SMBhq RPC: The Story of The Mushroom Kingdom Pest Problem
July 27, 2003

<SK_Da_Narrator> It was a bright and sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom 
and TOAD was doing some house cleaning.

* Toad cleans house.

<Toad> Lalalalala...

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly Toad sees a Lady Bug

<Toad> Ohh... a lady bug! I'd better put it outside...

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad picks up the Lady Bug and it squirts this smelly 
yellow liquid all over his hands.

<Toad> Eww... wha... Ladybugs don't usually do that!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Yes they do

<Toad> Oh...

* Toad slaps Toad around a bit with a large trout

<SK_Da_Narrator> As a result of slapping himself with the trout, 
Toad drops the ladybug and it scurries under the couch.  Toad goes to 
investigate.

* Toad climbs under the couch.

<Toad> Whew... where did it go?

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad goes a little further.  Suddenly, he sees 
millions of Lady Bugs!

<Toad> Woah! I knew I should have cleaned up my house sooner!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad goes to phone Mario

<Mario> Hello?

<Toad> Mario! There are millions of Ladybugs in my couch!

<Mario> What-a do you want-a me to do?

<Toad> Uh.. come to investigate, I guess...

<Mario> Fine. I'll-a be over there in-a minute.

* Toad hangs up.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Mario arrives at Toad's house.  By that time, the 
Lady Bugs were all over the house.

<Toad> Ew ew ew!!!

<Mario> Whoa!  What-a did you do-a now Toad?

* Toad has ladybugs crawling up his legs.

<Toad> I just was cleaning my couch!

<Mario> They're-a is some on your-a leg! Let-a me get' them with my 
fireball-a!

<Toad> No! Don...

* Mario shoots a firball

* Toad 's leg is burned by the Fireball.

<Toad> Ow!

<Mario> Hehe..oops-a?  Well-a...  What do-a we do now?

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad then notices some bugs going under the front door

<Toad> Where are they going?

<Mario> After-a them!  I'll fire-a ball them!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad and Mario follows the bugs.  When they get 
outside, they see the lady bugs are now ALL OVER THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!

<Toad> CRAP!!! Er, uh... Oh NO!

<Mario> AH-A!

* Mario shoots firebals everywhere

<Mario> There-a too many of-a them!

<Toad> Mario! We need help!

<Mario> I-a know who to-a call!  Wait..not-a the Ghostbusters-a..

<Toad> DANG! THAT WAS MY JOKE!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Toad then suggests Stanley Bugman(from DK 3)

<Mario> Stanley-a!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Mario calls Stanley

<Stanley_T_Bugman> 'Lo?

<Mario> Hello-a help Stanley!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yeah?

<Mario> We have-a bug problem!

* Toad trys to defend the bugs from the pay phone.

<Mario> Theyre-a everywhere!  And-a my fireballs dont-a help!

<Mario> Help-a us!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Nooooo, YOU DON'T SAY? I thought you'd be calling an 
exterminator to fix your plumbing!

* Toad is being consumed by the bugs.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Fine. I'm coming.

* Stanley_T_Bugman comes.

<Toad> YAY! Wait... who are you?

<Mario> Stanley-a no more jokes-a!  Or face Mr Fireball-a..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> I'm Stanley the Bug Exterminator.

<Mario> JUST GO-A KILL THE BUGS-A FAT GUY!

* Toad is getting eaten alive by the Ladybugs.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Fine.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley shoots the bugs with his bug zapper.  However,
 the spray causes the Lady Bugs to get bigger!

<Mario> No-a!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Well, that's not normal.

<Toad> They must be mutants!

<Mario> Do you-a have a bug-a sprayer?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> 'K Mario, I guess I couldn't help. Here's your bill.

<SK_Da_Narrator> NOT SO FAST!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> What?

<SK_Da_Narrator> I DECIDE WHEN YOU LEAVE!

<Mario> Hehe

<Toad> Wha? Who's talking?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> But...

