and  , 
and  , and 
and  started fighting for no
reason at all. Chaos ensued. Now the BOTVGH Awards are almost here,
and 
and the rest of the BOTVGH characters face a dilemma... For now the
show
must go on, somehow....)Martin: You know, you should really wait until the episode starts. (This is what you paid me to do, isn't it?) Martin: ....... |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Top
Row: Mario, Luigi, Wario, Yoshi, Jumpman, Bowser, Peach, Mallow, Geno, Kamek Second Row: H Cuz, UDX, Ian, Wario the III, Klawkat, Sunyoshi, Chris, Diskmaster, Sean Kelly, Dreyfus X Third Row: Mega Man, Roll, Bass, Frost Man, Dr. Light, Dr. Wily, Speedy, Polly, Guido, Santa Claus Fourth Row: Goku, Ash, Jessie, James, Meowth, Pikachu, Link, Master Hand, Rocky "The Rock" Maivia, Pit Bottom Row: Lakitu, Blob, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, Zelda, Cow King, Michael Jordan, Shigeru Miyamoto, and Bill Cosby Not Pictured: Martin, Matt Broussard, and the mystery presenter |
||||||||||
|
Oh man, I'm so nervous! Do I look OK?!
We have worse problems than that, I'm afraid!!
Oh yeah.
Gosh, I hope they don't cancel the awards! It would be a disaster!
Hey, where'd H Cuz go?!
He left. He said he had to make a phone call.
Might as well
try to help in the meantime.
(
shoots a fireball at and .
It hits them, but they ignore it and keep on fighting.)
This is even worse than I thought!
Let me try!!
shoots and ,
who continue fighting.)
Hopeless.
Are we doomed?
Probably.
That sucks.
Tell me about it.
(
walks in)
All right! Who did you get for help? The Street Fighters?
Ash &
Co.? Team Rocket?
Captain Falcon??
Martin??
The Robot Masters???
No!! I called
for--
Somebody order
a pizza?
Yeah, I did. Thanks.
Here you go.
That'll be 80 coins plus tax.
Here. (pays them)
Thanks! Come
on, gang, let's go find our seats for the Awards!
(The 
leave)
Wait a minute. H Cuz, do you mean to tell us that your "important phone
call" was for PIZZA?!!
Well..... yeah.
It's hungry work running this site.
All (that aren't fighting): ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Oh, don't get
all upset. You can have some if you want!!
Excuse me!! The
BOTVGH Awards might not start on time because the main characters are
bashing
each other's brains in as we speak, and you ordered PIZZA?!
This, after you
spent most of Episode 9 last season playing Pokémon...
Well....... yeah.
All (that aren't fighting): ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ......Although
I did stop by the BOTVGH Center, and I found a couple award nominees
and
presenters to help with the whole fighting thing.
All: ................. Well, why the
heck didn't you tell us in the first place?!
You never asked!!
Remind me to kill
you later.
Me first!
No, ME!!!
Oh, pipe down!
You can't kill me, I run the site.... besides, remember what happened
to
Cow King?
All: Ohhh... So who did you
get to help?
Hello!
Oh geez,
no.
I'm here
to spread happiness, joy, and love!
No you're not.
You're supposed to stop the fight, remember?
No....
All: (sigh) But I'll
try. Here goes!
takes out his harp and starts singing a lullabye, putting everyone
that's
fighting -- except -- to
sleep. Unfortunately, he also put everyone else to sleep, except .)
Why didn't Mega Man and I fall asleep?
(Because you're robots.)
Oh.
Are you supposed
to talk back like that?
Oh.
Oops....
(Sprinkles dust that wakes everyone up.... and the fights start up
again)
Let's try something
else. Rocky, you there?
(
comes in)
This is awful!!
Yeah, if they
don't stop fighting, we may have to cancel the Awards.
Actually, The
Rock was referring to the giant turtle Jabroni's chokeslam. It was
pathetic!!
And don't get The Rock started on his piledrivers....
