 Face
it Jumpman, I'm the all-time best!
 Oh
come on Crank,
even in the arcade "Donkey Kong" all you did was beat your chest and
roll
barrels.
Well you weren't
so active yourself in D.K. Jr.!
Maybe, but you
were still klutzy enough to get captured.
Mario, my best
buddy in the whole wide world! How's it going, my superior sibling?
Whoa, what's
with you, Luigi? Given up the whole jealousy thing?
Well, "If you
can't beat 'em, join 'em." I don't gain any popularity by trying to
upstage
you, so now I'm going to gain fame by being your best friend. We'll be
inseparable, so I'll automatically be in any games you're in.
YESSSSSS!!!!!!!
Luigi, please,
don't embarrass me.
We
are supposed
to be a pair, not unlike the Wright Brothers or Abbott & Costello.
Quiet! I'm trying
to argue with Jumpman!
I'll teach you
to call me Jumpman! (starts to advance)
Wait! I know a
way to settle, once and for all (or at least until the next episode),
who's
the best!
What is it?
A
BOTVGH Olympics.
What do you think?
Sounds cool.
Sounds dumb.
I
guess Mario
wins by default.
Oh
no you don't!
I'll go along with your silly Olympics!
Good. Since I
don't know anything about doing stuff like this, I got some help.
(
and  appear)
We know all about running contests like this. In case you don't
remember,
I ran the card matching game in SMB3.
SMB3
is the best
8-bit game ever made.
Hah, in my opinion
they were all terrible after I retired.
(ignores )
I prefer SMB2. SMB3 sucked.
Just because
you smashed through the floor and got yourself killed in that game...
Well, not quite
killed. I trimmed down 20 pounds, bought a new clown car, and was back
for Mario World.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please! We are ready to start the first ever BOTVGH
Olympics!
Now let me introduce our contestants! Representing Nintendo Island is
the
hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, Dinosaur World and beyond, Mario!!!!!
Everybody except :
YAAAYYY!!!
And representing,
uhh, himself is Cranky Kong, a legend in his own mind!
HEY!
Everybody else: BOOOO!!!!
(An egg
hits
in the head)
All right, who did that?
 Ha
ha. Loser.
(He throws another egg at )
OW! (to )
Get on with the Olympics, you freaky fungus!
One
more crack
like that and you'll be disqualified, ya dumb monkey.
.....HEY!!!
Our first event
is a throwing game, like the one in Donkey Kong Country 3. Mario, pick
your game.
Ummmm, Race to
25.
Okay! The winner
is the first to hit 25 targets! 3, 2, 1, start!
(They
play the throwing
game and wins 25-10)
I demand a rematch!
You're on Crank!
(They
have a rematch
and wins 25-5)
Good job, Mario! You get one point!
The second event
is a kart race through Toad's Turnpike!
(
and get go-karts and
go
to Toad's Turnpike)
Ready, set, go!!!
(It's
a close race until the last lap when a truck cuts in front of them)
Umm, guys, isn't that the nuclear missile carrier from Blast Corps?
Yikes!
(
has a heart attack and faints.
bumps him into the missile carrier, which explodes and
goes flying off the tracks and into a tree.
goes on to win the race.)
Mario leads, 2 points to none.
The third event
is a battle with Bowser, for any true video game hero must be able to
beat
up big, bad bosses!
And
Bowser is
the biggest, baddest boss ever to grace a TV screen.
Bwahaha, Mario
first!
So
long-a, Bowser!
(He beats easily)
OK
Cranky, your
turn!
You're a wimp.
(Whacks with
his  )
(exaggerated
tone) Oh my, the old wrinkled coot called me a wimp! Whatever will I do?
(
steps on )
*gasp* Next event please.
Allllllll
righty then!
Oh great, now Swanky thinks
he's Jim Carrey.
I
DO NOT!!!! Ummm, okay. The next event is Pokemon battling! Cranky, name
your Pokemon!
Ummm,
OK. I'll send out my Magikarp.
(
throws a Poke Ball and 
comes out)
Karp, karp, magikarp, karp, karp...... (flops around)
Puh-lease.
I can beat that with one hand tied behind my back. (Throws his Poke
Ball,
out comes  )
Pidge-awwwwwww!!!!!
(
uses Gust Attack and
is
defeated)
Harrumph.
Well at least my Pokemon doesn't have ugly pink hair.
Pidge-ohhh?...
PIDGYAWWW!!! (
attacks )
That's
not hair, it's feathers.
OW!!
I don't care what they are, let's move on to the next event!
(
recalls and they
move
on)
The next event is cow dodging!
Cow dodging???
(A 
falls on )
That's not fair! You didn't even try to drop a cow on Jumpman here!
Hoo
boy, Cranky,
you're down 5-0.
Event number
six...
No
way! I quit!
You have no respect for your elders...
And the winner,
by default, of the BOTVGH Olympics is... Mario!!!!!!!!
Everybody except :
YAAAYYY!!!
Cheater.
Oh
don't be such
a sore loser, Cranky.
Cheater!
Just shut up,
Cranky.
Yeah, crybaby.
CHEATER!!!!!
H
CUZ, SHUT HIM
UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, it's not
in my contract.
Wha?
Well, at least
end this episode! PLEEEASE!!!!
But
I hardly
got to say anything!
(A
falls on )
HEY! That's not fair!
Ha
ha.
(
falls on )
D'oh!
Well, that wraps
up the first-ever BOTVGH Olympics! Thank you for joining us and have a
good night!
(holding gold
medal) Sydney 2000, here I come! |
