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Wrong. Peach and Zelda were
fighting, remember?(dressed in a tuxedo) You can
say that again.....whoa....that must've
hurt.
Ouch....I'd hate to be in that fight.Hello, and welcome to BOTVGP,
Battle Of the Video Game Princesses......and
do we have a fight for ya today....That's right, Luigi....you
know, in all my years as a professional announcer,
I've never seen two ladies fight like these.. these are to damsels that
I would not like to put in distress.But of course, even though you
do have a good history of kidnapping girlfriends
and such, you wouldn't want to mess with these girls...things would get
messy....Yep....whoa, would you look at
that...Zelda is getting up....dang, she
has a lot of guts to put up with Peach's famous "Slap of Death"
move......WWF this ain't....., ,
and ....)Come on, everyone!! Let's sing
some happy-doodle-dumpkin Christmas songs!!!!
Hoo-hoo!!!Grrrr....(reaches for his
Master Sword again...)Oh come on, Link.....where's
your Christmas spirit?Underneath the mistletoe,
baby...wanna help me find it?(punches again)Hahahahahahahaha.......you're
funny, Samus!!OW!!Sigh........Hoo-hoo!!Jingle Bells, jingles Bells,
jingle all the way........Where is it now? My Master
Sword....for a dinosaur I must slaaaaayy!!!
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
jingle all the way!!!If a certain robot doesn't shut
up, a price he will pay!! (shows his fist
to )Crashing through the snow, on a
one-horse open sleigh.....Gosh, there Barney goes,
bleeding all the way!! Hahahah!!(joining the song) Would you
shut up, dear Link? This isn't very funny......If I were to shut
up.......would you be my honey? (puts his arm around )(punches )................Hoo-hoo!!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all
the way!!!Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open SLEEEIIIIGHH!!!!!!!That was fun!! Let's do it
again!!!No!!!! Let's listen to REAL
music!! (puts the TV on MTV)YEAH!!! THEY'RE PLAYING MARILYN
MANSON'S FAVORITE CHRISTMAS HITS ON MTV!!
YEAAAAAAH!!!Nooooooo!! That's bad!! I can't
look (covers his eyes)....(laughing maniacally)
Hahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!(punches )Hahahahahahahaha.......you're
funny, Samus!!Don't worry, kids...I'll put on
some decent music.....and : Thank you, nice
space-bounty-hunter-lady............You're welcome.....oh, and feel
free to beat up on Link........he wants
you to!!and : YAY!!! (they sit on ,
and hit him on the head pathetically.....)Sigh....someone....rescue
me............please.Sigh.......this isn't funny
anymore, princesses....come on, this is Christmas!!
Why fight now?................Well......I
guess you're right........We really should
stop.......Yeah.....we're sorry......Another time, Peach?Yeah...another time.That's great, everybody, that's
great...now where's the tree?...........................Ummmmm.........I don't think
anyone bought one.Well, in my day, we didn't NEED
a real tree....instead, we carved one out
of rock......yep, with our bare teeth, too!!! Everyone: Sigh.....not this again..... We'd go out, sing Christmas
carols, then go back inside, and play NES while
munching on a hearty meal of rocks and wood, and eggnog......Eggnog?Yes, eggnog.Why exactly is it called that,
anyway?Well, it's a legend centuries
old....it all began one day, when the great
elders said unto the people---Never mind. I don't want to
know.Nor do I.Welcome to the episode,
Mallow....Thanks....let me explain why I
haven't been in this episode so far...you
see, for some time now, the writer has felt that he was missing a
character
from his Christmas Special from last year.....And he just realized that it
was me. Now I'm in the episode..Ah, I see...Anybody want some rocks and
eggnog? I'm fixin' myself some right now!Everyone: NO!! Ok, ok....Hey dudes, there's a sale on all trees at my gift shop right
now......anyone
interested?Sure!!
goes to buy a Christmas tree.......)I'm glad I'm here to spend
Christmas with you guys....I love you all.So that's why you're here? I
thought you were here to borrow more money
from me..........Oh yeah, that's right.....I owe
you a few bucks......(gives $10) You don't know
how much that money had helped the development of The Legend of Zelda:
Ocarina of Time....What?!? I gave money towards
the making that stupid piece of junk?!?!?I'm so ashamed of
myself....You'll always hate N64, won't
you, Cranky?Yes.Speaking of which, on the
flight over here, Zelda and I were discussing
the possibility of a future Zelda game starring her......what do you
think
of the idea, Cranky?Bah.Humbug?Yes. To you all.
at 's gift shop....) Hey, dude.....what kinda tree
you lookin' for?Hmmmm.....something....something
big.
