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| Top
Row: Mario, Luigi, Wario, Peach, Jumpman, Yoshi, Kamek, Bowser, Mallow, Geno, Link Second Row: Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Cranky Kong, Samus Aran, Mega Man, Dr. Wily, Shade Man, Tengu Man, Yamato Man, Bass, Zero Third Row: Sigma, Sonic the Hedgehog, Sephiroth, Brock, Voltorb, Pidgeot, Abra, Shigeru Miyamoto, John Madden, Stan, Kenny Bottom Row: H Cuz, Ian Pugh, Matt Denton, Wario the III, UDX, Klawkat, Sean Kelly, Tsuji Yamada, Shoji Yamada, GoldShadow, Deion Sanders Not Pictured: Martin Smith, Lydia Karaoke (network censor from BOTVGH:TND) |
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|
*Another* BOTVGH Olympics?
There's a reason
why they're called the "Annual" BOTVGH Olympics, Mario.
Don't mind him...
he's still upset over losing last year.
I'm the star!
I'm SUPPOSED to win!!
WHO'S the star,
Jumpman?!
If you have to
ask, it isn't you!
Listen, the
reason we have Olympics every year is because the readers' response has
been positive!
(grumbles)
Dagnab things haven't even been exciting! The first two were
more one-sided
than the graphics in good ol' 1980's games! Now THOSE were exciting!
Unlike
these so-called Olympics...
(sighs) H Cuz, WHY can't we shut him up?
It's not in our
contracts.
But you said we didn't have contracts.
Stop it, you're confusing me.
& : Sorry.
Anyway, H Cuz, Cranky does have a point. The Olympics
haven't been real
competitive so far.
Well, what do you expect? No one can beat a writer, and
anyone can beat
Cranky!
HEY!!!
Well, this is a parody site! It's SUPPOSED to be lopsided!
Readers want something original.
You can only use the same joke so many times...
All right, I see your point. This year we'll have an
evenly-matched Olympics,
so I can't use my original idea, Kamek vs. Kenny...
What?
Mmmph?
Kenny, we're not supposed to be in this episode! We'd better
get out of
here before you get killed!
Hrrrmmmpphh!
comes by)
I'm hungry! I want to eat an expendable, muffled yet foul-mouthed kid
in
an orange snowsuit from a wildly popular, obscenity-laced TV show!
(eyes grow wide) MMMMPPPHHHH!!!
eats )
Oh my god, you killed Kenny!
leaves)
That was the most pointless cameo I've ever seen. And I've seen plenty!
*munch* *munch* Tastes like chicken.
Everybody: Ewww... Bowser, you're late!
Sorry, I was stealing candy from babies. I've got an image
to keep up.
Isn't that a line
from Mario RPG?
(sly) Maaaaaaybe.
.....Never mind.
So what's today's episode about?
BOTVGH Olympics III. Didn't you read the title?
You mean a series of events disguised as competition that's
really a showcase
for one character to beat the stuffing out of the other?
It's gonna be different this year... supposedly.
(sarcastic) Oh, of COURSE it is. Who are the contestants?
(gets an idea) That's it!
What? Who?
And for heaven's sake, WHY?!
whacks )
The most even match I could think of. Mario vs. Luigi!!
Everybody: ...... Umm... I guess that's fair...
I hate to burst yer bubble, H Cuz, but it's already been
done!!
It has?
Only about a gazillion times. It'll probably be on Celebrity
Deathmatch
any day now! It's hardly original!!
............
....................
...Oh well. I guess I'm just lazy! (grins)
Everybody: ...... Okay, Mario vs. Luigi it is.
I dunno, I'm out of practice.
Not as much as Cranky!
Hey!
What are the events this year?
Wait and see.
I don't wanna.
Well, do it anyway.
grumbles)
I hope the Olympics are competitive.
I could beat any of these characters.
Well, all I can say is I paid good money to see this and I
want my money's
worth.
Does anyone even know who's competing?
Nope.
Not me.
I heard it might be Kamek vs. Kenny.
falls out of his seat, laughing)
Man... Kenny's gonna get killed quickly...
And why is that?
YOU DON'T KNOW?! KENNY DIES IN EVERY FRIGGIN' EPISODE OF
SOUTH PARK!!!
HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN?!
Oh... sorry 'bout that... my brain's messed up...
Shh, everybody's reading this!
Whoops, sorry...
Anyway, we shall watch...
