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Yoshi, the Something-A-Saurus

Or "On Yoshi's Evolution"
By J. Mycroft

    I know I promised my next rant would be on the subject of Mario's exact height, etc. but, without a stopwatch and a tape measure (yes, it will all make sense when I explain it) I am unable to complete my experiments. at the moment. Until I can, I thought I might share my thoughts with you on a question I am sure most of you have scratched your heads in puzzlement over at one time or another.

     I am talking about Mario's dinosaur friend, Yoshi, that lovable, insatiable, ever-hungry little reptile. Just what kind of dinosaur IS he, anyway?

     In that reprehensible farce, Super Mario Bros.the Movie, he was depicted as a vertically challenged Tyrannosaurus Rex. I find this conclusion flagrantly unacceptable (much like the movie itself). Let's look at it logically, shall we? I think I have a good idea what he is, but first, let me review with you my line of reasoning:

     Let us begin by looking at the Yoshisaur physiology. He has a large, round- shaped head, with hooded, bulbous eyes set on top. His body is NOT scaly, if you notice, but is instead quite sleek. His front arms are strangely underdeveloped, and his fingers, to my knowledge, are inseparable. His lower peds, on the other hand, appear to be extremely developed and muscular, and as a result, he can effortlessly leap amazing distances, even for the Mushroom World (see my previous rant).

     Despite what it says on the Super Mario World show, Yoshis take well to water, and are adept swimmers. They have little trouble surviving under water, despite breathing through lungs. Their skins come in several different colors, though it does not appear to separate them as a species. Their underbellies are usually white. They are extremely laid back and mellow creatures, by nature. Their primary method of catching food is by using their long, fleshy tounges, which zip out of their mouths. This, I consider to be the biggest giveaway.

     They reproduce apparently with little direct interaction between the male and female of the species. This is not impossible. In nature, it is not uncommon for the female to lay empty eggs, which the male fertilizes afterward. This is usually synonymous with underwater egg-laying, which, as I have pointed out, is a possibility for the Yoshis. They are born small, but grow quickly soon after birth. They seem to have amazing metabolisms. They digest food quickly,and their nutrient processing systems are capable of integrating new materials almost instantly. Any unnecesary or waste materials are immediately encased in a calcium based egg-like form, which is expelled from the body within seconds of the meal. Daresay, that this kind of metabolic action is unprecedented in nature, but we can assume that is a sign Yoshi evolved from a type of creature that is used to eating small, frequent meals (is it coming clear yet?) It may be assumed that unneeded nutrients are probably sealed within the eggs, in case the eggs are eventually fertilized, so that the baby has a plentiful food supply. Notice also, the strange phenomenon of the newly expelled eggs "following" the Yoshi. Is it magic, or telekinesis, or what? I have a better explaination. I believe newly expelled eggs are attatched to the Yoshi via a small, yet strong, translucent membrane that connects them all together, similar to the chemical composition of the "egg-sack" used by... amphibians. This invisible egg membrane is strong, which explains why up to six eggs remain strongly bonded to the Yoshi, even as it jumps, runs, swims, etc.

     Finally, just what are those things on their bodies, the features that appear to be a saddle and a pair of shoes? I have heard explainations for the saddle-like feature. The most plausible one I have heard is that it is in fact a type of shell. I think it is actually a rough patch of skin, developed because of some unnecessary throwback gene, which Yoshis nonetheless make use of as a form of fashion, and to a degree, protection, from extremely heavy passengers. Here, I suggest not only a certain plumber, but probably no doubt the children, which, upon birth, appear to have limited walking abilities (here I cite SMW). As for the shoes, I do not believe they are born with them. I can account for no environmental factor that would account for the evolution of shoe-lke foot structures. Rather, I think they are made by the Yoshis themselves. Consider, in SSB, we are informed that Yoshis are born with high (human?) intelligence. In SMW, we may assume Yoshis are capable of elaborate construction work, since no one else around is responsible for the giant bridges. Hence, they are capable of using tools to form things.

     So, what do they come from, you ask? For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, the Yoshis are clearly evolved from... FROGS! Listen to that *zip* noise they make! Sort of like an advanced croak! It all fits! Frogs can come in different colors! They jump far, have big eyes, and eat with long tounges! They spawn in water and swim well! In Yoshi's Island, you can see the slight resemblance between the Yoshi and the Froggies.

     So, there you have it. Yoshi, the Froggasaurus! As always, I welcome intelligent debate of my ideas. I hope my explainations clear up some of the mysteries of Yoshi.

     Next time, I hope to reveal to you my theories about Mario's physical structure...

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