Ask Dr. Donez!
Ask Dr. Donez!
Question 1601: Do you know that smelly Tweeter who always comes in close-ups when someone says his name? I heard from a nice-looking Spanyard that he´s really dumb.
Dr. Donez's Answer: You must be talking about Dullnez, my stupid cousin.
Question 1602: Does Wart have warts?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If he did, he probably doesn't mind.
Question 1603: Who's better at Fred Fred Revolution, Bill or Jill?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Jill, but only because Bill lets her win. But Jill knows he does.
Question 1604: Why is it that hitting someone called battery?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it would be silly to call it energizer.
Question 1605: Who turned out the lights?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I did. Now pay me to put them back on.
Question 1606: What is your favourite color?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Black.
Question 1607: Why do we look stupid in WarioWare and the characters look good in there?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Orange juice?
Question 1608: Why does everyone hate me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You don't bribe them enough.
Question 1609: How come when I act nice but people call me a moron, but when somebody acts nice they act nice?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Again, bribery.
Question 1610: Will you help me kidnap Jay?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure.
Question 1611: If two-thousand zebra-cow hybrids all exploded from your mouth, then proceeded to eat Executrain, after which they turned into Anime characters, after which they all created the world's largest bathroom and finally drove a helecopter into Jay's Dorm Room (but Jay was on vacation), what color socks am I wearing?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, to analyze your question, we must start at the begining. Or do I mean end. Well, lets start at the middle. You see...(runs).
Question 1612: Would the preceeding story make national news?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Everything makes the national news.
Question 1613: Does CodieKitty feel like taking over NC?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If she does, I better start sucking up now, so I have a job. No scab will replace me!
Question 1614: "Question 1524: I'm the one who ate the microwave pizza. Will whoever originally wanted the pizza beat the shiznit out of me?" ...Nah. Don't worry about it, BSD. What would I do THAT for anyway? I mean... It's just a pizza...(Psst....Hey, Donez. May I borrow a few large missiles?)
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. But here's a spork. Give it back at the end of the day.
Question 1615: Why does BSD want to kill me? He's the one who ATE MY PIZZA! uhhhh... *hides herself behind Dr.Donez* SAVE ME!!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Did you bribe him enough?
Question 1616: Is yellow corn really flying butter in disguise?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If it is, I'm in trouble.
Question 1617: I don't really have a question for you Donez, I just came by to annoy you and tell you that your house has been stolen, okay? (Drives off with Dr. Donez's house)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um........thanks...
Question 1618: Oh, by the way, do you have any other worldly posessions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not anymore, I guess.
Question 1619: Which way to Istanbul?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Points) That way.
Question 1620: Which term do you prefer more, bootylicious or bootytastic?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bootylicious.
Question 1621: Why did Gigli fail in the Box Office?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it didn't star D-Do and J-Lo.
Question 1622: Here's a question for Codie Kitty. Do you like playing with string?
Dr. Donez's Answer:
Question 1623: What keeps the Hulk's pants on? I mean, his shirt, shoes, socks, and other accessories come off, but his pants stay on. So, what keeps them on?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Super glue.
Question 1624: Do NES cartridges make good ninja stars?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, why not.
Question 1625: How about SNES cartridges?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, they arn't as point. Probably make better frizbees.
Question 1626: Dr. Donez, have you ever thought about doing something about beating up Jay for making you answer all those horribly stupid questions you keep getting asked?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I've tried...oh how I've tried...
Question 1627: IS TIM ALLEN YOUR 2ND COUSIN!?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.
Question 1628: If Fred ate a lemon which contained a bomb in it, would that mean your refrigerator is running?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if he took the lemon-bomb from my refrigerator.
Question 1629: What is negative seven plus K?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...orange juice.
Question 1630: Did huked un fonicks wirk fir mi?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Lay off the yellow corn.
Question 1631: Why is it that no one cares about communism anymore?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Try this place called "China". You may find someone who knows something about it.
Question 1632: Who was your favorite commie?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My mommie was a commie. Wait, no she wasn't.
Question 1633: Why does Jeeves not answer personal questions like "how are you," "what's your favorite color," and stuff?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Wouldn't it be scary if Jeeves DID know the answer to things like "Where do I live?"
Question 1634: Whats Dr.Donez + Bill the Extra Guy + Fred The Spanyard + Jay Resup + Jay Resop + Jay Reesop + Phone THe Clone + JoeTHeSnifit(me)=?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Umm... It equals....... A large number.
