

Jared, wazzup? I'll share one of my pieces of cookie dough.

Nah. Got plans to date Kiki tonight.

(H Cuz's note: For those who don't read BOTVGH:TND or the WOR, Kiki is Jared's girlfriend. Now back to the episode...)

You mean that kid from Kiki's delivery service?

Yep. And I predict a riot will happen tonight. So I'll come back then.

You go sucka.

Shut up, ratface. (Leaves)

Part 3: Brotherly Revenge...

(At the beginning of this part, we find eating cookie dough)

Klawkat? Didn't you prepare the match?

What match?

The match where Mario and Waluigi takes on Wario and Luigi.

I don't care.

That's it. You're puppy chow.

( tackles and punches him)

(to and Elecmon): Is this interesting or what, boys?

Heh heh heh heh. This is kinda fun.

Elecmon: You got teriyaki-flavored chips?

H Cuz, the creator is here.

(stops fighting) The creator. Martin Smith!

He's here. He's here.

(The limo comes in and when the door opens, out comes Martin Smith)

Martin!! (bows down before Martin) Tonight will be one of the greatest nights in BOTVGH history.

Martin: Thanks. I'm hoping to have a good time. By the way, you don't REALLY have to bow down...

Sorry.

That was uncalled for.

( gets up)

(dazed) Eeny Meeny Minny Mass. Grab a tiger by it's ***.

Martin: Klawkat, you don't feel well.

Hey, wazzup... (faints)

Martin: By the way, I ain't the only one.

(Out comes , , , and .)

Do you smell what the Rock...

The Brock...

And the Chunk are cookin'?

Mario sucks!

Waluigi sucks big time!! (cracks his knuckles)

Martin: Sean, I heard you're wanted because your men illegally released Cow King. Don't worry, I have everything under control.

That's because you're the Creator.

No ****.

Martin: How much cussing is there?

Enough to kick my...

(holds 's mouth shut) I think we've heard enough.

(Later, during the fight with , and in it)

Kurt Angle: You know... You three act like you don't care about what's truly American and what's not. Rock, your color doesn't make you American. Brock, your idea on Pokemon isn't American and the same goes for Digimon, and Chunky, you're as non-american as a islander. It's true, it's true.

(hits Kurt Angle below the belt): Oh shut up, ya bigot.

That's no way to treat our friend!

Let's teach that bozo.

(

and

attempt to run over , but they were both caught off guard by )

Edge and Christian fall down and go boom.

You got that right. Let's riot.

( grabs

and

and throws them into the ring. grabs Kurt and throws him into the ring)

Hey Chunky. Do the Stinkface on Kurt Angle.

( sets Kurt in a sitting position below the turnbuckle, faces away from Kurt and does the Stinkface on Kurt (Now that's revolting))

Kurt: Arrgh.

( grabs

and does the Rock Bottom. grabs

and does the Rock Bottom on him. Then piles

, then Kurt on

. Finally , and pin them and win)

Here is your winner, Rock, Brock and Chunky.

(The second match)

This match is set for both fall. Coming down the aisle. They are currently rivals, but they have to settle something once and for all. They are Wario and Luigi.

(The crowd cheers)

I feel like I'm the main attraction!

So do I!

( and go to the center of the ring)

And their opponents. Coming down the aisle. They deserve to be slapped. They are Mario and Waluigi!

Crowd: **** you!

(Editor's note: Somehow I get the feeling UDX is not a huge Mario fan.)

This is worse than booing.

I usually get booed.

( and enter the ring)

Here is referee Kamek.

Okay, I want a good clean fight. Let's get it on.

(Bell rings)

This should be an interesting match. Wario and Luigi vs Mario and Waluigi.

Better than my stinky socks.

Back that up, okay?

Sorry.

(Meanwhile, is belly busting while and look like they are in a wimp fight.)

This should be interesting.

What should?

I'm gonna use Charizard!

Say what?

I'm gonna use Charizard.

But Charizard won't obey you like Greymon obeys me.

You are both idiots. I had to rescue Charizard from an icy cold, remember?

Ah forget it. Send him out and let him cause a ****in' riot.