Hey, where's Matt? Isn't he supposed to be here?
Hmm...
The stands? I didn't know we had an arena on this island!
We don't. H Cuz had to rent one from Rent-A-Stadium.
Cost me a bundle.
Are you supposed to be in the stands?
No. (disappears)
I'm thirsty. Where are the refreshments?
Beer! Get yer ice cold beer!
WHAT?!!
Martin: This is BOTVGH, you can't serve beer here! It's not beer,
but I can charge more money if I say it is.
Martin: What is it, then? Heh-heh... a little "mixture" I cooked up. Want some?
Martin: Errr, no thanks. I'll have one!
That'll be $10.00.
Hmmm... Take 10 rupees instead?
Whatever. Here ya go.
Thanks. (takes a sip) Ugh! This is
awful! I want my 10 rupees back!...
Hey, where'd he go?!
Link! There you are!!
Huh? Matt?
Yeah. About last year...
What?
Here. Remember this, last season?
....
Well?
I spent all my rupees so I'll give you
a tip. Don't buy any drinks from
the black-hooded dude. They're awful. (Tosses the cup over his shoulder)
Noooooo!!!! My new dress is ruined!
Oops.
Is H Cuz trying to randomly squeeze as many people into this
ep as possible?
Looks like it.
This is an Olympics episode, right?
Yeah...
So why don't they GET ON WITH IT ALREADY?!
Calm down, Cranky. I think they're starting.
We'll begin with the passing of the torch.
hands a torch to )
What was that all about?
I have no clue.
Well, due to popular demand, our scheduled matchup of Kamek
vs. Kenny will
instead be a Mario Bros. Olympics: Mario vs. Luigi!!
?????: WAIT A MINUTE!! I have a right to compete too! Are you one of
the Mario Brothers?
?????: YES!! Fine. Mario vs. Luigi vs. Wario.
How'd you know it was me? Because I'm the only other known
Mario Brother?
Because I wrote the episode.
Oh.
Ten on Mario. He won the first Olympics, which were written by the same
author. He also won the award for "Best Main Character" in the last
Awards.
Twenty on
Wario! He's bigger and stronger than Mario or Luigi!
25 on Luigi... 'CAUSE HE'S NEVER RECOGNIZED!!!
Hey! Is gambling allowed here?
All in good fun.
Hey, where's Swanky?
He couldn't make it. Luckily, here at BOTVGH we're always
prepared! We
got John Madden and Ian Pugh to be the announcers instead!
Wait, you can't use Madden! He's a real person!
But he's got a series of football video games named after
him! So he's
kind of a video game character...
.....I guess.
START THE OLYMPICS!! Dagnabbit, this takes forever!
Fine. Mr. Madden, please introduce the contestants!
(sigh)
Our first contestant is appearing in the Olympics for the
third straight
year! He's starred in busloads of games since 1981, and is widely
recognized
as Nintendo's mascot. Give it up for Mario!!
Thank you, thank you. Please, send money.
Nice to see
he's got his priorities straight.
The second contestant is Mario's twin brother, making his
first Olympics
appearance. He's appeared in several titles, with only one starring
role.
The under-appreciated Mario Brother, Luigi!!
(thinking) Maybe if I win, I'll have a GOOD game to star in!
Don't get your hopes up.
What the...?!
And our third contestant, also making his first Olympics
appearance, has
starred in two games and co-starred in several others. Though usually
portrayed
here as a villain, he's done some heroic things too. Please welcome
Wario!!
HEY!! How come no one booed Marsupial and Linguini?!
No offense, Wario, but you're evil.
Oh.
Our first event today will be the traditional Pokémon
battle. As
always, each combatant can only use one Pokémon. Ready?
Go, Pidgeot! (throws his Poké Ball)
Pidge-aw!!
Heh-heh-heh... I choose... Kamek!! (throws his Poké
Ball)
reads it)
"Out to lunch"...?
I could swear
I've seen this somewhere...
They showed it as a clip in the
premiere, remember?
Oh yeah.
Oh well... I guess I'll have to use Voltorb instead! (throws
another Poké
Ball)
Voltorb!
I'll use... Abra! (throws his Poké Ball)
......
& : (trying not to laugh)
OK! Mario's Pidgeot vs. Wario's Voltorb vs. Luigi's, uh,
Abra. Begin!
Pidgeot, use Wing Attack on Abra! May as well put it out of
its misery...
