Bowser's First Episode A Battle of the Video Game Heroes Short by Bowser

 

THE CAST

Top Row:  Mario, Luigi, Bowser (the writer), Wario, Yoshi, Kamek, Donkey Kong, Cranky, Psyduck  Bottom Row:  H Cuz, Ian, UDX, Mega Man, Proto Man, Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu  Not Pictured:  Martin

 

All right everyone, listen up!  Everyone except : Huh? Who are you?!  I'm the new writer!!  Bowser, shut up and take off that silly hat.  Mario, do us all a favor and read what's in your script.  Make me!!!!  Listen pal, I'm the WRITER!!! Watch THIS!!!  ( falls on ) Oww.... All right, who's the wise guy who made Bowser a writer?  Remember in Season 5 Episode 9, Bowser told H Cuz he'd be sending in an episode?... Well, guess what. He did. In my day, characters didn't write their own scripts.  Shut up...  Isn't there a handbook rule that says characters can't be writers?  You show me where it says that.  (points) Right here.  You didn't read the whole thing.  Huh? (Looks at the handbook page) You wrote that in yourself!!!  No I didn't. Now shut up. ( falls on )  HEY!!!!  (sticks out his tongue)  ( comes in) Ummm, H Cuz. You're not supposed to be in this episode.  Sorry, Bowser, but as a veteran writer-- ( and  appear) YOU'RE a veteran writer?! We've been around much longer than---- (ignoring them) I thought I should tell you, Bowser, that the role of the writer is to let the characters do their own thing while you provide humorous comments. Kind of like THEPENGUIN does. And don't forget, THEPENGUIN won the Best Author award in March. (aside to  and ) Besides, I'm no newbie. I've been writing since Season 3. Yeah, late Season 3... Break it up, you two... Go away, all of you!! You're ruining my debut as a writer!!!  It was ruined as soon as you decided to write it.  You're just jealous.    (sticks his tongue out at )  ( falls on ) (sigh) Give a guy a fancy freakin' hat and he thinks he's the WRITER........  ( falls on ) Ouch......  I think I like being an author. Let's celebrate! Kamek!!  One celebration, coming right up! (Waves his wand and a huge banquet table appears!)  No hard feelings, now.... Everyone, sit down....  (Everyone goes to their seats, including , , and .) I hate you...... (limps to his seat and sits down)  ***FRRRRTTT!!!!*** Hey! You found my Whoopee cushion!!!!  ........  (Elsewhere at the table) So you are the famous Ian Pugh and UDX. I've heard about you.  Yep. I'd write more eps, but I've been busy. And you, UDX, how's things coming? Can I be in BOTVGH:TND?  Uhhhh, I'll... think about it.  (, at the head of the table, bangs two spoons together) Attention! Attention, everyone! I am your writer, and you will do exactly as I say!!  All: NO WE WON'T!!!!!!  People, people.... if you don't cooperate, I can't write the episode.  Well, yeah...... that's the idea........  That's it, dino-dope, I'm writing you out of this episode.  What!? You can't do that!! Someone get me on the phone with my agent!!!!....... (disappears because  wrote him out)  All right, that's enough...... beep-beep-beep-beep!!!!! Time's up! Next write-AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!  (Trapdoor opens under  and he falls into the next episode) Well, I guess that's more food for me.  All right, does anyone else want to be -- ahem -- "removed"?  (whispering) Let's go. This could get ugly.  ( and  nod and those three mysteriously disappear) Hey, Bowser! You just set a new BOTVGH record.  See? I told you I could do this.  Actually, we've now lost five cast members so far. That's a BOTVGH record... D'OH!!!!!! Someone bring in substitutions!!!! (puzzled) We have substitutions? (, , , , and  are brought in) Thanks for coming on such short notice, guys. No problem. But what's going on here? I'm the writer.  