The Story of The St. Patick's Day Massacre
<Chunky_Da_Narrator> Donez was walking along the pavement. 
<Dr_Donez> "Ow!  Hot hot hot!" 
<Dr_Donez> "It BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!" 
<Narrator> Donez suddenly saw Luigi walking up to him wielding a chainsaw.
<Dr_Donez> "That's normal." 
<Narrator> Alas, today wasn't quite so normal. 
<Luigi> **Theme from Friday the 13th** 
* Luigi dons a Hockey mask 
<Dr_Donez> "So...you have some chainsawing planned."
< Narrator> Luigi starts up the chainsaw. 
<Dr_Donez> "Ok then.  I'll take that as a yes." 
<Luigi> It is the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year, Donez! 
<Luigi> You know what that means!
<Narrator> He then runs toward Donez, laughing maniacally 
* Dr_Donez whistles and continues on 
<Dr_Donez> "Eep"
<Narrator> Donez gets his arm...leg...wing...whatever cut off.
<Narrator> Donez then ran screaming, all the way to Wedge's house.
<Luigi> Wait, you forgot your gift! 
* Luigi holds up body parts 
<Narrator> Donez arrives at Wedge's house. 
<Wedge> * Is currently cleaning the welcome mat. * "Begone, worthless carbon-based debris! I banish you from the realm of my half-rubber half cloth mat of welcoming!" 
<Narrator> Wedge looks up and sees Donez 
<Dr_Donez> "Let the hurting stop" 
<Narrator> Wedge also sees that Donez's wing has been cut off 
<Wedge> "It is you! The white avian scientist who creates machines of many uses! What has severed the bond between the atoms in your wing? A metallic slicing device?" 
<Dr_Donez> "Um.............................. 
<Dr_Donez> .................. 
<Dr_Donez> ....................... 
<Dr_Donez> ................. 
<Wedge> "Should I interpretive dance your wing's horrible demise from the deadly moving blade of pain?"" 
<Dr_Donez............................. 
<Dr_Donez> ...........yes." 
<Dr_Donez> "NO!" 
<Narrator> But Donez was too late. Wedge then starts interpretive dancing.
<Narrator>
* Dr_Donez tries to beat himself to death
<Narrator> It goes on for hours upon hours. 
<Narrator> Days upon days 
<Narrator> Weeks upon weeks 
<Narrator> Months upon months 
<Narrator> Years upo-well, maybe no that far. 
<Narrator> Donez then dies
<Director> CUT CUT CUT CUT!!! **Scenes lift** 
* Dr_Donez starts to smell funny 
<Narrator> Wedge then stops, to see Donez has mysteriously died. 
<Narrator> Now what?  
<Wedge> "Hmmmm... I must discover the means of which Donez has ceased existing in this mortal plane." 
* Wedge starts walking off to a destination nearby. 
<Narrator> (Wedge, it's like a movie.) 
<Wedge > (I know.) 
<Narrator> (Don't say anything in-character after he says cut.) 
<Wedge > (Oh. I didn't notice that.) 
<Director> YEESH! 
<Director> Bass Fishing? 
<Director> More like CRAP fishing!
<Wedge> *Scratch* "Why is the scene gone? Just trying to say those horrible lines is painful!" 
<Director> Cause it's Carp, but the a and r are switched around.. 
< Narrator> Yeah, yeah. 
<Narrator> Get on with it. 
<Director > ANYWAY. You! Donez! You be like John Wayne! Wedge, you're on fire. 
<Dr_Donez> Burned. 
<Wedge > "Ahhhhh!!! I'm on fire!!! Save me!" * Starts running around screaming *
<Director> ACTION!  
<Narrator> Donez was walking along the pavement one day. 
<Dr_Donez> Um.... 
* Dr_Donez shoots some indians 
<Narrator> The PETNA come by. 
<Narrator> Or People for Ethical Treatmant of Native Americans. 
<Dr_Donez> <John Wayne Accent>"La la la"</John Wayne Accent> 
<Narrator> They're all wielding chainsaws. 
* Luigi is the leader 
<Dr_Donez> <John Wayne Accent>"Howdy there, partners"</John Wayne Accent> 
<Luigi> Donez Wayne, you're under arrest for killing a few Native Americans. 
* Luigi starts slicing Donez 
* Dr_Donez starts shooting everything in sight 
<Narrator> They all run towards Dr. Wa-er, Donez with the chainsaws roaring 
<PETNA member> You're not supposed to do that anymore. 
* Dr_Donez pulls out the Deathzooka 
<Luigi> ACH! 
< Narrator> The PETNA stop. 
<Luigi> PULL OUT! 
* Dr_Donez primes the Deathzooka 
<Narrator> They then run. 
* Dr_Donez fires the Deathzooka 
<Narrator> Donez shoots them with the 'zooka 
<Narrator> Direct hit.
<Luigi> Why is there pain? 
<Narrator> Only Luigi survives. 
* Dr_Donez throws the Ice Pick at him 
* Luigi pulls out a chainsaw
<Narrator> He gets up, brushes himself off, and runs towards Donez with his chainsaw 
* Wedge, a nearby bystander, runs in, screaming. 