Heheheh! Voltorb,
Self-Destruct on them BOTH!!
and move quickly toward )
Abra, Teleport!
teleports just as self-destructs,
knocking out .)
What?! NOOOOOOOO!!! I think this was rigged!!!
Beaten by an
Abra... what a disgrace.
And Luigi wins our first event to take a 1-0-0 lead!
You suck, Jumpman!
Hey, you in the cheap seats, shut up!!
MAKE ME!!!
Our second event is a new one, called "Career Mistakes"!
The contestants try to embarrass each other by yelling out
the names of
games that their opponents shouldn't have been in!
Ready? Go!
Hmmm...
& : Mario is Missing!
ACK! (He falls over)
Luigi is out.
Hmm... uh, gee, there must be SOME bad game Wario made...
Mario's Dream Tennis!
Arrrrrgh! (he falls over)
We have a winner! It's now Luigi 1, Wario 1, Mario 0!
Grrrr...
You still suck, Jumpman!
DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!!!!
HAH!!
For our next event, we have the traditional supervillain
battle!
Kamek?
No...
Bowser?
No...
Me?
& : No...
, ,
& : Then WHO?!
Hi, boys and girls!
, ,
& : Oh.
I'll go first!
Come on plumber wimp!
WIMP?!
tries to Super Jump on , but
grabs him!)
Hey!! Can he DO that?!
Well... this match is you three vs. Dr. Wily AND some
assorted Robot Masters.
NOW you tell me.
Just admit it! You're too fat and slow to handle a real
battle!
WHY YOU!!
struggles frantically in 's
grip, but to no avail)
Bah. Pathetic excuse for a video game hero.
Is it my turn
yet?
sneaks up behind and hits
him with the Tengu Blade)
Yeouch!
Heh heh heh--
gets hit with 's spear)
That was a piece of cake!
Heh heh heh!! I'm WINNING!!!
You're not even one of the contestants!
What'll we do if Mario, Luigi, and Wario all lose?!
Then I'll beat the stuffing out of Dr. Wily and save the day!
NO, you moron! I mean who would win the event?
I guess we'd have to call it a tie.
grabs away 's spear and
runs him through with it)
On second thought, never mind.
 This is so humiliating!
I win!!
Not quite!
jumps behind and pushes
the big red button that says "DO NOT PUSH".)
Oh no.
ducks as explodes)
I'm not through yet!
reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a Starman)
Take this! (breaks free and punches )
Arrrrggghhh!! (He starts to fall)
So is it a draw?
No! You still have to defeat Dr. Wily!
Leave that to--
falls on , blowing up the saucer)
Since Mario knocked Shade Man onto Wily, Mario wins!
& : WHAT?!!
Ahh, he just got lucky!
We're all tied up at 1 point apiece. Our next event was
going to be the
cow dodging event, but obviously, it had to be scrapped. So...
What are we doing instead?
falls on .)
Ow.
whistles
innocently)
Ohh... I think I understand what this event is-- AAAAAHHHH!!! (falls
into
a trapdoor)
(standing next to a lever) I love doing that.
I win, right?
Wrong!
)
Oh well... next event, I guess.
mysteriously disappear,
as comes in)
Guess what! I landed at Mr. Miyamoto's house and he told me...
How could I be at my house? I'm here.
What the...?!
The next event is a footrace!
Uhhh... what's the catch?
We've covered the track with landmines!
(sarcastic) Great.
Annnnd... go!
carefully avoids
the mines, jumps over them.
runs straight forward.)
What does he think he's--
Aaaaaaaahhh!!
Mama mia! He's headed straight toward the finish line!
& run as fast as they
can)
***BOOM!!*** ***BOOM!!***
& : Aaaaahhhhh!!!
goes flying into the lake.
lands up in the stands)
What do you think you're doing in my seat, Jumpman?!
hits with his cane)
Uggghhh...
lands at the finish line, in a twitching heap)
Congratulations, Wario! You've won!!
...Medic. (collapses)
heals (then demands a million
rupees in return), the contestants are ready for Event #6.)
This event is an obstacle course. You'll crawl through hollow logs,
then
climb up a ladder while the Hammer Brothers try to knock you down. At
the
top, use vines to swing over the pit. Donkey Kong is standing on the
other
side.
Heya.
First one to tag DK wins! Ready? GO!!
is too fat to get through)
Hey, my butt's stuck!
tries to free himself, and the log starts to roll)
Whooooaaa!!!
