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Toad's Alternate Universe

By Toasty

Teacher Toad

Hello, my name's Toad and I'm 19 years old. I come from a very big family: I've got over ten brothers and sisters! I'm actually the eldest child, even though you wouldn't tell from my short size. Anyway, having so many brothers and sisters around, I'm naturally very good at dealing with kids. I like children, and they usually like me too, even if they sometimes make fun of me for being so short....^_^0.

I've always wanted to go into the education business, and now that I've finally passed my exam, I've managed to get a job at the Royal Mushroom kindergarten, in the capital of the Mushroom kingdom. I've moved there just yesterday, and today is my first day at work. I hear that the Royal Mushroom kindergarten were short on new staff members as it is, and they figured that the kids would feel comfortable with a teacher who's about as tall as they are. I never imagined my short size would come in handy like this one day.....

My first week will be a trial period. I'm supposed to help a teacher called Miss Peach out with her class. Well, I promise to everyone that I'll do my best to become an excellent teacher!

Miss Peach was a very nice young lady with long blonde hair, who was always wearing pink. It's a shame she's four times taller than me, otherwise I might've asked her out one day.....

Oh well ^_^.

She was explaining to me in her classroom were the fire exits and stuff are located when suddenly a high-pitched voice cut into our conversation.

„Miss! Miss!"

A kid with red hair and big eyebrows was tugging Miss Peach's sleeve, with a very serious look on his face. Miss Peach smiled. „Yes, Bowser, what is it?"

„Will you come and see the castle I built? I've built it just for you, so you can live in it with me for a hundred thousand million years!"

„Just for me? How kind of you! I'll come and have a look, right after I finish talking to this short guy, okay?"

„No! I want you to come and look at it now! Or else I'll kidnap you and lock you up there!"

Sounded like this Bowser kid had a bit of an attitude problem. I was a bit startled at hearing Miss Peach refer to me as „this short guy", by the way.....Miss Peach turned to me with an embarrassed smile and explained: „I'm sorry, but little Bowser has a bit of a fixation on me. He freaks out if I don't give him a lot of attention, so I'll be right back".

But just as she was about to follow the red-haired brat, another squeaky voice interrupted her:

„Hey you! Stupid Bowser! Don't bother Miss Peach!"

A slightly overweight kid, dressed in red with a big nose, and amazingly, a huge, curly moustache was looking angrily at little Bowser. But the red-head wasn't impressed. He just snarled back: „Butt out, Mario! Miss Peach is coming to live with me in my castle forever!"

The kid called Mario didn't seem to like that idea. He yelled angrily: „No, she's not! Miss Peach is going to marry me, so stop trying to kidnap her all the time! I'm getting tired of having to rescue her from you every single day! „

Miss Peach, looking deeply disturbed, muttered that she never said she'd marry anyone, but the two kids paid no attention to her and kept on arguing.

„Like hell she's going to marry you, fatso! She's going to marry me, because I have red hair and a castle!"

„That's just a castle made from play-doh! It's not even real! And your red hair is ugly! You are ugly, and you're dumb too! And anyway, I still manage to rescue Miss Peach every time! I've saved her life every day, and she's very grateful, and madly in love with me! And she'd never dream of marrying and ugly, stupid brat like you, so there!"

To my great surprise, large tears were welling up in Bowser's eyes at the sound of these words, and before long he burst out in tears, yelling that Mario was mean and that he hated him. Miss Peach picked up the sniveling child and tried to calm him down.

„There, there, don't cry. Mario didn't mean it. Come on, Mario, apologize to Bowser."

Mario reluctantly muttered: „Yeah, sorry Bowser, I din't...well, I guess I sorta did.....mean it...okay?" Bowser looked up, and furiously hissed „Die!" at Mario. The next thing I knew, the two kids were trying to strangle each other with Miss Peach making desperate attempts to separate them. Suddenly, Miss Peach looked up with a horrified expression on her face, and rushed to a slightly dopey-looking kid with a big nose cheeks. She yelled at the child:

„Yoshi! I told you not to eat the play-doh! Spit it out!"