( sends out )

Oh ****..

ROAR!!!

Charizard, try to burn the small chubby man in blue overalls and red cap.

(winks) ROAR!!

( flies to and burns him with his fire breath)

Toasty.

You're **** right.

I wanted to do that.

(fried) Hey, that was cheap!

No rules for outside interference. Hee hee.

Oh ****...

(Author's note: There's been a lot of cussing)
(Editor's Note: No ****...)

( tackles and they both go back into wimp-fighting)

(Back in the stands)

Kick his ***, Kick his ***, Kick his ***!!!

( falls, but brings him back up)

Let him fall, big stuff.

No way. Then he would flip me off like Wario did.

( is still rooting for some *** kicking)

(Meanwhile)

These looks like good seats!

Leave that to me.

Nice way of sneaking into here.

(Cheetor notices and the gang)

Cheetor: Hey, what are you doing here?

(Cheetor fries , , , and )

Stupid Beast War Maximal.

(Let's check back on and )

I want to get into the action!

I don't think that's a good idea...

LET ME OR I'LL SEND YOU TO PRISONER ISLAND!

YOU DO AND I'LL KILL YOU, *****!!!

*****?!! WHY I OUGHTA!!!

( and get into a cat fight)

Let's move.

Okay.

I'm with ya.

(, , , and their monsters move to another seat)

(Let's check on the match)

( and are down.)

Are you ready, Wario?

Ready.

( throws on , then does the Banzai Drop on and , and pins them both for the win)

This is hilarious.

Here are your winners, Wario and Luigi!

Crowd: YEAH BABY!

I feel like watching Austin Powers now...

(Back outside)

Martin: That was a fun show.

All sponsored by Klawkat.

Thank me baby.

(With and the gang)

That was a fun fight.

Mario and Waluigi suck.

Mimi: I just wish Misty didn't get in a fight with that *****.

Why don't you go find her, and I'll go mess up a few people on the net.

Okay. C'mon guys. (Leaves with , Mimi, , and the rest)

It's fun time.

I was hoping you would say that.

Elecmon: Start with Pika Stud 69, then Henry, Marril 7 and Mash Me Gopher.

(Editor's Note: If you don't know, you'd be better off not asking.)

(Outside)

I still don't know who did it.

Did what?

Helped kick Cow King out.

(In comes )

Maybe UDX did it.

That's it. He's dead.

(Back with )

Take that, Mash My Butt Gopher!

( starts to leave, but gets ambushed by hitting him on the head with a chair)

Oww... (faints)

Part 4: Let's Riot!!

(We find waking up)

What hit me?

Elecmon: UDX, did you take a nasty hit?

You look like you took critical damage.

That was for letting the Cow King loose.

Sean?

You're the author and you let the Cow King loose for Dr. Wily.

Wily did it. Not me.

Shut up and fight.

( is ambushed by )

Thought you may need help.

Thanks. You're a friend to the end.

( and gang up on )

Sean, you shouldn't have done that.

(All of a sudden, comes in and arm-butts )

That was for Ian bashing.

( gets bashed by )

He's mine!

( does Holy Fire on while Elecmon does super shocker on )

Good, now here's the next task. Turn against your master.

What?

Elecmon: But you adopted me.

What's a episode without a riot? Go right ahead.

Okay...

( does Fire Blast on while Elecmon does Super Shocker on as well. In come , , and Mimi)

Look, UDX's Pokémon and Digimon are turning against him!

( runs to , but bashes her with a block of wood)

You idiot.

( does Fire Spin on and . Elecmon shocks Mimi.)

That's it. Your *** is mine. Agumon!

( does pepper breath on )

Sorry, this is a riot.

( and comes in)

Hey Chunky, Rock. A riot broke out.

( and come in)

Veemon, Come here.

( turns against and is bashing him with a chair)

Veemon you *******. I'll kill you.

( is getting up.)

Since this is a riot, I'm gonna kill UDX.

( gets out a rocket launcher and is about to launch a rocket at , who is battling , when all of a sudden, he is ambushed by a kick in the head by )

That was for bashing me.

( ambushes with a elbow attack)

Thanks.