Big?Yes, but little... Big and little?No, not quite...a
bit..well.......you know. Like this one? (points to a
tree)No, of course not......it lacks
that certain "feel" to it...
Uh.....the feel that comes with trees that are big and little at the
same
time?Yes.....but with an edge to
it. Uh. Yeah....well......how
about this one? (points to another tree)That one looks nice, but it
lacks....well, you know. No, sir, I don't know.It lacks....that
certain....."touch" to it. "Touch"?Yeah....the touch that comes
with ones that have that certain "feel" to
them........ Yeah....sure......whatever.
Look, I'm pretty sure that this one will
satisfy
your Christmas needs.... (points to yet another tree)That one's nice...but it's way
too big. Too big?!Well, yeah...can't you see that
it needs to be smaller? No.......but here's another
tree that you just might like... (points to
another tree)It's too small......yep, way
too small. BUT I JUST SHOWED YOU THE
LARGEST SIZE, SIR!Exactly. And it was too
big. Well, before that, I showed
you a medium sized tree!!That was
too....."mediumish". BUT I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A
TREE THAT WAS BIG YET SMALL AT THE SAME
TIME!!!
(starts to shake by
the neck)
WOULDN'T THAT BE A MEDIUM?!?!?!Well.....let me see that tree
again..... Sigh........here!! You see it?
Is it good enough, man?!?!Hmmmm........you know, it just
lacks that "feel" to it.... ARRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh look........there's the tree
that I want!!! (points to the only tree
in the lot that's covered with snow) BUT---DUDE, THE ONLY FREAKIN'
DIFFERENCE IS THAT IT'S COVERED WITH SNOW
AND THE OTHERS AREN'T!!!!!!!!Hmmm....you know......you're
right......heh....
AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(starts to run away)Hmmmm.....I wonder what's his
problem. Oh well, I guess I'll just leave
the money here., ,
and )I wonder what's taking them so
long to rescue us..........I know........this is getting
boring.......(edges closer towards ) You
know..........it doesn't have to be. (puts his arm around )(punches )Hahahahahahah!! You're funny,
Samus...Hoo-hoo!! That was
super-de-dooper, Samus!!!Thank you Barney........
(punches ,
but not quite as hard as she punched )Hoo-hoo!!!!! That was fun!! Do
it again!!(recovering from the punch) All
right, Samus...It was about time he got
that!!A girl can only take so much.
I'm sorry, Barney.That looks like fun!! Punch me,
too!!
