Question Set #4
Dah King's Bag O' Nice Tries 46 - 60
I'm still receiving huge quantities of mail addressing tiny, miniscule mistakes that somehow got past me. The only telegram I have for you guys is: Behind the pompous nickname, and the arrogant attitude; the king is human! Please, every living, breathing, human being is entitled to a few misprints, typos, and the occasional gaffe from time to time! So I accidentally missed this, self-invariantly left that out, who cares! I am the professed Mario Trivia Master, but even monarchs have made a couple sporadic flaws (i.e. off with their heads). Unless I really (really, really) goof a response up, try not to exploit the misperception too unkindly.
-The Mush King
Stamped, packaged, and coming at ya, DTK express...
Email 46
“What happens when you beat Super Mario Advance?”
-Kennyloo
What happens when I beat Super Mario Advance? The Guinness representative has my name published: Wart croaks (pun intended), your character frees the fairies (homosexual reference not intended), and Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Princess Toadstool stand on a pedestal as the battered Wart is crowd surfed across the screen. The game reveals the contributor (character chose most frequently), then the twist, WHAM, it's all a dream! Mario's snoozing his rump off while we've been doing the dirty work! Thank god it's Mario, or I probably would've been violated!
Email 47
(Warning: Obscene/offensive topic... and truthfully, just frickin' gross)
“How many times does Mario h—mp Peach per rescue?”
-Michael VanDusen
Consult the nearest loony bin right away: Normally, I'm a reasonable, unbiased, liberal-minded chap, but this' god-awfully wretched and sick! Little kids play these games! Heck, why would a Teen or Adult even bother watching such a display? For confidently obvious reasons, I'm not gonna tap this horrid question with an equator-long pole! Seek professional aid Michael; it's not too late!
Email 48
“How old is Toad, not when he appeared in SMB?”
-BlackXIV
Toad: An innocent companion of the Super Mario Bros., or a street hardened drug dealer? Only the “magic raccoon leaf” can tell: Well, he's been thrown into an animated prison, escaped, and if you believe the so-called drug-related theme in SMB3, illegally handed Mario & Luigi “mystical leaves”! Something says the seemingly peaceful midget is well over age! I'd gamble mid-30's, early 40's at the most; of course those are calendar years, Mushroom peeps may have their own time-recording system?
Email 49
“What causes the paper 'treasure' ship to appear in SMB3?”
-George & Randi Sanders
I'd sing the answer, yet it wouldn't do any harm unless you heard the high C note: Match the two digits in your coins spot with the same number (e.g. 33, 44, 55), then correspond the tens digit of your score with the first digit in the coins spot (e.g. 33- 3 in tens spot, 44- 4 in tens spot). Finally, wait for the timer to hit a 0/5 on the ones digit (e.g. 45, 50), and end the level by contacting the card box. One Hammer Bros. will morph into the Treasure Ship! The symbol shown on the ship's sail is a Kanji (dialect of the Japanese language) figure, meaning, you thought right, Treasure.
Email 50
(Half o' hundred, and moving steady)
“What was the first Super Mario Bros. TV seris based on? How about the second?”
-Carsonsb
Swing your arms from side to side, come everybody let's do the Mario: Strange enough, the SMB Super Show was based upon the then recently released SMB2, but Wart didn't have a primary role; Bowser (King Koopa) commanded his goons! Following sequence, the second cartoon illuminated SMB3's story line, and aired in a 30-minute block with the Captain N show. Weirder, all the Koopa Kid's names were changed (Wendy- Cootie Pie etc.). Mass Media, they'll do anything for ratings! Funny, Jerry Springer isn't complaining? Aww, his guests argue for him!
Email 51
(Caution: I haven't a hint as to where these perverse ideas originate, but the sole purpose of posting this mail is keeping a promise--- publishing all the mail I accumulate, for better or (shakes) worse.)
“If Peach stuck her tush in Mario's face, and said 'kiss it', what would he do?”
“If Daisy stuck her tush in Luigi's face, and said 'kiss it', what would he do?”
-Amber Alnor
The only thing you need to be kissing is a street light pole in the middle of December: Must the world go X-rated? Please, Peach & Mario are married, meaning they have a right of sorts to--- do--- their marital duties. We won't discuss the other--- you know, the least expensive advice I can give is NEVER, NEVER watch pay channels after 11:00 again...
Email 52
“Since you're a plumber, how do you fix a broken sink without looking in the plumber manual cheater? Because I have one and will know if you copied.”
