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Ask Dr. Donez!

Ask Dr. Donez!



Question 1101: Mario is in my house AGAIN, and is eating all the food AGAIN. I just can't get him to go away this time. What should I do to get rid of him now??
Dr. Donez's Answer: OK. Heres what you do. Go to Home Depot. Get thirty cans of Raid:Mario Edition. Now, take the cans...and beat him over the head with them. When he is unconcious, drag him out to your outhouse and lock the door.

Question 1102: Why does Mario get fat after he uses a mushroom to grow?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Mario gets fat after he eats anything.

Question 1103: Can you flip the bird?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but I'm on probation.

Question 1104: Why do you fill me up, buttercup?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...dude?

Question 1105: Do you think Communism would be more fun if they spelled it with a "K"?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Communism would have only been fun if Stalin didn't try to take over the world and kill everyone. Or if he had a hat that said "Party King."

Question 1106: Who am I? Where am I?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The answer to both questions is a sack of nails.

Question 1107: When I post, then immediately delete the post, am I still wrong?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you were right to begin with.

Question 1108: What does "narf" mean?
Dr. Donez's Answer: A "narf" is a ball that is thrown using a "narf-gun.

Question 1109: What is the answer?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Anything I feel like typing.

Question 1110: Come to think of it, what is the question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Whatever the heck you ask.

Question 1111: How come the batteries in my digital camera take seven hours to charge up?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it takes six hours for the Govenment to use it as a chance to break into your house and steal all of your money.

Question 1112: How come people say that TV is a dull and stupifying waste of time with no real benefit to humanity when there's so much fine entertainment on 24 hours a day?
Dr. Donez's Answer: People are stupid. Simple fact.

Question 1113: Is this lemmings fad getting as old as "All your base are belong to us"?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, all fads come and go. Look at Pokemon. But I don't think something as classic like Lemmings will ever truely die.

Question 1114: Why is SMBHQ.com and NC down?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because the server sucks.

Question 1115: Who the hell is Shane and why does he "claim" to own Jay's board?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's just an imaginary person. Not real, unlike myself.

Question 1116: Who will be the best character in Super Smash Bros. Melee?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I am. I will be a secret character.

Question 1117: Why is there a pikachu dancing on my computer screen?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're insane. Or maybe just sold your soul to Nintendo. You havn't sold your sole recently, have you?

Question 1118: So, is that banana bread you were cooking in the patented Dr.Donez Atomic Oven done yet? Can I have some banana bread if it is?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, an unnamed person, who will remain unnnamed, ATE my precious Banana Bread! Fiend!

Question 1119: Moo, moo moooo moo moo Mooooo moooo moo mooo moo?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sounds like someone needs to be milked.

Question 1120: How come I can spell forgutfellnez like this?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Was Mario your Englitch teacher?

Question 1121: Dr. Donez?
Dr. Donez's Answer: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT, PESENT! BOW BEFORE ME!!! I mean...um...yes?

Question 1122: Why do you spell your name like that?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it would be stupid to spell it "Dr. Loserface."

Question 1123: Why can't you spell your name differently?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Then I'd have to change the name of this topic to "Ask Dr. Loserface!"

Question 1124: Would Docturh Doughness be a better name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, that's a stupid name!

Question 1125: Where is Brooklyn?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, Brooklyn, Mars is located...wait...I'm not allowed to give out that information.

Question 1126: If you put one eye in a jar, where does the other one go?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, it stays in your head, duh.

Question 1127: How many times can you blink in a minute?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Three hundred thousand. At least on Tuesdays.

Question 1128: Do you own a Rocket Launcher?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The cops won't let me.

Question 1129: What IS a Perrin Aybara?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. I'm guessing it's some kind of Split Personality of Jay's.

Question 1130: *grabs a cell phone, stands next to Dr.Donez, calls Dr.Donez* Hello? Is this Dr.Donez that I am talking to?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you pay me.

Question 1131: Could you give me some cheese? Like one ton of cheese, so that i can build a 1,000,001.003 foot tall spork outta cheese?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um, that's a lot of cheese. I might be able to do it with my Cheezo-matic Autoriler, but it'll take some time.

