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Everything's Fine

Or "The anti-rant Rant"

    You know what? I have nothing to complain about. Nothing at all. Everything Mario related that I can think of is absolutely perfect just the way it is.

    Many say that Pokemon encroaching on Mario's mascot-ship is a huge problem. I disagree. I find Pokemon a welcome change of pace from the dated, old gameplay associated with Mario. I mean, run & jump gets old after a while, dontcha think. And unlike recent Mario games, Pokemon has tons of depth and great gameplay behind it's cute facade.

    Many people are dissatisfied with the lack of a major real Mario game since Super Mario 64. I disagree. Why put out yet another 3D hop-and-bop fest when you can just put Mario into cameo roles of established genres. Games like Mario Golf and Game & Watch Gallery 3 exploit Mario's character much more than a "real" Mario game would. I'd be happy if Super Mario 64 II never comes out, as long as I can play Mario Party 3 this holiday season.

    Many people think Mario's reputation was ruined by kiddy games like Yoshi's Story and Mario is Missing. I disagree. These kiddy games are some of Nintendo's finest work, even if those people blinded by Goldeneye can't see it. Deep gameplay that challenges more mature players is way overrated. The only way Nintendo will attract new players is by making it's games ridiculously easy and catering to people who've never touched a controller.

    Some people don't like the story of "Mario saves the princess" being re-used in games. I disagree. The damsel in distress storyline is one ofthe oldest in history, and also one of the most enduring. It provides a solid base for the Mario games that doesn't distract the player from the game. Plus it gives an element of predictability to the numerous changes that accompany most new Mario games.

    So stop complaining everyone. There is nothing at all wrong with Mario. Mario is totally perfect in every way, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

Comments can be sent to kyleorl@wam.umd.edu

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