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Or "Where in the world is the Mushroom World?"
By JMYCroft

    Being pseudo-scientifically minded, I have determined that the Mushroom World could not be located in the center of our world (as depicted in the opening of the Super Mario Super Show), and instead MUST exist on another planet (which, after reading this, you will no doubt think I am too)

     I have noticed that there appears to be a difference between the gravitational fields in the Mushroom Planet and in Our World. I present the following evidence (Try to follow me here):

     -In games that we may assume take place in Our World (Donkey Kong, Mario Bros., Wrecking Crew, and one other that will shock you when I reveal it...), Mario jumps nicely. Though the scale in which his body appears differs in each game, his jumping height is roughly consistent. Bear in mind, that although Mario in MB LOOKS larger than Mario in DK, note this is merely due to differences in scale. They both depict the same character, i.e. Regular Size Mario. Now, in each game, he jumps nearly twice his own height (except in Wrecking Crew, where he doesn't jump at all. He is weighed down by that hammer throughout the entire game), which I concede is quite remarkable. BUT...

     -Games that take place in the Mushroom World (the SMB series, SMW) Mario consistently jumps MANY times his Regular height (5 blocks high, from a standing position. Source: Mario Mania Strategy Guide, Nintendo Power). Also, in Mario RPG, though he doesn't appear to jump high on the overhead screen, he still jumps very high in battle, and during cinema scenes, so here again he is not constrained by Earth gravity. This appears to be a considerable improvement. So what? you may ask. He's just gotten to be a better jumper! Practice, and everything.

     Hahaha. You fool.

     Again, in Mario Clash, which we may assume, due to the setting, also takes place in Our World, Mario, after all these years, seems to feel again the forces of gravity. And in SMB3, the 2-Player Bonus game, reminiscent of MB, though taking place in the Mushroom World, Mario and Luigi jump their same "Mushroom Kingom" heights. Not so smug now, huh? It gets weirder:

     Now, we arrive at the denoument. Some of you may have pointed out that in Mario 64, a perfectly 3-D rendered game, depicting everything for the first time on an EXACT scale (this can't be said for any earlier game. Hasn't it bothered anyone that in all the SM games, Regular, human Mario is the same height as a Goomba? And smaller than a normal Koopa?). In the past, due to programming restrictions, character scaling is less than accurate. In Mario 64 however, programmers were free to show exactly how high each character is in relation to all the others. Mario is clearly Regular through the game, because at the end he is shorter than Peach. And yet, as you may have thought, he seems back to jumping just a little over his own height, which, even with programming restricions taken into account, is far short of his usual Mushroom World abilities. How can this be, in the Mushroom World? I'll tell you...


     Look at the landscape! In the Mushroom World, the clouds are clumpy, and have faces. The Mushroom World is always quite flat, with little hills and things, which also have faces. Yet, in Mario 64, the scenery looks quite natural. In the Mushroom World, the trees are extremely tall, and look quite different than anything here. Yet the trees outside the Castle (or as I call it, the Museum, since there is no throne room, bedroom, bathroom, or chairs, just paintings and unusual structures) look quite similar to some in my own back yard. So there you have the astounding truth. Mario 64 takes place in OUR WORLD! And as a further deduction, since in Mario Kart64 you are able to visit it, those tracks must ALSO be in our world, somewhere (the mack trucks in Toad's Turnpike, which obviously do not exist in the Mushroom World, back up this theory.) Those who wish to dispute this bear in mind that anything you see in Painting Worlds do not count, since they are just paintings. After wracking your brains, you may point out that Bowser's Castle is also in Mario Kart 64. Bowser can't possibly have a castle in Our World, can he?

     Au Contraire (you fool.)

     In Mario Is Missing, Bowser DOES have a castle in our world. It is in Antarctica. Also, just to show that I have my bases covered, I realize that in that game, Luigi seems to jump like he is in the Mushroom Kingdom. I again bring up the point of Character-Height to Jumping-Height ratio. Though he APPEARS to be super in the game, he is really only Regular. He just looks taller because he is too tall to be depicted tiny (see again programming restrictions on actual scaling). And he only seems to jump so high because he jumps better than Mario (I know, I know, in most games, Luigi is the second player, and in the interest of fairness, his added height and jumping ability are rounded off to be equal to Mario's but in any game where Luigi is separate from Mario, as in this one, his true separate capabilities are flaunted.)

     Head hurting yet? There you have it. The two worlds are quite separate. This is only just the beginning. In future rants, I will attempt to SCIENTIFICALLY DETERMINE Mario's EXACT physical height, by a method that I will explain later. Yes, I am something of a physics nut. I welcome all intellectuals to try to debunk my iron-clad reasoning. Mwahahaha...

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