Question 1132: Why would i want to build a 1,000,001.003 foot tall spork outta cheese?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because you're insane.

Question 1133: Is it fun with fish?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Is this one of those Cat in the Hat things?

Question 1134: Can you jump over a building with a single pound of bread?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if it's Banana Bread.

Question 1135: Why does everybody hate me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You need to tell people "They Suck" more and spam. Wait, that makes people hate you. Do the opposite of that.

Question 1136: Will you be my friend?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I will, but it'll cost ya.

Question 1137: Why am I short?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bad genes. Either that or the Aliens must have gotten to you.

Question 1138: Why are you short?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The Aliens.

Question 1139: Are you bald?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...no. I'm just a bird.

Question 1140: Who are Fred's parents?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Billy Bob and Nancy the Spanyards

Question 1141: Tweeter, Tweeter, that I glued to the wall, who is the most abnormally intelligent shy-guy of all?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You are...wait. You arn't a Shy Guy, are you?

Question 1142: Did you mind that I glued you to my wall?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It kinda smells, but as long as you feed me, I won't mind.

Question 1143: Cast Away sucked! What do you think of it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I hated it! Its sucked compeltely? Wait, we're talking about The Mario Bros. Movie, right? No? Nevermind then.

Question 1144: How can anybody participate at a time like this!?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Who knows. Laughter can be the best medicine sometimes.

Question 1145: (Jay, when I said "Do you expect me to talk", why didn't you say "No, Mr. Gamer, I expect you to die!"?)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hey, only direct your questions to me, Dr. Donez! And yes, i should of said that, but I forgot about that particular quote.

Question 1146: Why are people so violent?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because they arn't Tweeters.

Question 1147: Do you recognize the word "Gahbunga"? Only a true genius would recognize that word.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. Yes I do.

Question 1148: Can you give me something to break?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Hands him some glass) Watch yourself now. Don't make me have to tell your mommy that you cut yourself.

Question 1149: Is mankind really civilized?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you compare them to slugs.

Question 1150: Be honest: Do you know where Osama bin Laden is located?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.

Question 1151: How do you defeat the man of the moon who I have never heard of, nor have any reason to beat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Then why defeat him? Leave him alone. What did he ever do to you?

Question 1152: How is it that, whatever the reason, I always find an excuse not to post?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Grapefuit extract.

Question 1153: My sister claims to be made out of cheese, is that true?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Does she have holes in her? Does she smell funny? Then yes.

Question 1154: Have you ever played any Gran Turismo games?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't have much time to play Video Games, since I'm trying to take over the world and all.

Question 1155: Have you noticed that I *with Scottish accent* ate your guts?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Wait, my guts are still here. You lie!

Question 1156: What is the difference between the English soccer club Manchester United and German soccer club Bayern Munich?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...the first one is low fat and the second one can destroy a small city with only one charge?

Question 1157: What is the Cube Club that I heard of?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Its where all of the solids go to party.

Question 1158: I have a crush on a really nice girl. Can you guess who it is?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Do I know her? Wait, you have a crush on my girlfriend! You bum! I'll kill you! Wait...I don't have a girlfriend. Nevermind.

Question 1159: Why doesn't Jay use JAVA in his webpage?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Do you really need to ask that? This is JAY afterall. I'm guessing he just doesn't know how.

Question 1160: Why hasn't Jared been banned yet?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Who knows.

Question 1161: Who is Jared anyway?
Dr. Donez's Answer: A cross between Jolly the Green Giant and Airhead.

Question 1162: When will you answer these questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Never. Wait, I'm answering them now, arn't I. Curses! Foiled again!

Question 1163: If it's 7:00 in the evening and I'm standing on the roof of my house with my body pointed 35.692 degrees to the north while wearing a pair of aviation goggles and while holding a vanilla McDonald's triple thick milk shake in my right hand, why is it every time I call you you're always on the phone?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...I...Don't...Know...What...You're... Talking about...Heh... Heh...(Riptide knows too much...)

