Ask Dr. Donez!
Ask Dr. Donez!
Question 1401: What is the confirmed answer to the universe?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's also the answer to Ask Dr. Donez question number 3 plus L minus F.
Question 1402: Would you happen to believe in the Matrix?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Would I believe in it in what situation?
Question 1403: Why do the potato men come to take my sqiggley cheeze puffs? Don't they take potatos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry, that's two questions. I'll have to terminate you now.
Question 1404: Doctor Donez, I really need some help. I just ate some of the poison Spencer sold me, I started seeing weird colors. Then Luigi came out of a door in the ceiling and made me take the blue-ish orange pill, which transported me to Micheal Jackson's mansion. There, he tried to make me his love monkey, but I narrowly escaped because I threw a block of chedder at him. Then I woke up in a large fish tank filled with sardines and Mr. Pib. My problem is, how do I refinance my home loan to 4.0000003532623562%?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Step 1: Go steal a house. Step 2: Go steal a hammer. Step 3: Break off a brick from said stolen house with said stolen hammer. Step 4: Place said brick in hands. Step 5: Raise said brick to face as quickly as possible, and repeat as needed.
Question 1405: Is Chrono Alcolhism really THAT good?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but you can't play until you're 21.
Question 1406: What happened to my pizza?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What's with everyone and losing pizza around here? It's not like I eat ALL of it. OK. Maybe I do. But if that's the case, then stop bringing it around here for me to steal!
Question 1407: Why does my grandmother keep severed dog heads in the medicine cabinet?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...she's a witch doctor? Or just senile?
Question 1408: Why don't hobos sneeze?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Your question should be, "Why do hobos not sneeze?" or "Why not the hobos do sneeze?"
Question 1409: More Water?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No thanks.
Question 1410: Can you take the Mongoose's cabinet droppings... TO THE MAX?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Can I take it to the min?
Question 1411: Is Fred really any good at DDR?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He says that he, quote, "Haz teh l33t skillz, u n00b."
Question 1412: How does Strong Bad type with boxing gloves on?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Oversized keyboard probably.
Question 1413: How do you type without fingers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I can peck at the keys.
Question 1414: Why is there no spoon?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Mario ate it.
Question 1415: Can I borrow your fondue pot?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, Mario ate it.
Question 1416: How many shoes?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.
Question 1417: May I have you're mask?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you ask nicely. And pay me a billion dollars.
Question 1418: There are 4 dogs devouring John Stamos's face. Does anyone really care?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I care. (Sniff).
"Your forgot my first 2 questions..."
Dr. Donez: I have the right to not answer anything that I deem too stupid to be a question.
Question 1419: Where do you live?
Dr. Donez's Answer: In my house.
Question 1420: Do you hate Jay?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only when his checks bounce. Which is often.
Question 1421: If all the yellow corn in the world was turned into Executrain clones, how would you feel?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You've been watching too many B-rate sci-fi movies, I think. Anyway, I wouldn't care, because how scary could a yellow-corn clone be, anyway?
Question 1422: Do you know where my worst enemy lives?
Dr. Donez's Answer: In my house.
Question 1423: Have you ever entered the Xirtam?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Enter some answer pretending to know what a "Xirtam" is).
Question 1424: Why do you like yellow corn?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it tastes good.
Question 1425: Would dance in front of Godzilla for a crate of yellow corn?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if he didn't eat it first.
Question 1426: What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bite off both of my legs.
Question 1427: A pancake is rolling down a hill at a velocity of 20 m.p.h. when Martians take it to Pizza Hut. What color is the dog?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What do you mean, 20 mayflys per hotdog or 20 McNuggets per hornet?
Question 1428: What does "VII" mean?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's either a really funny word or roman numerals. Vii again later.
Question 1429: What do you think about Xenogears?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Jay canceled my video game privalages after he saw me playing Secret of Mana.
Question 1430: Why is Rincewind the wizard so awesome?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because he eats yellow corn.
Question 1431: If all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others, why don't the less equal animals just rebel?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because the dental plan is decent.
Question 1432: I have a bald plastic guy that cake with a play-doh set. He told me to kill you. Just thought you'd like to know. Glad I told you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure. (Turns on Killer Security Robots).
Question 1433: Can I please talk to Fred?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry, he's over at the Taco Barn.
Question 1434: What's my name? REALLY, WHAT IS IT?!?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um, Bob?
Question 1435: Did you ever get kicked out of school?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, but I got plenty of other people kicked out. Mainly my competition.
Question 1436: I want to know that on geoweasel in the comics section nario takes ur job and ur close up and ur mask and u say i feel naked and jay shoos u out of nc is that true?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stop smoking the yellow corn, son.
Question 1437: How can Fred stay skinny when he eats 900000000000000000000 Tacos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He has a huge metabolic system.
Question 1438: What do you tastes like?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Probably like yellow corn, now. Or grapefruit extract.
Question 1439: Why are the vampires in Illusion of Gaia such a pain?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They ran out of Tylonol?
Question 1440: Do you smoke?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Smoking is for losers. Be that your lesson for today, kids. Don't smoke.
Question 1441: Where did I hide my shoes?
Dr. Donez's Answer: In my house.
Question 1442: Can Jimmy come out to play?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No! Now finish your homework or no pie!
Question 1443: Are you mental?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If I was, I wouldn't tell.
Question 1444: If I had a wooden sword, could I fight the forces of rogue 7-11 employees?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if they forgot to arm the Slerpee Cannon.
Question 1445: Que?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Donde esta un biblioteca.
Question 1446: Why does no one notice me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Post more.
Question 1447: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Shoots the person who just asked the most repetitive question of all time).
Question 1448: My sister killed your lost puppy, Michael Jordan. Are you angry?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're in the wrong topic. Go to "Ask Michael Jordan."
