- Report By Gage at 8:34 PM

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- Report By Gage at 3:05 PM

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- Report By Gage at 8:25 PM

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Dear Nintendo,

We've been in a business relationship for quite a while now, and to be honest, I never used to have any complaints about my job. I mean sure, my line of work has never really been considered "easy" by any means, but in the early days it just felt so much more... rewarding.

Do you get what I'm saying guys? I wasn't too fond of chasing a huge ape up a series of ladders, but with that fine-ass Pauline waiting for me, I didn't mind. Same thing with running around Mushroom Kingdom, I don't mind taking out a few Koopas since I know Peach is going to be waiting for me. ("At another castle"...God that joke gets so old)

But recently, you've been forcing me to do shit that just isn't in my job description. I remember the first time Shigeru called me up. "Yo Mario, wanna go to a party? How about 8 of them?" And of course I said yes. That's because my idea of a party is knockin back a few cold ones with some buds, some drinking games with the ladies, and maybe Superbad. But no, you twisted fucks' idea of a party is to have me and all the assholes I hate run around in circles for twenty minutes. That's not a party, that's a track and field meet. Which brings me to my next point.

Have you seen my waistline in the last few years? I would assume not, because you've got me playing more sports than Michael Jordan. What on God's green Earth gives you the slightest thought that I would make a good soccer player? Have you seen how long a fucking soccer field is? It's rediculous. While we're talking about rediculous things, whose bright idea was it for me to compete in Olympic events against Sonic of all people? He was about to retire anyways, but no Nintendo, you just had to bring him back and have him compete against me in track events. What were you thinking? He runs so fast you can't see his fucking feet.

Finally, as I'm sure you're all well aware, for most of my life, the enemies I have faced have all been relatively tame, being dispatched with a simple jump or three at the most. Now you want to take me and make me battle to the death against a man with a gun? I can punch him, he can shoot fucking bullets at me! You're all assholes, I hate you.

Die in a Fire,
Mario

- Report By Gage at 4:45 PM

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- Report By Gage at 5:11 PM

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- Report By Gage at 9:38 AM

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- Report By Gage at 4:21 PM

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Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Gamesâ„¢ Hits 5 Million in Global Sales

Founding Fathers of Video Games, SEGA and Nintendo, Find Winning Formula with First-Ever Pairing of Famous Mascots

TOKYO--(BUSINESS WIRE)--SEGA® Corporation today announced that its history-making video game title, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games™, has sold five million copies worldwide in just over three months. Developed by SEGA for the Wii™ video game system and the Nintendo DS™ system, with creative input and executive milestone approvals by Nintendo's developers, the title brought together for the first time the two most beloved icons in the entertainment industry. In the spirit of the Olympic Games, the legendary mascots also brought friends from their storied franchises along, including Luigi™, Knuckles™, Yoshi® and Tails™, to compete in a variety of Olympic events.

"With adored icons and fun game play, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games has shot to the top of the sales charts and is clearly resonating with the growing audience of casual gamers that want an engaging and accessible gaming experience," said Simon Jeffery, President and COO, SEGA of America.

Published by SEGA across Europe and North America, and by Nintendo in Japan, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games made its worldwide debut on November 6, 2007, when the Wii version hit store shelves in the United States. According to the NPD Group, which tracks sales data in the United States, the game was one of the top-ten best-sellers in the United States - across all platforms - in the critical holiday sales month of December.

When Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games launched in Europe just days later, it was an immediate hit, rising rapidly to the top of sales charts. Mario & Sonic became the best-ever performing Wii game over the seven-day period that ended on December 11, 2007. In January, Mario & Sonic was the best-selling video game in England across all formats.

"The market for entertaining games that everyone can enjoy is growing faster than any other segment in the industry, thanks in part to the explosive popularity of Wii and Nintendo DS," continued Jeffery. "A key element of our growth strategy at SEGA is to develop and publish games that appeal to this expanding market."

Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games is licensed through a worldwide partnership with International Sports Multimedia (ISM), the exclusive Interactive Entertainment Software licensee of the International Olympic Committee (IOC).

- Report By Gage at 3:56 PM

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