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Bowser's Species Uncovered

Or "Turtle or Dinosaur... or neither?"
By Sam Celia

    Many of us (or none of us, for that matter) have wondered exactly what type of creature Bowser, the King of Koopas, really is. Described as a turtle sorcerer in the early days of the original SMB, Bowser had seeminlgy changed, by some accounts, from giant chelonian terror to an even bigger saurian horror; this trend was evident with the Super Mario Bros. movie, where King Koopa was an evolved Tyrannosaurus Rex. Also, 1996 advertisements for Super Mario 64 entitled "Dinosaurs Will Fly" pictured Mario, on a miniature globe, with his hands wrapped around Bowser's tail as he prepared to fling him into space. So what is Bowser exactly-turtle, dinosaur, or perhaps both?

    After much research, I have stumbled upon an answer that is sure to please both parties. Millions of years ago, there existed the largest land turtle that ever lived: Meiolania (my-o-LANE-ee-a). This creature, whose name means "lesser ripper" because it was mistaken for a gigantic Komodo Dragon, was 14 feet long, with a head two feet wide. On its gigantic head it supported two, humongous cow-like horns(just like Bowser) which protected its neck because it couldn't pull its head into its shell. Unlike other tutles, which have tiny, short tails, Meiolania had a thick, long tail with a row of spikes down the middle(also just like Koopa). While only the sides of its shelled carapace were somewhat spiky and it obviously did not have a fiery red mane(though in the actual SMB game, neither did Bowser), I believe Meiolania is a perfect match for the King of Koopas.

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