(sigh) Just stop
the fight, OK?
You're no fun.
(to , , , , ,
and ) All right, listen
up!! The Rock says to save it for the ring and start getting ready for
the Awards!! Otherwise, The Rock is going to have to take the People's
Elbow and put the SMACK down on you!!
, , , , ,
and look at each other,
then at , then stand perfectly
still.)
That's better. Now if you'll excuse me, The Rock has to find his seat
before
Triple H does.
leaves)
Triple H is here???
Looks like it.
I don't get
wrestling these days. Back when I was a lad---
All: SHUT UP!!!!! All right already!!
flies in)
Message for BOTVGH, from Wario. He says he's not coming to present
"Best
New Author".
What?! Why not?
He's really,
really ticked-off about not being nominated for "Best Recurring
Character".
Crap, that's all
we need. We're short a presenter....
spots walking by) Whatcha
doin'?
Looking for
my seat.
Wanna present
the award for "Best New Author"?
Sure!!
Well, that was
simple enough....
Dude, check
out that guy! He's HUGE!!!
(All look and see , followed by........ ?!)
Hey, aren't you supposed to be in jail?
They
let me out so I could attend the awards. After all, I'm presenting an
award.
So what's
with the walking igloo?
punches )
Ow.
I'm wit'
dis here cow, because da boss don't want him to ex-cape. If he
does.....
I give 'im "the treatment". Ha ha ha ha.
Mmmmpph mpph?
Kenny wants
to know what "the treatment" is?
Here, lemme
show youse. (Picks up and
throws him down, jumps on him a few times, then smashes him into the
floor
so hard, only his feet are seen sticking out.)
Remember kids,
Frost Man is a trained robot.
Do NOT try this
at home!!
Deep Voice: FINISH HIM!!!!! Great, now Mortal
Kombat is here.
uses the Ice Wave on , reducing
to a bloody pulp.)
Oh my god!!
You killed Kenny!!!
*gulp*
Well, why don't
you two go find your seats....
Okay. (He
and walk off)
(whispers to )
That may take a while.
Well, shall we
go to the Awards?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!
)
Err, uhh, I.... didn't say anything.
Sure, Crank.
The BOTVGH Center???
Yep. This is where
the Awards were last year.
It's also
where the BOTVGH basketball team plays its home games!
But we don't have
a basketball team!
Yes we do.
appears!)
Hi everyone!
Since when have
we had a basketball team?
Since about 6
lines ago.
......Oh.
What was that?!
I think The Rock
just found Triple H sitting in his seat.
Ouch.
I'm thirsty.
comes by)
I'm selling refreshments.
Oh, good. Let
me get my wallet........
I'm not selling
the soda for money, though. I'm trading it for DBZ videos!
I'm afraid I
don't have any.......
D'OH!!!!! (walks
off in search of someone who might have DBZ videos)
I'm still thirsty...
I have a glass
of water if you have Ranma 1/2 tapes.
(sigh)
Now for a cameo
appearance.
I think we should
start the Awards....
Some people requested
cameos, and so I'm giving it to them. Everyone, this is Diskmaster. He
wrote the short "The Number Problem", and he has another short coming
up,
entitled "The Republic".
Hi.
H Cuz, could
you at least try to make your cameos a little less obvious?
I'm afraid not.
Well, I have
an idea. SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!
You don't want
this episode to give Netscape Composer fits like last week's ep did, do
you?
OK, OK, I'm going!!
Sheesh.......
Mystery Voice: And now, the 2000 BOTVGH Awards with your host, H Cuz!!!
comes on stage)
Thanks, everyone. As you know, last year Sean Kelly came up with the
idea
of BOTVGH Awards. All you readers got to vote for your favorite BOTVGH
characters and episodes. The idea was so popular, I decided I'd try it
myself this year. 101 people cast their votes in 11 different
categories.
Now, our first category....
