Question Set #1
Dah King's Bag o' Nice Tries: Number's 1-15
Heee Hee He... not to be the arrogant person I really am, but your guy's inquiries were all but challenging for the superiority that is The Mushroom King. Don't take it the wrong way; at least the questions were legit in the fact of grammar, subject, and all the other things that make school a drag. However, asking me... hold on what's the word I'm looking for... boring questions will only get you posted a big fat yaaaawn! Keep it straight, good is to feeble as your question's are to me, make em' worth the brain cells! The crown's far but won in a box of crackerjacks, so work harder for the sake of my intelligence!
P.S. Offending the masses are the least of Jerame's worries, so if you can't take his heat; stay out and quit your b-ching! The email's were on key, but I'm not going to lie around and make you people feel happy with subtle compliments you don't deserve! If it sounds too pompous for reason, give me some material worth the good nature; being nice is too hard for me! Translation= He loved every damned question to death!
On to the mail...
(Note: All are paraphrased due to time constraints, if you don't like it; learn to!)
Email 1
“What exactly does a mushroom king do? Sit on his duff all day wallowing in the service of his underlings, or mingling with other mushroom natives?”
-The Farrels
Your answer: Play MaRPGio you idiot (s)! Kings (albeit Chancellor in this case) have jobs to pull off just like every other modern day Joe! When Mario's not around somebody's got to keep the peace. Being royals and all leaves for a hectic work schedule: Making irrelevant laws by noon, executing people who disobey them by five, and marrying a new wife to add to our collections before sundown! Mingling with the natives would for surely lead to assassination, castle life is best for safety!
Email 2
“Were did Mario get his name?”
-Jweebs86
Your semi-informative answer: A valiant effort aside, the answer comes from the least of likely sources. Who would have thought America's favorite pipe-washer (AKA plumber) derived himself from an NOA president's landlord? Mario Segai to be specific is the landlord in discussion, and Mario's name came straight from his inspiration, physically and vocally upon the translation of DK for the American audience. Wonder if the guy's still out there... (Insert X files theme here)?
Email 3
“Name five Mario cameos”
-MGimenezMiguel
Briefly concise response: Five games, that's all? Give me a break worth taking! (Sigh): Donkey Kong Jr., Kirby's Superstar, Yoshi's Cookie, Pilotwings 64, SML3: Wario Land, and the short but sweet appearance in Zelda: A link to the past. Oops, is six one too much, sorry about that (grins sarcastically).
Email 4
“What is the meaning of the universe according to Douglas Adams?”
-Melissa Jackson
He's a funny guy, but your attempt is even funnier: You're running right up my alley with this one, because when I'm not playing Mario, I do enjoy a good humorous story every now and then. Adam's had plenty of opinions if you will on the universe contained in his five part trilogy “The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy”, but I'm not sure which one you want in detail? Try being less vague in your questioning; there are enough valid responses here to fill up a novel! Besides what does this have to do with Mario in the first place? Email me back more concisely for an appropriate beat-down; finding me won't be that hard!
Email 5
“In the SMB movie, how much money does Mario have to pay for a bottle of water, after his truck broke down?”
-Blacksbeltsam
The answer that took a bit of thought: Recalling my years in training pants, I never realized how foggy the past could become after almost seventeen years. Nevertheless, the price we're looking for is hmm... three dollars give or take; rounded if needed. Cut me some slack, it's been dang near eleven years (currently I'm searching for the DVD). Though the scene's stagnantly etched in my mind, the details became alittle clouded through the times (ah... memories)?
Email 6
“How many coins are within the entire game of SMW?”
Boldly praised conclusion: Counting all Dino coins and coin boxes, my tally comes to 2,344. Excluding the five Dino's each level, the total drops down roughly 15% to 1,956. Let me also follow up that answer with a question of my own (rare but possible), did you count the temporary coin-block reversal at the hands of the P switches? Try to be less vague, and a tad bit more precise in your wording; remember that there are exceptions to every rule, including this one.
Email 7
“How do you escape the (bu) room in SM64 between the outside and inside of the castle?”
-Dennis Emroy
Bemused shortcoming with an answer attached: Shouldn't “bu” translate in your language to boo? How is one to comprehend such jibber-jabber? Using bad English won't normally get you notice by my eyes, but I'm going softy for now due to the “freshness” of my section. All I could make out is the courtyard featuring boos that run amuck, providing the gateway to the haunted house course, so naturally (hoping this wasn't a trick) to deliver ones self from the courtyard requires going back into the castle via the door on the Southside.
PS. The one thing, and I mean one thing, that I hate is bad grammar! Hey, I don't expect a human spell-check, but for god's sake, everyone that's normal can spell the word boo, it's only three letters! Then again, are you normal Dennis...?
Email 8
“Tetris Attack is a port of what game, and what other recent title is also a version of this game?”
