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| Top Row: Mario, Luigi, Cranky Kong, Kirby, Peach Middle Row: Samus Aran, Mega Man, Wario, Link, Toad, Luke Skywalker Bottom Row: Dixie Kong, Funky Kong, Barney the Dinosaur, Shigeru Miyamoto, Pikachu, and Princess Zelda |
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had
kidnapped , ,
and and had flown
off to.........who
knows where?)Actually, it's his fortress. He
flew off to his fortress.You mean on Kitchen Island?No, his fortress on this
island....didn't you see the fortress he's been
building on the west side of the island?No...He just finished it
yesterday...that's probably where he's keeping them...Well in my day, we didn't GET
KIDNAPPED!!!! Everyone: SHUT UP!!! This is terrible..This is awful..Pika!!Mama-mia, the writers need to
include you in BOTVGH more often, Pikachu...I
mean, you're such a HUGE HELP when it comes to situations like this!!!!
Pika?WHY YOU, @$%!#!!!!!!!!
(grabs )Pi............KA-CHU!!!!!!!!
(charges 150 volts of electricity through 's
body)Serves you right,
Mario......poor little Pikachu.......come to me, my wittle
baby...Pika....I hate Pokémon......(playing Pokémon on
Gameboy......) Now this is the stuff.......real
gameplay.....8-bits...Mama-mia!!!Oh, COOL!!! How'd you get
Meowth, Cranky? I've looked all over the game
to find him!!!Ah, so you've come to the
master for advice, eh? Well kid, too bad....figure
it out yourself!!!(frowns)Aw, just kiddin'.....you just
have to blah, blah, blah, blah-blah, right
when your in Blah Town. The blah, blah, blah. And blah.Blah?
starts to get a bit angrier...)Blah!!Thanks, Cranky...you're a real
help!!
starts to get even angrier...)Any time, puffball...SHUT UP ABOUT POKéMON
ALREADY!!!!!!Cheer up, Mario!! Christmas is
almost here!!!!I thought it was here!!!!!!!
ISN'T TODAY CHRISTMAS?!?!No, it's soon!!!!Soon?!?Yes, soon!!!SOON?!?!(with a big, cheery smile) YES,
SOON!!!ARRRGRGGRGRH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@!#!@$!#!$%#@!#%!#%! (starts making supernatural
noises)Jumpman appears to be under a
lot of stress.Everybody duck!!!!!!!!!Did he explode?(looks up at the sky)
No........a bomb did!! Look!!, who in his plane,
is
dropping bombs)HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!(wakes up from the explosion
that knocked him out) Wario.....what the heck
are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be holding Link, Samus, and Mega
Man hostage?I am....they're at my
fortress......I just felt like dropping a few bombs
on your head....hehehe...y'know, to get your attention, so you'll try
to
rescue your friends and all...Oh.... I don't feel like
rescuing anybody.......you go rescue them, Luigi........No, Mario....either you come
try to save them on your own, or they die...Why don't you just kill them?We evil and maniacal types
always have to give the good guy a tiny chance...........Well guys, I guess I gotta
go.....Wait. Hmmm.........I changed my
mind. Since Kirby and Pikachu are both
sickeningly cute, and thus, hateable, I'll let you bring 'em along to
eventually
be killed by the traps I have in
store.........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!He doesn't give up, does he?No...heh....I don't!!!
Heheheheheheheheheheh!!!Heh?Heh.You're crazy...I know.
Bye........heheheheheh!! (flies away in his plane)Well guys, I hope you're all
happy for me. I get to go save Link, Samus,
and Mega Man, while you guys sit around and drink hot cocoa WITH
MARSHMALLOWS,
and put up the Christmas tree and decorations!!!!!!!!Merry Christmas.Could it be?Is it true?No, it can't be, can it?Yes, it is.Everyone: CRANKY SAID HIS TWO POSITIVE AND ENCOURAGING WORDS OF THE MONTH!!!!!!! HOORAY!! Yes, I did, didn't I? Now all
of you shut up!!!!Mama-mia.....Including you, Jumpman!!!!......................................................................DON'T
CALL ME................
JUMPMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARRRRGGGHH!!!!!! (starts to
strangle )Everyone: Stop him!! (they all pull away
from )(bursts into tears) WAH!!!!
Don't you get it? I don't wanna go save them!!!Now, now, Mario.....you know
you're the only one who can save everyone....
But---but---(kisses )----Ahem, OK everyone.....I'm
off to save the day!! Heh!!I didn't think that would
work....good idea, Luigi.Thanks. I know what motivates
people. And right now, I'm motivated to have
a triple pickle, ravioli and jelly sandwich!!!Don't forget to make one for
me, too!!!Sure thing...With extra mayonnaise!!!Mama-mia.....come along, Kirby,
Pikachu....let's go save the day....sigh...Hi, I'm Luke Sky---'s
fortress.....)I thought fortresses didn't
have basements...aren't they supposed to have
dungeons?I guess Wario's too cool to
have a dungeon...Too cool? We're in eternal
confinement here unless Mario rescues us!!Confinement? AAAGGH!! That
word's too long.......I can't........process
it.....what does it mean? Owwww...my head hurts..Sure, he's cool, Sam...he has a
TV down here, and everything....Then you should say that he's a
visionary for designing a basement so good...but
Wario is anything but "cool"....Visionary!! Owww..my head...I
can't understand. Too big...too hard...........owwwwww....Oh, shut up!!!!Stop being so mean to poor Mega
Man!!Yeah...don't be bad. Be good.Fine!!!(hears a strange noise)
W-w-what's that?!?!What? I don't hear
anything......... (
hears it too) What is that?!?!Look, over there!!!No............no, it's not!!!
Is it?It's.................Barney!!!Hi, everyone!!!!Oh no......He must be a prisoner of
Wario's, too.....Yay!!! Barney!!Hello, kids!! Let's all sing a
happy-fun, fun, song!!!!Yay!!!Somebody.....help us......I don't see what's so bad about
Barney....(singing with ): They called
him JOHNJACOBJINGLEHEIMERSCHMITZ!!!!!!!! LALALALALALALA!!!!Let's sing it again!!OK!!!Die, spawn of satan!! Die, evil
dragon of death and doom!!! (pulls out
his Master Sword)Don't you dare do that,
Link......Mega Man is having fun.....Well.......I guess I could let
him have his fun......(edges closer to )......If
you and I could have ours, baby!! Y'know...under the
mistletoe......
punches )Owwwww.....(still singing) John Jacob
Jingle-heimer-schmitz!! His name is my name,
too.....SHUT UP!!!!Hmmm....so I guess I've covered
everybody on my People-To-Buy-Presents-For-list,
but....Mario.Hmmmm......while everybody else
should be happy with the gift of cute little
beanie-babies, I have no idea what Mario would want......'s head)Hey Luigi, could you help me
shop for Mario's Christmas present?Sure thing, Princess..I need to
get him a gift, too....Hey....what be the occasion, my friends?A Christmas gift....for
Mario.... Well, lemme suggest the plumbin'
section.Too late. I'm already there....I knew you'd know where to
look, Luigi....Now what should I get
Mario......a new heavy-duty 2x7 pipewrench, or a
new iron-plated, double-heavy-duty, plunger with steel
easy-grip?Huh?It's expert plumber talk...you
wouldn't get it.Huh? What's the difference
between both tools?What's the difference?
Whahahaha....man, you're funny, Peach...Hmmph!!! (stomps off to the
another part of the store) I'll just get Mario..........(looks
around).................this!!!! A pasta cookbook!!1,001 Ways
To Cook Ravioli,
Linguini, Spaghetti, And Just About Any Other
Pasta You Can Think Of!! Mario will love this!!, ,
and , who are
traveling
through the jungle)And so I said to King Dedede,
"Are you quite sure?", and he said, "Of course
I am. Don't be silly.", and then I said---Shut up, already, Kirby!!What's wrong, Mario? It's
Christmas season...you should be happy.....What's there to be happy about?