Pokémon,
of course, is the craze-of-the-moment all around the world, and it's no
different here at BOTVGH. Presenting the award for "Best
Pokémon"
is a self-proclaimed Pokémon master, Ash Ketchum!
comes up on stage)
Well, as H Cuz just said, today I'm presenting the award for "Best
Pokémon".
The nominees were...
PIKA!!! (runs
on-stage as the crowd cheers)
Ahem... Pika.
{Thank you.} Pika pi pikachu, chu chu, pika pikachu. Pika PI-ka
pikachu,
pi! Pi... kachu kachu pikachu pi. Pi! Pi! Kachu!! {After I won the
award
for "Best Main Character" last year, everyone figured I'd run away with
this award. But jellyfish toaster blakghhn#@*#%......}
Aaaaa!!! What's
he doing?!
Sorry. I'm
not real good at the Subtitle spell.
PIKA!!!!! (zaps )
*cough*
As if it's my fault.
(as he walks
offstage) Pikachu..... {Oscillating alcoholic green ocean bookmarks...}
Oh well... on
to the next category. Every season brings a number of changes. Which
Season
5 change was the most popular? Let's ask Blob.... not the Clayfighter
one.
Hello. I am presenting
this year's most unconventional award, "Best New Feature". The nominees
were...
Well, what do
I do for an acceptance speech for this? In Season 3, there was the
Samurai
Pizza Cats Quote of the Week. I couldn't get quotes, so in Season 4 we
had a Pokémon Quote of the Week. But I ran out of those, so I
decided
to post classic video game tips. Remember, I take submissions for the
Quote,
which will continue through Season 6 and possibly longer!
And now, presenting
the award for "Best New Author", here is Dreyfus X!!!
(The building suddenly gets dark and a flash of light fills the air. A figure appears in the air.) I
am the Master of Gold, I will destroy evil all around the world, I am
DREYFUS X!!!
lowers to the ground and walks to the microphone)
Well, every year new authors come to BOTVGH. Many of these continue to
write for a long time, in fact three of the nominees have episodes for
Season 6. The nominees are:
walks on stage)
Wow! My first award outside of the Mental Ward. (waits for laugh) Uh,
OK.
(Looks on his card) In the past, I read what this site had to say, ever
since Season 4. I never wrote here cause I felt that cows had to be the
plotline. (Waits for another laugh) Gee, you're silent. Then, during
Season
5, I decided to try, And... writing just took off to me. I now write
for
many sites, including my own. Well, I'd like to thank a few friends for
this award. Thank you, Big J, for giving me ideas on... stuff. Thanks
also
to UDX for helping me on my site. Also, dear thanks go to Hmmdaggy
(Miyu),
for panicking about when I don't update and all that stuff. My next
episode:
The Smash Attack Games 2, will be my next episode here. Now with that
said,
I'm going to McDonalds.
leaves)
And presenting "Best Veteran Author" is one of the archive's honorary
writers,
Ian Pugh.
(LOUD cheers as comes onstage)
Wow, thanks everyone! This award goes to authors who have been around a
bit longer and have plenty of episodes to their credit. One of our
nominees
has written an episode in each of BOTVGH's 6 seasons, and all four have
something planned for this season. Here are the nominees:
Thanks, everyone!
I usually don't plan my episodes and write them; I just get an idea all
of a sudden, and start writing. Then I just see what comes out. Usually
my eps are written months before they go up.... though this one is an
exception,
of course. As you may know, authors like Sean and UDX specialize in
writing
episodes with gripping storylines. I find that I'm funnier when I don't
have a plot to worry about.... Yet I stay away (mostly) from falling
cows
and Pokémon. In fact, I'm not going to use falling objects of
any
kind in my eps this season... welllll... maybe once (grins). And I'm
trying
to get away from relentless Cranky-bashing. In any case, this season
I'm
returning to a formula that won an award last year..... keep an eye out
for the 3rd Annual BOTVGH Olympics!!
Boy that was
a long acceptance speech.
