Shigeru Miyamoto: Plans for the future by GoldShadow Special thanks to H Cuz for helping me with this short and providing me with a log from the chat room |
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Shigeru Miyamoto: Plans for the future by GoldShadow Special thanks to H Cuz for helping me with this short and providing me with a log from the chat room |
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| Goldshadow, Zero, Shigeru Miyamoto | ||
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Hello, I'm GoldShadow, and I'm proud to announce our first-ever exclusive
interview with the true Mastermind of Nintendo, Shigeru Miyamoto. Conducting
the interview live from Spaceworld '00 is our friend, Zero.
Hello, Mr Miyamoto, it is an honor to see you here tonight!
Why, thank
you.
But, on with the interview. I was wondering. You said you would show us
a new, more mature side of Mario we've never seen before. Yet, so far we
have no footage to show us what you really meant. Can you explain more
clearly?
Mario changed his occupation. He is no longer a plumber, he now works as
a handsome Lawyer, and is no longer wearing overalls in exchange for a
suit and tie.Luigi, now outraged with anger and envy of Mario, stole his
girlfriend Peach behind Mario's back. I'm calling it Super Mario Sope Opera
Hmm. Well, that's very interesting Mr. Miyamoto, but what do you have planned
for the new Zelda? That footage so far is amazing.
Ah! I was
meaning to tell you about that. I was looking at a topic in your message
board, and I got a great idea for the new Zelda. You see, in this game,
Link will be completely nude at all times
Uhh.... are you sure that's a good idea?
Well, of course it will still be rated "E" as certain parts of Link's body
are blurred out. It will however, highlight the highly muscular and handsome
Link I've always imagined.
So I assume you're targeting the female gamers with this title?
Somewhat,
yeah, although I believe that this could also appeal as a family title
due to it's strong moral values. But I believe that with nude Link I could
truly revolutionalize the video game industry.
Good business move...
I've talked with Peter Main, and he agrees that this a very marketable
idea.
OK... Another question I was wondering.. why exactly is your new system
designed like a cube?
Well ya see... it all started with the Rubik's cube. What you don't know,
is that while not playing games on it that involve audio/video technology,
the Cube will be a fully functional Rubik's Cube. The system will not function
correctly however, if not properly aligned.
Ohhhh...
Therefore, my customers will inevitably screw up there system, and everybody
knows a Rubik's Cube is impossible to get back to normal, therefore, they
will have to buy an entirely new system, which is packaged properly aligned.
I tell ya, I'll make Billions!
Careful. Gates will get jealous.
Don't worry, I'm having him assasinated tomorrow at three o'clock. But
you didn't here that from me, okay?
Uhh.. yeah. I was wondering.. what is your opinion on the new "Mature"
rated titles being published by Nintendo such as Perfect Dark and Conker?
Well with new products like Conker's BFD and Perfect Dark, I see a whole
new genre. Ya see, "Mature" rated games have always been pretty tame so
far, with violence pretty limited. I intend to change that.
Oh?
I intend to revolutionalize the way we think of violent games. As demand
for violent or gory games becomes more apparent, I believe the level of
detail needs to change as well. With the Cube online, I will make an online
FPS, much like Perfect Dark. It will be an online extravaganza, and sales
will skyrocket. However, there is one change: When a person is shot, a
bullet is teleported into their Cube system, and then shoot the person
wherever they were shot in the game. You will then be able to view as this
person slowly dies a painful death with a camera installed in our Controller.
This will bring my patented PE system to a new level.
...
That is, Perverted Entertainment (TM) It will be announced to go online
at launch, but I will delay both it and the Cube system for another year,
because I can.
Sounds good to me. But, what exactly is your approach to your competition?
Well I have
no real [Sega, Sony]. What you don't know is that, due to immense Pokemon
sales and worldwide fame, I now effectively control the known world. The
competition is not really any concern for me. I will you an informative
demonstration, via sattelite. Now watch.
Thanks. Now, this demonstration shows my true, unknown power. Watch! 1,
2, 3...
)
(
applauds)
Note, please, that this is only a demonstration and may or may not be made
into an actual game.
Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr. Miyamoto. It was a real honor
to have you here with us, today.
You are very welcome, Zero. It was a pleasure,really.
leaves)
Well, there you have it. Our first celebrity interview here at BOTVGH.
Hopefully this is a just a peek at the tremendous future. Or... something.
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