Question 1164: I went to farting school,and i learned how to make a firey fart. Wanna see me do it on Mario?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'll pass, thanks.

Question 1165: Can i kill that peep that calls you dorkez,dr.d?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, that won't be needed. I have a worse fate for him.

Question 1166: How powerful is Toater Chaos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, lets just say that that whoever this is, he/she/it can blow up the world with a single finger. OK, so I made that up. So sue me.

Question 1167: Seriously, which of these sounds better; War Giromon, Warrior Giromon, Warlord Giromon?
Dr. Donez's Answer: All of the above.

Question 1168: Is Fred pissed of that there weren't any Bugzys in Kirby 64?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Oh, he's pissed. He Deathrayed a whole in Nintendo that they are STILL trying to recover from.

Question 1169: Can I have the meat loaf?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you ask nicely.

Question 1170: Where's my Digimon?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry, but I'll only answer that if you ask "Dude, where's my Digimon!"

Question 1171: Nyahahahahahahahahaha! Do you think I laugh weird?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, you definately type odd.

Question 1172: What kind of name is Flea?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Obviously a stupid one. Must be why he think's he's a girl.

Question 1173: (shows the elec. pick to Dr Donez) Where's the on/off button on this thing? (zaps Dr Donez) Oh, never mind.
Dr. Donez's Answer: OOUUUCH! Stop that!

Question 1174: Did you take my copy of Chrono Trigger? If you did, I'll boil you in hot water, electrocute you, and generally cause you a heck of a lot of pain.
Dr. Donez's Answer: In fact, I did! So what are you going to do about it??? Huh???

Question 1175: What motivates people to drop cows from planes so that they land in my swimming pool?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...

Question 1176: Am I stupid?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I gathered from your first question.

Question 1177: Am I stupid compared to everyone else here?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Now that is still in debate.

Question 1178: Is God a potato?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If so, the people in Idaho are in good shape.

Question 1179: Is my computer conspiring along with all other electronic devices in my home to shut off simultaneously and steal all my peanut butter, or am I just paranoid?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Both.

Question 1180: in A and W root beer, what does the a & W stand for??
Dr. Donez's Answer: Al and William. They are the people who stole it from Bob and George.

Question 1181: Are you a real doctor?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes! I have five diplomas to prove it!

Question 1182: Can you beat Mike Tyson in a punch-out match?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Heck yeah! Wait, Mike Tyson is the dude in the wheel chair, right?

Question 1183: Do I know where you live?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I hope not.

Question 1184: If I did, what would you do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Move.

Question 1185: Aren't tweeters violent too?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only the ones that arn't peaceful.

Question 1186: When's my lawyer coming?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Never. I had him "replaced."

Question 1187: If Fred fired the Ray of Death on Jacque when at the same time Jacque fired his pent-up anger on Fred, who would get hit first?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...Who's on first?

Question 1188: Why does W. Wario love cake?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Who doesn't love cake? It's cake-tastic.

Question 1189: "Bob and George" As in the web comic?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, as in the two people who put up my roof.

Question 1190: How much money do you spend monthly on filthy pictures?
Dr. Donez's Answer: None of your biz!

Question 1191: Can you Guess Who? (The fun's in the clues)!
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.

Question 1192: Why don't you go play outside?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it's raining out.

Question 1193: Have you been through the desert on a horse with no name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, I tried, but the horse kept biting me. I tried to stop it, but I couldn't call it anything.

Question 1194: Is Deux ex Machina (I hope you konw your Latin)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Si.

Question 1195: What's my name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Arthur, King of the Brittons?

Question 1196: Did I just ask you what my name is?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, but Arthur did.

Question 1197: Bobby Funcle is a super hero?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.

Question 1198: How can people be alive when they are almost dead?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why don't you ask them.

Question 1199: Why do people bother making stupid songs?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stupid people make stupid songs. Makes sence to me.

Question 1200: Dr. Donez, I got carsick in your house. Can you clean it up?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You WHAT??? I thought a dog did that! Why you!!!

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