Question Set #7
Dah King's Bag O' Nice Tries 91-105
All right, it's been proven: if you read my last opening editorial, then you know I can be a nice guy. Consider that your one and only constellation, people. The one thing I just won't stand is opinion questions. Yeah, sure, so I've answered a few, but enough is enough, and it's time to put them to rest. You know what I'm talking about: 'What's your favorite episode of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show?' or 'Do you really think Sonic is Mario in costume?' I'm not touching these kinda open-ended questions any longer, so here's my answer for them all, right here: I like Mario! If it's Sonic, I'm asleep. If it's an episode of the Super Show, I automatically love it--- there's is no favorite. Knock the crap off, you're challenging, not interviewing me! The next lame-o question I get will be my last--- seeing as I'll have to bat my monitor just to keep a hold of my sanity! Now, have a wonderful day :)!
-The King
Through the rain, the snow, and various other bathroom breaks, here's your mail, the way God intended it....
Email 91
1. “How do you get to (king butts in: no more strategy guide questions, but I'm being a friend here) the minus world in SMB? “
2. “Is it true Nintendo is being bought by Microsoft?”
3.“How many times do you have to beat Luigi's Mansion before it's finally beat?”
-Kevin (no name)
Someone needs to buy you a life, which in other words means, you're better off raking leaves: 1. What, did your mommy write this letter, why can't you just look this stuff up? Oh well, I can't leave a fan hanging, so here it goes: Make your way through World 1-2 (note: the trick only works with the original SMB), and towards the end you'll see the rising platforms. Jump across both sets, and land down by the pipe. From here, you hop up on top of the pipe, and break the bricks that are third from the edge (where the platforms are). At the same time, run backwards, and you should glide through the wall, into the warp zone. Go down the pipe you're on, and it'll transport you to your destination. Problem is, it's a one-way ticket, so I hope you enjoy the stay.
2. I didn't know whether I should've laughed hysterically or stared grossly at this question. Either extreme, the answer is the loudest NO! you could possibly scream. Microsoft's got plenty of cash to waste already, the last thing they need is an investment that would give more of a reason to do nothing. Nintendo would never submit, never! Bill Gates can take our taxes, but he'll take our refunds (for now, at least)!!!
3. One time, if you hit it in the right spot. Might I suggest a hardy crack over the knee.
Email 92
1. “Is Princess Peach human?'
2. “Whose Princess Peach's mother?”
3. “How old do you think Peach is?”
-Skaggsdps
Trust me, you're not her type: 1. Yes she is, in fact, a human. But what does that make you for asking such an idiotic question? I'll give you a minute (sets the clock) go!
2. Mario scripture never tells who this mysterious lady is. In the SMB manual it says that Bowser transformed the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom into Mario's enemies. So, what if Bowser made a mistake (as he's proned to do), and turned the Queen into a Goomba too? I seriously smell a lawsuit.
3. I wouldn't worry about it, she's not legal on your planet.
Email 93
“Out of all the years Mario and Peach have been together. How come Mario hasn't popped the question?”
-Anitta916
He can't get a good pre-nup agreement: Naw, actually they did get married if you remember right. At the end of Mario RPG there's a scene where the two are shown on the alter, with a big heart overhead. I surely hope they have a good divorce, or is that the honeymoon nowadays? Geesh, marriage sure changes fast.
Email 94
“Tell me the first appearance of Yoshi, and it's not SMW?”
-muri rehder
Don't tell me, I forgot your Birthday didn't I: Yoshi first appeared, ironically, in his only NES showing, Yoshi's Cookie. Sometimes I wonder if Nintendo was trying to send a subliminal message with the cookie thing, but then again, even if they did; I don't think anybody (including myself) ever got it.
Email 95
“How many REAL Bowsers are there in SMB?”
-Daniel Forns
Why don't you ask your imaginary friend: Bowser littered the Mushroom Kingdom with phony imposters, just to cover for himself, so the first seven 'Bowsers' aren't actually 'Bowsers' at all; they're basic enemies in disguise that were given Bowser's power to spit projectile fire while hopping up n' down. As you can see, the plan was doomed from the start. And what was the REAL Bowser's secret weapon, hammers (he's the only one who can spray fire and toss them together)! He's certainly not the brightest maniacal mastermind around--- heck; he even puts Saddam to shame.
Email 96
“On a Mario cartoon site it said that Sarasaland is an enemy of the Mushroom Kingdom, how did they become enemies?”
-Skaggsdps
How much time can you waste in three sentences: It was probably just a story alteration made for the comic. I doubt that Nintendo would have verified this. Don't believe everything you read. Your result: a lot.
Email 97
“In Mario Tennis, is Birdo a girl or a boy?”
