Ask Dr. Donez!
Ask Dr. Donez!
Question 1701: I just ate a whole box of Saltine Crackers, and now I can't whistle. Why?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because your Whistle Making Sound Machine was stolen by NONE OTHER THEN Prof. Executrain! That fiend!
Question 1702: Why am I here?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Go home.
Question 1703: Why do the people I'm living with say "Hail to the great and poweriful Dr Donez."?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because I rule them. I mean...they rule.
Question 1704: Why is Mario behind me with a AK47 at my head?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Your own problem, don't drag me into this.
Question 1705: How come Jay never makes deathmatches anymore? I LOVED that one where you annihilated Executrain. Best of times. :sniff:
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah...good times. Good times.
Question 1706: When will you put on some pants?
Dr. Donez's Answer: When the Man makes me.
Question 1707: Why does Mario kiss me on the cheeks?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Dude, that's just wierd.
Question 1708: Will we finally kill the spammers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...sure. Why not. Something needs a happy ending.
Question 1709: If pringle says "Once you pop the fun don't stop" then why does it have a resealable lid?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Government conspiracy. You didn't hear it from me. URK! NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!! ............. ........ .... ...... ..... The answer to your question is true. Ha ha ha.
Question 1710: If barbie is so popular then why do you have to buy their friends?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...because........let's see....what's an easy way to put this....BARBIE IS A DOLL, YOU ECOWEENIE! Um...yeah.
Question 1711: Do Ents get morning wood?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, why not. Go for it.
Question 1712: Are you the man now?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm THE Man.
Question 1713: Ever seen a guy dance on his face?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, nor do I care to.
Question 1714: Why is CapainChurro.....uh...well.....CaptainChurro?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because he sure isn't Dr. Donez, that's for sure.
Question 1715: Hey wait a minute....You were that bully that took my money in High School. Give it back!!!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ah oh. Time for this bird to fly!
Question 1716: Can I have your ice pick???
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Never. Not in a million years. OK. But you have to give me some corn.
Question 1717: Donez, why is Mario standing on his head behind you with a knife in his mouth?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's Mario. He does stupid stuff all the time.
Question 1718: Can I ask questions again?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Now go to your room, or no dinner!
Question 1719: Can you say anything like how much wood could a wood chuck ckuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood really fast?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Never. Leave before I sick Fred on you.
Question 1720: Do you watch a lot of TV?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah, it rots my brain. Literally.
Question 1721: And Dr. Donez, are you in Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah. Look for me in the 3rd Scene of the 2nd Act.
Question 1722: Why is the world inhabited by stupid FF7 hippies?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because Mars wouldn't take them.
Question 1723: How much wod wouldit take to get Fred the Spanyard to eat a wood chuck?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Throw me into the waterfalls. Please.
Question 1724: Are you annoyed by that question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You know it.
Question 1725: What's Jay's opinion of Kefka?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ask Jay. Not me. Jay doesn't talk to me, ever. Except when he wants to yell.
Question 1726: Why does Codykitty keep playing obscure video games that i've never heard of?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because she's cooler then you?
Question 1727: Does Dr. Donez play Mario Kart: Double Dash?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hold on, let me find out. Hey Dr. Donez! Do you like Mario Kart??? Sorry, he's busy playing Mario Kart. I guess not.
Question 1728: Say, why don'cha file a lawsuit against Nintendo, for emotional (and physical) abuse by Mario from SMB2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I would, but they would countersue me for blowing up Wart's sock factory. Those bums.
Question 1729: Another thing. Bill's the President of NC, so shouldn't HE be doing this?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's about time someone told you this, but Presidents actually don't do anything.
Question 1730: And what about the official mascot, Fred?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's busy with his normal duties of Deathraying and Ray of Deathing people.
Question 1731: Are you in the nameless?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Como?
Question 1732: Emm ai godd aht ingleesh?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Donde?
Question 1733: *insert question here*?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. I refuse.
Question 1734: If Pious was possessed by an Ancient just by getting too close to the artifact even though he didn't touch it, how come Karim did the same but was unaffected by the actual artifact?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ummmm............. Errrrr........ Go ask your local senator.
Question 1735: Or did Pious actually touch it, just the camera angle makes it look like he didn't?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The answer to your question is far more complicated for me to answer right now. So I won't.
Question 1736: What's the difference between magic and magick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Magick has more kick? (Cream pie hits Donez because of lame answer).
Question 1737: Why are giant pieces of cheese eating my grandmother?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe she shouldn't have eaten their king.
Question 1738: If you think people should lay off Yellow Corn, why don't YOU lay off Yellow Corn?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because I'm not people. I'm Dr. Donez!
Question 1739: Can you tap-dance?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not well. But I can hop.
Question 1740: Do you like Heavy Metel, and if so,who's your fav.?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, my favorite heavy metal is Mercury.
Question 1741: If Tails grew to the size of Godzilla,had fire breath, and had a taste for human fleash, are we all doomed?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, just you. Sorry to break it to you like that. But it's true.
