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Fred the Spanyard

Fred the Spanyard Bio

Vital Stats:
Race: A Spanyard
Job: Soldier for Hire/Ref for NC Deathmatch
Gender: Male
Height: 6 Feet 3 Inches
Weight: 900 Pounds
Age: 384
Status: Alive, currently working for no one.
Number of times he has been an Elvis impersonator:12 and still counting.

Man, what did I get myself into? Fred the Spanyard has been getting more and more popular here around NC. I was asked about a week ago to write a Bio on Fred. So I decided to write it just for kicks. So here you go, the story of Fred the Spanyard.

Fred the Spanyard was born on a little island called Span, located on Popstar. He was picked on, teased at, and shunned by all of his peers. Just because he looked like a weird freaky bug thing didn't mean he had feeling too. As we all know in the past, neglection and evil geniuses don't go together very well. Signs of trouble first arose during the elections of 1698. Fred ran for the President of Span with the slogan "Vote for me or you're all going to pay". Fred won the election in record numbers. The people of Span however, were starting to worry about their newly proclaimed dictator. So a group named The SFTGROFABPTTLFAEALUADFCIPIWWWWDOHT (The Spanyard Force to Get Rid of Fred and Bring Peace to the Land For All Eternity At Least Until Another Demented Freak Comes Into Power In Which Way We Will Dispose of Him Too) sent a message to Dreamland (a country not far away) to send help. They sent a man named Jirby (Kirby's Father). Jirby was able to beat up Fred the Spanyard, and he sent Fred into the depths of space. Dreamland and Popstar were now free from the menace of Fred.

Fred's journey in space lasted one hundred years. With only a deck of playing cards, he played Solitaire to pass the time. Knowing that there was little chance to be saved, Fred decided to make amendments to his life. He vowed that if he ever landed that he would end his life of evil and help others. He would help the poor and save the environment. And all of that other goody-goody stuff. About that time his space ship crashed into a small planet named the Mushroom World. Opening the doors, Fred's eyes bulged out of his head a he realized that he was right in the middle of a war. A bunch of...creatures with stumpy legs and green shells where fighting...a man with a big mustache and obsessed with the color red? Very odd place he landed in. Looking out at the chaos, Fred hardly noticed when a big version of one of those green shelled things ran into him. Fred realized that he hasn't done much except play Solitaire for years, so he decided to get into the fun and started to beat up the big green shelled creature. After a good hour of punches and blows they stopped for a rest. The green thing introduced himself as King Bowser Koopa. Before Fred could say anything, Koopa glanced to the guy with the red hat and sprinted towards him fists flying. Flinching, Fred opened his eyes to find his new pal Koopa flying 40 feet in the air after an uppercut from the red hat guy. Looking at the remains of the green shelled army, and back again at the red hat guy who was running after them as they fled, Fred quickly ran to where Bowser landed. Weeks after the battle, Fred found hospitality at Bowser's keep. Bowser was interested in finding new soldiers for what he called "The War Against the Tubby-One." Apparently this Mario character had done something terrible to Bowser, and he was seeking revenge. And Bowser had plans of world domination. Fred was game with world domination, but he wanted $$$ for his efforts. Bowser quickly paid him 3 million koopabits. So then came along the 2nd Mushroom War, or Super Mario Bros. 3 to you "humans". Bowser had an elaborate plan to kidnap the Princess, take over all of the Mushroom World, and no one would stop them. You know what happens, but where was Fred? He was halfway to the most isolated island in the world. During a fight between Fred and Luigi, Fred faked his own death and took the first flight outta there. Bowser thought his partner had died and was left by himself to lose to the Mario Bros. Fred lived a wealthy life and whenever he needed money he would just con Bowser again. Or rig the Mushroom Lottery. Or beat Mario up for his lunch money. Today Fred the Spanyard comes and goes as he wishes. You'll never know where you will see him next.

Just as a note you viewers, Fred the Spanyard is not a real Mario character. The picture of Fred is from a Kirby character and the name I made up. For those of you who want to know how it started, here’s the real story of Fred the Spanyard's life. It all started with a conversation between a NC fan (who I will not reveal the name) and myself. I don't know where the conversion went, but somehow I convinced him that there was a secret character in Super Mario Bros 3. I came up with the name Fred the Spaniard because it sounded funny. But I spelt it Fred the Spanyard just to make it more stupid. Because I had this fake character, I decided to use him. So I used a picture of a boss from Kirby's Adventure, and Fred made his first appearance in NC Comic #3. Maybe Fred will appear more in NC in the future. No one knows.