SMBhq RPC: The Story of Fred Goes To Boot Camp
November 26, 2004

<SK_Da_Narrator> One day Fred was talking to Dr. Donez

<Dr_Donez> Hi there, Fred!

<Fred_the_Spanyard> hey Dr. Donez!

<Dr_Donez> How goes the wife and 18 kids?

<Fred_the_Spanyard> They're the same as always

<Dr_Donez> Well, that aside, why did you come to my house?

<SK_Da_Narrator> Fred tells Dr. Donez that he recieved an invite to do to General Magruders 
Boot Camp

<Dr_Donez> That's fascinating. Being next to hot, sweaty, burly men all day.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> I just hope that Silence doesn't appear there

<Dr_Donez> Who?

* Fred_the_Spanyard sighs

<Fred_the_Spanyard> nevermind

<Dr_Donez> That Pokewatch guy?

<Dr_Donez> I hate that car.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Just then Redox shows up

<Redox> KIA-HA!

* Redox lands

<Fred_the_Spanyard> nice entrance

<Redox> Message from Magruder!

<SK_Da_Narrator> The message from Magruder says the Donez is ALSO invited to the bootcamp.  
And that he and Fred will be bunk buddies.

<Dr_Donez> As long as I get top.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> HEY! I want the top bunk!

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Deathray you for it!

<Redox> Now, if you'll excuse me...
* Redox throws a smoke bomb, disappears, but reappears

<Dr_Donez> Too bad.

<Dr_Donez> I see you still.

<Redox> ... Dangit


<SK_Da_Narrator> Redox throws another smoke bomb and then successfully disapeers

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly General Magruder comes charging into Dr. Donez's house

* General_Magruder kicks down the door

<Dr_Donez> Hey! This house costed me 20 boxtops!

<General_Magruder> DR. DONEZ!

<Dr_Donez> What is it, house-wrecker?

<General_Magruder> Did you recieve an invitation to my boot camp!?

<Dr_Donez> Maybe.

* General_Magruder backhands Donez

<General_Magruder> Yes or no, did you get an invitation!?

<Dr_Donez> Yes.

<Dr_Donez> And for that...

* Dr_Donez slices Magruder's face with his Ice Pick

<Fred_the_Spanyard> five bucks says Donez gets beat

* General_Magruder stands there for a second, as blood runs down the small slit on his 
cheek.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly Ludwig Von Koopa comes into the house

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Hey, I'm a freeloading bum. Give me your cheese.

<Dr_Donez> Go ahead.  I hate cheese.

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Sweet.
* Ludwig_Von_Koopa steals the cheese

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly a hundred soldiers come in and drag Fred and Donez away

<Dr_Donez> You'll be hearing from myself!

<Dr_Donez> Since I am a lawyer!

<General_Magruder> * Arnold Schwarzenegger voice * consider yourself drafted...

=<Fred_the_Spanyard> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I haven't had my tacos yet!

<General_Magruder> Soldiers! HALT!

* General_Magruder walks up to Fred, as he is being held down.

<General_Magruder> What's that?

<General_Magruder> Crying for your tacos?

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa steals one of the soldier's wallet

<General_Magruder> Well let me tell you something, maggot.

<General_Magruder> you are now a soldier of the NC nation army!

<General_Magruder> You are going to fight the good fight!


* Dr_Donez stabs a soldier, hops on the heads of the others

<General_Magruder> You are going to eat thunder and s%*% lightning, and you're gonna LOVE 
IT!

<Fred_the_Spanyard> I'm going to fight for tacos?


<General_Magruder> If you don't fight...

<General_Magruder> there will be no tacos.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly Magruder's cellphone rings

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa stands behind Magruder, mocking him

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> OW.

* General_Magruder backhands Ludwig

<Dr_Donez>  Get your cellphone, dimwit.

* General_Magruder answers cell phone.

* Dr_Donez keeps hopping on the heads of the soldiers

<Dr_Donez> Die dammit!

<Dubya> Hello, Magruder?

<General_Magruder> (( Dubya Bush? ))

<General_Magruder> General Magruder speaking, sir!

<Dubya> Did you get the new recruit yet?

<General_Magruder> Yes sir I do- waaait a second.

<General_Magruder> You're not the president of NC!

<Dubya> I really need help finding these darn, weapons of mass destruction

<General_Magruder> Sir, you do know that I can declare war.

* General_Magruder throws a combat knife at Ludwig. The knife splits Ludwig's hair down the 
middle.

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa lowers

<General_Magruder> * to soldiers * Get him too. We might as well cut it all off.

<SK_Da_Narrator> Suddenly General Magruder get's a call on the other line

<General_Magruder> Hey Dubya, I got somebody else. *switches lines*

<Fred_the_Spanyard> When do I get one of those fancy cell phones?

<Bill The Extra Guy> Magruder?

<General_Magruder> This is General Magruder.

<Bill The Extra Guy> Did you get the new recruits?

<General_Magruder> Yes sir!

<General_Magruder> * aside, to Fred * When you become a General, son.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> I thought I was a cabinet member...

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Isn't that above a General?

<Bill The Extra Guy> OK. And why does Dubya have your cell phone number? Are you two-timing 
me?


<General_Magruder> Sir Bill, somebody leaked the info.

<Bill The Extra Guy> Then why do I have records that you have been talking to Dubya for 12 
hours every day?