We're sweating our butts off, stranded
on a island that I'd much, much, rather not be on! It's Christmas...if
we could get off the stinkin' island things would be fine; in fact,
things
wouldn't be that bad if I was back near the beach, but NOOOOOOOO, we
gotta
save Link, Samus, and Mega Man!! I could be home in Brooklyn if Funky's
plane was working....in fact, IT WAS WORKING!!! Remember the end of
Season
1? We were all supposed to go back home, but then the writers forgot
about
it, and Funky's plane never took us off the island........DO I HAVE
MANY
REASONS TO BE HAPPY?!!?!??!It's Christmas......shouldn't
that be enough of a reason to be happy?Christmas? Well, bah-humbug to
that........whatever that means.....(playing a bit of The Legend of
Zelda: Ocarina of Time) Hey.......this
ain't quite as stupid as I thought.....it's actually...almost fun.Take that, Ganon!!! Ah....so
you want some of my Master Sword? Kid, you're
asking for it........He ain't dead yet.....watch
out, Zelda....he's gonna attack!!!Yah!! Take that, Ganon, you old
scumbag!!Eat blade, Ganondorf!!!How is it?I haven't had this much fun in
a---huh!??!? Uh..er...um...it stinks!!!
Dang game..it-it's just stupid, that's what it is!!!(laughing) I knew you'd think
that....The original Legend of Zelda
was 50 times better...honestly....not that
this game is good to begin with, why... why, it's a disgrace!!(laughs....)Oh, before I forget, I need to
tell you, this is Zelda....do you remember
her? You were there at the video game debuts of The Legend Zelda and
The
Legend of Zelda II, "Cranky", so I'm pretty sure that you two have met
before....Princess...what Nintendo has
done to your art style is ruined it. You look
simply wretched....Heehee....you don't look so
great yourself, Donkey Kong.....(shakes his
hand)Oh, we've met before,
Miyamoto....she and I go back a good number of years....I've
even kidnapped her a few times.(laughing) Yep, only to be
saved by Link a minute later...speaking of which,
where is my "knight in Kokiri clothing"?Long story....he kinda got
kidnapped, you see....Oh.....ok. Let me
guess...Mario's saving him, right?Yep.So that's where Mario is....I
was expecting that he'd be the person I'd
see...
and return)Hey guys, we're back.......Hi, Peach, hi Luigi...Hi, Mr. Miyamoto!!Hi, Miyamoto.Hello Peach........Hello Zelda........Uh-oh...This'll get ugly....So....Peach....how's your
little "kingdom" doing?Fine, thank you....You mean your stupid little
boyfriend didn't screw things up and burn it
to the ground?Stupid? I still remember the
time that your piece of junk that you consider
a boyfriend was 5 minutes late in saving Hyrule......So?!?!So, if he would've been a
second late, Ganon would've crossed over into
the Mushroom Kingdom and destroyed everything in sight.....I'm surprised that that
spaghetti ball you call Mario hasn't crushed all
of your castle under his weight already.....Spaghetti ball? At least he
doesn't have to put up with your taste in clothing.....pink
is in, girl. What rock have you been hiding under for the past few
months?A good taste in fashion I might
not have, dear sweet Peach, but at least
I don't have to order a new throne every five minutes.And what exactly is that
supposed to mean?(whispers in her ear) Lose
weight, Peachy-girl..WHY YOU---- (punches her, and
pushes her to the ground)It was inevitable. They had to
fight.....Sigh...(chomping on popcorn while he
watches the fight) I should make a game about
this...Writer: Will Shigeru Miyamoto make a game about Zelda vs. Peach, Peach vs. Zelda....will Mario ever reach Wario's castle without going crazy first? Will Link go crazy, or will he actually get a date with Samus? Will Ash, Brock, and Misty ever reach their final destination as true Pokémon masters? Will I ever shut up? Maybe you'll find out next time, in part 3 of this exciting (or not) Christmas Special!! |
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