YOU'RE the WRITER??!!!?!! That's hilarious-------  Better watch it, Proto. If he really is writing, you don't want to get him mad. (looking around) Anyway, that would explain why this place is so screwed up... It is NOT screwed up. This is the best episode EVER! (sarcasm on 'high') Oh, of COURSE it is. Pika? (Looks at  curiously)  What's your problem? Haven't you ever seen a giant turtle with a hat before?  (shakes his head)  You have now. So quit starin'.  (deliberately stares at Bowser)  (sigh)  Is it just me, or is someone missing?  Hah... if it's Jumpman you're looking for, he's ten feet down under.  Under what?  Underground!!  What about Yoshi? Where's he?  Let's just say the episode ended prematurely for him.... Heheheh.....  Strange.  OK, everyone!! We're going to have a little entertainment!!  Did you get Bozo the Clown this time, or a comedian?  I got a singer. Now pay full attention....  Can't I at least get a bite first?  NO!!!! Now sit down and shut up!!  What if I don't want to, huh?  ( falls on )  HEY!!  (under his breath) Hay is for horses.  (growls at ) What?  Ummm, nothing.  All right everyone, here's the BOTVGH Archive's resident musician!!  ( enters) , , and : NOOOOOO!!!!!!! Not this again!!!  Well. If it ain't mister Fat Jumpman Wannabe.  What? Who's this guy?  You mean Misty didn't tell you??!!!?!!  Ohhh.... the tone-deaf guy from Episode 9. Misty's still recovering.  (Elsewhere) This is such a drag..... my doctor says I'll be hearing the after-effects of Wario's singing for a month so I have to wear earmuffs wherever I go, and listen to only classical music. And as if that's not enough.....  ( looks at  who is running around in circles) Psy-ay-ay-ay-ayyyyyy!! (Looks right at  and starts flailing its arms) Psyduck! Psyduck!! PSYDUCK!!!  Urrrggghhhh.... Who'd have thought this would come from an incident that wasn't even supposed to happen? Sigh.....  Hey, look at this. That Wario guy is coming out with a CD.  (faints)  (Anyway) Hmmm... good crowd, good crowd..... Especially since Mario isn't here. I guess I'll start with "Home on the Range."  This is a new low. Wario goes country.  (off-key) Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roaaammmmmm...........  Well, at least he's not yodeling. Let's look at the bright side.  Hey, Proto Man, what about your ear-piercing whistle?  Sorry, bro, I only use that whistle to announce my arrival.  Talk about finicky.........  All right, turtle, cut that out!!! H Cuz has just informed me that if you keep this up he'll sue you for stealing his story idea!!  H Cuz informed YOU?!  Normally he'd inform Jumpman or Yoshi, but with them gone I have to carry the load. Personally, I think all this legal junk is hogwash, but he said.....  I can't get sued!! Oh man...... Sorry, Wario, but you gotta go. Do it for the sake of my pocketbook and my reputation. Bye!!  But I was just-- (disappears)  All: *Phew*  Hey, Mega Man, Proto Man, I miss you guys!! Why haven't your adventures been brought to N64??  Long story.... You see, one night Rock and I decided to go out partying. Problem was, that same night Dr. Wily decided to attack Dr. Light's lab. We couldn't get there on time to do much.  Our punishment is banishment from cool systems, namely Nintendo 64. It's harsh, man.... Stupid Capcom.  You better watch it before YOU get sued, Mega Man.  Excuse me for interrupting your little side conversation, but what about ME?! I'm the WRITER!!!!  Everyone in the room: AND A TERRIBLE ONE TOO!!!!!!!  WHAT!!!!!! (writes everyone out of the episode)  (Suddenly,  realizes he's all alone) Um.... well, I um, guess I'll be leaving now....... bye, peoples........  ( leaves) (After the episode, at BOTVGH headquarters) Man, Bowser, remind me never to let YOU write again.  It wasn't my fault. The characters wouldn't cooperate.  Whatever, Bowser.  Martin: I'm officially revoking your writerhood.  D'OH!!!!!!!!  YES!!!!!!!!!  Now I want to try my hand at writing.  All: ............  THE END (of 's writing career)!!!

  End-Note: Writing this episode in Bowser's name was H Cuz.