Now let's move
on to awards given out to the characters. First, here's Goku to present
"Best Cameo Appearance".
comes onstage)
This award is given to characters who appeared in only one or two
episodes.
Three of the nominees have already been re-used this season, and
another
one will appear later in the year. So let's take a look at the
nominees....
comes on stage)
Well, well. I won an award. How ironic. How wonderfully ironic. As you
know, I appeared in Matt Broussard's Christmas special, "The Christmas
of Total Chaos". I tried to blow up this island -- THIS VERY ISLAND --
with a bogus Christmas tree, but obviously, the video game heroes
foiled
my plan. So here I am, winning an award for failing to blow up an
island!!!
................Morons.
leaves the stage)
And now to present "Best Recurring Character", in a special
appearance...
Cow King, with Frost Man.
and go on stage)
Move over, shorty!!
Well,
I really shouldn't be presenting an award I was nominated for. In fact,
I probably shouldn't be here at all... but since I won this award last
year, I guess it made sense for me to present it this year. These
characters
aren't main characters, but they still appear fairly regularly. These
are
the nominees:
You love me, you really do love me!!
We must be better
villains than we're given credit for!
Why don't you
two admit it? The only reason we won is because the Pokémon
craze
is still going strong! We're just reaping the benefits of the
Pokémon
franchise!
Ouch......
Don't pay any
attention to him, he's probably just mad over not winning "Best
Pokémon
Character".
Jessie, shouldn't
we do our motto?
Why not provide
a link to it here?
We have an audio
file of our motto?!
(recovering)
Hey, it can be a pain to write it all out.
In any case,
thank you all for voting for us!! With your support, maybe someday
we'll
get that Pikachu!!
PIKA!!!! {MUFFINS!!!!}
Shut up! You
had your chance already!!!
Well, thanks
everyone.
And now, the category which drew the most attention last year, "Best
Main
Character"! Bass?
comes on stage)(
First off, a note to Mega Man: You weren't nominated!! Nyah!!!
Oh, shut up!
I would've been a recurring character at best, anyway!
(ignoring him)
This award goes to characters who are in most, if not all episodes.
Oddly
enough, all the nominees except Cranky and Dr. Wily are from Mario
games.
Here they are:
comes onstage)
THREE VOTES?!
You led most of
the way..... but then a bunch of people voted for Mario.
Nooooooooo!!
I was SO CLOSE!!!!!
Thanks to everyone
who voted for me, first of all!! And thanks to everyone who's played my
games and read BOTVGH! I've been here in BOTVGH, stuck on this island,
since the very first episode, and I've been in almost every single
episode....
putting up with Cranky, or at least trying to....
HEY!!!
In fact, I had
the very first line in BOTVGH history. I've survived Cranky, Dr. Wily,
Wario, falling cows and various other objects, and a few authors who
aren't
exactly big fans of mine. But now, it's all paid off.... And although I
hope to get off this island, I'll probably still be here for Season 7,
8, and so on....
..............I
better stop before I get depressed. Thanks for the votes, everyone.
(goes
back to his seat)
And now, let's
move on to awards for individual episodes. First, here's Santa Claus
with
the results for "Best Christmas Special"!!
comes on stage)
Ho ho ho! The holidays are a time of joy and cheer, especially when the
BOTVGH holiday specials go up!! (Although I seem to get kidnapped in
each
one....) Anyway, the nominees were...
Hohoho!! I have such cheap, cheap, dialogue. (cheesy smile)Matt: Wow......gosh. I'd like to thank everyone at the Academy for--- BAH!!!Matt: I first read BOTVGH at the end of the first season. I remember spending--I can't remember how long---reading-- BAH!!!Mama-mia!
What's your problem, Cranky?!This
is the fellow responsible for those doggone, boring, Christmas
thing-a-ma-jigs.Episodes?Yeah!!
Those things.Sigh......Didn't
you enjoy one bit of our past few Christmases, Cranky?NO!!!!Did
you enjoy the season?NO!!!!The
month of December?NO!!!!Holding
me hostage on top of your roof?YEP!!!!OK......
