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Viewer Bio. Wrecking Crew

Wrecking Crew

By fairfield@netxxpress.net

Vital Statistics Age: About 47 by now. Looks: Like Wario....(??) Dresses: Like a construction worker (Duh.) Likes: Hindering Mario's progress. Dislikes: Being hindered by Mario's progress. Hobbies: Destroying other's properties. Wants: To humiliate Mario. Alias: The Evil Foreman Before the Mario Bros. became plumbers, they were stuck without work. Then, one day, they saw an ad in a paper, which went a little like this: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *********************************************************************** DO YOU WANT TO BREAK A LOT OF STUFF AND GET PAID FOR IT???? *********************************************************************** Then contact us! You can wreck all you want! Just bring your own hammer! Good hrs, great pay, friendly people! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day they went to meet their boss, who's name is unknown, and if you haven't guessed, is really not important to this story. He liked the idea of having a business based on family, and really didn't see any problem with having two applicants; they got paid by the hour, therefore if two of them worked together they'd be done quicker, therefore the less they'd have to be paid, right?? Anyways, only 10 short minutes after they had been hired and were on their first job, another applicant showed up. He was a master carpenter in the past, and said he'd be perfect for the job. This was the only job he wanted; he was sick of building things only to have others tear them down. Now, it was his turn. Of course, he was told the position had already been filled, which really didn't help his disposition. He was furious. After a two hr. tirade (mostly about how many numerous body openings he'd like to shove his wrecking hammer into the employer, focusing on those where the sun didn't shine), he went home. He thought about it, making him so furious that he actually slammed his hammer against his wall. The stucco frame fell to the ground with a resounding "ouch!!" The ouch came from a Magikoopa, who had somehow psychically seen Bowser's defeat by the Bros. He had come to find someone who could take out these two before it was too late, and since the Recker was so skilled, the Magikoopa decided that he would grant him a job with the Podoboo Wrecking Crew of the underworld. But since the Mushroom kingdom's inhabitants don't travel well (Don't ask how the Magikoopa did it, it's a long story), he would have to make a new crew out of the tool box that this guy had. But that ran dry too..Just a wrench set. The Magikoopa decided to make do with that, and with a shot from his wand, he created the Wrench-heads; diabolical walking wrenches to aid this evil wrecker. The blast accidentally hit his lunchbox as well, which contained nothing but Eggplant (You can't imagine how sick this guy actually is.) Thus, the Mindless Eggplant men were created. Now it was on. One day, when Mario was just about to knock out the wall of a Hotel, a crushing smack from the other sent him flying all the way to the bottom. side After having the wind knocked out of him, he woke up to saw the psychotic applicant staring at him and laughing, with a bunch of walking wrenches looking at him menacingly. He tried calling the foreman (The good one) only to find that the Wrench-Heads had bitten clean through the phone line. "Now, Mario, you and your brother will have to prove who the better wrecker is!" For 2 months, Mario and Luigi both had to face this menace. They lost a lot of money due to A) the fact that they weren't really wrecking that much due to interference and B) the injuries they suffered from Wrench-head bites and being smacked with a hammer. This went on, until the Wrecking Crew(tm) was almost out of business. Then Luigi got an idea... He knew of an old italian restaurant that had finally seen it's day. Luigi had the original blueprints and knew that there was a way to trap the evil Podoboo Crew in that mess. So they made a challenge: WHO IS THE BEST WRECKER??? The day finally arrived when they were to wreck this place, when suddenly the Recker showed up. He shouted "Let the games begin!" And he and Mario went to work. They both wrecked relentlessly, but unbeknowst to Mario, there was a trap. The evil Recker had set up a trap for the stocky brother; if Mario hit the door at the top of the staircase, a bomb would go off, sending him into a pit of Wrench-heads at the bottom!! They went floor to floor, destroying everything, and getting knocked down repeatedly. Till finally, the final door stood. Mario swung, and *BOOMMM!* He was sent careening towards the bottom where the pit full of enemies awaited. Then suddenly, all the enemies were blown to smithereens by a guy with a green construction uniform....Luigi had set a trap for the rival!!!! Furious, the wrecker tried to climb down and catch the brothers. Luigi put the finishing touches on the job by hitting another TNT plunger (No pun intended) and sending the whole place careening down, with the Eggplant men, Wrench-heads (debris of them, anyway) and the Recker inside. To this day.. The city of Brooklyn has disavowed all knowledge of this event. (Call them and ask, you'll see.) Mario has yet to thank Luigi for saving his life and has yet to repay him. Both brothers became plumbers (using the two surviving wrench-heads as tools to work faster) and now work as protectors of the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi has yet to do Mario another favor. The only surviving eggplant man was killed by a young man named Pit, better known as Kid Icarus, who mysteriously disappeared. The Magikoopa was arraigned in Superior Court, county of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that trial. As for the recker, he was apparently quite the tagger. He spray painted the word "Mario" on the walls of the buildings before he destroyed them (gave him motivation.) However, the one building he didn't destroy, his house, was quite different. In his rooms, going from the back door to the front, you'll find the letters "O", "I", "R", "A".... and a yellow letter "W".........

Thoughts from Jay
Wow, I think this is the longest bio yet. Pritty good, almost a Fan Fict. Great work.