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Say No to Fast Food Games

Or "Take Mario out from under the heat lamp"
By Toasty64

    No, that's enough, it really has to stop now. Far be it from me to take a negative view of things, but I'm afraid that Mariogaming as we know has become a bit of an endangered species. Already, I find it difficult to cope with when some of my favorite Mario games of all time are referred to as "classic" (often meaning "past their expiration date"), when these games are only about three years old. Allright, the games industry is a very fast-moving one. Games that are ten or more years old are so "classic" that they're just about antique, games in the 5-7 year age range can rightfully be considered "classic", or at least as old (but not, in my view, "retro"), but honestly, if people start to call Super Mario RPG retro, there could be reason to worry, right?

    Then there's this Dolphin thing. Most seem to welcome the happy news. Well, not me. The N64 was released in the fair continent of Europe in march 1997 (remember, Nintendo hates us Europeans for some odd reason, probably something unspeakably horrid that our prehysterical ancestors have done, and always gives us tremendous delays before they release bloody anything.) So now, just over two years after it's release, we hear that a new system is on it's way and that our expensive little N64 is as good as dead. Weehee. And that we'll have to pay through our nose again to get this new system and be able to play new games (games that will apparently be, horror of horros on some CD or DVD format. It all sounds very unlike Nintendo). Double weehee.

    So, does this sudden killing off of our N64's mean that Nintendo are admitting that the N64 was a failure? Was it just an extra fancy stopgap system? Were the wonders of Zelda64 and co just devious ways of prying money out of us so they could go on with the "real" thing? Naah, that would really be overreacting, but you must admit that Ninty's really pushing it a bit this time.

    But the most horrifying news, I believe, is the announcment that Mario is to become "less cutesy". Pardon? Allright, it's very unlikely that this news will translate into a gunslinging Mario who paints the screen red with Goomba blood on the Dolphin, that would really be taking the joke too far, but it still worries me. In fact, I'm beginning to think that this horrid Dolphin will not only kill the short-lived N64, but also jeopardize the typical Mario atmoshpere that we all know and love. Frankly, I'm not too sure what this "less cutesy" Mario will be like, in the worst case it'll be a smug-faced "hip" game mascot with a smirk from ear to ear and a tendency for crap wisecracking. In other words: a hideous mutant who is definitely not "our" Mario. Now, that is certainly not what I want. I love, worship and adore the Mario universe exactly because it didn't degenerate into something like that. Mario is not a bloody Bubsy the Bobcat, surely Nintendo must have the common sense to at least realise that.

    But, do they? I may be blowing this out of proportion, but it seems as if Nintendo are chucking everything that's good about themselves overboard with the Dolphin: rushing out a system out of nowhere with graphics-heavy CD/DVD support and a tacky mascot, isn't that more like a Sega approach? Honestly, I'm very worried about this.

    Is Nintendo going to ditch a long tradition of good quality gaming in favor of something that can be described as "fast-food gaming"? I for one hope not, and will oppose such an approach from them with whatever means I have. I mean, if even Nintendo, the ones whom I worship as supreme Gods of the game industry and the only ones that still seem to understand what real gaming is about start to behave like that, then my faith in everything is hsattered: what is the gaming world coming to?

    Well, if anyone has something sensible to say on his matter or has some soothing words of wisdom to comfort me in my state of great deception, please contact me at

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