The kid called Yoshi, who, as I noticed was indeed chewing on something looked up and calmly replied: „But it's very tasty!" And then, holding up a lump of sticky, dripping blue play-doh aked: „Would you like to try some, Miss? It's really yummy!" Miss Peach turned her eyes towards the ceiling at the sight of this and muttered: „I think I'm going to be sick....."

She didn't have time do so, though, as Mario was now tugging her sleeve and nagging for attention. „Miss, I made this for you!" He said, handing her a ring made out of cardboard. „Why thank you, it's very pretty" Miss Peach smiled, as she put it on her finger. Mario proudly said: „It's an engagement ring! I'm wearing one too, so now we're engaged and when I grow up, we'll get married, and have lots of kids, and when Bowser comes to kidnap you, I'll go and rescue you every time!"

Miss Peach looked very much distressed at this, so I though I'd cut in here. I told the kid: „You know, Mario, when you grow up Miss Peach will be a really old lady. Are you sure you want to marry a very old lady?" With an angry look, Mario replied: „It's none of your bussiness, short stuff!" Right, so much for a good start with these kids. Miss Peach was looking very tired now, so I asked her if I should take over the class for a while. She just gave me a furious look and growled: „How dare you call me and old lady?!". Oops. Now I had done it.....

I noticed that there were no girls at all in the class. Just a bunch of noisy, hysterical boys. The only one who kept quiet was a skinny kid in green, with a face very much like Mario's. Miss Peach told me his name was Luigi, and that he was Mario's brother. I would've never guessed. One of the loudest kids was a fat boy in purple with a huge, dark pink nose. His name, as I found out, was Wario and his attitude problem was perhaps even worse than Bowsers', only he didn't dote on Miss Peach so much. Instead, Wario's obsession was to bring Mario down.

The kids were having some sort of music class later that afternoon. Mario, Bowser and Wario were blowing on trumpets with all their might, in a deprerate attempt to out-perform each other. The noise was unbearable. Another sound mixed itself with the loud tooting of the three competetive trumpetists: a clanking, ginding noise. Miss Peach, with eyes the size of dinner plates exclaimed in terror, rushed over to the kid called Yoshi and yelled:

„No, Yoshi! Don't eat your trumpet! It's bad for you! No, I don't want to try a piece of it! Just stop eating wierd stuff all the time!"

Yoshi seemed to live for food. In one day, I witnessed him devouring two chairs, a trumpet, 3 kilos of play-doh, a box of chalk and half of the blackboard. Quite how he digested all this stuff was a mystery to me.....

It was nearly time for the kids to go home now. Their last assignment for today was to draw whatever they liked. I was very surpised to see that Luigi had drawn his own brother. Miss Peach explained that Luigi greatly looked up to his brother, and had a bit of an inferiority complex. Yoshi, predictably enough drew biscuits, melons and all sorts of other foodstuffs. That is, after we had explained to him that he shouldn't eat the pencils.

Wario had also drawn Mario, but in his drawing, Mario was lying dead on the floor with a happily smiling Wario standing over him. I wonder whatever Mario has done to Wario to cause such a violent hatred? Wario had also drawn lots of coins. He came from a rich family, and was thus very fond of money. Finally, Mario and Bowser were both drawing Miss Peach and arguing over who had the best drawing. The argument was settled by Yoshi who ate both their drawings and declared that Mario's drawing had been much more tasty than Bowsers'. This resulted in an attempt from Bowser to murder Yoshi with a very sharp pencil. That didn't bother Yoshi: he just ate the offending pencil.

Whe the day was over and the kids had gone home, Miss Peach looked about as lively as a zombie. As for me, I was beginning to wonder if I hadn't made a wrong carreer move....Could I face such difficult children day in day out without going nuts? Were all kids like this? What should I do.......?

-The End.....? About the site. All Rights Reserved. All content contained herein is property of SMBhq. SMBhq is in no way affiliated with Nintendo Company Limited, Nintendo of America, or any other mentioned companies. Super Mario Bros. and all character names are copyrights of Nintendo Co. Ltd. More legal info. Privacy Statement.
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