<SK_Da_Narrator> I AM DA NARRATOR

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Fine. Anyway....Uh...What do I do?

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley looks inside his truck

* Stanley_T_Bugman looks.

<Mario> HURRY-A!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Hmmm...Ah! Found it!

<Toad> I'm being eaten alive here! Hey, that was my Stomach!

<Mario> back bugs-a!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley comes over with......a flyswatter.

<Toad> ARE YOU NUTS!?

<Mario> A FLYSWATTER-A?!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yes.

<Mario> YOU CHEAP-A BUG KILLER!

* Toad has his nose eaten.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Oh, that's really gonna cost ya.

<Mario> WHA!

* Stanley_T_Bugman pulls out a calculator.

<Mario> WHY I--

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Lessee...

<Mario> Maybe-a Bowser can help..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> That's 500 for the call...

* Toad has all but his torso and head eaten.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> 700 for the- WHAT!?!?!  WHAT DI YOU JUST SAY!?

<Mario> Huh-a?

<Toad> You must be insane, Mario!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> YOU'D BETTER BE JOKING!!!!  Bowser's not gonna help 
you, I AM!

<Mario> Maybe Bowser will-a help!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Sorry no one is here to play Bowser

<Mario> (i wasnt gonna call em anyway)

* Stanley_T_Bugman goes to his truck and pulls out a hammer!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Take this!

<Mario> Finnaly-a!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley goes to swing his hammer at the bugs, when 
suddenly, the head of the hammer falls off(like sometimes in SSBM)

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Dang.

<Mario> Darn-a..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> That's another 700 for the hammer, Mario!

<Mario> MAYBE-A WART!  Wait hes-a on vacation..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> He'd sure better be.

* Toad is having his butt nipped...

<SK_Da_Narrator> A wart grows on Stanley's nose

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Now, let's see... wait, what?

<Mario> GAH NOT-A THAT-a KIND OF WART!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Right....

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Anyway, that's 500, 700, nother 700, and just for 
kicks, 200.

<SK_Da_Narrator> The bugs start heading towards Peach's castle

<Mario> Wait-a...why can-a I just jump on them?

<Mario> It worked-a on bowser..

* Toad farts, and it drives away the bugs from his butt.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Oh, because of their natural reaction.

<SK_Da_Narrator> The bugs suddenly grow spikes

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Sa' right.

<Mario> HOW IN TH-A!

<Toad> Yay!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yay?

<Toad> The bugs are leaving my butt alone!

<Mario> GAH-A!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Oh.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Anyway, lessee...

<SK_Da_Narrator> The bugs then start crawing inside Toad's (censored)

<Stanley_T_Bugman> o_0

<Mario> No-a!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> That was more than I needed to hear.

<Mario> Evil-a bugs!

<Toad> OW!  GET AWAY!!!

* Mario throws a fireball at toad and drives bugs away

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Right...

* Stanley_T_Bugman goes to his truck.

<Toad> Great, they ripped my pants!

<Mario> Wait-a second..normal bugs-a don't grow spikes..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yes they do.

* Toad covers (censored).

<SK_Da_Narrator> They aren't normal bugs

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yes they are.

<Mario> I knew-a it!

<Mario> They-a must-a be robots!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Now let me explain......

<Stanley_T_Bugman> No, just normal GWahuka bugs from Austrafica.

<SK_Da_Narrator> SHH!!!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> wHAT? Oh.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Many months ago, a tiny bacteria fell down to earth 
from the planet Mars.  A lady bugs ate a plant that was infected with 
this bacteria.  It multiplied and voila.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Right. GWahuka bugs.

<Toad> How do you know this, huh, punk?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> I'm a bug exterminator. Duh.

<Mario> So-a how do-a we kill them-a?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Only one thing can kill them!

<Mario> PIE

<Toad> Fart?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> You're supposed to say, "How?"

<Mario> Say how?

<Toad> Oh. How?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> I don't know.

<Mario> AH!

<SK_Da_Narrator> I don't know either

<Mario> AAHHH!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Well, this just sucks.

<Mario> Um-a..