**** off. (Pounds )

You want me, stupid (gets up and pounds in the stomach). Now I believe this. Dragon Ball sucks. AND SO DO DIGIMON AND POKéMON!!

( bonks and with a baseball bat)

You suck!

( is ambushed by the with and )

Who wants to fight?

( and pound )

What was that for?

It's everybody for himself.

( hits )

Now you're mine Speedy!!

( is ambushed by )

You suck!

( hits , and .)

Hey, everyone gets to kill each other!

(In come and )

Your Pokémon and Digimon are ours.

You consider us crooks!

When we beat your butts...

You'll cry for us.

(A chair knocks down and .)

Who did that?

(In comes with another chair)

Boss, you're twice as much a traitor as one of our members was.

Sorry. It's every person for himself!

( attacks in the face)

AHHH! STUPID CAT! I SHOULD HAVE WENT FOR A GROWLITHE!!!!

A Growlithe, eh? GROWLIE!

( comes out, sniffs and smiles, then burns and )

Here's the next job. Attack me!

Grow?

It's every person for himself!!

( tackles )

(All of a sudden, comes flying through the window)

Anyone else wants some?

( is bashed by )

No one messes with the game.

( sees )

Come here.

( is dashing towards , but comes in and bashes both and )

You can't stand a Rocket!

You bashed your men.

Then let me bash you again.

( is punching out )

( and pound their fist on , hurting him)

That was fun

So is this. (punches )

(In come ,

, Cheetor, and )

Alright, a riot.

Not if I get there first!!

, Cheetor, and go into the riot scene and start doing some bashing)

(In comes )

You better not mess with my ***!!!!

( is ambushed by )

Got ya now!

( is pecking on , but throws her out of the back pack and kicks her)

**** off.

( hits in an unpleasant area)

Oww!

(In come and )

This looks fun.

Not if I beat you to it.

( and are wimp fighting each other)

(In another room, you can see has a spiked club)

No one bashes me and gets away with it!! (Goes into the riot room and starts bashing )

(In come , , , and )

Fun time.

( hits , and . Then all 4 fight each other.)

You are ****in' dead!!

(In comes )

What is the meaning of this?

( grabs and they fight)

You *******!!

(Meanwhile, in another room, is fighting with )

Die Sonic!!

You die!!

(Let's check back with the losers. Oh my, , Cow Master and are being pounded by other characters)

I came back at the wrong time...

Shut up and start crying.

( gets hit by )

That was for assistant bashing!

( falls on )

( kicks the , and then the jumps onto )

(Meanwhile, we find struggling to take out )

You're mine shaved-head. I will throw you into a table and take over Team Rocket.

Never.

( scratches both and )

( tackles and they get into a real cat fight)

(Later)

(Everyone from BOTVGH, except and Martin is rioting)

(smacking and ) Hehehehehe.

( smacks , then . Then she is grabbed by .)

You're mine!!!

( comes in and hits on the head with a frying pan, then hits with that frying pan)

( bashes into )

(The riot is getting out of control)

(Back with and Martin)

Martin: H Cuz, there's something odd outside. It sounds like a fight. Stop the fight.

On it.

( goes outside and sees everyone attempting to kill each other)

What's going on here?

(Everyone stops)

Mr. Cuz?

I want to know, WHO STARTED THIS MESS?

Everyone: They did! (Points to each other)

(Editor's note: Interestingly, this kind of thing happens all the time in the chat room.)

Doesn't matter, you're all responsible for this fight in one way or another. A 2 season suspension---

Shut up, jack***.

(ticked) What did you call me?

( punches )

Get him!

(The fight starts again with fighting)

(Meanwhile)

Martin: This has been going on too long...

(Martin goes out and sees everyone fighting still)

Martin: STOP, THAT, FIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

(Everyone stops again)

Martin: H CUZ, GET YOUR *** OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

Yes, Mr. Smith?

Martin: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STOP THE FIGHT. NOT JOIN IT!

But..

Martin: NO BUTTS. YOU'RE FIRED!

**** you.

Martin: That's it.

(Martin attempts to punch , but accidentally hits )

You *******.