OK, so the one other thing I liked about past few Christmases
was the visits from Miyamoto, Zelda, and Pit.....ZELDA?!?!?
Did you say ZELDA?!?!?!?!?'s face)Yes..........Zelda!!!(bams
his head against the seat in front of him) This isn't even funny
anymore.AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!Let
me show you something funnier than this.AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
takes off his nose and plops his face into a bowl of chocolate pudding)I
tell ya, that's some good stuff, that J-E-L-L-O!You
see, that's not even funny. I'm going to drown myself... Maybe we'll
get more readers.Does
anyone hear me?!? I'm screaming
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"!
heads off towards the ocean)Bye,
Mario! from behind)Heya
Peachy!! Hey Cranky.I
want a hamburger.And
now, ladies and gents, would be a proper time to announce..............
now, hold your breaths, because this could be somewhat of a shock....Then
why should we hold our breaths?(whacks with his cane) Shut
up. Hey, it's been a while since I used this cane...... more fun than I
remember. Ah, well, anyway.... I hereby announce... hereby and not
thenby
and whereby, whoby, and whyby, but hereby announce
thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt........................
drumroll, please.Only
if there's a hamburger with it.I'll
do the drumroll!!
flexes his muscles, then starts to beat his chest)OW!!!!
Why'd that hurt, Matt?Matt: Because I wanted it to. Mwahahaha!!! I
don't like you.Martin: I'll do it. (A drumroll sound spontaneously starts up) Princess
Zelda and I are engaged to be wed......... THIS SEASON, AS A BIG
CLIFF-HANGER SEASON FINALE!!!!WHAT?!??!?!Everyone else: WHAT!??!?
I've dated several of the strongest, sweetest heroes in the galaxy, and
none of them are as charming and rich as my sweet Cranky here!Call
me Donkey Kong, Zeldy."Zeldy?"I
thought we were still together, Zelda!!Well.....we
sorta still are......for now.Huh?
What do you mean?Hamburgers
are a good food.
Matt, stop this---this is an awards ceremony!! An awards ceremony, for
Chef Boyardee's sake!!! Not a time to conjure up insane plot devices!!Matt: (smiling, jokingly) It's too late. My wrath is upon you all. Hahahah. A hamburger is
something that I want now. It would be delicious and good.HOW
CAN YOU AND ZELDA GET MARRIED!??We
both agree that Nintendo has fallen, and the games of lore are long
gone.Startling
revelation!! Cranky thinks that new Nintendo games are dumb!!Matt: Ahem!! As I was saying..... thanks to everyone for your support! When writing my third Christmas BOTVGH, I was nervous as heck, because I saw how many votes I had gotten last year, and I didn't want it to fail anyone who liked the previous ones. I was really proud of my second Christmas special; a little too proud, because as a result, I put my standards way too high, and A Christmas of Total Chaos didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it to, the way Season 4's did.... and the deadline was getting scary, and I had a million worries. So thanks to everyone for this award, especially Martin and H Cuz, because they were cool enough to waste their time posting my huge, huge, scary, scary, oh-my-gosh-that's-long-BOTVGH!! ;) How you guys get all that HTML done so quickly is a wonder. Thanks!! Oh, and a recommendation for anyone who wants write any sort of Christmas special: Drink tons of eggnog!! Matt: I mean tons!! Truckloads of it!! Get fat!! 'Cuz that's what Christmas is all about, right, Wario? Right!!!Matt: Wario? Yeah?Matt: You're not here. I'm
not?Matt: No, you're not. You're "elsewhere". OH..............rrrriiiiiiiiight.
vanishes off into "elsewhere")Guys...........did
I say that we were engaged?Everyone: Yes. We're
not engaged just yet. I meant we're "going to be engaged". Soon.
Just watch. The episode's comin', folks. And it might not even be this
season. We're gonna shock everyone. Just wait and see. Heheheheh!!!