Question 1449: Why do vegetables have funny names?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What's so funny about "yellow corn"?
Question 1450: Where does cow milk come from?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My house.
Question 1451: Do you like Koopas?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only when they're killing Mario and not rooting through my DVD collection.
Question 1452: Why did my cupholder break?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You shouldn't have put the Super Duper Xtra Large Big Gulp in there.
Question 1453: If Jimmy Cracked Corn, why didn't anybody care?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it wasn't yellow corn.
Question 1454: Will Lemon's kick-ass CYOA make it to archives?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It depends on fate.
Question 1454: Pie?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, pi.
Question 1455: Why am I so confused?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm guessing it's a glandular problem. Eat more chips.
Question 1456: How do you sleep at night knowing you are nothing more than a figment of MARIO'S imagination?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, you're just a figment of MY imagination, so how does that make YOU feel?
Question 1457: Do you like Dr. Mario?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's a hack.
Question 1458: Where's Waldo?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why do you want to know? He's someplace where YOU can't get him, you monster.
Question 1459: How ya doing?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sleepy...zzz...
Question 1460: No, see, it's not, "Rincewind the Wizard," it's, "Rincewind the Wizzard." Two Zs. That's part of the reason he's so awesome! Are you some kind of Wizzard hater?
Dr. Donez's Answer: OK, you lost me. Although if two Z's make you cool, Zadok should change his name to Zzadok. But I'm not a wizzard hater.
Question 1461: I don't believe you! How do I know you're telling the truth?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm holding the Truth Cane?
Question 1462: I don't have to take this! I'm calling my lawyer! *leaves room* *reenters room* Would you be my lawyer so that I may sue you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that. But I want 110% of whatever we win. I mean you win. I mean I win. Nevermind.
Question 1463: Are you a creature?
Dr. Donez's Answer: How DARE you insult me!!! I mean...yeah. Well, we all are.
Question 1464: Are you my teacher?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What??? How DARE you insult me. I mean...yeah. I am.
Question 1465: Will you marry my lamp shade?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What????? How DARE you insult me!!! I mean...is she cute?
Question 1466: Is there anyway you can motivate Jay to update NC more often?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I've tried everything. There is no hope.
Question 1467: Donde esta la biblioteca?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yo nessisito los pantalones.
Question 1468: Por que?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...(runs). I mean...um...(vo).
Question 1469: If the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything is 42, what is the question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: How many more years until Jay gets a real life?
Question 1470: Why the heck am I asking you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Slow metabolism?
Question 1471: Would you like to join the "Take-Mario-Off-The-Response-Selection-And-Change-It-To-Yourself-Club," or the TMOTRSACITY club?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sounds too much like the Mickey Mouse Club. I'll pass.
Question 1472: Why not?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The Mickey Mouse Club scares me.
Question 1473: What would you give me if I fed Executrain's Phillips Screwdiver to my "vicious" dog?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Some aspirin.
Question 1474: Who's bad?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...me? My mom says I'm bad. Grr. See. Bad.
Question 1475: In a fight between Artie (Strongest Man in the World) and Mr. T, would Michael Jackson be betting on someone to win?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I deem this question stupid. Next.
Question 1476: Did you know that you asked me where is a library?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, did you?
Question 1477: What's that smell?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Smells like...ew...someone farted...
Question 1478: Have you been killing helpless little Marios by throwing them against logs lately?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No...whatever gave you that idea...heh...heh...
Question 1479: Are you a glitch?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I sure hope not. Or else Fred would steal all my stuff.
Question 1480: If the NC world self-destructs, but nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My brain just popped. Ow. OK, there it goes. Ah, that feels good.
Question 1481: Is the next question true?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.
Question 1482: Is the previous question false?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes.
Question 1483: When can I learn extra power from the discovery channel?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You have to watch it a long time.
Question 1484: How can I learn the deathray attacks?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's a Spanyardish secret.
Question 1485: What do you think of when you hear the world "lemming"?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Just tell me where to lemm, and I'll do it.
Question 1486: Did Jay ever beat the dragon in Phantasy Star Online?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't think so. I'll check. Nah, he's dead or something. I think that's a no.
Question 1487: If he hasn't, is he ever planning to?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe after he comes back to life.
Question 1488: Hey Dr. Donez! Is that Fred eating your computer?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He better not be...dangit! Go away, Fred! I knew that lemon polish was a bad idea.
Question 1489: Why does Sceptile use the number 900000000000000000000 a lot?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because 899999999999999999999 is for n00bs.
Question 1490: How much yellow corn do you eat daily?
Dr. Donez's Answer: 899999999999999999999 ears. On average. Give or take.
Question 1491: On WarioWare Inc., on 9-Volt's circuit, I got 16 points. Is that good?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, you n00b.
Question 1492: So, did you think your llama-shaped waffles could defeat my hibernated mustard?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Seek professional help.
Question 1493: But Who's line WASN'T it anyway, walrus-man!?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Again. See the last answer.
Question 1494: Is Walrusi truly the plural of Mary-Kate and Ashley?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I can not stess the last answer more then enough.
Question 1495: Which drink would you prefer, Pepsi Twist or Vanilla Coke?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Pepsi Coke.
Question 1496: What do you think would happen in a Light Age of Camelot?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Everyone would have to wear sunglasses all the time.
Question 1497: Have you ever been caught in the rain with Revis at the Tommy Jeans Stage?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...(runs).
Question 1498: What was it like working at Disney World?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't recall ever working at Disney World, you fiend.
Question 1499: How do I get Jay Leno in Super Mario 64?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You need all 131 stars.
Question 1500: What the HACK does HACK mean, HACKit?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Puppy?
Go back to NC
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