punches and
into unconsciousness)They asked for it......Heh...and now that we're alone,
let me ask for somethin', baby.... (puckers
up his lips)In your soon-to-come dreams,
kid..... (punches
into unconsciousness)The things people expect me to
put up with, sigh.........)Sigh........I bet everyone's
having a ton of Christmas fun back on the
beach...Pika?Shut up, Pikachu... (still running and screaming
like crazy)
AAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FINALLY!! SOMEONE WHO
UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL!!! (runs out of sight)MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!Boredom.It is upon us.Like the rivers of my heart
does boredom run through my soul; the earth
calls out to me, silence does it bring, and with boredom do I
answer.Huh?Now don't be gettin' all poetic
on us now, Zelda.Hey guys, I'm back...I got a
cool tree!!!Wow....it's neat.....Yep......great.....wonderful.Blah.....WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING!! WE
NEED TO DO SOMETHING WHILE WAITING FOR EVERYONE
ELSE TO COME BACK SO WE WON'T GO CRAZY AND END UP KILLING EACH OTHER,
AND
DIE, AND CHRISTMAS IS SAD, AND BOTVGH GETS ALL DEPRESSING!!!!!!!!Eh.....could you run that by me
again?We need to do something.What a novel idea.Yeah.....y'know, if we actually
do something......we might not be bored!!, , , , ,
and : Yay!! We've
discovered
the way to stop being bored!!!!!You guys are
pathetic....couldn't you have found anything to do at all?Well, they could've listened to
my stories of the good ol' days...Sure, if we wanted to die
young.Come on, let's listen to
Cranky....Everyone: Oh, no...... If Mr. Miyamoto says its ok,
it's ok. Now listen up.Nowadays, graphics are all that
matters to young kids....why I bet nearly
half the kids reading this episode have all just come back from playin'
Turak: Nuts of insanity, and Zelda: Flute of garbage-floopers, or
whatever....In
MY day, Christmas was spent playin' REAL classics.....games like Donkey
Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Donkey Kong 3....Donkey Kong World 7, Donkey
Kong 9, Donkey Kong Classic Christmas Tunes,
Donkey Kong @!#%&, Donkey Kong World 19...Donkey Kong Snowboarding,
Donkey Kong Leave Raking, Donkey Kong Evil Satanic
Rituals, Donkey Kong Rubber, and my all time favorite, Donkey Kong:
Dagnabbit,
Can't You See I'm On The Toliet?!?........Cranky, I did some research,
and I'm very pleased to inform you that NONE
of the games that you've mentioned since Donkey Kong 3 exist or have
ever
existed in any form, in any universe, dimension or any multi-cosmic
existence,
of any form, in any time zone; THEY JUST PLAINLY DO NOT
EXIST!!!!!!Aw, sure...they do at Nintendo
Headquarters, in Kyoto, Japan.Huh?Heh...Peach, there's a ton of
stuff that Nintendo hasn't released...I just
bet you wish you could get your hands on some of it......I was afraid of
this..........Huh? What are you talkin'
about?(presses a remote that erases
everyone's memory of all those unreleased
games...)I couldn't let the truth be
revealed....Eh? What are you talkin'
about?Oh, nothing.That's good. Now let's all eat
some nice rocks n' wood!!!!Everyone: NO!! Dagnabbit......kids just don't
know whats good for 'em these days.....It's
so............hot.......out here.........in the desert........Who would have known that we'd
have to pass through a desert to get to
Wario's fortress?
shoots down from a warp barrel..you know, the kind that blast you
around
in the Donkey Kong Country games..)Hmmm........you people look
desperate. Wanna buy a map?Toad, since when do you sell
maps?Umm.....since I need a bit of
extra cash to buy a present for someone?Forget it..........Please?NO!! I'm on a freakin' mission
to save Link, Mega Man and Samus, isn't
that enough to ask of me?!??!Not really. Worthless slave!!
Pump out some cash!! Now!!NO!!Just kidding....please?No, can't you understand?!?!?
(runs away)Merry Christmas.....I'm sorry, Toad......he's just
stressed, that's all.......he's upset that
everyone's having fun over on the beach but him....But that's not true!!
Everyone's bored back there!!They are?Well, lets tell Mario about
that, Pikachu!! (
and off into the
distance,
to try to catch up with .....)If we don't do something
interesting soon, I'm going to lose my sanity!!!!!!We could eat rocks, wood, and
eggnog!!!SHUT UP, ALREADY!!! CAN'T YOU
SEE THAT WE DON'T WANT ANY, YOU CRAZY OLD
MONKEY?!?!??!?!HJYGGG@YUlljkkkk78!!!!!!!!!Huh?!!The writer is losing his sanity
from lack of original ideas, so he's making
me say stuff like jlk3y98dyu!!!Ah, I hamburger.Häscht
darchenävuden!!!Have you ever seen an attempt
at humor that's as lame and unoriginal as
this?Definitely not, j`sjpoi!!!%$!^rtdfygFWJHGSSHJ32!!!!!!
