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Wario


Wario Bio.


Vital Stats:
Race: Human
Job: Court Jester (look at the shoes!)
Gender: Male
Height: Oh, I don't know
Weight: Got quite a beer belly
Age: 30 (I asked him)
Status: Alive, living in Wario Land Castle
Number of consecutive years dressing up as Godzilla for Halloween: 2

The setting is Brooklyn. A lovely young couple had just received two young boys from the, um, stork. They both had a full head of hair. One child had a red 'M' cap, so they named him Mario because it was the first 'M' word to pop in their heads (good thing it wasn't Muttonchops or something). The younger child had a green 'L' hat on. They decided to name him Butch, or 'Second Best' for short. Later when the parents told the neighbors the names for the children, the neighbors told them strait out that Butch was a completely stupid name for a child. They insisted Luigi. So the parents of the two children reluctantly went with Luigi, for they didn't like the name Butch either. The Mario and Luigi saga starts.


The two kids had a normal childhood and when they were ready, they went to school. For the first day of school, Luigi was sick, so Mario had to go alone. When he got to school, as soon as he stepped through the door he stepped on the curly feet of the school bully-Brutus. Because of Mario's excessive weight problem at the time, Brutus screamed in pain, jumping up and down. The other kids laughed at him, Mario was still trying to figure out what happened. Brutus, recovering from the foot injury, rushed at Mario, fists tight and swinging. Mario got a clean punch right in the chest. But the bully didn't stop there, he kept on punching. So Mario, trying to survive the first day of school, fell on the ground, and kicked Brutus as hard as he could in the stomach. The bully flew across the hallway. The other kids watched with surprise, as the new kid just beat the school bully. The kids cheered for Mario. This was how Mario got his reputation from the start as a hero. Because of his popularity, when Luigi got to school no one called him by his real name, they called him the "Mario Brother." And hence, the Mario Bros. got their name, because Mario won that lucky fight the first day. The End.


Wait a minute, you may be asking yourself now "What the..." So before you send me nasty e-mail about this strange bio, I'll finish. What ever happened to Brutus. Well, Brutus Wario Jones, went home after that terrible afternoon (if you haven't guessed yet, Wario is his middle name). He lived alone, in a run down shack right next to the school. His parents left him when he was young to the orphanage. Mad and angry for revenge, Wario escaped from the orphanage to fend for his own. He voted on that day to devote his life to succeed and gains lots of money. Then he could find his parents and show them what a mistake they made when they ran off.


So he lived in the shack, earning money by working for the near-by 7-Eleven. He became obsessed with money, and started to steal from kids at school, thus earning him the role class bully. When Mario beat him that one day, he became furious. No one beats him at his own game! But it was too late. Mario had already gained the students respect as the new 'tough guy' at school. Mario taught kids to fight for themselves, and soon Wario couldn't steal anymore. After a half year, Wario started to get lonely. His few friends left him because they thought he was a wuss and hang out with Mario. In one last effort to boost his popularity, he told people to start calling him by his middle name, Wario. He hoped that if he had a similar name to Mario, people would start to like him. But people just made fun of him, claimed he was trying to gain off of Mario's popular name. You know what, this is getting long. How should I end this. I know. TO BE CONTINUED...