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Roger's Theory on Super Smash Bros.

Or "My amazing rant-like theory on the whole flipping subject"
by Roger the Axeman

    Sure, in Super Smash Bros, we all know that the Nintendo characters get in a fight. But the question is, why? Do they have something to prove? Are they having an argument? Or is Nintendo out of ideas? I, Roger the Axeman, now present you with my amazing rant-like theory on the whole flippin' useless subject.

    Mario had recently gotten into another game as the starring character. He was very happy about this, but Fox McCloud, who had been in only 2 games, was rather pissed. He went up to Mario and kicked his arse.
     Bowser heard of this, and since he was the ONLY one allowed to kick Mario's arse, he decided to hire Donkey Kong to kick Fox's arse.
     Samus was also rather pissed because she had only been in three games, so she took her cue from Fox and also kicked Mario's arse.
     Yoshi, being one of Mario's best pals, kicked Samus' arse because of that. Yoshi, also being neglected, secretly plotted to kick Mario's arse.
     Link felt left out, so he decided to join the arse-kicking fun.
     Luigi was sick of being neglected, so he decided to kick Mario's arse as well.
     (I'm going to stop using the word arse now)
     Ness, being in only one flippin' game, was extremely pissed off and decided to prove his worth by kickin' everyone's butt.
     Kirby heard of the butt kicking that was going on, and decided to kick some butts too, because he had nothing to do. It was also to get Samus back for putting rat poison in his corn flakes last April Fool's.
     Capt. Falcon joined in because he's a stupid jerk. (Don't mind me, I just think he's the worst character)
     Freakachu and Jigglysnot decided to join in because they're annoying little morons who can't get enough of the spotlight and love to infect little children's brains with their hypnotic appeal.
     While everyone was busy kicking the other's butts, Bowser created the Master Hand, his new secret weapon. He ordered the Master Hand to take over and destroy everything.
     The 12 butt kickers found this out, and decided to stop the Master Hand.
     But they couldn't decide who should go.
     They all wanted to be the one to stop the Master Hand, but they were too competitive and didn't want to be on a team. So they set up a fighting tournament to see who was the strongest and most worthy of kicking Master Hand's behind. You know the rest.

    That is my amazing rant-like theory on the origin of Super Smash Bros.If you don't agree with me, you're smart, because I made up the whole rant. It could be true, though, and I think it is. So there. *razzes everyone*

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