Question 1742: In a fight who who would win, the T-1000 or Agent Smith?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hm...Since Smith controls the Matrix, I'd have to say him.
Question 1743: ACDC Ownz, true or false?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe.
Question 1744: If King Kong went across the world, skip roping, would my microwave pizza be done in 2 miliseconds?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Absolutely.
Question 1745: Does Fred have a habit of doing a little dance, jumping off a cliff then landing in a pool of liquid tacos after he eats cheese?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stop eating pizza before you go to bed, kid. Then you'll stop having these strange dreams.
Question 1746: Do YOU believe in the Cheese Fairy?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Psst...closer...closer...I AM the Cheese Fairy. But don't tell anymore. Or no more cheese.
Question 1747: Ok...so if Bill finally made me that microwave pizza, but someone else ate it... doesn't that mean he still owes me a microwave pizza then?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. You snooze you lose. You could always try to blackmail Bill for another pizza, though.
Question 1748: Hey, I have a late Christmas present for you. It's from that tweeter who was the 1st tweeter in SMB2...Dr.Cortez. He said to ignore the odd ticking noise it was making, and to get it to you quickly as possible and then for me to leave very quickly after giving the gift to you, if I knew what was good for me. Now what do you suppose he got you? 'Cause I sure have no idea.
Dr. Donez's Answer: I donno, but he didn't put enough postage on it. So can you return it to sender? Thanks.
Question 1749: Why did you turn my friends into mindless NC worshipping zombies?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Did they take their vitamin NC?
Question 1750: Who would win in a fight: Darth Butch or Luigi?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, since they're the same person........both. And neither..... Yes.
Question 1751: Hello. I am a mindless NC loving zombie who worships Jay 24/7. Why did Jay steal my life from me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, I can ask, but I don't think he'll give it back.
Question 1752: Why is there a band of terrorists breaking into my house?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Did you steal their king?
Question 1753: Is Darth Butch the Darker Evil in NC/SSS Crossover Mach 2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Like I'm saying anything. Corn couldn't drag it out of me.
Question 1754: Why is it that Mario's clothes stay dry after going for a swim (SMS doesn't count)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's Mario. He's stupid like that. Even his clothes don't know to get wet.
Question 1755: *Calls Donez for the third time* Great, the PS2 is chasing me! NOW what?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Dang, it's been so long, I forgot what advice I gave you the first time... Well, just do whatever I told you before, but do it backwards.
Question 1756: Where does Jay live? (I'm asking you, Donez.)
Dr. Donez's Answer: How the heck should I know? It's not like he ever invited me to his house or anything (that inconciderate bum).
Question 1757: Howe com im stoopid?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, there are many reasons that could lead to your abnormal stupidity, but, since you obviously won't understand any of them, I'll just say it's because of TV. There. Now stop watching TV.
Question 1758: *calls Dr. Donez* Hello. I would like a medium large topping pizza. How much?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look pal, I have ENOUGH to do on my wings with this whole "Ask Dr. Donez" gig, I don't have time to play your silly pizza games. Begone!
Question 1759: What is the meaning of life?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hasn't this been answered, like, a billion times so far? The truth is, if you're asking this question to a Tweeter, then you could be related to the guy from a couple of questions up.
Question 1760: If you are there and Fred is there and Bill is here and Mario is an idiot, do I get to keep your ice pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Step away from the computer. Go outside.
Question 1761: Why is the world being constantly plagued by murder, deceit, civil wars, disease, and debts? Can't we all get along?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We could get along, but wouldn't you rather Sing Along? Yes, buy "Dr. Donez's Sing Along To Famousy Sounding Songs" now on record or cassette!
Question 1762: Have you ever played any Square-Enix games? Maybe that's why you're so grumpy...
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm grumpy because someone put me in the wash machine for an hour...
Question 1763: Why does VGW and Toad look alike? Are they brothers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Maybe the question should be, why DON'T they look like. Wait...
Question 1764: How come Bill never uses "The Extra Skill" he learned at the end of Bill and Fred?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe he uses it all the time, but only when you're not looking.
Question 1765: What?Who? Where? Why? When? ANSWER ME!!!
Dr. Donez's Answer: The answers are: Pie, Abe Lincoln, Kitty Hawk, There was no more apple juice, July 3rd, 1967.
Question 1766: What is your faverite Mario Kart: Double Dash Character(s)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The secret characters Bill and Fred.
Question 1767: What is your faverite Kart from Mario Kart: DD?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bill and Fred's cart, a Formula 1 Racer.
Question 1768: What is your faverite item from Mario Kart: DD?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My weapon! The Ice Pick!
Question 1769: Has Jay ever played Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why don't you ask him. I would ask him, but he's not here right now.
Question 1770: Will you give me more crystals so I can give you money?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What? Crystals? You're living in an RPG, fool! Free yourself! Begone, even spirits! Set him free!
Question 1771: Why is Clank behind you to punch you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: That was sort of a question, so I'll give you a sort of an answer. Yo.