-Shana Klink
Let's see what Mriss. Reno thinks: This subject has been clouded under tons of controversy ever since SMB2 released, since the instruction manual suggested that Birdo was a male who thought he was girl, or some crock like that. Later on (about a few months) after Mario Tennis was let out for the N64, Nintendo stated once and for all that Birdo was 100% female. Which is nice knowing, when we don't even have the slightest clue over what she actually is (I'm no archaeologist, but I wouldn't call her a dinosaur--- despite what the Melee Trophies say). So, the argument seemed a little pointless.
Email 98
“Where do the lost levels in SMB1 fit in with the chronology of the rest of the game's levels?”
-Chris Wilson
Consulting Mr. Babblefish: Hmmm... I can see you might be under the impression that the Lost Levels are a direct sequel to SMB1, but in truth, they're just a revamp of Japan's long-living SMB2, that took an extra seven years to get over into the States. The Lost Levels have no known connection with SMB1's story, as there's really no story involved--- it's only a harder version of SMB1, with added perks. So, next time you phone home--- I mean in, do me a favor and translate this garbo.
Email 99
1. “Name all the Mario games made for 3 year olds?”---???
2. “Whose Mario's girlfriend in Brooklyn?”
3. “Who was the boss in Super Mario Land?”
-SuperMarioBros02
Where did God come up with these people: 1. I can't remember a specific Mario game targeted for the '3 year old' audience, but if there ever were, I'd see your reasoning. Till then, back to nawing on your controller.
2 Depends on the context. In the SMB movie, it was loosely Daisy; but with Donkey Kong, Pauline was the lucky lady. There are plenty of middle-aged couch potatoes out there who could take some lessons; obviously the girls aren't coming to them.
3. When in doubt: Yo' mamma--- or yo' daddy, as the case may be.
The Big Daddy
Email 100
(Reserved for a respectable question)
“Do you know what the M on Mario's hat symbolizes?'
(---or maybe not)
-Donny Osfield
I think everyone just left the party: Alright, Mr. Donny Osmand, or whatever people should call you, be happy that I wasted all the loving pride I had for question 100 right down the drain--- all for you! Why, why, why, why, why!
Congratulations, I'm glad D-u-m-b stills starts with a D, and that some people will never be 'edumacated' enough to pick up what that means. And this is what they call the popular vote--- heh--- no wonder nothing ever gets solved around here.
Anyhoo, the answer's Mario, and yes, I'm ashamed for the both of us.
Email 101
“Why does Mario usually nod his head or do something with his hands instead of talking?”
-Martha832
Do something with his hands? Hope I know what you really meant there: Mario never opened his mouth officially until SM64, and that guy just couldn't be tranquilized throughout the whole game. But, as you said, before then, Mario didn't do a lot of gossiping. And the reason behind this is that the Big N didn't wanna waste limited space on the NES and SNES formats with written dialogue. Now, I don't know what was up with Mario RPG. Maybe they just thought the game would be more effective if Mario went Helen Keller on us. Who knows? But if SM64 is still any indication, once you get him going, you better have a mussel handy (or a decent volume button).
Email 102
“Why doesn't the egg hunt in Super Mario Advance do anything?”
-DrbOwSeR
Ha, Nintendo got another one off the incubator: Well, for lacking of better words, they scammed you! In order to give the relatively easy SMB2 some replay value, Nintendo added in that Yoshi's Egg Hunt garbage, so innocent players like you would continue to pick up your GBA, not knowing you were being used for your loyalty to the game. What can I say, for once in their lives, Nintendo was mean! Boogey Boogey!
Email 103
“What's going on, are you going to die?”
-Pokemonmaster317
Sorry, I can't let the world get away with being a happy place: Yes, as most people do, I will die at some point in time. But I've still got plenty left to get out of the way before I run out of gas. Here's a start: Busta Rhymes, you can't rap! Get off the airwaves, the streets, and hell, get off welfare, whatever. I can't wait until the day when you trip over your clown shoes at a live performance and swallow your flappy tongue! Oh, and by the way, Halloween Resurrection was the worst joke I ever heard, seeing as I went blind ten minutes into the show: Bust these bojangles, spit tooth! Oh--- wait--- what was I talking about? Yes, I will die.
Email 104
“Where does Mario come from?”
-Shawn Wills
I'm asking you the same question: It's your lucky day, bucko; I've got two answers for ya today.
The semi-knowledgeable response: A big flying bird
The smart-ass response: shapes
Email 105
“Why the hell are there flying Bloopers in SMB: LL?”
-Devon
It's that whole super-animal army training conspiracy: Lay off the acid, and visit SeaWorld sometime. You never know what's in the water anymore...
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