JKAS;OL3[OD!!!!I know, let's sing a Christmas
carol!!Oh well......at least we have
something to do!!Everyone: (starts to sing...) Silent night.....holy night.........all is calm........ .....)Finally................I'm
here!! Now to get this over with!!!Wait up!!!I found it!! Wario's
fortress!!!Mario, Toad wants to let you
know that they aren't having fun over there
without you!! They're miserably bored!!!Whatever....I bet they're
singing Christmas carols......Jingle bells...jingle
bells......)Mama-mia, Kirby, Pikachu what's
it matter to you? You should've gone back
with them a long time ago.....this is my duty. Wario wants me much more
than you two...We don't care.....we're going
with you.Kachu!! Pika-chu-pika....Fine.......(he opens the door
to 's
Fortress),
who has , , ,
and tied up)Heheheheheheh.......Mario will
be here any second to rescue you guys.......this
time, I'm prepared. No joking........Is it going to be bloody?&@%$# YEAH!!Cool, man!!!Link, you idiot!!! Here we are,
tied up, and you're obsessing over how
bloody the fight will be?Violence is bad. Let me sing a
song about it!! Hoo-hoo!!, ,
and :
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Well......that's not very
nice....is it Mega Man?Not at all,
Barney......th---they're mean!!!!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Shut up..........Leave them alone!!Heheheheheheh............Why are you always laughing
maniacally, Wario?I dunno....maybe I'm just
hiding some criminally dark
secret....................HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEH!!!
quietly opens the door behind )I see....any last words before
you get kicked in the rear?Ah yes,
well...........huh?!?!HI-YA!!!!!!!
transforms into...........................NINJA MARIO ( )!!!!!!)Ah yes, Ninja
Mario.........carrying the spirit of the ancient ancestors
with him......the mighty defender of justice and pasta, Ninja
Mario!!!Yes.....to protect the world
from devestation.....
and enter....)To unite all peoples within our
nation.....Guys, isn't that the wrong
motto?Pikachu....Uh....if I were to believe
Pikachu............yes, it is indeed.I'll get it.........(she picks
up the message on her suit's built in phone.....)Yes? Hello, is
this the
residence of Mr. Wario of Wario's fortress?Sure as heck is....Well, we've been reading this
episode so far, and I do believe that you
should tell those idiots, Mario, Kirby, and that annoying rodent
Pikachu,
that--Team Rocket: --TEAM ROCKET will officially file a lawsuit against them for using our trademarked motto....once we get the money. Ok, sure....is that all? Thank you
so much.....Meowth thanks ya too!!!Quiet, Meowth!!(hangs up the phone) They say
they're gonna sue you for using their motto....Oh, shoot.....Come on, guys, fight!!!!!!OK!!! NINJA MARIO IS READY TO
RUMBLE!!!!!!Heheheheheh...it's not going to
be so easy this time!!!!!!! (pours a couple
of dozen bricks into his gloves)Whoa, dude!! You should be a
professional wrestler!!!! I mean, with the
strength to carry all those bricks in your gloves... you could
seriously
hurt people.Really? You think so?Sure, as long as you look
behind you..Eh?(punches )OWWWWW!!!!! (gets up)Want some more?In a second............
(transforms into...............SUMO WRESTLER WARIO!!!!)Ah yes, with the belly of ten
thousand tons of whale blubber, and carrying
decades of fatty build-up with him, Sumo Wario is the champion of evil
nasty things that people shouldn't do, and pasta!!!!!!!!!!Sumo :
At least we have something in common.....And that would be.......?Sumo :
Well, besides that we both like pasta..........WE BOTH AGREE THAT
THIS HASN'T BEEN A HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!! (grabs his belly, absorbs
some
of the fat energy, and blasts it at )UGGH!!!!!! (gets knocked
against the wall)Sumo :
Too bad you don't know how to do that, Mario!!!!!!!(sitting down) Well......I do
know how to do...........THIS!!!!!! (slides
foward, and grabs 's
legs)What? You think you can pull me
down, or somethin'?! Heheheheheheh!!!(tickles )Heh....heheheheheheh.......STOP
THAT!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!Yeah, I think I can pull you
down. (pulls
down on the floor)And I know how to do this!!!