& have made it to the
ladders)
(thinking) If I put Superglue on my hands, the Hammer Bros. can't knock
me down!
puts Superglue on his hands and starts climbing)
(Suddenly,
realizes he's stuck to the ladder)
Aw poopie.
,
just as finishes the course
and tags .)
And it's 2-2-1 heading into our seventh event! In this one, our
contestants
try for high scores in the bonus games from Street Fighter II! Mario
must
demolish a car, Luigi a brick wall, and Wario must destroy barrels
which
will be rolling down from above! Ready? Go!
is attacking the car when it suddenly drives off)
(at the wheel) Gwahaha!
What the...?! Get back here!! (chases the car)
Uggghhh... (falls over as a barrel landed on him)
(from above) Oops, sorry!
finishes off the brick wall with his spinning punch from Super Smash
Brothers)
We're tied at 2 apiece!
(dazed) Aren't there any commercial breaks?
Nope.
Urrrgh.
The next event is a Dragon Ball Z-style battle! Ready? Go!
WHOA! Where'd they learn to do THAT?!
Vegeta's been giving lessons.
This could take a while...
So this is the BOTVGH Archive?
Not much to look at.
Don't let your guard down, this place can be hazardous to
your health...
that's why I've teamed up with you. And with no cows this season, this
may be our best chance to destroy them!
And how are we gonna do that?
Easy. There's something called "BOTVGH Olympics" today and
EVERYONE is
there! All we have to do is sneak into the stadium and plant some
bombs...
and BOTVGH will be no more! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Um... great.
So how are we supposed to get in?
????: You don't! All 3 villains: Huh?! )
YOU!!
You didn't think
H Cuz would forget to have security here, did you?
So? You think you can beat us?
Maybe not by myself, but I have company!
Who, X?
?????: Wrong, bucko! )
Ta-da!
We still outnumber you!
?????: Oh yeah?! Now what?
appears!)
You think you can take us on?
, ,
& were STILL firing Ki
blasts)
Do you get the feeling there's more excitement outside than there is in
here?
Speak for yourself.
Uh, guys, don't look now, but Sonic the Hedgehog is outside
with Sephiroth
and Sigma fighting Zero, Kamek, and Samus!
All: WHAT?!
Sigma, I guess I'll just have to kill you... again!
attacks with the Beam Sabre, but
blocks it)
Give up, Zero! You were destined to follow me!
Oh, don't start THAT again.
Hey Kamek, want me to show you some
REAL magic?!
starts chanting)
No thanks.
mutes )
Now, what was that?
......
You're really starting to tick me off, bounty hunter!
Well, deal with it!
tries to spin-dash into ,
but she blasts him)
Ouch.
You see, Zero, a long time ago, you were...
Zzzzzzzzzz.....
Wake up you fool!
Zzzzzz....
Robots don't sleep, Zero.
They don't? Oh yeah, they don't. Man, my first day at BOTVGH
and already
Cranky's habits are rubbing off on me.
I don't even know you!
, , , , ,
& : HUH?!
Oh, just ignore us, kids. We're not here.
We're not??
(hits with his cane)
We ARE, but just pretend like... oh, forget it.
I thought forgetting things was your job, Cranky!
HEY! That's my line!
What're you gonna do about it, punk?!
THIS!!
jumps down and punches
in the jaw!)
Yeah! Get him, Jumpman!
also punches in the jaw)
What the...?!
(yelling at ) NOT YOU, you
moron! Why you couldn't... uh, hey wait a second. Dang...
Come on, people, let's go help them!
All except : YEAH!!!
I wish I could, really I do, but...
You've been impaled on your own spear. Deal.
Waaaaaaaah!
Hey Sephiroth, bring it on!
OK, you asked for it!
shoots a fireball at ,
who knocks it back into
with the Master Sword!)
HA!!
My hero! (kisses )
LINK! Quit daydreaming!
Huh? Daydreaming?! But Samus...
Samus is over there! (points to where
is shooting missiles at )
(dejected) Oh.
You fools, you'll never defeat me!
Never?
NEVER!!
eats 's shield)
HEY! I paid a lot of money for that!
You want your money back?
YES!!!!
)
Heh. ^_^
Chalk one up for
the good guys!
Uh guys, look out!
becomes Kaiser Sigma  )
Ha
ha ha ha ha! Feel my incredible power!!
None of you can keep up with my speed!
Maybe not, but I know someone who can!
Deion Sanders?
It's
prime-time, baby!
