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The Ever-Mutating Mario

Or "Mario, I thought I knew you!"
By Jaquar

    Before you read this, keep in mind that i have nothing against Yoshi, the names "Peach" or "Bowser", or any other changes in Mario's Universe other than the fact that too many changes can make me annoyed.

     Back in the day, Mario would destroy armies of Koopas by jumping on them and he had to jump on an axe to foil the plans of King Koopa (that was his more popular name at the time)and recue Princess Taodstool(same thing). His only source of power was mushrooms which also doubled his size and the most desired item was the mighty Fire Flower. Starman would make him invincible, and the NES was the console of choice. Mario had two more adventures which changed him a bit, but the ability to fly and other changes were natural to keep gameplay fresh and new. My best friend had one in his house a long time ago, and i always begged him to let me play it.

     Then the Super Nintendo came out and Mario got a new look. The many enemies looked as if they were created without thought of whether or not they fit in with other Mario enemies, and Yoshi was introduced. I love Yoshi, but what the heck did he have to do with Mario? I think that under the pressure of competition with Sega, Nintendo made a character having nothing to do with Mario just because everyone likes dinosaurs (especially cute ones). Luigi was made to look like Mario's twin again for no apparent reason, and both brothers became chubbier and more rosy-cheeked. "Bowser" (by now the official name) was more yellow than green and had red hair. Not only that, but he attacked in a CLOWN COPTER?!? That alone was a big enough change to get me annoyed.

     Two or three years ago, i bought an N64, my first Nintendo system ever, and Mario64. This WAS one of the best games ever (despite what others think) and i had hours of fun playing it. Then one day it hits me... Mario is nothing like Mario!! Even though i was aware that Mario changed over the years, it was a shock anyway. Now Metal and Invisible caps replaced the starman and a Wing cap replaced those cute racoon tails and the heroic cape (which sucks because without a cannon Mario can't go up). MARIO DOESN'T EVEN EAT MUSHROOMS FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!!!! Now he had a Power Bar or whatever. He punches and kicks his enemies and never even leaves the castle grounds to travel to distant worlds. No more Koopa kids, and more importantly NO LUIGI! I don't care for Luigi as much as most people, but "absence makes the heart grow fonder" which is why i think most people like Luigi more than Mario. Without Luigi there is no hope of two-player fun! You have to wait until the other player is done after an hour or so and then go to your file! Now even Yoshi (who by now is a definite Mario character) isn't in the game, and he talks to you on the castle roof to make up for it (Nice try, Nintendo). With Mario's new kicks and puches, you'd think that you and Bowser could duke it out, but NO! You had to grab his tails, spin him ALOT (lots of stress on analog stick there) and hit a bomb that he put there HIMSELF!! Why would he put a bomb there so Mario could kill him with it? Sounds like Wart's style to me.

     If he wasn't wearing a hat with an "M" on it and overalls, i wouldn't have known who it was. I figured i'll get used to it, though.

     Wrong again. Now i hear about "Dolphin" (stupid name for a system if you ask me) and a NEW MARIO!!!! RRRRGGHHHHHH!! I've had the NEW Mario 80 times already! I'd rather have the old Mario ( I'm seriously considering getting a game boy just to have those old mario graphics on the mario bros. color game that came out.) Not only do i have to deal with Mario's new mug everywhere, but i'll get no new games for my 64! I was looking forward to the 64DD so i could at least attach it to my 64 and play games for both systems, but i'm let down by Nintendo again. I know what you are saying, "If changes like Yoshi once seemed strage and he's now one of everyone's favorite characters, maybe the new Mario will be a hit, too!" but by now i've given up my optimism.

     All i can say is i hope Nintendo knows what they're doing cause nobody else does. I'll never buy a Dolphin if Mario looks like a biker or has a 5 o'clock shadow. I'd rather buy a Dreamcast.

     I've wanted to do this rant for awhile, (a year or so) and the Dolphin news kind of sparked up the old feelings of anger in me. Sorry it was such a long rant, but i've written 3 years of thoughts here. If you have a rebuttal, keep it to yourself. I think most of the rebuttals are hack-eyed and meaningless and they don't stand up too well on their own. And please don't tell me that Mario64 ISN"T a good videogame and Zelda64 is because Mario64 IS a good one and i like Zelda way better anyway. This is my first rant so bear with me.

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