We're
engaged to be engaged. Anyone who tries to figure that out's head will
fall off.'s
head falls off)Just
keep your ears open, readers!!(imagines
living on the same island as ) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Matt: Good night, everybody!!
There you have it, folks. You heard it here first: Cranky and Zelda are
engaged to be engaged. Now, with "Most Original Plot", here's the
original,
the one, the only.... Jumpman.
comes onstage)
Hey, wait a minute! How can Jumpman be here? He's just a past version
of
Mario!!
It's BOTVGH. You're
safer if you don't try to figure it out.
This award
goes to the episodes whose plots were the most innovative and/or
unique.
Here are the nominees:
(
comes on stage)Thank
you, thank you BOTVGH voters. I would like to thank everyone who
voted for me in this award, as well as Sean Kelly who wrote the second
half of my episode. I love to write for BOTVGH, and whenever I do, I
always
try to think "What is something that they haven't done on BOTVGH yet?"
I am very pleased to recieve the award for best plot, and I hope to
recieve
many awards in the future! (Ehehehe)
walks offstage)
And now, here to present "Best Short" is the genius who created Mario
and
many of our favorite Nintendo characters.... Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto.
,
cheers loudly as walks
onstage)
Thanks, everyone. With all the excitement that the regular episodes can
generate, many people forget about the shorts. Maybe that's why this
wasn't
a category in last year's awards. In any case, here are the nominees
for
"Best Short":
comes on stage in his writer outfit ( ))
First of all, I know I'm supposed to thank the voters or something, but
I'm evil, so I won't. Many of you remember what inspired me to write a
BOTVGH episode..... it was in "The Search for the Plot", and H Cuz (the
writer of that ep) couldn't come up with any ideas. That's when I
realized
that I was born to write BOTVGH episodes..... And I did a much better
job
than H Cuz or anyone else. But nobody else agreed, and I ended up being
banned from writing any more episodes. I have to thank.... nobody,
since
none of the characters involved cooperated, so I take all the credit.
If
you don't like it.... TOUGH!!! Bwahahahahahhh!!! Maybe I can convince H
Cuz or Martin to let me do an update sometime, or somethin' like that.
starts to leave, but then remembers something)
Oh, Mr. Miyamoto? About that stardom game you promised me.....
We're, errr....
working on it.
and walk off stage)
And finally, here to present the award for Best Overall Season 5
episode.....
it's none other than Jimmy, the Talking Thanksgiving Ham!!!
All: ................. Jimmy the Talking Thanksgiving Ham: Thank you! I'm honored to be the first-ever resurrected talking pig meat to present an award here at BOTVGH!! The category, "Best Overall 5 Episode", needs no explanation...... so let's take a look at the nominees!!
comes on stage)
WOW! It is a big honor to be the co-winner of Best Episode of Season 5.
This story actually came out of the blue. Wario the III e-mailed me
asking
if I could write the conclusion to the Mad Mr. Mario episode since in
the
storyline if you recall features Wario the III switching minds with
Luigi.
Since the mind-meld plot basically made it easy for Dr. Wily to take
over
(as an author) so I decided that in my part I would erase what has
happened.
So far a lot of the episodes I have written for BOTVGH involved time
travel.
Starting with A Whole Lot of Trouble in Time, to the award winning Dr.
Wily's Time Attacks to The Quest to Save the Past which will go up
later
in the season. Well thanks once again for helping me getting my first
(co-)best
episode award and who knows maybe next year I will be up here once
again!
returns to his seat)
Well, I guess that wraps it up for this year's awards! Next week....
Hey!
What?
How do they
cram all that graham?
What're you
going on about now, you stupid creampuff?
(ignoring him)
At the end of Episode 1, it said we'd find out how they cram all that
graham.
Sorry. The narrator
can go off on a tangent sometimes.
Oh.
Anyway, next week
we have a guest appearance by Cher. See ya!
(And so a crisis has been averted and the Awards have been presented on schedule. But many questions still linger....) |
 |
