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Or "Where's the story, Nintendo?"

Mario's games are great. In general, every person who visits this site should agree with that. Mario games consistently bring new innovations and great play in general to gaming. But there's always been one area of Mario thatnever went fulfilled, one section where Mario games were substandard. The storyline.

Flashback to 1985. A new hero comes to America on the NES. His games story: Save the princess. It had been done, but it wasn't bad, you thought. A few years later: Save the people of sub-con. OK, not bad you say to yourself. Still saving someone, but at least it's a different someone (and you can use the princess). Wait a little more: Save the princess, again. Not bad, you can let them reuse the same story once, right?! On comes SMW. Save the princess AGAIN?! This is ridiculous. What, and save the Yoshi's? Big deal! You don't care. You want an original story! Hey wait, what's this! A new game telling of Mario's childhood! And he isn't saving a princess! And look, another game where he actually teams up with Bowser! With an in-depth storyline! And new main characters! When you think about it, that game with Wario had a kinda kewl story too, (although you hated that story about saving that princess whats-her-face. Daisy, you think) Hey, you say to yourself, maybe Mario stories aren't down the toilet after all. Maybe Miyamato and crew can revive this backstory! You wait a little bit and SM64 come out with the gripping story: Save the princess! And her castle! What the **** you scream to yourself, "Where's the story!"

OK, maybe this isn't what you, the average, sane person does, but it's what I did. All those years looking for some originality in Mario's stories, with only a few glimmers of hope in them. You can't imagine how tough that is for the designer of a site so focused on the little, insignifigant tidbits of Mario. None of the storylines answer some HUGE backstory questions, such as how the games tie together exactly, not to mention the relationship of the mushroom kingdom and other areas (Sarasaland anyone?) And what about the characters? What's their deeper motivation exactly? How old are they? What hand does Toad write with? And what about the koopa kids? Where'd they come from? And all these Yoshi's? How are they related? It's enough to make a guy go crazy!

"But who cares?", a lot of you are saying, "Can't we forget about what Mario's favorite food is and just get on with our lives?". Others are scratching their chins saying " are the Yoshis' related?". To the latter group, I know how ya feel. To the former group, maybe not a normal, sane person can just "go on with their lives", but you wouldn't be sane at all if people kept mailing you asking things like "How tall is a goomba in real life?". And they expect an answer! I'm supposed to be an authority on this stuff! But there is no answer half the time! You can go to the cartoons, movies, etc., but they all contradict each other and just confuse you more! The internet just compounds the problem! Much of the time, when people don't know some backstory answer, they make one up, or piece it together from many sources (SMBHQ tries to keep away from this). And then people read this fabrication and beleive it, confusing everyone! AIEEEEEEEEEE!

The solution? There is no solution! Unless Nintendo sits down and puts out a comprehensive official Mario backstory, this will never be settled (come to think of it, Link from The Legend of Zelda could use one too). We'll have to be content with what we're given about Mario's life, and get on with what we laughingly call our own.

Back to Rants About the site. All Rights Reserved. All content contained herein is property of SMBhq. SMBhq is in no way affiliated with Nintendo Company Limited, Nintendo of America, or any other mentioned companies. Super Mario Bros. and all character names are copyrights of Nintendo Co. Ltd. More legal info. Privacy Statement.
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