-Jesuslover1997
Who needs sinks when ya have wheel barrels? At least they're portable: I've never been a plumber, nor will I ever think of being one either! So since I can't slip into that greasy wretch state of mind, I'll solve your troubles the Ace Hardware way: if the sinks broken, buy a new frickin' sink! You ain't got any money to swindle an off-the-assembly-line (blurt) toilet? Then that would explain why you became a plumber yourself! Besides, I heard your toilet flushing... I suggest you hop outta the shower (hangs up the phone).
Email 53
“In Mario RPG, where do you find Link sleeping?”
“Can you name all the special attacks for every character in Mario RPG?”
“What does Smithy say when you use Psychopath on him?”
-Mike Price
The “Price” is wrong: 1. Link's found napping in the Rose Town inn, stay the night, and he'll end up next to you upon awakening--- separate beds! Man, those sick letters are playing strip poker with my mind!
2. Mario: Jump, Fire Orb, Super Jump, Super Flame, Ultra Jump, Ultra Flame.
Mallow: Thunderbolt, HP Rain, Psychopath, Shocker, Snowy, Star Rain
Geno: Geno Beam, Geno Boost, Geno Whirl, Geno Blast, Geno Flash
Bowser: Terrorize, Poison Gas, Crusher, Bowser Crush,
Princess: Therapy, Group Hug, Sleepy Time, Come back, Mute, Psych Bomb
3. You caught me at a great time! I was just crushing Smithy earlier on ZSNES, and Psychopathed him out of curiosity. “Eh? Not bad” wouldn't ya say? Then again, why should I tell you his business? Don't ya already know?
Email 54
“What is Mario's religion”
-Trenton Roberts
One rule's for sure, when you pick up the controller, you're the last person Mario believes in: Mario practices a very time-tested and sacred worship, sooo time-tested and sacred, everyone's forgotten it except the four members of his congregation: Chef Boyardee, The Gordon's Fisherman, Jimmy Dean, and (blushes) Fat Bast—d. The quartet (and then some) keeps alive the ancient forefather of Buddhism, Foodism, the faith, which honors the heavenly bodies that supply grocery stores with their daily shopping cart blessings. What a weird cult! People eat everyday; yet never take time to thank where it came from! Or maybe it's only a pathetic excuse for why they spend 98% of their lives at Food Town? Whatever the case, glory be to Doritos!
Email 55
“How do the Mario Bros. defeat Bowser in the SMB3 cartoon, 'Super Koopa'”
-Gamecube1233
I taped over my parent's wedding to record the whole SMB3 seris (yes, the wedding was that long): No lies, I do have the entire seris stored on blank tapes, and they're viewed frequently when I'm experiencing boredom. Knowing these fine cartoons to a tee, this' a trick question. Nobody defeats Bowser; his medallion goes haywire, rocketing him back into the Dark World. Talk about Olympic Gold Medallists, Bowser takes the gold in the Koopa blast-et-ball. Bombs Away!
Email 56
“OK, answer this one. How come the sidekicks in Super Mario RPG have stats, but the ones in Paper Mario don't?”
Ah, you tried playing Paper Mario on your SNES again: Paper Mario isn't a direct sequel, more of a gapped continuation. The games share a few familiar principles, but PM wasn't named SMRPGII, and that could be the reason. Paper Mario has an extremely diverse identity.
Email 57
“How do you perform the easy EXP cheat in SMRPG?”
-Jessica Meadows
I didn't know it was cheating when you win all your battles: Near the beginning of the cavern that leads into Monstro Town is an item box containing a star. Grab it, and kill as many wolves as possible (leveling in between). Behind the two crates in the second rooms is a hooded man who'll sell another star for a cash investment, buy the star, and let loose on the surviving wolves, sparing one. Now, enter the battle with your remaining wolf, and, well, commit suicide! The game restarts from the cavern's first room, and the star is back! The glitch goes on until you save the game.
Email 58
“Why does Mario jump barrels in Donkey Kong when he has fireballs?”
-John C.
Tell me you weren't born yesterday, please tell me: Mario isn't SUPER Mario! Ther--- screw it! Write me your name when you learn to walk, amateur! Damn Sonic fans!
Email 59
“Who triumphs: Bowser vs. Dr. Robotnic?”
-Brett Jones
I'll break my fingers if I ever type a Sonic Villain's name again: Bowser! Robotnic... (Crack, ouch, cra, cr, c).
Email 60
“What Mario games were covered in the first issue of Nintendo Power, and what month/year was the first issue released?”
-Adam Lamney
NP1? I only mark the pages with my birth certificate (not true): They did a ten-odd page guide for SMB2, sold first in August of 1988. I possess three copies of this magazine, my best edition's never been peeled from its plastic sheath, making it worth a good 100$ easy, yeah though, like I'm really gonna sell it (I won't be listening to any knocks on my front door:)
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