(butt stomps on 's
belly)OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Heheheh... (kicks in the
butt)YOW!!!!!!Enough of the games.... (takes
out a gun, and points it to 's
head)Whoa.....um......Wario....Yes?Couldn't
we.......um.....just.....work this out somehow.......?I'm afraid not, Mario....things
have always been tough between us two......but
now is the time to finish things.....
has let out , ,
and )Not if I can do anything about
it!!! (pins
to the floor)Get his gun!!(takes the gun away)Wh---what's that sound!!!!Huh?!?What is that?It sounds like it's coming from
over there!! (points to the fireplace)The.......chimney?..........................Santa
Claus?Now what's this all about? Mario......Wario......you both
used to be such good friends......but
now
is Christmas, right?Right....... And what's Christmas about?
Sharing great tidings of joy, peace with
family
and friends......a heavenly birth, and the love associated with it? Or
fighting, anger, and hatred? (stares sternly at
and ) As I thought.....why not be
friends once again? (smiles a jolly smile)
At least for the season...and : Ok........(they shake
hands) Hohohoho....now that's the
spirit......(pulls over his shoulder
and slams him against the wall)(grabs gun out of 's hand,
and points it at ) First person to make a move
gets it, along with
Santa... Are you sure you want to do
that?Of course I'm sure!! I still
remember how you never gave me any of the
stuff I wanted as a kid!! Oh well........(empties his
bag)What the--------huh? (he stares
at the gifts on the floor)It's.....it's everything that I
had asked for on Christmas.......a--a machine
gun......a chain saw...a pack of bombs, some throwing
knives,
a blow torch, and........and a nuclear missle launcher!!!!! (hugs ) Yes....I suppose I can trust
you with them now....sigh..... Can you let me go now? You're
sqeezing me.........too hard.......(lets go) Th--thank
you..........I--I don't deserve any of it.... Yes, but even Santa needs to
use bribery sometimes....well besides
that,
it's what you really wanted....you're really good inside, Wario.(transforms back into ) And you, Mario.....you've been
so upset all day....why? Don't you see
that
it's Christmas no matter where you are? Even if you haven't been with
all
your friends...you've had Kirby with you....and Pikachu....Pika!! And even if you wouldn't have
had them with you, it wouldn't matter.
You
were doing a good deed, so the Christmas spirit was with you all
along......you
just didn't open your eyes and find it.You know.........I guess you're
right......... Hohoho.....in all my years,
I've heard that from a lot of
misunderstanding
kids.....Merry Christmas, I must go......
begins to
leave) ....Hohoho....I almost forgot.
Wanna ride back to the beach?Sure......., , ,
and ...and yes, ,
get in the sleigh) Come on, Wario.........
gets in the sleigh, with all his toys in the bag)I feel.....so weird. It's Christmas,
Wario.......it's Christmas.....Everyone!! Look, it's Santa's
sleigh!!!!And.........MARIO'S IN IT?Everyone.....MERRY
CHRISTMAS!!!!Everyone: Mario!! Pikachu!! Kirby!!! Samus!! Link!! Mega Man!!!! Welcome back, Mario!!Mr. Miyamoto!! How's it
been?Hey Kirby.....guess what?What?I got my Charmander to evolve
into a Charmeleon on Pokemon!!Freakin' cool!!!Come on everyone!!! Let's all
sing!!!Everyone: We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!!! It's moments like this that
make me proud to work with Nintendo characters....Hey Peach.......did that kiss
in chapter 2 mean anything? Cuz you have
another one comin. (
kisses )Hey Zelda......THAT'S the
difference between my boyfriend and yours........check
it out (she points towards )Hey....Samus.......(points to a
mistletoe hanging above)Oh........@$!%!!!!Come on..............Do I have to?Christmas tradition,
Samus....is Christmas tradition. One must follow it.
quickly kisses )I thought we were in
love!!Did we kiss in Zelda 64?Um.....no.Then forget it.Fine.....I'll just go out with
Santa.... Hohoho!! You can ride up in
the front of the sleigh......with me,
Princess. Well, what about you, Wario? I
could always use another elf, you
know.Hmmm......how much would I get
payed? Umm.....we'll discuss that
later. In the meantime, could you help me
get
these presents delivered?Sure...Everything's so
happy...........how will it end, you ask? Simply put............Everyone: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL........... And to all a good night!!!!
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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