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yeah.

<Toad> Wait! I know how!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Anyway, here's your bill.  Wait, what?

* Toad farts REALLLLLLLLLLY LONG.

<Mario> LET-S COMBINE OUR POWERS-A AND MAKE CAPTAIN-A PLANET-A!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Um, right.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Anyway, here's your bill, Mario.  35000 coins.

<Mario> NO WAY-A!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yes.

<Mario> YOU DIDNT-A KILL THEM-A!

<Toad> Crap... my farts aren't working...

<SK_Da_Narrator> While Stanley was giving Mario the bill, the bugs have 
reached Peach's castle

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Oh, right. Kill them.

<Mario> Princess-a!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> I'll get on that.

<Mario> ILL SAVE HER-A!


* Stanley_T_Bugman pulls out a bottle of something.

<Mario> ILL-A SAVE-A YOU PEACH!

<princess_peach> mario help

* Stanley_T_Bugman attaches the bottle to his spray can.

* Stanley_T_Bugman gives an experimental spray.

* princess_peach hides

<Toad> AH! MARIO!!! IT BURNS!!!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Anyway, here's your bill, Mario.

<Mario> EVIL-A BUGS!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> 35000 coins.

* Toad feels bugs reaching his (censored) again!

<Mario> HELP-A ME STAN:LEY-A!

<Toad> Wait guys... oh, no...

<Mario> What-a?

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Fine. It'll be an extra hundred though.

* Bugs have already reached Toad's (censored)...

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly the moon starts falling from the sky

<Toad> Cra..

<Mario> What-a!

* Stanley_T_Bugman goes to his truck and does some stuff, then points 
it at the GWahuka bugs.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> TAKE THIS!

<Mario> MOON-A IS FALLING! WHAT A CRAZY WORLD-A! RUN-A!

* Stanley_T_Bugman sprays his stuff at the bugs. Nothing happens.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Eh? Oh. Good. It worked.

* Toad can't run, because the bugs have eaten his legs.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Time to run.

*moon explodes*

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Wha...? Oh. never mind.

<Toad> I'm having my (censored) eaten as we speak! DO SOMETHING! IT 
BURNS!

<Mario> Uh-a...

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Fine.

<SK_Da_Narrator> I KNOW

<Mario> GHOSTBUSTERS-A!

<SK_Da_Narrator> Mario grabs the fire hose

<Toad> Oh, crap...

<Mario> The Fire-a hose will help!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Wait, Mario don't! That will....

<SK_Da_Narrator> Mario sprays water everywhere

<Mario> WOO HOO!  TAKE THIS-A, BUGS-A!

<Toad> OWWW! IT HURTS REALLY BAD NOW!!!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> They're like gremlins. Water makes them duplicate.

<Mario> Die-a!!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Okay then.

<SK_Da_Narrator> but they are all wet

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yeah. Good for them.

<Toad> My (censored)! THE WATER MAKES IT BURN!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> There's still, like, 1,000,000,000,000, of them now.

<SK_Da_Narrator> blah!  Try electricity!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> That's really gonna cost you, Mario.

* Toad faints.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Why?

<Mario> BUG ZAPPER-A!

<SK_Da_Narrator> JUST USE IT!

<Mario> HURRY-A!!

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Oh, right. The water. I'll get my bug zapper.

<Toad> MY (CENSORED)!

<Mario> THEYRE-A COMING!

* Stanley_T_Bugman gets bug zapper.

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Right then.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley zaps the bugs and they all start to 
disintegrate.

<Mario> Yay-a! Now-a about-a that bill...

* Mario tears up bill

<Stanley_T_Bugman> Yeah. It's really freaking big now.  Wait, what?

<SK_Da_Narrator> Stanley decides to let Mario off easy......

<Stanley_T_Bugman> You suck.

<Mario> (shut up Stan)

<SK_Da_Narrator> ....Toad goes to the doctor....Mario goes home....and 
everyone lived happily ever after (expect Stanley)

THE END

<Toad> My... (censored)...