Actually, I was thinking of using my Dodri--
chases down and tackles
him)
Never mind.
Ummm... guys?
holding up someone)
Who is that?
Oh no, it's Brock!
Well, at least he won't drool over me anymore.
Stop it. This is serious.
Ha ha ha. If you want your friend to
live, nobody move.
Everybody: .......
and recover)
Good work, Siggy. When we get back to HQ, you get a RAM chip.
(childish) Yay!
Guys, something's not right here.
You mean, that Sigma is waltzing around with a goofy grin on
his face?
Well, besides that.
I am NOT waltzing!
Looks more like the Tango to me.
Electric Slide.
The Twist.
Lambada.
You idiots! Don't you recognize the
Macarena when you see it?!
All: Ohhhhhhh. *ahem* Anyway... something else isn't right.
You can say that again! I've STILL got
this spear stuck in me!
SHUT UP!!
I know what's wrong! (points to where
& are chatting)
weeps)
Umm, robots don't cry.
I don't care.
QUIT STALLING!!! I'm going to kill you all now. If you try
to stop me,
Brock dies.
If he's going to die anyway, why should we care?
Because you're good guys and you have to stick up for your
friends... or
something...
I'm not a good guy!
Ummm... did anyone notice that Brock isn't moving?
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!!!!
...You're all hopeless. I'm leaving.
Yeah, whatever.
leaves)
Anyway... I don't think that's really Brock.
Where IS Brock, then?
is coming out of the bathroom)
and come by)
Hey UDX, ain't that the network censor?
Yep.
Goody! Does that mean we get to beat her up, WWF-style?
Yep.
Lydia: Oh %&*@.
has just come out of the bathroom)
I hope I didn't miss too much of the Olympics.
So you don't think this is the real Brock?
No.
Well, you're wrong.
Prove it.
Uhhh... make me.
Make me make you.
Make me make you make me.
Make me make you make me make you!
Make me make you make me make you make
-- Uh, what were we talking about?
I dunno. You tell me.
Make
me.
Make me make you.
grabs a hammer and bashes
and )
ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!
& : Sorry.
comes in)
Here I am! What's going on here?
Everybody: ...... Fine, don't tell me. Samus, wanna go out?
Spare me.
Hands off, pal, Samus is mine!
Suuuuuuure.
This is so humiliating.
You think THAT'S humiliating?!
Yes.
Ahem... remember us?
No.
What's your name, stranger?
Never mind.
It's OK. I know who you are, Kefka.
KEFKA?!
Whatever.
Aren't we supposed to be fighting?
Oh yeah!
Er, H Cuz, you better wrap this up. This isn't a two-parter like your
last
ep.
All right, all right.
I'll
help!
How?
Hey
Sonic, you think you're so fast... wanna race?
I'm kinda busy here...
Hey everyone, Sonic's too chicken to race Deion!!
Grrr.... I'll show you! Come on, let's race!
On your mark...
Get set...
GO!!
runs off)
And don't come back!
I can't
believe he fell for that.
is reading something)
What are you doing?
Reading this book "How to Beat Final Fantasy 7", by Red
Virus from the
World of Ruin!
Why-- oh, I see...
's
voice: LOOK OUT!!!
Diddy? What--
appears driving the Madden Cruiser)
Hey, my bus!
hops out. The bus keeps moving)
What the-- AAAAAAHHHH!!!!
,
who explodes)
Good riddance! Now for Sephiroth...
Leave it to me!
Everybody: ?????
uses a level 4 Limit Break on )
Waaahhhhh!! No fair, I'm leaving!
leaves)
Whoa Bowser, where'd you learn THAT?!
Easy. I got 32,000 points at Battle Square.
Oh-kaaaaay.
Now that the bad guys are gone, we better wrap up the
Olympics!
's
watch beeps)
'Fraid not. We'll have to end it in a 2-2-2 tie.
, ,
& : WHAAAAAT! (they faint)
I didn't get paid enough for this.
(yelling at ) BACK OFF, BOZO!!!
(yelling back) Give it up Link, she's mine!
is muttering darkly)
Wanna go out, Samus?
...............I guess.
& : WHAAAAAT! (they faint)
Sheesh, get a grip.
Next week, another competitive event: the Smash Attack Games
2!
Heh heh... see ya there!
finally wakes up)
Wha... where am I?
spots &
walking past, then runs
by screaming hysterically)
........I need to get out more. |
 |
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