<General_Magruder> He calls me! All day!

<Bill The Extra Guy> Put Fred on the phone

<General_Magruder> Fred! Fred T. Spanyard!

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Yes sir?

* General_Magruder hands the phone to Fred.

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Can I have the phone?


* Fred_the_Spanyard takes the phone

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Hello, Fred's carry out pizza parlor!

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Can I get a large Meat Lovers?

<Bill The Extra Guy> Fred, I don't trust Magruder keep an eye on him.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Oh, hi Bill! No problem!

<Bill The Extra Guy> And if he shows any signs of searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction, deathray him

<Fred_the_Spanyard> OK Sir Bill!

<General_Magruder> we should get along to Boot camp.

<Narrartor> Suddenly Lou walks in

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Hi you!

<Lou> I've heard that there might be someone here looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Sorry, wasn't me

<Dr_Donez> Magruder's looking for WMDs!

<General_Magruder> I'm lookin' for my good old buddy "Ol' Painless". But that's nothin' 
much...

<General_Magruder> No real WMDs, though.

<General_Magruder> ah, here we go!

* General_Magruder pulls out a large duffel bag.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> "Ol' Painless?" Magruder wants Novacaine?

* Dr_Donez slices the duffel bag open

<Dr_Donez> I love this Ice Pick.

<Narrartor> Inside the duffel bag was
* a large minigun falls out *

<Narrartor> yeah

<Dr_Donez> AHHHH!

<General_Magruder> aw, now  what'd you have to go and do that for!?

<Dr_Donez> RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

* General_Magruder picks it up

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa steals the gun

<General_Magruder> oh come on, he's not loaded!

<General_Magruder> He's not gonna-hey!

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa runs

* General_Magruder shoots at Ludwig with a handgun.

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> ACH!

* Dr_Donez sees Magruder get a six-star warning level

<Fred_the_Spanyard> NOW its time to run!

* soldiers corner Ludwig, Donez, and Fred *

<Lou> I'm placing you under arrest for NC treason

* Dr_Donez sees Tanks, FBI cars, Police Cars, and SWAT cars stop by Magruder

* Dr_Donez watches them bust Magruder and take $100 from him

* Ludwig_Von_Koopa loads the gun and shoots Lou for no reason

<Lou> *dead*

<General_Magruder> Now, how'd ya load ol' Painless, when you didn't have any ammo belts?

<Fred_the_Spanyard> *thows up his hands* *didn'tdoit!

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> ...

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> I USED CHEESE!

<General_Magruder> nice.

<General_Magruder> I think you'll make a good soldier, son.

<General_Magruder> get this man a white mage!

* Dr_Donez sees them knock him out and take him to the nearest police station

<Lou> *gets up* (covered with cheese)

<General_Magruder> Donez, stop watching TV.

<Dr_Donez> Actually, I was playing Vice City...

* General_Magruder lifts the minigun and slides an ammo belt into it.

<Narrartor> Fred deathrays Magruder......IN THE (CENSORED)!!!!

<General_Magruder> * deathray bounces off *

<General_Magruder> I'm too manly.

<General_Magruder> and I have an energy field cup.

* Fred_the_Spanyard Deathrays a group of soldiers

<Dr_Donez> *Slices Ludwig in the *censored*

* Fred_the_Spanyard uses the Deathly Deathray of Deathely Death on Magruder

<Narrartor> This time it hits

<General_Magruder> MOTHER OF JESUS!

<Dr_Donez> Mary?

* General_Magruder collapses, accidentally firing the minigun into Fred as he falls

<Fred_the_Spanyard> Gah! I'M HIT!

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Yes.

* Fred_the_Spanyard falls on top of Ludwig

* Dr_Donez grabs a soda and some popcorn

* Dr_Donez also grabs a lawn chair and an umbrella and an endtable

* Dr_Donez sets them up, and sits back and watches

* Fred_the_Spanyard uses Donez as a Tweeter Shield

<Dr_Donez> No! Not at me!

* General_Magruder stands up as a single tear runs down his cheek.

* Dr_Donez reflects the bullets with the Ice Pick, at Lou

<Narrartor> Suddenly.............

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Silence?

* General_Magruder stops as he loads an ammo belt into the minigun.

<Fred_the_Spanyard> SIlence? where?

* Fred_the_Spanyard looks around

<Wedge> Why Biggs, it looks like a nice round a warfare going on here.

<Biggs> Yes, Wedge let's do an interpretive dance of the spectacular warfare!

<Dr_Donez> NOOOOOOOOOOOO

<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> OH NOES

<Fred_the_Spanyard> ah crap!

<Dr_Donez> NOT THE EVIL BORING INTERPRETIVE DANCE NINJI TWINS!

* Fred_the_Spanyard deathrays Wedge and Biggs

* Dr_Donez takes the minigun and kills Biggs and Wedge

* Dr_Donez sees everyone around the world cheer

<Narrartor> Suddenly Magruder gets up, reloads the minigun and.....shoots it towards the 
ground

EARTH-----MOON-----SPACE
EXPLODE

THE END

<Fred_the_Spanyard> ah crap!

<Dr_Donez> Man.

<General_Magruder> ... apparently my minigun has somehow demolished the Earth.


<Ludwig_Von_Koopa> Dang.

<Dr_Donez> Oh well.

THE END END