Question 1635: Why does my pet cheese monkey always run when my shoe slaps Chuck E. Cheese because Spiderman was late?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Lay off the yellow corn.
Question 1636: Do you support the sporks in the utensil wars?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Sporks are evil.
Question 1637: My teacher told me that hot air rises. She also said the higher you go,the colder it gets. Which may I believe?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Your teacher is really an alien from Mars, trying to trick you. Hot air really goes side-ways.
Question 1638: Hey Donez, my girlfriend fell into your Tweeterizing Machine, patent protected, and got turned into a Tweeter. I'm not real intrested in her anymore, so, you want her?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Is she hot?
Question 1639: Can anyone fix the SMBHQ Server so it doesn't go wacky every so often?
Dr. Donez's Answer: God can. But he's on vacation.
Question 1640: What is the meaning of Life?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Me.
Question 1641: Reese's for BREAKFAST?!?
Dr. Donez's Answer: GIMME GIMME GIMME! (Munch, much, munch). Wait, these arn't Reese's. They're piece of coal!
Question 1642: What are you eating today?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I guess coal. Who knew.
Question 1643: Why do you wear that mask? Do you have a skull for a head and breathe fire, like Scorpion?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm a very shy tweeter. Not a shy guy. Shy tweeter. And I wish I could breathe fire. Think about how much easier taking over the world would be.
Question 1644: So, Donez... if you say you don't support the sporks in the utensil wars, and that you think they are evil (grr.), then what DO you support exactly? Better not be the foons or bendy straws... *eyes narrow*
Dr. Donez's Answer: I support a greater power. A more powerful power. A Supreme Powerful Power of Powerness. And this Powerful Power of which I speak belongs to the...Pizza Cutters!
Question 1645: I saw Fred do something with a mask he found on your bed while you were taking a shower. What did he do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I hope nothing bad, 'cause I'm going to have to wear this mask for another week.
Question 1646: Luigi or Wario?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Luigio?
Question 1647: Are the pins on your globe marking the countries you´ve taken over or just something you put there for fun?
Dr. Donez's Answer: All but Canada. That was just for fun.
Question 1648: Say yes to me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.
Question 1649: Say no to me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes.
Question 1650: Why you say no?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it sure beats taking the Metro.
Question 1651: Uh...I don't like it when my NES freezes up. Really bad for buissness. Is it because the game IS 15 years old?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Games are like people. They suck.
Question 1652: *Calls Donez* My N64 is chasing me, what should I do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Buy a Gamecube. That'll kill the N64.
Question 1653: Hey, wait, are you the Nintendo Help Hotline?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah. And they don't pay me nearly enough.
Question 1654: Where's the toilet?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Flush). Woah. Don't go in there.
Question 1655: Which part of a cake do you eat first; the cake or the icing?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Depends on whose birthday it is. Mine - both. Someone else's - both.
Question 1656: Why do you keep rotting sandwiches behind your couch?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Emergency firearms.
Question 1657: Hey, Dr. Donez. I'm having a little bit of a problem here. You see, I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. However, my mom always makes them with the peanut butter on the top and the jelly on the bottom. But I like it with the jelly on the top and the peanut butter on the bottom. How can I convince my mom to start making them the way I like?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Have you tried flipping the sandwich 180 degrees before you eat it?
Question 1658: Where's the restroom?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Flush). Woah. Must have been those coals I ate.
Question 1659: Do you carry a teddybear around with you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but if anyone asks, it's my henchman.
Question 1660: Do you have a cat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not anymore.
Question 1661: Are you planning to take over my school?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Planning? No. Already taken? Yes.
Question 1662: If you are so evil, why don't you rule the world, or at least some kind of field?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hey, ruling the world isn't easy. Just think of how much property tax you'd have to pay.
Question 1663: If I ask a question from Strong Bad emails, will my cable come back on?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why not. Go for it. I believe in you.
Question 1664: What do you perfer? Mammals, Reptiles, Birds, Insects or Fish?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Birds suck.
Question 1665: Why do you think sporks are evil?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They are the cursed half-breed of the forks and spoons.
Question 1666: What was your favorite subject in school?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Anything that I did well in. Which was everything. Except recess. I failed recess.
Question 1667: Are you sure about that Jay?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hey, this is Ask Me, not Ask Jay.
