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| Top
Row: Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Yoshi, Peach, Kamek, Cranky, Mega Man, Dr. Wily, Bass Bottom Row: Link, H Cuz, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Jessie, James, Meowth, Raticate |
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Oh boy, Season 6 is here!
Makes you think.... how on EARTH did we survive the first five seasons?!
Very carefully.
So what have you guys been doing in the offseason? Mario, Toad, and I
went
to Cow King's trial.
I never thought I'd see the day that Cow King got sent to jail!
I heard about that. I wasn't in that episode because
I was out on the links, and begging Nintendo to give me my own game.
So what did they respond?
Same as every year: "We'll call you back". They never do call back,
though...
Speaking of which, I spent some of the offseason making more games!
Big surprise there.
Well, I spent most of the time napping, eating prunes, and playing Pong!
How is that different from what you do the rest of the year?
Who says it's different?
(sighs) Well, what about the rest of you? What have you been up to?I took a trip to the Caribbean.I had a pretty un-eventful
offseason. I helped Dr. Light around the lab.I saved Christmas!Link, the holiday specials don't count as offseason.They don't? Oh... right. I knew
that. Heheheh.I wrote my own short!(sighs) Yeah, and you were so awful, Martin and H Cuz
revoked your writing
privileges!So? At least I've WRITTEN an episode!Mama mia.Hmmm..... Season 6 of BOTVGH. I feel so proud!Remember about a year ago, we didn't think BOTVGH would last
this long?Why did I ever get my hopes up?And, for once this season, we
don't have to worry about falling cows all year!This is gonna be a good year. Everybody: YEAH!!!! (
walks in holding a huge stack of papers)
What are you doing?Just a bunch of stuff for the 2000 BOTVGH Awards next
week... I'll be hosting
this year. Today I'm announcing the presenters!How many awards did I win?You'll see...
(
appears)
H Cuz, Ash says he'll present the award for "Best Pokémon", and
Santa Claus agreed to announce the winner of "Best Christmas Special".Ah, good. What about the "Best Veteran Author" award?Ian Pugh will do that one.Great! I think we're all set, as far as presenters are
concerned...Can I present "Best Short", since I know I'll win?Dream on!I already have the presenters, Bowser.NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!Geez, no need to get all worked up.So who are the presenters?(takes a deep breath) Welllllllll.... As Kamek just said,
Ash is presenting
"Best Pokémon", Santa Claus is awarding the "Best Christmas
Special"
award, and Ian will present "Best Veteran Author". For the other
awards:
Blob is presenting "Best New Feature", Wario will present "Best New
Author",
Goku will announce the winner of "Best Guest Appearance", Shigeru
Miyamoto is presenting
"Best Short"... (starts to talk very quickly) Jumpman will present
"Most
Original Plot", Kamek convinced the Archive Police to let Cow King
present
"Best Recurring Character", Bass will present "Best Overall Main
Character",
and the "Best Season 5 Episode" award will be given out by... (gasps
for
breath, then passes out before he can finish)All: ... Wait a minute. I'm going to have to accept my award from a
homicidal robot
who almost blew up the island last Christmas?!Don't worry, Cranky.Why in the name of Pong SHOULDN'T I be worried?!Because you're not going to win any awards!Like you should talk, Jumpman!!I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!!!!!!!!!!
(The kids from South Park enter)
Wow, Season 6? Sweet!Hey, who's the guy out cold on the floor?That's H Cuz, you moron!!!WHO'S a moron?!!YOU are!!
(
picks up and
by their collars and glares at them)
That'll be enough of that.Yeah, come on! This is the season premiere, for cryin' out
loud!Mmmpphhhhh mmpppphhh mpph!!Kenny's right! If you guys kill
each other, you won't be there when we
win the award next week for "Best Recurring Characters"!!!
(
lets them down)
(glances at ) Shouldn't
we
wake him up or something?Nahhhhh!!!!!OK!!!
(All of a sudden, smoke fills the room!)
Prepare for trouble!Make it double!(interrupts) Hey, where'd the
twerps with the Pikachu go?Try BOTVGH: TND.Okay, thanks. (to the others)
Let's go.
(Team Rocket leaves)
So, uh, is anything going to happen today? Just wondering...Well, mainly this episode is
only building up to the Awards, so.... DR.