* Luigi starts slicing Wedge 
* Dr_Donez tries to run away, but runs into Wedge 
<Luigi> Oops 
<Narrator> The Luigi slices Wedge instead. 
<Narrator> Right down the middle.
<Wedge> "AHHHHHH!!! A mysterious molecular occurance has set my flammable self on fire! AHHHHH!!!!!!!" Two halves can be seen as he is comically sliced in two. 
* Dr_Donez beats Luigi with the Deathzooka 
* Luigi|007 is hit 
<Narrator> Luigi slices Donez's 'zooka in two . 
* Narrator dodges 
<Narrator> Luigi gets a severe sunburn all over his body 
<Narrator> And I mean all over 
* Luigi shoots everyone in the *CENSORED*, including himself  
<Director> *High voice* CUT! 
* Directorfalls down in a fetal position
* Narrator stands him back up 
* Narrator brushes him off 
* Narrator surgical removes the bullet 
<Director> Donez, you're Jerry Springer, Wedge, you're Tarzan 
<Director> WAIT! 
<Director> Switch that around 
<Director> Donez, you're Tarzan 
<Director> Wedge, you're Jerry. 
<Director> ACTION!
<Narrator> Dr. Donez was walking along the pavement.
* Wedge walks down to Donez. "Hello Donez. I know the secret which you have been hiding from all of your many friends! You must come on my show or I will interpretive dance you being hit in the head with a rock!" 
<Narrator> Donez swings down to Jerry's studio 
<Dr_Donez> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaieaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
<Narrator> Err, Wedge Springer's studio 
* Wedge gets up on the stage, and grabs a microphone. 
<Narrator> Wedge taps the microphone 
<Narrator> Then he puts it next to a speaker 
<Narrator> Which makes a loud squealing noise 
<Dr_Donez> "It buuuuuuuuuuuurns!!!!" 
<Wedge> "Taste the dissonance of the deadly squealing noise!" 
* Dr_Donez runs around 
<Narrator> He takes it away from the speaker and starts tlaking. 
<Luigi> I'm angry with this person, he cheated on my sister, who is my cousin, with my niece, who is my brother, who is my third aunt twice removed! 
<Wedge> "Today, many assorted people of the audience, we're finding out the terrible secrets of our popular celebrities. Such as... Luigi! And Donez!" 
<Narrator> The angry person suddenly gets fried with a lightning bolt 
<Wedge> "So, Luigi. This person has been cheating-- holy rocket mushrooms! The angry person has been fried by a phenomenon of nature! What do you think about this amazing event, green man?" 
<Dr_Donez> "I sleep in a cardboard box"
<Narrator> Wedge gets fried by a lightning bolt 
<Luigi> Erm... 
<Wedge> "...Amazing! You sleep... in a square cubicle of paper! A mastermind---Ahhhhhhhh!!!" 
<Luigi> I'm shocked. 
<Luigi> But that's not all! 
* Wedge is now emitting smoke. 
<Narrator> Wedge gets fried by a lightning bolt multiple times 
<Luigi> I realized that I am actually Liugi. 
<Wedge> "Gg-g-guardly people wearing... u-u-uniforms!" *BZZZZZZT* *BZZTZBBZTZZ* *Looks like an electrified christmas tree* 
<Narrator> Wedge gets fried several more times 
<Liugi> JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! 
* Wedge has now been upgraded to well done status of cooking. He's burnt black and on the floor, twitching. 
<Narrator> A meteor suddenly crushes Wedge 
<Wedge> "...The... horrible... electric... light phenome...." *SMASH* 
* Wedge is now 6 feet under.... the stage! 
<Narrator> Wedge crawls out, only to be shocked several more times 
<Narrator> (Must...resist...laughing..) 
<Wedge> "Make... this.. *BZZT* horrible electric *BZZT* light parade *BZZT* Disney-attraction like *BZZT* occurance *BZZT* stop!" *BzztBzztBzzt* 
<Narrator> Wedge catches on fire  
<Wedge> "Ahhhhhh!!! Now my flammable self is burning with great pain and harm! Someone hit me with a large vase of h20 water substance fluid!" 
* Wedge runs around, and hits Luigi, catching him on fire. 
<Narrator> Wedge gets doused in water, but gets shocked sixteen more times, which is also more painful because of the water 
<Wedge> "Make the pointless *BZZT* pain *BZZT* of *BZZT* horrible *BZZT* damage stop... it burns! ...Yes! The horrible pain and electricution stopped! Knock on wood." *Knocks on wood; gets zapped the other amount of times.* 
* Wedge glows like a lightbulb. 
<Narrator> Another meteor falls on Wedge.  
<Wedge> "The Final Fantasy People are pummeling me with the magical attacks of pain. Save me, Dr. Donez!!!!" 
<Narrator> Wedge gets fried several more times then hit by six meteors  
* Wedge makes sure to run as close to Mario as possible. "I must sacrifice myself to destroy the red clothed one!" 
<Narrator> Wedge notices it's a fake Mario 
<Narrator> Then those lightning bolts and six meteors I mentioned hit him 
<Wedge> "Oh no! The evil fake Mario who has an F instead of the letter M on his cap! Save me, Luigi!" *Is then hit by all the death* 
<Luigi> You know, this is it... 
*Earth, Space, Moon* 
*KABOOM*
THE END