Battle of the Video Game Heroes Proudly Presents:
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Not a creature was stirring........ except an evil crocodile. The BOTVGH crew was delighting in sleep All was so quiet; not even one peep. The stars were shining brightly, there was peace in the air, Not a thing was in motion, not even Cranky's chair. Mario was sleeping underneath the Christmas tree, Determined to see Santa, when he came finally. Link slept next to the cabin, in pajamas that were red, With dreams of delight and of Samus in his head. Samus was to be found by the soft green grass Dreaming of nice things, like kicking Link in the....... butt. Things were pleasant, things were sweet, But not everywhere were things so neat. Elsewhere on the island, treading on the sand Was K. Rool the King, Kremling in Command. Now K. Rool was the evil sort, Ruled alone, without cohort; He had so sense of Christmas spirit and feel, Not to mention he had a pet eel. The eel has nothing to do with this story, so.... ummm... that's why I'm skipping to the next verse. He thought, "'Tis Christmas Eve, now what I can do, To make trouble for the Kongs as well as the BOTVGH crew?" "I'm sick of this Christmas spirit and I'm sick of the Kongs, I'll come up with a plan that cannot go wrong!!" He schemed, he thought, he worked his scaly mind, Then he came up with a plan that was sure to work fine. He'd kidnap Santa, as soon as he arrived, Then there would be no presents, not even five For the people who lived on DK Isle; "Oh what a plan!" he said with a smile. And so he waited, and waited, till he could wait no more; How could Santa take so long, that lazy, fat boar? But then he looked to they sky, for a jingle he heard, And he knew it was Santa when he heard Santa's word: "Ho, ho, ho!!", laughed Santa, heartily, as he Quickly landed his reindeer, so they could quickly take a pee. He stepped out of his sleigh, and into the snow, And greeted K. Rool, with a "Ho" and a "Ho!". Oh, if you only could have seen Santa Claus that night, But if you've ever seen him, you know well the sight: His cheeks are rosy red, his belly round and fat, His suit was crimson, and so was his hat. With him was Wario, so fat and so round, It seemed that the eggnog had helped him put on a few pounds. King K. Rool stared at Santa, with shock and surprise, He had never seen a fat man quite Santa's size!! "What are you looking at, pal?", bellowed Santa with indignation. "So I ate a few cookies, while playing Playstation!!" "But Santa", asked K. Rool, "don't you mean Playstation 2? Don't you get to play with every toy that is new?" "I usually do", replied Santa, "but for this, don't ask me the reason; Not even SANTA could get hold of one this season!!" "Well that is all fine, and that is all merry", said the evil K. Rool, "But now I'm going to gag you and kidnap you, you fool!!" "Not this time, bub", said Santa, "this year, I'm ready to fight!! No one's going to ruin these people's Christmas night!!" "For the past 3 holiday seasons I've been kidnapped, and Wario is my witness. Each time some bad guy has tried to ruin Christmas; This time I'm ready, there will be no more frowns, So sorry, buddy, BUT YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!!! So Santa pulled out his boxing gloves, and slipped them right on, While Wario became Sumo Wario, who weighs a whole ton. "B-but wait", exclaimed K. Rool, "this simply isn't right!! I-isn't this supposed to be a un-violent night?!" "That's SILENT night", boomed Santa, "and you're on my bad list, So instead of getting some coals, how about my fist?!" Oh, they kicked him, and punched him, and stomped on his head, Then trompled him with Rudolph, whose nose is bright red. They blew him up with bombs, and with their bellies performed body slams... Compliments of Thanksgiving --- too much Turkey and candied yams. That night they practically beat the stuffing out of the crocodile, Then tossed him in the ocean, to float back to his isle. "And don't you come back!!", yelled the jolly man, Whose face you can find on Coca-cola cans. "Heheheh.... I haven't had a fight that good in such a long while!!", Said Wario, who couldn't help smiling an oh-so-evil smile. "Now it's time for the presents!!", jolly old St. Nick then said. So he and Wario laid a present down, by each person's head: For Link, a strategy guide, to get him through Majora's Mask For Mario, a new plunger, perfect for any plumbing task For Luigi, a top-secret beta version of his upcoming Gamecube game For Samus, the next Metroid, which currently has no name For Peach, a big box, filled with layers of candy For Cranky, a pristine DK Jr. arcade machine, all shiny and dandy. And so it was throughout the place, Everyone rested with presents laid by their face. They'd wake up the next morning, sit by the tree, And open their presents, each one with glee. But, you may ask, what about the webmasters of this fine web site? Didn't they receive anything, on this silent night? "Why of course!!", exclaimed Santa,"I gave 'em a Nintendo GameCube or two; I don't see anything wrong with sucking up so I can "somehow" win next year's best cameo/best recurring character award........ do you?" As Santa Claus and Wario got back into the sleigh, Santa told Wario to give the special call: "On Dasher on Prancer, on..... ummmm........ Rudolph and all!!" "Wario....", sighed Santa, "....you'll never get it right." Then they took off into the air and flew into the night. They were to have a busy night, bringing presents to children who were in bed, But despite how tired they were, there was something to be said, As they flew over that island, bright with moonlight: "Merry Christmas to all!! And to all a good night!!" |
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