Question 1668: If Jimmy left on a train for NY at 100MPH and Susy left on a train in the same city to NY at 95MPH then how long (inches) is the pencil I am holding?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ask again when I have my calculator.
Question 1669: Why is there camra looking at me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe you ran a red light.
Question 1670: Do you like cookies?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only before dinner.
Question 1671: If yes what kind? (I'll bake them later.)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Worm-chip cookies.
Question 1672: My syphillis is acting up again. You're a doctor, right? What should I do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ew...Um...you have to see a specialist...yeah...(runs).
Question 1673: Do you love Alien Ant Farm? You'd better.
Dr. Donez's Answer: And if I don't?
Question 1674: Care for a Funyun?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Have you no shame???
Question 1675: Don't mean to rush...you must have all sorts of admin stuff to do, but...could you hurry up?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Again. Ask Jay. Not me.
Question 1676: Why doesn't Jay update more often????
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's a lazy bum. But that's the expected answer. The crazy, off the wall, answer is that Jay is really also the U.S. Diplomat to Canada, so he's very busy, eh?
Question 1677: What did Mario do to you the first time he saw you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Chucked me down a cliff.
Question 1678: Are you in any other games other than SMB2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, Super Mario Advanced...Super Mario All-Stars...I've been pretty much typecast into this roll.
Question 1679: Can you teach me how to get a close up whenever someone says my name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It takes years of effort. And having the right genes help. Do you have the right genes?
Question 1680: Would you like an ice pick with a "D" for Doctor Donez on it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah, that sounds like a cheap knock-off. I bet it doesn't even work.
Question 1681: *Calls Donez again* Well, now the Gamecube is chasing me. What now?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um......have a PS2 go after it.
Question 1682: How much does Jay pay you to do the comix?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hahaha...pay...good one...(cries).
Question 1683: Mario or Mario?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Dang, do I have any other choice? Can I use a lifeline?
Question 1684: Do you go to church/covenant/monestary/synagogue?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah, but I do go to the grocery/stadium/classroom/fire station. Does that count?
Question 1685: Did I spell synagogue correctly?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Go ask Rabii Donez.
Question 1686: Uhhhh...is this the last question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If there is a God, yes.
Question 1687: Can you run a mile?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but it'll take me a few days.
Question 1688: What's the deal with your mask? I mean, is there any kind of story behind it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's a mask. That's it. Nothing special. It doesn't give me super powers... Stay away from the mask......
Question 1689: What's up with you and princess peach? DO you have some sort of secret crush?
Dr. Donez's Answer: That's two questions! Disqualified! I am not obligated to answer that question involving the relationship between me and the princess. Nothing to discuss... Nothing at all... And make sure you never tell Mario about this...nothing...yeah...
Question 1690: How would you feel if I made a "Thorn Pick" to counter the Ice Pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bah, Thorns can't counter Ice.
Question 1691: What about a "Water Pick" to counter the Fire Pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bah, there is no such thing as the Fire Pick. Waste not my time.
Question 1692: What's the answer to this equation? Micheal Jackson + Pepsi Twist + Jammin' Jelly + Pizza Man = ???
Dr. Donez's Answer: Go back to school, man.
Question 1693: How many boards could the mongrels hoard if the mongrel hoards got bored? (ten dollars to whoever gets the reference!)
Dr. Donez's Answer: No dice, give me the ten bucks. Now. I need to buy tweeter seed.
Question 1694: How come you think Birds suck and you're a bird?
Dr. Donez's Answer: When did I ever say that? It must have been a trick by Prof. Executrain.
Question 1695: How fast does a woodchuck chuck wood?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Grumble.
Question 1696: How much is a peck of pickle peppers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Pokes himself in the eye).
Question 1697: Is Jay from Virginia? He said Isabel knocked his power out, and loads of people lost their power in Virginia due to Isabel.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ask. Dr. Donez. Not Ask Jay. Me, me, me! No one cares about me!
Question 1698: Is the ride over?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I hope so. I feel sick. Can I borrow your hat?
Question 1699: Have you seen my Soul Gauntlet? I need it to devour the souls of SPAMmers.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yesno.
Question 1700: What kind of Pizza Cutter do you use to cut your Pizza? I use a Black Pizza Cutter that can cut 5 slices at once.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well I have a Golden Pizza Cutter. It can cut pi slices at once.
Go back to NC
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