-Daniel Chopp
Stumping”ly” simple: Working backwards for simplicity, the title of the recent hit remade by the later mentioned port is Pokemon (forget the accent) Puzzle League. Both it and Tetris Attack are imports of yet another retro-style Jap title, Paneru De Pon, later shortened to Yoshi's Panepon for the Asian Audience
Email 9
(Bear with the writing; I have ten questions here from one mail)
“What is written on the front of the homerun bat in SSBM?”
“What Mario games were remade for SM All-stars?”
“What are the names of Bowser's seven children?”
“Can you name every color Yoshi featured in the opening of SMW2: YI?”
“In what level of SMW do you first encounter Yoshi?”
“How many extra seconds are added to your time in SMW if a normal Yoshi eats a green berry?”
“How many worlds (including secrets) are there in SM64?”
“How many total tracks are found in SMK 64?”
“Can you identify every character (assuming playable, and non-playable) in SSBM?”
Can you name ALL the enemies in SMW?”
-Bryce Moore
The answer, which will hopefully lack the space of the question: Man, don't you think you went alittle overboard here? There's absolutely no way I could cram all of the desired info accurately in less than two pages at your rate! May I suggest we balance things out alittle bit; cut the SMW-enemies and the character-SSBM lingo first, the rest should be less of a tree-waster for me.
On to the bat issue, the answer is Nintendo, even though I doubt they get any wood on the ball so to speak. SMB, SMB2, SMB3, and SMLL (AKA Japan's SMB2 American counterpart) were the games remade for All-Stars. Bowser's Koopalings names are as follows: Iggy, Morton Jr., Lemmy, Ludwig Von, Roy Jr., Wendy O (Cootie Pie), and Larry Koopa. Yoshi's island features a green, purple, dark blue, light blue, brown, yellow, and pink Yoshi in the intro sequence. Staying on the Dino subject, the first encounter with Yoshi occurs in Yoshi's Island 2 course in SMW. Green berries add three seconds to your time (gasp for air). Counting up the fifteen stages, as well as the five secret stars, I've reasoned out twenty courses from start to finish (castle stars not accounted for). With four tracks to cup, and four cups to choose from, you'll find sixteen courses to race, but lets not forget the four battle courses for a total of twenty tracks in MK 64. Whew, happy now Bryce? Cause' I'm too close to dying to stay pissed of at anybody (deep exhale)!
Email 10
“What is the flavor of the Princess Peach drink, once found bundled in with other Mario canned soft drinks?”
-TmbFlyer
Thankfully snappy in nature, here's what you want to know: The flavor is (big deep breath) Cherry. Quite refreshing in a Barney-esque way! Try out the Punch flavor with Mario on the front sometime, it'sa delicious!
Email 11
“What game starred Luigi in his first solitary role?”
-Rita Collins
Chuckling all the way home: MIM, short for Mario is Missing, I learned mostly everything I know from not playing that game!
Email 12
“If Mario and Luigi are twins, how come they look different?”
-Carlos4
Damn, you have some more twelve years of Ed. ahead of you: Someone hasn't been paying attention in Bio class lately, have they? Listening up where it matters would have strayed you away from embarrassing yourself with a question such as this! Open textbook; turn to page 100 or other, and begin reading: Three types of multiple births occur amongst the mass population. These include fraternal, identical, and Siamese twins. Identical twins... oh hell, making a very long story short, Mario and Luigi are fraternal twins. Both came from the same mother, but are not the same genetic copies of one and other; those are identical! Hope that wasn't too confusing, because if it isn't, I'd be more than happy to complicate it to a higher level!
Email 13
“How many hits does it take to kill Triclyde in SMB2 the second time around?”
-Edward Kolis
The “do you think I'm stupid” answer: Three is the magic number in this case, just as it was the first time in World 2-3. Most “semi” fans believe it's five, but really, what meaningful information are they supposed to know? Love Mario, or don't; lukewarm aficionados should be hung! That's my mantra anyway!
Email 14
“In what Mario game could you find the Briney Sea?”
-RDKLinn3710
Kind of challenging in an easy sort of way: Briney Sea... hmm ... wasn't that the body of water Jonathan Jones' ship sunk into after being attacked by King Calamari in MaRPGio? Thought so anyway, but maybe I'm wrong (laughs viciously at the computer monitor!) ha, ha, ha! Better luck next time, you loose!
Email 15
“How many Mario cameos are there in Earthbound?”
-GeneralShyGuy
Lots and lots, so if I missed one on accident don't grill me: There are over ten references to Mario in the Onett arcade alone! Look at the first and second to last machine towards the left in arcade, by the red grider pattern you can tell the games are versions of DK, so punch them into your calculator! Also at one point in the game, a kid asks you whether or not you've played SMB7, and then that character will comment on the more current SMB3. Got all that? The LCD screen on your calc. should read thirteen; if it doesn't, then prove me wrong!
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