WILY!!!!!MEGA MAN!!!!!BASS!!!!!KENNY?!?!?Hrrrrmmmmmmph!!!MARIO!!!!!YOSHI!!!!!KAMEK!!!!!LINK!!!!!WHAT?!?!?CRANKY!!!!!SHUT UP!!!!! Let a monkey have some peace and quiet for
once!!!Everybody: Fine... Dr. Wily, Bass, what are you doing here?!Oh, the usual. Spreading the 3 D's...What are the 3 D's?The 3-Dimensionals?No!!! The 3 D's are doom, destruction, and despair!!and :
Ohhh...Any reason WHY you're spreading
the 3 D's?Oh, I dunno... You looked kinda bored, and I am the
archive's resident
villain, so....
(
whispers something in 's
ear...)
Huh?... OH! Yeah... Actually, we're here to renew our contracts with
BOTVGH.So you're not spreading the 3 D's?No. Well, not today, anyways.Wait a minute. We have
contracts?!WE DO?!! Dangit, why doesn't anybody ever TELL me these
things?!We did tell you, Cranky... at least three times...I don't remember that!That's typical.Why you...!!!!
(
lunges at and they
start
fighting)
ALL RIGHT!!! They're fighting!!It just said that in the parentheses.Oh. Well, come on, let's watch!Hey Kenny, go get some popcorn!!Mmmph mmpphhhhh??Yeah, the salty, buttery kind.
And be sure to bring four tubs!!Mmph?(asks and )
You guys want anything...?
(Meanwhile, ,
and are walking to
where
is still unconscious)
Mega Man, what are you doing?Keeping an eye on you two to
make sure you don't try anything... Besides,
I need a contract renewal, also.(points) There he is!I see him!! He looks just like someone who's been run over
with a steamroller...How would you know what that
looks like, anyway?Think about it........Oh. Right.(shrugs) It was kind of fun...
(
pulls a small device from his lab coat and sends a jolt through )(
opens his eyes and sees
and
standing over him...)Hi.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!We're here to have our contracts renewed.But you don't have contracts.Everybody (except and ,
who are still fighting): HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?Didn't you know? You're all stuck here for life (or until
BOTVGH ends)!!!Everybody (except and ):
FOR LIFE?!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!!!!!!Everybody (except and ):
NOOOOOOO!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!!!!!!This is really disturbing.Ohhhhhh brother.
(Meanwhile with , who is coming
back
with popcorn)
It's about time, I'm starving!!
(Suddenly, a comes out of
nowhere,
bites 's head off, and
proceeds
to eat the popcorn.)
OH MY GOD!!!!THE DERANGED POKéMON KILLED KENNY!!!!And even worse, it's eating all
the popcorn! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(Meanwhile, everyone goes to where
and
are STILL fighting)
Um, guys? Don't you think you should stop now?(ignoring )
Just give up,
Jumpman!(also ignoring ) NEVER, ya
smelly old... uh... something that's old and smelly!Come on, break it up! I have a surprise...What??I can't tell you, it's a SURPRISE!!!Great, now I'm getting worried. It's probably something
really nasty that
he'll use instead of cows this season...No, this is a pleasant surprise, for once.Yeah, right.I would be surprised if Mario and Cranky stopped fighting.I would be surprised if Nintendo offered me a starring role
in a game.Would you be surprised if I showed you some clips?Clips? Clips of what?Season Six of BOTVGH.Well, yes I would be
surprised... since Season Six has just STARTED, so
you couldn't get clips....Hey, being the BOTVGH Webmaster has its privileges... Call
it a sneak preview.
Kamek?What?..... Oh, right. (Points
his wand and a TV appears.
pops a tape into the VCR.)
.......Why isn't
anything happening?No one on the island knows how
to set up the stupid VCR.(sighs) Let me take a look... Hmm...
(
spends a half-hour examining the VCR, until he turns to
and says...)
PUSH THE "PLAY" BUTTON, MORON!!!!!Ohhhh yeah....
(
presses the Play button and the BOTVGH: Season 6 logo appears on the
screen)
(suddenly lets go of )
Huh?