( gets in a fight with Martin)

Rumble!!!

(The fight starts again with Martin and )

(Later)

(This fight has gone out of control)

(Martin, holding the BOTVGH handbook, sneaks up on )

Martin: H Cuz, time to DIE!

(Martin attempts to hit on the head, but misses and hits on the head with it instead)

You *******. I quit.

(Martin kicks in an unpleasant area)

**** you!

(Outside, the ROTVGV members notices the fight.)

At last. If we can capture everyone, we can win BOTVGH and the world!

Wanna bet? (Punches )

You traitor. Bowser, K. Rool, dispose of him!

( and attack each other)

AHHH!

Urrgh. (Explodes)

(Jonathan Jones is pounding on )

(Later, everyone in the BOTVGH community (and formerly of the BOTVGH community), is attempting to kill each other)

(pinning down Martin) Like they say, it takes one to know one.

( was about to choke Martin when the police arrive)

Halt. Everyone is under arrest.

I pity da fool who resist arrest!

(A bunch of police officers surround everyone in the BOTVGH community)

Martin: Oh ****.

Part 5: Trial and more rioting

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, court is now in session. Presenting the honorable, Judge Jerry Sheindlin.

Jerry Sheindlin (from the People's Court): And I'm husband of Judge Judy.

Say what?

Jerry Sheindlin: Shut up. For a prosecutor, here's my own wife, Judge Judy Sheindlin.

(In comes )

I'll prosecute on the BOTVGH community.

Martin: But..

Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!

That was uncalled for.

Jerry Sheindlin: Now then, I would like to see a report from Officer Jenny.

Right here. (Gives it to )

Here you go... (Gives it to Jerry Sheindlin)

Jerry Sheindlin: Let me read this. Hmm. ROTVGV broke Cow King out of their own Detention center. Sean Kelly bashes UDX on the head causing a riot. You know what that means.

What does it mean?

Jerry Sheindlin: It means you all commited a crime in this here community.

Martin: The entire community did that.

At least I didn't start it.

Shaddup.

Jerry Sheindlin: Guess we got ourselves a huge punishment. 8 seasons without BOTVGH, Martin to be suspended of his license, everyone to be taken to the ROTVGV prison, and to be tortured like YOU WERE ****IN' DOLLS!!

( gets angry and punches through the glass barrier)

Jerry Sheindlin: Get him.

(Officers attempt to restrain BOTVGH community people, only that they decided to bash each other)

Jerry Sheindlin: Ah what the hey. (Jumps on and bashes )

Get off of me.

(Everyone is attempting to kill each other again, only that they're the law, and those who inspect the law, are also fighting)

(Jerry is killing Martin and )

Jerry Sheindlin: Apparently, I used the wrong punishment. Instead, I shall kill you both and become ruler of the BOTVGH community!

( attacks Jerry)

Wrong, I shall rule, and make sure the People's Court never comes back.

(Everyone is attempting to kill each other, like there is no mercy)

This is an outrage!

Shut up and cry. (hits )

( appears)

STOP THIS AT ONCE!!

(Everyone stops)

Look at all of you. The entire BOTVGH community is killing each other. Judges Judy and Jerry Sheindlin are supposed to discipline, not torture. You're all under censorship arrest.

Get lost. You're fired.

Martin: No, wait.

What?

Martin: Allow me. Fat Lady, YOU'RE SO ****ING FIRED!

That's what you think.

(A army of Disney characters surround everyone minus the )

I hired these boys to arrest you all.

Mickey Mouse: And you better believe it.

(Later, at Censorship Prison)

Dang. And I only had a episode's worth of freedom.

Face it. We suck.

Martin: If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened.

No. I wish to apologize for doing this damage.

Why?

Because Zarbon told me a lie.

LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!

Goofy: Shut up.

So how long are we going to be in here?

She said for a long time.

Jerry Sheindlin: And we weren't prepared.

Shut up and cry.

The End... or is it? (Don't worry, everyone will break out and things will be back to normal in time for the regular season.)

This has been a BOTVGH Production (c). All video game characters are copyright their respective companies. This episode belongs to the BOTVGH Archive and the author.