Question 1772: If Aladdin freed the Genie at the end of the movie, why didn't the Genie just be nice and zap Aladdin into a prince again?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look, Aladdin got the girl at the end of the movie. What more do you want? Greedy smurf.
Question 1773: What is up with Disney and their sucktacular sequels? I mean, Cinderella 2, what the butt?
Dr. Donez's Answer: As we all know from previous questions, people like money. And they do anything for more money. What? You didn't learn this before? WELL THEN PAY MORE ATTENCION!
Question 1774: Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I know I would if I was an android.
Question 1775: Do I me for you to I?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm way too tired to figure out what you just said.
Question 1776: Are tacos intelligent?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if they are eaten by Albert Einstein.
Question 1777: How do they cram all that gram into Golden Grams?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I swear this has been already answered... I'll just assume it has. God Bless Assumptions.
Question 1778: Would you be interested in changing your long distance provider?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm quite happy with my current provider, Spork.
Question 1779: Do you like my new hat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: NO! HAHAHA...yeah...I'm tired.
Question 1780: If moon-light powered cows can plow the seas, what can dirt-powered birds do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They could...plow...the...sky. Yeah... There you go.
Question 1781: Why can't I be DR DONEZ, I mean it must be cool to have your name put in capital letters every time it is written?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You can't be Dr. Donez because I'M Dr. Donez! Wannbe...
Question 1782: How many times have you been stopped in the street for being DR DONEZ?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe once, but I think the person thought I really was Jay Sherman from that Critic show.
Question 1783: Which galaxy do you come from?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Obviously not the one you're from.
Question 1784: Gushna hppsgdhiagzbggklnbs hadhuhhjjmw6683 829905hnjndmnf *translation* Hello Tweeter. I come from the Megaman universe. Will you go out with my sister?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look behind you! Eh...who cares. (Runs).
Question 1785: Do you like my website?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If it will make you go away, then yes. I love it. I will go to it every day. Yay yay yay. I even composed a song about how great it is, and put it on my Sing Along album.
Question 1786: If Mario is here, E=MC2, Cheese is made from mold, and I ate Ritz, Should I tell everybody your secret hideout is in my basement closet?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Your quasi-logic will not confuse me, Hamster Boy!
Question 1787: Why doesn't Fred return my threatening e-mails?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe you sent them to the wrong address. That could be awkward.
Question 1788: If Ness from Earthbound did the Moonwalk, barf on the T.V., and the phone rings, where the hell is Link with my pizza?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We meet again, Hamster Boy! I shall defeat you with my powerful wits! Begone!
Question 1789: Do you want a Kaos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If that's some sort of code word for corn, then yeah, sure. Hit me.
Question 1790: ARE YOU THE BRAIN SPECIALIST?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. Scary, eh?
Question 1791: Who killed Kenny?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Does it really matter, in the long run? I mean, haven't we all killed Kenny, in some way, in our lives?
Question 1792: If Nintendo were to get rid of Pikachu and that crappy show, would you like Pokemon more?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't see why I should...what would they give me?
Question 1793: Donez, why are you holding my Gamecube out the window, about to DROP IT?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry...I was bored. (Drops it anyway)
Question 1794: Do you think my sprite made of Final Fantasy 5 could kick Jay's Final Fantasy 3 sprite butt?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, but don't leave too much of a mess, please. I have to clean things up in the morning, and those butt-kicking stains are a pain to get out of carpets.
Question 1795: Waitaminute, waitaminute, wait a minute. A SOCK FACTORY?! None of Warts' minions even wear SHOES!! (Unless you do. And if you do, you never mentioned it.) What the heck would he need with a sock factory, unless...SAAAAAY, this isn't some conspiracy involving guys wearing nothing but a shirt, underwear, and socks dancing to repetitive '70's music, is it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look, it was Super Mario Bros. 2. Did ANYTHING make sense in that game? And maybe we wear socks... It's rude of you to jump to the conclusion that we don't. I mean, socks are good. No...there's no conspiracy, you nut.
Question 1796: And if it is, when was that supposed to happen again? I missed the memo.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. What gave you the idea that I have any clue what goes on around here?
Question 1797: Do you use a stunt double for the movies you star in?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They said that I would get one, but then Jay said that they had "Budget problems" at the last minute... Sheesh...
Question 1798: What would a Dr. Donez arcade game be like?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Probably very long, with lots of pointless FMVs, and a short, disappointing ending. Oh, but the boss fights would be awesome. And it would have the best graphics, like, ever.
Question 1799: Is Kirby's Air Ride REALLY better than Mario Kart: Double Dash? Jay seems to think so, and since you're the smart one, you should know.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. It is. I put the question into my custom made "Questeratronamaansweramajiggy" and it said yes, along with saying you're a fool for doubting Jay. Of course, it's only 5% accurate, but that's good enough for me.
Question 1800: Why does Mario always seem to scratch his butt in Mario Sunshine?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why are you even looking that close...?
Go back to NC
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