What're we watching?Season 6 clips!But Season 6 hasn't--HAH!! (hits
with his cane)Ow!! Stop it, Cranky! I want to see this.So you forfeit?Yes.Then I win!!No.Make up yer mind, "Jumpman"!!!(trying to contain his anger) MY... NAME...... IS.........
NOT................All (except
and ): QUIET!! WE'RE
TRYING
TO WATCH THE MOVIE!!(
and turn their
attention
to the TV screen)
(whispers to ) After
this,
you die.(whispers back) Ooh, I'm shaking.The first clip is starting!!
Good thing Wario wasn't here to see that clip...Kamek, I didn't know you could do that.Hey, just because I'm a
part-time Pokémon, doesn't mean I don't
get hungry.Shhh!! The next clip is starting.
(All look at )
Hey, it's something.(sighs) Whatever.Hey, what episodes are these from, anyway?I can't tell you that. You'll have to watch for them!Will you people shut up and watch the next clip?!
Is this sort of thing going to focus all year long?It sure looks like it. You should be thankful Sam isn't in
this episode.
WHY should
I be thankful?! I can't win her over with my worldly charms if she's
not
here!!Mama mia.Don't worry, Link, there's always Season 7.(sighs)
Well, one thing that hasn't changed in 6 seasons: Cranky-bashing is
still
a major part of BOTVGH.
Kelly Jr.? Who
was she?Remember her? You threw your
cane at her and sent her to the hospital in
Season 3, and then she hit you with a trophy at last year's awards!Your memory is failing you again, Crank.No it isn't!! Am I supposed to remember every cameo that the
archive has
ever had? There have been over a HUNDRED episodes, for cryin' out
loud!!
BUT
SHE HIT YOU
WITH A TROPHY!!! Don't you remember THAT?!The blow must have wiped out my memory of the incident.Suuuuuuuuure.Any more clips?One more...
Uhh, H Cuz, not to nitpick, but... I believe that was last season.I thought it looked familiar...Oops.
So
is that the
last of the clips?
(The TV turns off)
I guess so.Well, Season 6 looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun.And no falling cows! Hurray!!Link, the writers will probably
find some other running gags to torture
us with.I know. But I'm the archive's
resident naïve guy, so I thought I'd
say that.I thought you were the resident punching bag for Samus.That too. I'm a man of many
talents!!Link...
What?Link, those are some pretty dubious talents.(depressed) I know... Well,
if the clips are any indication, Season 6 should measure up to BOTVGH
standards despite the lack of falling cows. You can
say that again. Well,
if the clips are any indication, Season 6 should measure up-- (hits ) We get the idea. uses
the Flame Blast on )
YEEEEEEOOOOUUCCCHHH!!!! Why you little...!!! attacks
and they start fighting!!) Mama mia!
watches the fight, bashes him with his cane.) HEY!!
What are you doing?! Well,
the clips are over, so I'm just pickin' up where I left off, Jumpman!!! IT'S
"MARIO"!!! AARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (attacks
and they start fighting as well!) Wow,
TWO fights!! Hey Kyle, get me some more popcorn. Get off
your fat behind and do it yourself! I'm not
FAT!! I'm well-rounded!! Sure, fat
boy! and start fighting as well!!) This is
getting out of hand. It's
turning into a riot. Let it
never be said that the Battle Of The Video Game Heroes doesn't live up
to its name. Yeah, but
it's more like the ROTVGH: "RIOT Of The Video Game Heroes"! He's
right. I don't remember the last time this was so chaotic! HAH!
There was one time back in '89, that was TRUE chaos! This is
NOTHING!!... jumps on
) DIE,
JUMPMAN!!!!! You
first, Crank! (whispers
to ) Shouldn't you do something? This is
where, normally, I'd let Cow King take care of everything. Darn. Besides,
we're running out of time for this episode. Why is it
that all of H Cuz's episodes are so darn LONG?! Because I
have lots of ideas! What are
you going to do? I have no
choice... EVER stop calling Jumpman?! Will die again? How
DO they cram all that graham? Will and have to wrestle  ?... Well,
isn't going to be at the Awards, but
find out the rest of the answers next week, in
Episode 2: The 2000 BOTVGH Awards!!!) We're
out of time!! |
 |
Ha! I choose.... Kamek!! (
punches 
(to 
): Hey ref why
didn't
you disqualify those Jombonis when they hit me on the head with a
foreign
object?